Chapter 4

Ready to get this homecoming with Kane behind me, I follow a line of four vehicles in my path, mine being the fifth. I cut between my front bumper and the rear of a pickup, and I stop dead in my tracks when I bring Kane into view. As expected, he’s parked his sporty black Mercedes on the opposite side of the road, across from my rental, letting me know that he knows it’s mine. He doesn’t see me, and I watch him, assess him, and take in the sight of him in his suit, gray and custom-fitted to his long, leanly muscled body. His arms are crossed over his broad chest, and he has one foot over the other. Cool. Casual. Seemingly relaxed, but there is an air of a predator to him—a beast waiting for dinner, waiting for me. Or so he thinks. It’s my job to make sure he knows dinner is not served.

His attention shifts in my direction as if he senses me watching him, and that’s when I feel the punch in my chest, the familiar awareness for this man that I don’t want to feel. Emotions explode inside me, ones that I refuse to name and fiercely reject. He’s a tall drink of poison that I’ve already swallowed and felt the repercussions from. I’m not stupid enough to take another drink. And me standing here, staring at him, is a blink he could read in a million ways that I can’t afford for him to read.

I start walking, and his eyes, which I know to be intelligent and so dark brown they are nearly black, track my every step. He’s watching me the way he’s always watched me, the way he watches everyone. Like they’re all that matters. Like he cares about nothing else. It’s the way he seduces people. It’s the way he destroys people, but everyone who destroys eventually gets destroyed, as proven by the murder of his father. I don’t walk quickly. I walk slowly, steadily, and completely calculated. I don’t let myself feel anything. Finally, then, I stop in front of him, close enough to say I’m fearless, but far enough to stay out of his reach, to ensure he doesn’t touch me.

I expect him to push off the vehicle, to tower over me and attempt to intimidate me, but he doesn’t. “Agent Love,” he greets me, his voice refined, the smallest hint of an accent to his words. “Still in the murder business, I see.”

“I hear the same might be true of you.”

“If you’re inferring that I’m my father’s son,” he says, “you of all people know that’s not true.”

“Isn’t it?”

“I’m not him any more than you are your father.”

“Why are you here, Kane?”

“You know why I’m here.”

“Because your tenant, and employee, is dead,” I state.

“That’s not why I’m here.”

He’s here for me. I pretend he’s not. “What can you tell me about—”

“Nothing,” he says. “I don’t know her. My leasing agent handles my property management.”

“She’s an attorney at your company.”

“Who I’ve never met.”

“You know I’ll find out if you’re lying.”

His lips quirk. “Of course you will, Agent Love, but I have never lied to you. I’m not going to start now.”

“You just don’t tell me what you don’t want me to know.” It’s a reference to the past, to my secret, ~our secret~, that’s out before I can stop it, and I swallow the dryness in my throat.

He knows it, too, of course, and his eyes narrow, darkening. “Ask a question if you want an answer, Lilah.”

~Lilah.~ Not ~Agent Love~, but ~Lilah~. And again, here we are talking about the past, not the present, and it has to stop. Now. This moment. “How did you know to come here tonight?”

“How did I know you were here or how did I know there was a murder?”

“Both.”

“The police contacted my real estate agent, who called me about the murder,” he says. “And I always know where you are.”

“That’s fucking creepy, Kane.”

“Creepy?” He laughs. “You do have a way with words, Lilah.” He pauses, his mood shifting, darkening, something in his face I can’t quite read before he says, “This is where you belong, Lilah Love. You’ve been gone too long.”

“This is ~not~ where I belong.”

“Isn’t it?”

“No. It’s not. And right now, I have a murder to solve, Kane. I need the contact information for your real estate agent.”

He reaches into his pocket and produces a card, which he holds up and then offers me. I stare at it, aware that if I take it, he’ll touch me. “I don’t bite unless you tell me to bite, beautiful. You know that.”

I reach forward and take the card, but he catches my hand, and a charge rolls up my arm, but his words, and his eyes staring into mine, are what hold on to me. “I handled it. Let it go.” He releases me, and I cut my gaze, shoving the card into my pocket, my hand trembling when my hand never fucking trembles.

“Where were you this afternoon?”

“In my office.”

“Which, I assume, can be corroborated by half your staff.”

“And a camera.”

“Of course. A camera. Don’t leave town until we’re done questioning you.”

“You’re here. I’m not going anywhere.”

I force myself to look at him. “I’ll be in touch.”

I turn away and start walking, feeling the weight of his stare, and just when I’m about to disappear between the vehicles again, he calls out, “You still have a nice ass.”

I cup my hand behind me and shoot him my middle finger. He laughs, a low, deep, taunting laugh that fades into the wind, even though he refuses to fade out of my life. I quicken my pace, placing much-desired space between him and me, and finding Shirley waiting on me at the gate. Ignoring him in hope of avoiding conversation, I pass him by, step onto the sidewalk, and charge toward the porch.

“I heard you used to date him,” Shirley says, falling into step with me. “And they called you Marilyn and Pacino, you know, because Kane was born into a crime family and your mother was a famous actress who once played Marilyn Monroe and was married to the mayor. And then your mother was killed and—”

“Bringing up my dead mother is in very bad taste,” I say, stopping to face him, his face reddening in response, but I’m not done teaching him a lesson. “And since you seem to be getting fed gossip on me, let me just give it all to you. Did you know I slept with Keanu Reeves, too?”

“You did? Was it the ~Matrix~ Keanu or the older ~John Wick~ Keanu?”

I never have time to watch movies and have no idea what he means by ~John Wick~, but I just go with it. “Both,” I say, “but the ~John Wick~ version was older. Wiser. Better in bed.”

He holds up his hands. “That’s more information than I needed to know.”

“You’re right. It is. That’s my point. Holy fuck, Shirley. You aren’t from here, are you?”

He blanches, looking quite confused. “No. Connecticut. How did you know?”

“Because gossip is an outsider’s fodder. And if you believe I slept with Keanu Reeves, or Kane Mendez, with nothing to back it up but words, you will never be anything but someone else’s babysitter.”

I give him my back and climb the stairs back into the house. Rivera is waiting for me in the doorway, one shoulder on the doorframe, one laced-up loafer over the other, his eyes cold and calculating. “What’d you find out?”

“Nothing. Not one damn thing.” I try to walk around him.

He steps in front of me. “I don’t believe you.”

He’s close, his spicy, overused cologne misplaced at a crime scene and irritating my nostrils. “Step aside, Rivera.”

“You’re done here.”

“On what grounds?”

Seconds tick by, his eyes glinting with a mixture of hate and lust that, while familiar, never becomes tolerable.

“~On what grounds~, Sergeant Rivera?” I repeat.

“Conflict of interest.”

“What conflict of interest?” I press.

“Mendez.”

“There is no conflict of interest with Mendez.”

“We both know that’s a lie. I want you off my case.”

I think of Murphy’s urgency to get me here. “And when the FBI claims jurisdiction?”

“Even if they do, you won’t be the agent in charge. I’ll make sure of it. I told you. I want you off my case.”

I narrow my gaze on him, and my first thought is that this situation isn’t what it seems. Rivera’s over-the-top reaction reads as being as manufactured as my confronting Officer Rogers to avoid Kane Mendez.

“Did you hear me?” he demands. “I want you off my case. When your director finds out you fucked Mendez—”

“I heard you,” I say. “You want me off your case.” ~Maybe a little too much,~ I think, before adding, “We’ll leave it to the powers that be to decide.”

I turn and start walking, but I’m not going anywhere. Kane’s right. I do belong here, at least for now and until I figure out what this all has to do with me, before someone else does first.

***

I climb into my rental and dial Director Murphy, who answers the call this time. “What do you have to report, Agent Love?”

“Same MO, different state.” I don’t give him time to ask for details. “How did you know I needed to be here tonight? How did you predict a murder?”

“That was a surprise.”

“But you wanted me here tonight, earlier rather than later.”

“Coincidental politics. Nothing more. Nothing I’m going to involve you in.”

“But I am involved. I’m the one who’s here.”

“And well equipped to do a quick, thorough investigation.”

“I have a history with Kane Mendez.”

“Which makes you the perfect candidate to get into his head.”

“Why do I need to be in Kane’s head?”

“He’s connected to this. Tonight makes that clear.”

“I didn’t tell you that. How do you know he’s connected?”

“I looked up the crime scene address. I know he owns the property.”

“But that doesn’t make him responsible for the murder.”

“That’s true, but anyone else working this case would assume he is because of who he is, and I don’t like the obvious as an answer to anything.”

“Are you protecting Kane Mendez? Is he a part of the politics you keep mentioning?”

“There’s always pressure to close cases and calm the public, and that doesn’t always mean solving the case.”

“You mean creating a fall guy.”

“That’s right. And I don’t do fall guys.”

“But Kane Mendez isn’t anyone’s easy fall guy.”

“You’re right,” Murphy says. “He’s not, but when you appear invincible, you become a challenge.”

My brow furrows. “I really don’t understand what’s going on here.”

“Just go catch me a killer, Agent Love.”

“I will,” I assure him. “But you should know that Rivera wants me off the case. He’s going to be a problem, but I’ll handle it.”

“If you need me to—”

“I don’t. This was just an FYI.”

“Noted. Check in tomorrow.” He ends the call and I start the engine, but I pause as Kane’s words come back to me: ~I handled it. Let it go.~

I’m suddenly not sure whether he was talking about the past and my secret, or the present and tonight’s murder.

***

I pull onto the highway with one thought: my secret has secrets. It’s that thought that directs my path. I start driving and instead of ending up at the cottage I rented, I find myself in the garage of the beach house I inherited from my mother, while my father maintains what he calls the “Master House.” I never really understood why we had two homes only miles from each other, but I always suspected my mother kept this house to get some much-needed space from my father. Although he tended to follow her, so I’m not certain it worked. Whatever the case, it became my getaway after I left Cornell to recover from her death. And then later it became a weekend getaway from the city when I decided two years of law school was enough and joined the NYPD.

This is also ~the place~.

This is where the man with the tattoo attacked me. Where a strange turn took place that I can’t explain. Something beyond self-defense. Something that now defines who I am. Or maybe it defines who I always was and didn’t dare admit, even to myself.

Whatever the case, if the man from that night is connected to these murders, and I believe he is, then this is where I will find answers and how I will catch a killer. And you don’t catch a killer by hiding from him. You catch him by getting to know him.

Killing the engine, I don’t give myself time to replay the past. I open the door, grab my bag, walk straight to the entrance, key in my security code, and then dial the security service, giving them a password and letting them know that the house is occupied. Entering the kitchen, I flip on the light, illuminating whitewashed cabinets, then pull my bag over my head and toss it on the granite island. My gun I keep, but I don’t scan the house. I don’t even see the house. Not now. I can’t see anything right now but the past. I need to face my fears, and I walk across the tiled floors and go straight to the patio, shoving the curtain aside to open the door, then walking outside, shutting it behind me. A chilly breeze gushes off the ocean, and my stomach knots. But I’m doing this. I’m going to the beach. I’m going to that spot where it all happened. I start walking. And walking. And then running. I run as hard as I can until I’m standing in the place where it all happened. I inhale the salty sea air and hold my hands out, letting my face reach to the sky, the full moon seeming to cast a light on my guilt.

Images flicker in my head but refuse to take form. I’m back in my recurring nightmare, but I’m awake. I look down and blood is pooling at my feet. So much blood. Too much blood. I blink and it’s gone. Now, there is just sand. I sit down. I inhale and then lie back, stretching my arms and hands to my sides, willing the memory of the past to come to me. In it I will find answers, and I realize now that’s what I need. Real answers. But nothing comes to me. I lie there, and lie there some more, and after all the times the past has haunted me, it eludes me now. I don’t know how long I stay there, but finally, I force myself to give up. I stand, scanning the ocean, expecting it to turn to blood, but it simply crashes to the shore.

I turn to the house and take a step, then stop abruptly, a shadow flickering by the house. A shiver runs down my spine. There it is again. Another shadow. Someone is there. It’s then that I flash back to being on this very sand with that tattooed man on top of me. Then that I remember Kane grabbing my arms and saying, “I’ll take care of it.” And I let him, and did so without asking questions, until it was too late to change the outcome. Because I was weak that night, and he was strong. But I am not weak anymore.

I pull my weapon and start running for the house, wind in my hair and face, my heart thundering in my ears, and I don’t stop until I’m staring at the blood splattered all over the patio glass, some kind of note pinned in the center. Adrenaline surges through me, but I am in my Otherworld now. I retain my cool. I walk to the patio door, using the end of my shirt to open the door, and then I systematically search every inch of the house. When I know I’m alone, I walk to my bag, pull on gloves, and then walk back outside, yanking the note off the door. Returning back inside, I lock the door and pull the blinds, and then I open the note. At the top is the alphabet, pasted in paper letters, with an ~X~ across the letter ~A~. The note reads:

A is for the Apple a day that keeps the doctor away. But a doctor couldn’t help him, could he?

I KNOW.