•·.·'5'·.·•

The room was beautiful. I felt like the girl from Mothers book, the one with a pretty dress and room. The only difference was that I wasn't pretty.

Elias had dropped me off and left. A few seconds ago Mateo gave me some clean clothes to wear. After years of having the same pair of clothes my brothers we're letting me have another T-shirt that also reached my knees and shorts that were a few inches above my ankles. I was happy.

Even if it was boy clothes. Mother had always given me boy things. She said I wasn't pretty enough to have girl things. It hurt because I use to so badly want to dress like the girls from her books. Like her. As the years went by I stopped asking for girly things. Even now though, I still hope one day I get pretty enough to wear dresses and girl shoes.

Finally standing up from the bed I went into the bathroom and showered. The soaps were just white but smelled nice. When I got out I was excited to put on my new clothes. The shorts were big but they worked. I put on the long socks my brother had also brought me.

(Pretend underwear don't exist because I can't think of a good explanation to write about her undergarments)

My new clothes we're so comfortable.

Walking out of the bathroom I noticed a vanity.

How did I miss such pretty thing.

Running to it I saw something that made my eye widen.

A hair brush.

Oh my goodness. Picking it up carefully my fingers traced over it. Sitting down in the vanity. I looked at my hair in the mirror then brought the brush to my head.

I felt pretty.

The moment was short lived. The brushing stopped as I looked closely at what I saw in the mirror. The hairbrush fell from my hand, to my lap and onto the fluffy carpet.

My ugly eyes stare at my reflection.

I didn't like what I saw. I didn't like how I looked just now. I felt disgusting. My Mother just died and here I was smiling at myself brushing my hair when I know I don't deserve it.

Loving my brothers when they haven't even had me for a whole day. This is how disgusting I was. You love me once and i'll love you forever.

If you can even call it love. Most of the time is just kindness, and my stupid self thinks is love.

After hours from my Mothers death I cried. I lied to myself I was crying because of her passing, but in truth I also cried because of the fact that I had actually loved her.

That I had loved a woman with all I had when she never gave me an ounce of hers. It ripped me from the inside out. Knowing I could love people blindly, in seconds. That I was willing to let myself get used, hurt by them, just to be loved.

That's what I would always look for, to be loved, but in the end It was always all in vain, because i've never been loved.

That's the truth. Due to my desire for that I've become someone who's afraid of being left alone. That's my biggest fear.

I'll never be able to share love with anyone.

My only hope is that I don't end up alone. I've been for way too long, and i'm tired of it.

In that moment as I cried silently I realized I was never going to be able to keep up the act. I wasn't build for this. To be someone lovely. To be who Mother wished for me to be.

All I had left was my will to not be alone. As long as my brothers don't throw me out I'll be fine.

So please don't leave me all alone, that's all I ask for. I won't ask for a bit of your hearts anymore.

...

My hair was sticked to my forehead and my whole body felt gross. I had woken up to darkness, making me think I was back in the basement. But I wasn't because there was someone knocking in the door, and I could hear the birds chirping outside.

Breathing in a deep breath of air I got down from the very big bed and walked cautiously to where the knocks where coming from. What time is it?

I placed my cold hands in the handle and slowly opened it.

Macy?

"Hello?" I said, opening the door a little less then half way. It was just her, there was no one else around.

Her face looked mean. She placed her hand on the door and harshly opened it all the way.

My hand was on the handle. Not expecting the harsh movement, my hand slammed against the wall along with the handle. My face grimaced slightly but I tried to cover it up. I didn't want her to feel bad.

"Is there something wro-"

"Look little bitch, my brothers told me to let you borrow some of my clothes, but I don't let peasants like you touching my things. So just tell them you declined my offer"

My eyes look down to the floor. I've never been able to defend myself. I don't like fighting because it makes me feel like Mother.

In seconds Macys hand grabbed the collar of my t-shirt, "Understand?" She gritted.

"yeah"

My throat burn again.

Macy let go and turned away from me. I could feel her gaze on me though. "Whores are not welcomed here. The sooner you leave the better for me and my brothers"

Her brothers. Is she talking about Elias and the others?

I guess Macy is like they're sister. They have love for each other that is not one sided.

Looking up I realized Macy was long gone. Stepping backwards I close the door

quietly.

My hand is pulsing, and it's bright red.

Walking to my bed I crawl on it and bring the fluffy covers up to my chin. My lips wobble from what Macy said. She's like Mother, but less worse. It still hurts anyway.

I turn to the side, bring my knees to my chest and try to not think about what she said. Think about how nice this bed feels Angelica. Don't cry, it's annoying.

Wait. What time was it? I roll to the other side and see the pink clock is at 8:4am. Elias said we eat breakfast at 9:00 on weekends. Today is saturday.

Ripping myself out of the covers I do my bed so fast and run into the bathroom. I wash my face and teeth. Brush my hair also. Am I using the hair brush too much? It's just so cool I can't help it.

8:58am

I flung the door open and started running. I run very slow since I just can't run at a fast speed.

I don't know where I'm going. There's too many hallways. As I turn the corner I accidentally bump into something causing me to fall backwards on my butt.

That hurt. Just a little bit.

I look up to see...Enzo. Looking down at me like I was a cockroach. "Who told you you could wear my clothes?"

He looked mad. His eyebrows were brought together in dislike. I didn't know this was his clothes. I figured it was someones clothing but not his.

My eyes were panicked. I didn't know what to say or do. I just freezed.

Finally I was able to spit out the words I knew best. "I'm sorry, I didn't know." He looked at me with an angered expression and walked away.

It hurt but there was nothing I could do about it. They can treat me however they want, it's they're right.

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End of Chapter 5

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This is how I imagined the hair brush

Vintage 😏

I think it is.

Also is very hard to explain how Angelica feels. Probably because i have little to no knowledge on writing stories, but I want to start of by saying that she's very young. She mentions how she's never been loved, and well it is partly true. (She doesn't remember when she was a baby) This has a big impact on her view and experience with love. Due to the lack of love and affection, every time someone gives her a tiny bit of kindness she instantly starts loving them. (Not in a romantic way) She wants that person to love her back, so she's willing to go through anything as long as they continue to "love her" in the end she always ends up realizing that person never loved her, it was always one sided. Due to the repetitiveness of this, she starts to wonder if she can truly love someone, and if she is loving the right way, and starts to think she's the reason why no one has ever loved her. She also accepts the fact she'll never be able to experience requited love with someone. After that she mentions she won't ask for they're hearts, meaning she won't ask them to love her in return, she just doesn't want to be left all alone. I hope this makes sense.

Anyways, this is how I imagine her room

For some reason the pictures I add keep getting deleted, so I had to look through pinterest for a good 30 minutes to find this picture again. But is okay because I found it!

So, probably in a all white color scheme or white and pastel pink. Also much bigger with a huge bed (and without the crack on the ceiling) Feel free to imagine whatever you want tho 🫶