Between Desire and Denial: Chapter 28

I wove through the woods Melly had in her backyard and passed two large bar areas, one that seemed to be offering cigars too. The grill outs were obviously a way for each of the neighbors to show off extravagance.

Not that I cared much about that anymore.

I was more concerned about the shimmer I saw in my girlfriend’s eyes as I carried her to a secluded area and plopped her down in front of me.

“You should have let me leave,” she murmured and wiped away at her eyes. “I just need a minute to collect myself.”

“I’d rather spend a minute with you collecting yourself than another second with the people at this party.”

She hiccuped out a laugh that sounded like it was mixed with a sob. “They never got to me before my mother passed, you know? I didn’t care if anyone made fun of me because I knew I could go home and tell her about them. I belonged there because she was there, you know? I didn’t have to belong anywhere else. Now, she’s gone and I’m not sure I belong anywhere. Especially not here.”

“If it helps, I think you belong here with me,” I told her because I couldn’t stand to have her thinking she didn’t have a place to ground herself. That place would be with me always.

She looked at me, her eyes shining bright in the moonlight, as she admitted quietly, “You know I’m starting to feel that way with you.”

Well, it was a start. “Good. And, even if you’re not with me, don’t you know you belong anywhere you decide to be, Honeybee? That you deserve a place just as much as anyone else?”

She sighed and then started pacing back and forth. “I think I just found my comfort with my mother and I locked it away when she passed. She’d provided me a safe space. I knew I could call her or ditch class to get home to her. I knew she’d tell me it was fine that I had, that I never should have to surround myself with people who aren’t worthy of my time. She was always there… until she wasn’t.”

I nodded and let her pace back and forth in the grass. “She sounded like she was a good mom.”

“The best. And you know, now that I’m back, I keep finding out more and more about her.”

“Like what?”

She looked away for a moment and then said, “I think she truly would have built us a bubble and protected us from everyone she felt would wrong us. And I sort of hate that she can’t be here to do that, because … I think Knox needs it.” She sighed.

“It’s okay for you to need that too, Olive.” I stepped in her path now and touched my hand to her cheek. “And it’s okay to miss her. But you don’t have to run from me or from how someone out there is making you feel. You’re entitled to be here just as much as anyone else.”

She shook her curls back and forth. “You don’t get it. Melly’s right. You should be with someone like her, and you probably want to be.”

I slid my thumb across her smooth skin to wipe away one tear. “I wouldn’t touch that woman with a ten-foot pole, Olive. You could drag me across hot coals at this point instead of having me look at another woman, honestly. You have my attention 24-7, and I’m struggling with how to not act on it.”

She closed her eyes tight and murmured, “Her lipstick is on your collared shirt, Dimitri.”

“Fuck me.” I groaned. Melly had tried to lean in and kiss me, but I’d sidestepped her, and she’d fallen into my shirt. “I didn’t do a damn thing with her, you know that, right?”

“You know, in my heart, when Rufford cheated, I knew. Right away. With you, I knew right away too, Dimitri. It just … it hurts to see the idea of it and to see she’d be that cruel still. I know, though, you wouldn’t cheat, even if this was only fake.”

“But you know it’s not fake with me and you, right?” I needed to hear her say it now.

She nodded instead and looked up at the sky. “I don’t know if I can add one more complicated thing to my life though. I can’t … What would we even tell Kee?”

“I’m not worrying about that now, Olive. I’m just enjoying the dance.” With that, I pulled her close and kissed her softly.

She gripped my shirt and moaned into me. When she stepped away for a second, she murmured, “You know, my brother and dad and Georgette would actually tell you that you’re indulging in my dramatics tonight.”

“Hardly. I was the one who carried you into the woods.”

She giggled. “Like a caveman.”

“Because I am one when it comes to you. I’d fuck you in the woods if I could.” She bit her lip before she glanced away. “You want me to do it?” I asked as I touched the blush on her cheeks that was suddenly there. “I’ve been waiting to fuck you all night.”

“We aren’t supposed to do anything else, Dimitri,” she whispered. “Remember, you crossed the line with the birth control. It was completely reckless, and even if you’re reckless, I shouldn’t be. Melly’s friend just said that in there. I’m a perfect example of a mess. Complete chaos. And even still, I’m about to give into you because I’m getting to the point where I can’t deny myself.”

“Good. Don’t deny yourself. Give in. How are you supposed to experience everything you want to after Rufford without giving in to me, huh?” I wrapped my arm around her waist and lowered my face to her neck. She tilted her head, giving me instant access to drag my tongue over her soft spot. “You going to deny me even while standing here in Melly’s backyard?”

She licked her lips so slow. “If you try,” she glanced around, “I might run.”

“But if I catch you, Honeybee, I’m taking what I want.” I dragged my hand over her chest and then twisted her nipple through the fabric. She gasped as she watched me do it.

“You want this? Me? All my chaos over Melly?” she said, a vulnerability in her tone, like she needed to hear it. “Tell me, please.”

“I only want you. I’d run through the damn woods for you, chasing you like I’m as unhinged as you tell me I am. I want only your pretty pussy. I want to fuck you against a damn tree and make you scream my name for everyone to hear.”

She was panting now and clinging to my suit jacket. “You’d do that here?”

“I’d take you anywhere. But especially here.”

“Melly could find out you did that in her backyard,” she warned, but I saw how her nipples puckered as she said it, like she wanted that woman to know how we truly were together.

“I hope she does find out, Olive. I hope she does. You have five seconds to run. When I catch you, I’m not going to stop until you scream.”

She didn’t even let me finish. She bolted off through the woods, and I only counted to three because I wanted her that bad.

I sprinted through the grass in my expensive loafers, not caring about anything but catching her. I swerved around some hedges before the forest thickened a bit. I heard a branch break under her weight, then a gasp once or twice.

I turned in the night at a snapping branch. When I heard her breathing turn rapid as she ducked behind a large tree, I walked slowly toward it. “Honeybee, you can’t hide from me. I’m always going to find you. Don’t you know that?” I reached around the tree and grabbed her arm. She yelped as I pulled her to me. “Caught you,” I murmured against her neck.

She didn’t face me as she said, “So take what you want.” She bent at her waist and put her hands on the tree.

I took my time getting rid of her bikini bottoms, sliding them inch by inch down her smooth thighs. “Look at how you get ready for your boyfriend even after you ran from him.”

“Well, it’s only for a little while,” she murmured but I heard the taunt, and I loved her goading me, loved that she wanted me to fight for her.

I also wanted to punish her for that statement, so I smacked her ass in response. She gasped and wiggled her hips like she enjoyed it. “It’s for however long I say, Olive. Remember that. And remember, you might run from me, but you like to be caught by me, and …” I moved close to her as I undid my pants, completely lost in the sight of her bent and ready for me. I pumped my length once but couldn’t deny myself any further. I thrust into her fast. “You like to be fucked by me.”

“Oh my God,” she cried as I filled her to the hilt. I didn’t stop as I untied her bikini top. Instead, I pulled back to see her arousal glistening over my cock and then slammed into her harder and harder. Our skin slapped together as I grabbed her tits and squeezed them, pulling her closer with each thrust. I tried to own her, to consume her, to have every part of her.

It wasn’t just a want now. It was a damn need to be with her. I fucked her in those woods like I would never let her be free and growled in her ear, “Don’t run from your boyfriend again, Honeybee, unless you want me to fuck you like this over and over.”

She cried out that she was coming, that she couldn’t stop, that I shouldn’t stop either. She begged for me not to stop over and over until we both were spent and collapsed on the forest floor.

I barely could move as she murmured, “So much for not screwing around in private.” Then she groaned. “And being safe with a freaking condom.”

She slapped my chest, but I wasn’t going to apologize. “I’m clean, and I already told you, I’d have a baby with you. You want to remember condoms, just tell me, Olive, but I’m probably not going to at this point.” I chuckled because I wasn’t afraid of babies with her. I wasn’t afraid of anything with her at this point.

“That is the absolute wrong approach. A baby is a lifelong commitment to being a parent that we probably don’t exactly understand.”

“It’s nine months of you walking around growing our baby in your belly, of me getting to stare at how beautiful you’d be carrying him or her, and a lifetime of me seeing how you would be the comfort your mom was to you to our baby.”

“Dimitri…” She whispered my name softly and then bit her lip.

Maybe I’d overstepped again. “I’m sorry if you—”

“Don’t apologize for what you just said.” Her chin wobbled.

“Honeybee, I don’t want you to cry.”

She took a deep breath and then rubbed her eyes quickly. “I’m not. It’s just you make the memory of my mother a beautiful part of me instead of her being a loss that’s so painful I want to avoid it. It’s a comfort to think of her that way.”

I hummed. “Well, I’m always going to be here to comfort you. You might have lost your safe space for a long time, Olive, but I’m here to be it from now on.”

I hope she understood I meant it. I’d be there for her always.

That girl controlled me, not the other way around.