chapter 20

“Good morning, princess.” He greets politely.From what I can see on him, he only has his black Calvin Klein briefs and his black singlet on for covering. The remaining parts of his body come up exposed to my eyes, his muscled arms and from his mid-thigh downward exposed with thick muscles and long dark hair from his knee downwards.“Morning,” I reply, feeling a little disconnected and suspicious suddenly. “What are you doing?” I step away from the door, but not going anywhere close to me. I tighten my hands around the white towel I have on, which barely covers much.He smiles widely, “I’m drawing you a warm bath.” he runs his hand through the water in the tub and I stand still and watch him. After a while he looks up at me, “it is warm enough, undress and gets in.”“While you are still here?” I ask, my tone rising nervously as I speak. And this makes him get up from the tub and I properly stare at him.There is a humorous look on his face, as though what I just said was funny, “I’ve seen you naked many times, Vary-sha, but you can bath yourself when I’m gone.”He’s about to take his first step out when I ask, “Why are you here?” in a low voice, it becomes a whisper towards the end, but he hears and looks at me.“What do you mean?” He asks, his brow rising interestingly.I ask again, this time elaborating the question so he understands me. “Why aren’t you gone like three days ago? Why are you still here and why are you drawing me a warm bath?”He breathes down slowly and shakes his head weakly, “I shouldn’t have left three days ago, I should have stayed and drawn you a warm bath to help ease the soreness you may have had and I know I can’t take it back, but I hope you can forgive me.”I remember my first time three days ago, after the night I spent with him, I didn’t know what to do with the soreness and aches and I used a cold shower and I spent the rest of the morning regretting and in pain. And when Levi called, he noticed the discomfort in my voice and I had to tell him the reason for my discomfort. He told me I should have used a warm bath instead and after following his instruction I felt better.I would have said Keenan helping is nice and thoughtful if he hadn’t told me all he wanted was sex with me and nothing else earlier. We are like sex buddies except we are married, and it’s even more complicated because I love and want more from him. His gesture would only give my heart room to hope when it shouldn’t and wish for more than it has.“You should not be apologising.” I walk past him to the tub and run my hand through the water and felt its warmth. “You don’t owe me anything once we finish with love- having sex,” I explain.Keenan's brawny arms wrap around me and I’m pulled back so my back rests against his chest. I felt tiny being held this way by him. “Until you no longer feel pain when we have sex, I think I owe it to you to make you feel better whichever way possible.”His fingers crawl up to the little towel around me and he pulls it down and I’m exposed to his eyes once again, but I can’t fight it. I don’t want to fight this feeling anymore. I want him to make me feel better physically.He scoops me into his arms and lowers me into the tub, and seals my lips with a fevered kiss before pulling away to take a bar of soap and rub it on my body. His fingers sing beautifully on the skin of my leg and he slowly works his way up, lathering my body with the foam. I bite my lips as he draws closer to the spot where I’m aching for him even though I’m sore and weak from what we had this morning.I bite my lips and close my eyes as he rubs his hand over my button, down to my entrance, and the sting of his fingers makes me flinch a little and hiss out in pain. And my eyes open.His hands hold me down, “I’m sorry.” He apologises quickly as his hand withdraws.“Hmm,” I nod in acceptance and settle down and he continues to rub over my sore entrance until the pain subsides and a new pain sets it, one that has to do with me refusing my body the strange pleasure it’s receiving.I grit my teeth and my eyes close slowly again and I fight and swallow every little moan and whimper that tries to escape my throat.He rubs the soap on my belly and up my breast and neck and his hands work to wash me off. As his hand does this, I hear him speak.“Open your eyes, Vary -sha,” the whisper comes as a command, and my eyes slowly open to see him staring at me.His blue eyes hold so much. Lust, need, want, affection and dominance and the moan I’ve been fighting for the last five-minute escapes me as he rubs and fondles my breast. “So pretty.”“Keenan. I need you now.” I say, panting heavily and helplessly.“I can’t, not while you are like this.” His left hand leaves my breast and trails his hand down to my aching part and I lift my hips against him. “I’d only hurt you more.”I needed to feel his touch right there. I need to have him and not having him is what hurts more. “Keenan, I don’t care, I. Need. You, I don’t think I—”He kisses my lips hungrily, silencing my whining with his sweet mouth and my hand lift to touch his face and I kiss him deeper. His fingers then touch me on my core and his middle finger rubs my button for a moment before penetrating me.I moan and pull back from his lips and I stare deep into his eyes like he’s doing mine.“Sei così bella, vorrei che tu potessi vederti (You’re so beautiful, I wish you could see yourself.)” He leans in and his tongue flicks over my parted lips, “Così vivo! (So alive)”“Speak in English.” I moan out and my hand lift to stroke his face.“I said you look so alive, Bella.” He declares with so much desire.The pleasant feeling of having something in me makes me lift my hips in the water to give him more room, and he rubs my button with his thumb and inserts another.My eyes shut dreamily and I bite at my lower lips, more at the feeling being set in place in me. “Open my eyes, hun. Devo vedere i tuoi occhi, hun (I need to see your eyes, hun.)”I nod and open my eyes to his word. He is so beautiful and perfect in every way and I know it’s impossible, but I hope one day he would hold love in his eyes when he stares at me like this.“More and faster,” I tell him as I felt myself getting to the edge.He picks up the pace and works his fingers in and out and kisses me hard on my lips and I lose it, gripping his hair and tugging it hard as I moan into his mouth. He pulls his fingers out and gets up from beside me, picking a towel and wiping his soapy hands dry.“Thank you, Keenan,” I say as I regain my strength.“My pleasure.” He drops the towel and turns to me. “I told the maid to resume work today. They will be here any moment from now.”“We don’t need them all, one’s enough,” I tell him, figuring they might only get in the way when we might need each other.The feelings are getting stronger and we can barely keep our hands off each other. And having a maid around would be an inconvenience to us.“The work would be much for one person today.” He replies and stands up from beside me.I nod, although wanting to ask what work he’s talking about. “Yes, I guess.”“Also Bethany is coming over with Seth, Max and Nathaniel, my nephews. They plan on spending the whole day here.”Oh, that work.My eyes spark at the thought of meeting Bethany Hilton today. I know I’ve had the pleasure of working with her before and she was smart and incredibly talented, but I haven’t had the chance to meet her since Keenan and I got married and I look forward to meeting her and her three big boys.I get up and wrap the towel around myself, not forgetting the way his eyes claim my briefly naked skin, before asking, “Will you be around?”He turns his head away towards the door, “I’ll be going to the office and I’ll come back when I close.” He walks away.“Will I work soon?” I ask, making him halt in his steps and turn to me. I see his eyes grow cold and though scared, I continue with determination, “sometimes it gets lonely having nothing to do.”He relents the cold emotions on his face, “Dad will think I’m pushing you to look for a job.”From his reply, I know he has been in touch with his father in the past week, and I wonder what exactly they talked about apart from me being a working wife. “But you aren’t. I know that at least it’ll be good to do something,” I mumble out.He heaves a deep sigh, “I’ll see what I can do.”“Thank you, Keenan.”He wordlessly nods before leaving the bathroom.......The mistake I made was not knowing how old his so-called nephews were because while I was thinking they were about six years, four years and two years old Max is eleven years old, Seth is ten years and Nathaniel turned eight years last week and together they are triple trouble, actually more trouble than I bargained for.Bethany and I became exhausted after chasing the three around for half an hour straight, but the boys did not look a bit tired from what I saw, so we let them run around and have fun.“I haven’t run this long in my whole life!” I say as I sit down and try to catch my breath.“It’s a daily routine for me,” Bethany replies, laughing as she stares at me.“You must be super strong to be raising these three warriors,” I say, taking two deep breaths. “They must be more than only you can handle.”The smile on her face diminishes at my words and her blue eyes lose their sparks and I know I must have hit the wrong button. Yes, I’ve worked with Bethany for four years, but her private life was always private and I never felt the need to know more about her, but from her expression, it’s obvious that there was more that I didn’t know about.Damn, Keenan should have given me some dos and don’ts when he was leaving.My face drops sadly. “I’m sorry, that must be a wrong thing to say. Hope you’re not offended, you’re doing amazing, so far from what I see.” I say, hoping I don’t ruin this meeting.She shakes her head, “No, you didn’t do or say anything wrong, Varisha.” and gives me a sad smile, “what can I say? The Hiltons always have the habit of loving the wrong people.”I guess I know what she means. Keenan loved Taylor for over four years even though he knew he would never have her. At this stage, it is frustrating as well as depressing because that’s also where I am in my life now. Loving a man I can never have, hoping he will love me back someday.I am about to change the subject, but she continues, “Their father and I are no longer together. We divorced two years ago.”“I’m sorry about that,” I say, feeling sad for her because though it’s been two years, there is a longer of pain in her eyes as she says this.She shakes her head again, “Nothing to be sorry for, he never deserved me and he was unfaithful many times than I can count and although I loved him dearly, I didn’t want him being the father figure my kid would have to look up to as they grow.”I get her point and I applaud her for her courageous stand for her boys and I’m sure will do the same for my future kids if ever the need arises. Damn my feelings.“Dad told me he got you and Keenan married without your knowledge.” She says, changing the subject to something more complex than the first because the last thing I want is talking about Keenan and me or what we have you and I know that what we are getting to.“Yea, I guess.” I awkwardly reply.She scoffs, “It must surely depress, knowing who he is and how he acts.”I pause a little before asking, “What do you mean?”“Keenan isn’t the type that easily falls in love; so once he does, it’s hard to stop loving.”“He loves Taylor,” I tell her, and my heart feels like it’s being ripped out of my chest at this admission. “He said he may never love me back.”“Love you back?” Her brow rises, and she stares at me, and her eyes widen and mine drops from hers. “Oh goodness, Varisha, I don’t know what to say.” She wearily asks, “did you tell him about how you felt?”I nod and my eyes grow glassy. “Yeah, I told him after our first time together.”She gives me a pitiful look, as though something bad is lurking around me. “What was his reaction?”I laugh at the thought, even when it still hurts. “He left without a word and didn’t come home for two days.”“He can be a dick sometimes!” She exclaims, growing red with anger.“I guess,” I agree, “he came back last night and apologised and told me we should move apart because all he wanted from me was sex and nothing more, but I couldn’t take being away from him, so I told him to stay.”Her lips pause sadly, “Oh, I’m sorry, Varisha.”“No, it’s not that bad,” I try to explain with a shake of my head. It’s only bad if I don’t fight for him. They say if you love someone, fight for them and that’s what I’m doing. I am determined as long as he is here.“Don’t do that to yourself.” She scolds me worriedly, adjusting her sitting so that she’s resting both elbows on her lap.“Do what?” I ask, feeling a bit lost in her correction.She drops her hand on her seat in frustration. “Give yourself excuses for shit. I did that for the nine years I was with John and look how that turned out for me.”I rub both hands over my face in pain and hope to reduce the pain physically. “Are you saying Keenan is like...?”She shakes her head, “No, but I think you deserve something more than this and if you don’t tell yourself that, you would never care how you get treated.” She gets up from her seat and walks over to mine. “When a man does not love you, nothing bound or obligates him to put you first. He’ll put himself and his needs first and you have to accept it or deal with it.”“You want me to leave?” I ask, utterly confounded at her words. I have never had to think about it before and the thought is already making my heart hurt.“No,” she replies, “I want you to live.”.Â