Faking with Benefits : Transcript 3

JOSH: Hello, and welcome to episode 446 of Three Single Guys, a relationship podcast by three guys who are absolutely not qualified to give you dating advice. My name is Josh…

ZACK: I’m Zack.

LUKE: And I’m Luke.

LAYLA: And I’m Layla! These boys’ long-suffering neighbor-slash-fake-girlfriend.

ZACK: You didn’t look like you were suffering too much last night.

LAYLA: Shut it.

ZACK: No, seriously, I’m worried now. Why are you suffering? Crap, did we not use enough lube?

LAYLA: What would be the point? It would be like trying to lubricate a pipe cleaner.

LUKE: (Clears throat)

LAYLA: We have a great show lined up for you today. Spoiler alert — the experiment is going really, really great. But before we get into all of that, today’s episode is brought to you by… me.

ZACK: Our girlfriend has her own company! Surprise!

LAYLA: For those of you who don’t know, my company Her Treat focuses on making ethical, affordable and adorable undies for people of all shapes and sizes. Today, I want to talk to you about my latest design — the Butterfly bra. Josh, what is the number-one most disliked feature on a regular bra?

JOSH: … The… cups?

ZACK: I know! It’s the underwire!

LAYLA: Correct. Underwire has been around for eighty years, and women have been complaining about it the entire time. Instead of underwire, I designed the Butterfly to have a thin, very strong strip of elastic at the bottom of the base, wrapped in glossy ribbon. This allows the design to provide the same support as an underwire by contouring to your ribcage, but without the irritation and potential stabbing. Okay, I’m going to pass one of my pieces to all of you. What do you guys think?

LUKE: … It’s very nice, Layla.

LAYLA: That’s all you have to say? No other comments?

ZACK: It’s well soft.

LAYLA: Yes, it is. The cups are all made from microfibre fabrics that are strong, silky, and extremely durable. It’s the perfect option if you’re taking hormones, or you have sensitive skin, or you’re nursing. Or you’re just on your period and you’re extra sensitive. The Butterfly also features a front-clasp, which is ideal if you have limited arm or finger mobility — no more fumbling around behind your back when you’re trying to get ready in the morning. And, best of all, it’s hot as Hell. Zack, since you apparently know the most about women’s clothing, how would you describe the overall look of the design?

ZACK: Dunno, lass. It’s pretty, but it’s hard to review clothes without seeing them on someone.

LAYLA: Okay, hang on. I’m wearing one right now. (Muffled sound of clothing) What do you think?

JOSH: Jesus.

LUKE: Layla! Put your shirt back on.

ZACK: This is the best day of my effing life.

LAYLA: Thanks. Review, please.

ZACK: Um. Yeah. Your tits look huge. Five stars. Would recommend.

LAYLA: The pants match.

ZACK: Please tell me you’re wearing them.

LAYLA: Yes, actually, let me just—

JOSH: (speaking quickly) Use the code THREESINGLEGUYS for twenty percent off. Terms and conditions apply. The full collection launches August 1st. Layla, for the love of God, please put your shirt back on before Zack’s drool breaks the equipment.

Saffy @SaffronJamesModel ✓

I just got a prototype of @HerTreatLayla’s new ‘butterfly’ undie set. Girls. This is a GAME CHANGER

Buzz Tone Podcasts @Buzz_Tone_Media

@ThreeSingleGuys just hit the UK Comedy charts! If you haven’t heard the latest episode, download it NOW!

Ellen Smith @bougie_beautie_ellen

I hate @HerTreatLayla. She’s rude and bitchy, and her clothes look tacky as hell #getheroff

Hattie Clarke @zack_harding_fan

@ThreeSingleGuysPodcast I’m getting really sick of hearing the new girl on the show. She has such an annoying voice omfg

George Kiely @georgiotheman

@ThreeSingleGuysPodcast Isn’t this podcast supposed to be male advice? I’m not a misogynist, but if I wanted to hear a woman nagging me about relationships, I’d speak to my mom. Unsubscribing.

•••

From: [email protected]

To [email protected]

Subject: Welcome Back Alumnis!!

Dear alumni,

It is with great pride that we invite you to join us at the class of 2011 Emery High School ten-year reunion. Put on your glad rags and come to reminisce, renew old friendships, and see all of the faces you’ve missed over the last decade!

Attire – formal. Location – Emery High Gymnasium. Entrance fee – £20. Partners welcome.