chapter 17

Levi walks over to me smiling happily and pulls me to himself and before I can say anything he kisses me softly on the lips and I melt into that kiss, only pulling away when I realise we are still in public.“We need to leave here so we won’t attract attention,” I tell him and he nods happily and takes my hand.He’s barely able to keep his eyes and hands off me all the while we drove over to his apartment, and it is almost the same with me. “You look really beautiful, Vary,” he says to me, as he opens the door to his apartment and ushers me inside.“Thank you,” I reply and walk in and he closes the door. I turn to him with a sceptical look before asking, “How did Keenan reach you?”He looks a little lost and taken back in thoughts, “He came to my gym yesterday and he forcefully made me hear him out and I’m glad I did.”He goes into the kitchen and kicks off my black heels and I follow behind him. He opens the fridge and pulls out a jug of juice before looking up at me. “Juice, wine or water?”I smile at his warm formality and walk towards the counter, “Water, thank you.”He nods and pulls out a bottle of water and opens it and then pours it into a glass cup and gives it to me; I collect and drink it.“Did you go to church last week?” I ask, trying to search out his eyes.He shakes his head slowly. “I didn’t, I couldn’t. I thought about going and then realised it was where I first met you and I got hurt all over again. So I couldn’t.”“I’m sorry, you went through that.” I apologise.“Don’t be, you’re here now.” He says happily.I notice he’s staring at me with focus and I awkwardly lower the glass from my lips to raise a brow at him. “What is it?”He gives me an adorable look and his blue eyes sparkle and a shy smile comes into his face as his gaze lowers to the floor, “I just missed you, so much.”His words hit me hard. A part of me feels guilty and there I was thinking he wasn’t even thinking about me meanwhile he was.I drop the glass on the counter as he draws closer to me and tilts my head up to look into his eyes. “Did you miss me?”My eyes close briefly before quickly nodding, “Yes, Levi, I missed you.” It is not a complete lie, though I missed him. I wish I was with him most days this last week. I knew he would never treat me the way Keenan treated me. He would not have ignored my feeling like they didn’t exist. I knew he would want me to be happy.His face breaks into a big grin and I spot a shade of red on his cheeks before he lowers his head and takes my lips into his and slowly sucks on them. His hand goes around my waist and pulls me closer as I kiss back.As the kiss deepens, Levi back me against the counter and his hand goes to my shoulder and he pulls down the hand of my gown, my hand goes into his hair and tugs harder on it and he lifts me onto the counter and my legs wrap around him and his lips lower from my lips down to my neck while his left hand pulls down the other hand of my gown. He undoes the zip and pulls down the gown and all I’m left in from my waist up is my bra.His hands move down my body, over my breast and down my stomach. I bite my lips and moan as he sucks my neck harder, then moves to my lips His hands lower my bra strap and he touches me there. I grow weary and a quiver escapes my lips and when this happens, Levi, who has always been the sensitive one, pulls away and stares at me carefully because he already knows something’s wrong.“What’s wrong?”“Nothing.” I shake my head and try a laugh, but Levi has always known when I’m lying.He pulls away from me and breathes down slowly, catching his breath. I quickly adjust the hand of my dress and get down from on top of the counter.“What did I do wrong?” his eyes guilty as he asks. He’s read into the reaction I had given, but he’s asking the wrong question. He did nothing he never has.“Nothing.” I lie again and I wish that for once he’d not know I’m lying and not crush my heart by looking like he’s at fault here.He stares into my eyes as if it is possible to read the reason for my sudden protest against his touch, “It didn’t look like nothing, Vary, you panicked like being touched frightened you, you were scared which you’ve never been with me before and that’s nothing.”“Levi, we’ve never done this before, be this intimate - it caught me off guard,” it was true we were always holding intimacy off and though I want him, I wanted that moment in our life to be a special one.Well, I already gave half that moment to Keenan, who was not even my dream man, and now this moment is being ruined because of him.He bites down on his slightly swollen lips and he shakes his head. “It was more than that. You know it and I know it and I just want to know why?”You know, sometimes having an oversensitive boyfriend sucks, because you may not get away with things easily.“It’s crazy.” I laugh again because that’s the only other option I have apart from crying right now.I think deep down I know the reason I got scared; it was because it felt wrong. I didn’t and I still don’t think it okay to get intimate with anyone while I’m married to Keenan; it feels like I’m cheating on him.Can you seriously hear yourself right now? I know it’s crazy, but I feel like I’m bound to him after everything that has happened so far.“Try me, love.”I rub my hand on my forehead and then cover my mouth. “Because it felt wrong. It felt like I was cheating on Keenan.”“What does that mean, cheating on Keenan?” And I know it probably would also sound ridiculous if I was the one hearing those words as well.My gaze lowers to the floor because I can’t stand his gaze. “I don’t know—”“No,” he shakes his head and waves his finger in my face. “You know and you would do well to tell me.” He lowers his hand and places it on his waist. “Has he been having sex with you?”I gasp in horror, “Goodness, no!” I exclaim, “he hasn’t.” I walk towards him slowly.He nods before asking the next hard question, “Has he been touching you, then?” He asks so quietly that I almost miss the question.I can’t lie to him, because that would be worse than what we’ve already been through.I can’t lie, not now, not to him. He’ll easily find out. “Levi —”“Has he been touching you, Vary?!” He asks again, his face turning red with rage.I nod, and my gaze lowers to the floor. “Did you like it?”“What?” I frown as I look up at him, not getting why he’s interrogating me this way.“Answer the damn question!” He snaps and I flinch back, a little startled and, for the first time, scared of him.My lips quiver and I nod and a tear runs down my face as I see his eyes lose their expression. This is hurting him, maybe more than it is hurting me and the last thing I want is to hurt Levi.He turns his back and walks away from me into the living room. He’s probably done with me and not going to have it anymore. I’d be done too if I were him, but I can’t let him go. I want to make him listen to what I have to say.“After our last talk, I didn’t think you would ever want me back,” I spoke up behind him and I watch him walk to the couch and toss himself on it. “I left you tons of calls and messages, but you never returned my calls or reply my messages so I gave up hope of you ever coming back and—”“And you let him touch you.” he runs his hand over his face.“No,” I deny shaking my head, not that simple, “it didn’t happen like that. He wanted to prove a point, and he tortured me -sexually.”He growls, “And you liked it.”I sigh in frustration. “What is it you want me to say, Levi? That I loved it? I felt frustrated! And he walked in on my moment of weakness, so yeah maybe I liked it, but I regret it even more now because I can’t seem to think straight anymore.”I rant on, my frustration finally reaching its apex, “I hate this, I hate who I am and I didn’t ask for this! I was just trying to be his friend.” Tears run down my face and I wipe them off. “I hate he can easily manipulate me, make me do things I don’t want to do, I hate he has such power over me and makes me feel weak when he’s around me and now I don’t know how he can still control my life even while he’s not present!”He sighs and turns away from me, his soulful blue eyes sad and tormented, “It’s simple, Vary, you’re in love with him.”If there is a time for Levi to throw in his little jokes, it’s not now. He never during the last two years know when to throw in a joke.“It’s not funny, Levi, I’m not in love with Keenan,” me saying it makes it sound even more preposterous to my ears.He raises his brow and glances at me, “As much as it hurt me to admit it, the look on your face says it all and the control he has over you and being weak around him, plus why would you feel you are cheating on him? Why would you even care?”“Because I’m married to him,” I argue my point firmly.“Some married people cheat on their spouse,” he counters.I groan, “What is your point? That I’m in love with him? Well, no, I’m not. I’ve only been with him for a week and I barely even saw him throughout.”He shrugs casually, “People fall in love at first sight.”“Did Keenan put you up to this?” I demand, losing my patience with him, “how much did he give you?”“You think this is fun for me?” He demands, getting up from the couch and walking towards me. He dips his hand into his pocket and brings out a red box and shows it to me. “I got this in the morning after talking to Keenan. I was going to ask you to marry me and now I’m finding out that not only are you married to him now, you are also in love with him! Now tell me, what joy or happiness do I have in any of this?”My heart clenches and I look at the little red box in his hand, “I’m sorry, Levi.”I don’t even want to imagine what he is going through ‘cause I already know it’s painful.He shakes his head and moves away from me, “I hope he’s worth it—worth your heart and dedication, because I might kill him if I ever see you hurt.” He vows, putting the red box back into his pocket.What do I say? Keenan doesn’t even like me, so hurting me would be something he’ll happily do. Not that I can blame him, though.“I hope for prison’s sake that he is.” I whisper to myself before speaking up, “I can’t go home because it’s pretty late and I know after the awkward discovery you might not want to, but can I spend the night with you.”He nods, “You can have the bedroom, I’ll sleep on the couch.” He replies.“That’s not right, I’ll sleep on the couch instead.” I refuse his offer, not willing to make him feel more uncomfortable than I already have.He rolls his eyes, “Stop being formal, we both know how you hate sleeping on the couch, besides I have been sleeping on the couch in the last few days.”He’s barely done talking before I ask, “Why?”“I don’t know, maybe because I felt lonely in bed.” He admits, but shrugs it off like it is nothing.I walk to him and I place my hand on his softly beating chest, “I hope one day a woman comes into your beautiful heart and makes you forget this terrible one here.”“You’re not terrible, at least not as terrible as your cooking,” he teases with a wide grin and I smack his arm playfully, “but I hope so.”I hug him before I can talk myself out of it, and he chuckles, wrapping his arms around me.Levi left before I woke the next morning, but he took his time to make me breakfast which I must admit is delicious. After eating, I took a bath and brush my teeth with my brush that is still here and although still wearing the same dress as I was yesterday I feel refreshed.I am going home to Keenan, and I’m going to tell him about my newly a developed feeling for him. Yes, I know it’s going to be wild and absurd, but at least the burden would be off my shoulder.I take a cab and give him my address and after fifteen minutes’ drive, I’m standing before Keenan’s -our home, where I hope we can get to start a family someday.I walk into the compound, and unlike usual, it’s awfully quiet. The only noise being made outside is those of the trees swaying to the light wind.I make my way to the door and knock and after waiting for two minutes; I hear the door lock clicking and when it opens, I’m greeted by a naked Keenan except for the Calvin Klein boxer briefs he’s wearing.Not that I’m complaining.His hair is rough and looks shabby, and his eyes are dull and seem to just be waking up.His head is down and his body is leaning on the doorframe and so he does not notice me. “I thought I said take the weekend off?!” He growls lowly and my brow rises. Has he been drinking or something?“Keenan?” I call out and his head bobs up to look at me and his blue eyes grow warm a little before going into an alarming look and he stumbles away.I enter and close the door. “Is everything okay, Keenan?”“W-what are you doing back here? I thought you were with N-Nevi.” He stutters awkwardly, scratching his hair.I roll my eyes, “It’s Levi, and I came back because-““Who’s that?” a sweet voice asks coming from the side of the bedroom and I turn to see a pretty, really, really pretty lady in nothing more than a towel walk into the living room..Â