Chapter 43

Blaine’s POV

When I came to I instantly knew something was missing.

We were no longer in the cave, not even in the forest or outside, but back in the pack lands. I looked around me as I tried to figure out where I was, but quickly found out when I recognised the smell of antiseptic. I was in a hospital, lying on a bed and hooked up to multiple different wires and tubes, as they measured my heart rate and pumped a milky looking fluid into my system.

That wasn’t what woke me up though, what had stirred me awake was the sudden empty hole I was experiencing deep in my chest. It was as if someone had ripped my heart out and replaced it with a mechanical device. It was doing everything it should be doing, but it felt unnatural somehow, like it wasn’t my own.

I frowned as I held my hand against my chest, feeling the beating that confirmed that my heart was in fact there, but still not fully believing it. I stared down at my hand, trying to convince my brain that my heart was still in tact, but as I slowly looked back up and through the window to my left I instantly understood why I was feeling so empty inside.

In the room over from mine, just a sheet of glass and an open blind separating us, was Xavier. He was hooked up to multiple wires and tubes, similar to mine, but he looked so much worse. His cheeks were sunken in and his skin had a sickening grey colour to it that made him look more dead than alive.

I felt my heart rate slowly incline as I took more and more of him in, the heart monitor I was attached to screaming as it hit an unhealthy rate. I ignored it though, unable to peel my eyes away from the man I had promised to love and protect for the rest of my life.

My body suddenly had a mind of it’s own and before I could even begin to consider what I was doing I pulled all the needles and wires from my skin which were attaching me to this bed, slowly standing to my feet with the help of my bed rail. The palms of my hands burned as I applied pressure to them, the raw skin blistered and red from the wolfsbane poison I’d got on them.

I took slow and calculated steps towards his room, ignoring the two nurses who had run over to me and tried to get me to sit back down in bed. One look at my gold swirling eyes though and they backed off, knowing not to get in the way of a wolf and her injured mate.

I stepped through the threshold to Xaviers hospital room, nearly collapsed to the floor as a sob escaped my lips, rumbling in my chest as I held both my hands to my face, unable to believe that this was my Xavier. He looked even worse than when I first saw him through the window, he looked almost fragile, like if I touched him his skin would disappear and crack underneath my finger tips.

“Xavier?” I whispered as I came and stood next to him, one hand still covering my mouth whilst the other hovered over his body, not knowing where I could touch him or if I was even allowed to.

“It’s okay Blaine, you can touch him” a voice whispered from the corner of the room.

I startled, not realising that someone was in here with me, but relaxed when I saw that it was just Anna. She was slouched in an old armchair in the corner of the room, looking like she hadn’t caught a wink of sleep in weeks. Her hair was piled up on top of her head and looked like it could do with a good wash, her eyes were red and puffy and judging by the amount of tissues that sat next to her I could only assume she had been crying all night.

“Anna what...?” I started to ask before trailing off, unable to figure out how to voice the many questions that were running through my mind.

She smiled up at me slightly before gesturing for me to take the seat next to her, probably seeing my legs wobble as they tried to hold me up.

“Once Jax had gotten both you and Xavier out of that place we ran like a bat out of hell, knowing both you and Xavier didn’t have much time thanks to the contact you both had with the wolfsbane. It was fairly touch and go, we had to revive Xavier at least twice on the treak back. We washed off as much as we could in a nearby river but it didn’t do much good, it had already gotten into your blood streams” she explained as she ran a hand down her face.

“Thankfully we got here just in time, Xavier coded again but the medical team managed to get him back, we’re now just waiting to see if the fluids will work in flushing out the toxins from his body”. She looked over at Xav as he lay motionless on his bed, looking heartbroken that her friend was in this position.

“Thankfully you had very minor amounts of it in your system so we knew you’d be alright after some rest and fluids, but Xavier... he had a lot of exposure” she sighed, rubbing her eyes with the heel of her hand.

“Anna” I whispered as I forced my eyes away from my dying mate and looked over at my friend. “I can’t... I mean the bond is...” I stuttered as I frowned, looking down at my hands that were clasped together and shaking in my lap.

“You can’t feel it can you?” She asks as she reaches over and cautiously places her hand on my wrist, not wanting to touch my hand for fear that it might hurt me.

I shook my head as the tears welled in my eyes again “I’m not sure I can survive without him Anna” I explained as I wiped my cheeks. “I mean the pain and emptiness I’m feeling now is almost unbearable” I sighed “what am I going to be like if he doesn’t make it?”

“Now don’t you think like that” Anna demanded, trying to keep her voice strong even when it threatened to wobble. “Xavier is strong, he’ll make it through” she said as she nodded her head.

“His wolf is just taking some time off to heal that’s all” Anna nodded she her eyes remained unwavering on mine. “Once he gets better you’ll be able to feel it again”.

I sighed before nodding with her, needing to feel as much positivity as I could right now so as not to break down. “What about my family? Are they doing okay?” I asked, needing to distract my brain.

“Well... your mum and sister are doing well, both are resting in a nearby house that we use as a rehabilitation centre” she explained as she smiled up at me.

“Any my brother? My dad?”

“They umm... well they didn’t...” She stuttered as she struggled to form some words to explain what happened to them.

“They didn’t make it” I murmured, my voice emotionless as I thought of all the ways I could have tried to help them.

“Now we don’t know that” she stated as she held a finger out to me. “We ran ahead, knowing we had to get you the help you needed, without the doctors you and Xavier would have died in less than a day” she explained as she held her hands back in her lap.

“After Jax dropped both you and Xavier on the floor, explaining that you both were suffering from wolfsbane poisoning, he went to go back in and help them. Your mother stopped him though, saying that your dad would never forgive himself if you died because of him. She said he would want us to run ahead and get you the help you needed” Anna said as she looked up at me, worried at what my reaction would be. “She said you’d understand why” she whispered.

I sighed as I brought my knees up to my chest. As much as I wanted to hate everyone for leaving my dad and Daniel behind I couldn’t, it was out contingency plan after all.

Years ago, back when we were all still rogues and living together, my dad had decided to make a plan. I thought it had been ridiculous at first, the idea that us kids should run if ever we were ambushed, but dad had been insistent on it. He said, more like demanded, that if the family ever got into trouble that we should run ahead and leave him there to deal with it. I wasn’t sure if it was pride or something else that made him say it, but his mind had been pretty set on it.

He and my mum had a massive argument that night, stating that there was no way she would be leaving her mate behind to fight when there was something she could do to help. He had eventually broken down in tears though, shocking us all as we’d never seen him cry before. He had said that he could never forgive himself if he survived something when one of us didn’t, that he would rather die than have to bury one of us.

We hadn’t know where the outburst had come from, but after watching my dad cry, the strongest man I’d known, I knew we would do as he says. Turns out I was right, dad got his wish after all.

We both stayed in silence after that, just listening to the constant sound of the beep beep of Xaviers heart monitor as it slowly lulled me to sleep.

It was dark by the time I woke up. I frowned as I tried to figure out what it was that had disturbed me when I heard hushed voices of the other side of Xavier’s door.

“Look I’m sorry okay? I truly am sorry” Anna whispered, sounding more offensive than apologetic.

“I don’t understand why you can’t just heal him” the other voice, Hannah, said.

“I just can’t alright? If I would I could but at the current moment it’s impossible for me to do so” Anna replied, sounding irritated at Hannah’s words.

“But you did it to Jax” Hannah whisper yelled back, “You managed to heal him when that witch had cut his belly with that knife. I really don’t see how this is any different” she growled.

“That wasn’t me that healed him and you know that, that was the Goddess when she took over my body” Anna replied as I watched the arms of her shadow flail about slightly.

“So do that again, let the Goddess take over your body so that she can heal him” Hannah sighed back, almost sounding like she was talking to a child, not her Luna and her brothers mate.

“I-I can’t” Anna sighed, sounding more defeated than I’d ever heard her before.

“What the hell do you mean you can’t?!” Hannah yelled, her voice suddenly rising in volume as she became more irritated.

“I mean I physically can’t Hannah, doing that and allowing her to take over my body like that takes an extreme about of energy, not to mention the amount of pressure it would put on my body”.

“But wouldn’t it be worth it?” Hannah says, her voice cracking slightly as it lost its strength. “Xavier is like a brother to us and has put his life on the line for this pack more times than I care to mention. Do you not think he at least deserves us to try?”

I sat up in my seat as I waited for Anna to reply, not believing that she’d had a way to save him this whole time and she wasn’t going to do it.

“Trust me, I would do it in a heartbeat if I could... you know I would Hannah” Anna sighed “but when I say I can’t, I really mean it. I physically can’t.”

The two remained silent for a moment, obviously allowing what Anna had just said to sink into Hannahs mind. Eventually though I saw the two connect in a hug as their shadows blurred together.

“Does Jax know?” Hannah quietly asked, the previous frustration I heard in her voice now vanished into something sounding almost guilty and sympathetic.

“No” Anna sighed as her voice broke again. “I was going to wait until we had gotten Blaine’s family back” she explained “you know he’d never let me go if he knew” she chuckled.

They remained silent again for a while before both slowly stepping back into Xaviers room, but froze when they saw me wide awake and looking furious between the two.

“Blaine just let me explain” Anna said, her hands held out in front of her.

“Explain what?” I yelled, not even trying to hide my hurt and frustration. “Explain why you refuse to heal him?” I continued to yell as I stood up, all my emotions from the last few days bubbling to the surface.

“No Blaine it’s not like that” Anna stuttered as she tried to get a word in.

“Then what is it? Is he just not important enough for you to even try? Will it make you a little bit to tired” I screamed as I took a step in her direction. “And you call yourself his friend” I spat as I turned around to look at Xavier, hoping he would calm me in some way by just looking at him.

“Blaine I understand why you are hurt and frustrated with me right now but if you would just li-”

“Save it Anna” I mumbled as I cautiously took his hand in mine.

“I’m pregnant” she suddenly rushed out as her shoulders dropped in defeat. “I can’t heal him because my body nor my baby would survive the Goddesses touch” she sighed as tears leaked from her eyes. “If there was anything I could do for him, anything, I would do it, but I just... can’t” she cried as she collapsed onto there floor, the fight leaving her body as her tears and guilt consumed her.

Oh god guys this was such a hard chapter to write! I hope you all enjoyed it :)