Chapter 48 (For Dad)

The thing with life is that it can be so glorious until it decides to go on without someone you love.

After spending two months with his grandson and revelling in some of the best experiences of his life, Patrick died in his apartment while watching old video clips of kaylyn's childhood. He laughed and he cried at the memories until his heart could do nothing but weep at the lack of life that it suddenly possessed.

Kaylyn had been in the kitchen then, preparing his favourite, pot roast. When she no longer heard his jubilant laughs or the cheerful stomps of his feet, she had grown worried, immediately rushing in to see what was wrong. He had seemed to be only sleeping to her, but she knew that this sleep he had wandered into was more permanent than temporary.

She had cried, shaking him to see if he was playing with her or if he was asleep. But when she cried and called his name repeatedly, silence told her it was no joke. The only day she had decided to spend with her father- only them - and he had chosen to leave her, or rather, the lord had decided that it was time to bring an angel home.

Now it was the day of his funeral, and everything was that of pure gloom. Black dresses, black suits, black shades and the black holes in saddened hearts. Tears seemed never ending since the day of his death and the days seemed to be at a standstill, seemingly unmoving and not quite believing that death had knocked, entered and took without giving the family of the bereaved, time to say goodbye.

But what was good about saying bye anyway, when you would no longer see the ones you loved. And it was in that instant did they really understand death, now that it placed it's hand on someone they loved.

Kaylyn took a glance at his father for the last time, until the casket closed and his body lowered into the neatly dug hole they had placed in the ground. A ground Kaylyn wished would pull her through and give her a burial of her own, because she hurt too much. Matthew was by her side, his hand wrapped around her shoulders, holding her fragile body to him while he tried to hold himself together. The funeral was small, but Kaylyn wasn't really sure because her eyes had seemed strained on one spot, and that was the image of her father in a polished wooden container, dressed in a suit like he was going somewhere.

Heaven probably?

When his casket touched the bottom of the ground and they began to cover it with dirt, Kaylyn could no longer watch. She choked a sob and buried herself in Matthew's chest while she cried. Matthew held her to him like she was life itself, despite the death that hovered in the air.

When all was over and everyone hugged Kaylyn with their genuine condolences, Kaylyn and Matthew too, decided to go home. As soon as they move towards the car, Kaylyn spotted a woman, talking with a few friends of her father.

Her breath hitched in her throat when she was able to make out a few features on the woman. She was dressed in black, pure black; hat, dress, shoes and shades, and despite the fragile occasion of death, she was still able to maintain a ramrod straight posture and unwavering composure.

Kaylyn had called her a few days after Patrick's death to inform her of the unfortunate circumstances, but the phone had went to voicemail, thus leaving Kaylyn with no other option, but to leave a message. She didn't call back and Kaylyn didn't understand why, but what was there to understand when it came to Lilith Fisher?

Matthew, seeing the direction in which her eyes travelled, realized what, or rather whom, she was looking at.

"What do you want to do?" Matthew asked softly. "We can go home if you want," he said, knowing that kaylyn's heart must've been breaking more with the sight of her mother.

Kaylyn swallowed hard, her gaze fixated on Lilith. "Yeah, let's go," she croaked. Home would make her feel better. Seeing Josiah and Sapphire would make her feel better. Her mother wouldn't.

They moved towards the car, Kaylyn blanching when she heard her name. She stopped, closing her eyes tightly when her brain registered the name. It was Lilith.

She stood rooted in one spot, her hands balled into fists - not from anger, but from trying to compose herself.

"Kaylyn," she called again and very soon, they were standing face to face.

Lilith no longer had her shades on and so her wrinkle edged blue eyes was surprisingly filled with hurt, red and teary. Kaylyn could not formulate a reply in that instant, all she could do was stare at the woman she had vowed to hate for the rest of her life.

But somehow hate was not the first emotion she felt while staring at her, and in that moment Kaylyn wondered if it was her first time seeing her mother cry. That unwavering composure that she seemed to achieve just moments ago came crashing down like magnet to iron. Her thin red lips trembled and soon after, a loud sob broke away from her lips.

Kaylyn wanted so badly to leave her in that very spot crying her heart out, but her own heart could not give her permission, and so regardless of the grudges and dislike that she carried for the woman, she cried too, joining in the sorrow of the loved one they both loss.

"I'm sorry!" Lilith wailed and as Kaylyn built the walls around her heart, with each brick and the cementation of mortar, they came crumbling down, leaving the fragile vessel exposed to grief.

They were both staring at each other with tears making a trail of salted sadness down their faces. Finally, when both stubborn wills were broken, they had no choice but to succumb to each other's embrace.

They stood there in that position for some passing seconds before Kaylyn pulled apart.

"We've got to talk."

#

Matthew gave them time alone, while he went to sit in the car and check up on the kids. Lilith and Kaylyn were both seated on a small bench, close to the cemetery.

For some passing time, no one spoke, until Lilith finally did so.

"I- I haven't been the best wife or mother over the years," she began and Kaylyn knew she wouldn't disagree with her on that.

"I'm not proud of most the things I've done Kaylyn. I was selfish and concerned about my own self, but you've got to believe me when I say I love you and Patrick."

"I don't." Kaylyn cut in sharply, not wanting to sound so harsh but realised it couldn't be stopped. Her father's pleas were the adhesive that was holding her to the chair, allowing her to listen to her.

"I truly do, but I allowed my Pride and my selfishness to get in the way of expressing how I really felt -"

"You are my mother and you believed a neighbour over your own child who was almost raped in her own home," Kaylyn spat with mounting anger.

Lilith sniffed. "And I'm sorry Kaylyn, that's all I can say at this point."

Kaylyn scoffed. "What's the point of sorry when the damage is already done?"

Lilith was left silent.

"I'm sure dad told you he was sick, so why didn't you come to visit him?" She asked, continuing without giving Lilith the chance to answer the first question. "H-he waited for you every day and inspite of your evilness, he still loved and defended you and he's dead ...and now you decide to come?" She spat in disgust, newly formed tears running down her face.

"Doesn't it kill you?" She continued with enough venom in her voice to strike down a snake. "He died and you weren't there - his wife!"

Kaylyn angrily brushed the tears from her face as she sprung from the bench.

"Why are you even here mom?" she asked, wiping her mouth and hugging her shoulders.

"Kaylyn please -"

"Please what?!" she yelled. "Forgive you?" she completed with the highest degree of disgust.

Lilith was crying, profusely, her body slightly trembling.

Kaylyn swallowed. "You heard my message about dad's death and you still didn't contact me, you didn't ask about his funeral arrangements, you didn't even call to see how I was managing it all," her words her soft now.

"I was heartbroken, Kaylyn!"

Kaylyn snorted. "So you admit you have a heart then?"

Lilith momentarily closed her eyes. "When I heard your message, I didn't want to believe it was true. In fact, I didn't believe it at all. I spent days trying to come to terms with the reality of his death, and when I did, I was scared. I was afraid of this, I was afraid of actually talking to you, because I know I'm not worthy of forgiveness and I know deep down that you must wish it was me in the ground instead. An- and I wish that was the case too because I caused you both so much hurt and pain. I watched as he silently cried in our room when you left. He prayed every night for the lord to bring you back home safely and I -I prevented it and I'm sorry," she wailed. "I'm sorry for taking those years from you, I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, I'm sorry I wasn't a mother to you."

She fell to her knees before Kaylyn, who stiffened. "I'm so sorry Kaylyn, I'm sooo so sorry." She cried, hands wrapped around kaylyn's leg.

She shrugged out of her hold. "I have two kids now," she croaked. "A little boy who makes me happy just by being there and a girl who is intelligent as well as funny; they make me happy. That man waiting for me in the car makes me happy and I wonder.... Does it kill you?"

Lilith was sobbing even more and Kaylyn watched with a face void of emotions, but her lips were trembling and tears ran from her eyes. She suddenly remembered her father's words -what he had said months ago.

"Kaylyn listen to me. Life is too short to spend it with a heavy heart and an unforgiving soul. I know it may be hard, but the best choices in life are never easy. In order for you to live happily, knowing that you have a clean slate, you must do what's right."

The tears seemed to flow heavier at his words and Kaylyn raked her hands through her hair in frustration. Lilith stood from the ground with the tears streaming down her face.

"K-Kaylyn please, I'm willing to change, I'm willing to do anything to gain your forgiveness and I know it will take time but I'll wait," she sniffed, holding kaylyn's hands. She felt the resistance but she didn't let it go.

Just give your relationship a chance before it's too late, I beg of you.

Kaylyn cleared her throat. "I'm willing to try for dad," she said. "Forgiveness won't come easy but that's the price you pay for what you've done."

Lilith nodded, a smile shaking her lips as joy flooded her body. She pulled Kaylyn in her arms and despite herself, Kaylyn didn't pull apart. She allowed it.

Glancing in the direction of her father's grave, she thought: In life, there is death and in death, there is another life.

While happiness may have seemed scarce in some point of her life, it reminded her that she lived no fairy tale. There were no happy endings; endings weren't happy but she planned on making her in-between one she lived to the fullest.

Life was too unexpected and short to spend it holding on to long ass grudges and screwed faces.

Kaylyn, in that moment, made a vow that she was going to be happy. She was going to live until life could no longer accommodate her.

And so she did...