chapter 31

I walk back to the study and the three of my new crew are all busy on their laptops. George sees me and he stops working on his laptop and gets up.“Man, that’s your wife?” he asks with wide and unbelievable eyes.I frown at his sudden question and his ridiculous facial reactions, but “Yea,” I nod in reply.“Now I get why you’re not ready to let her go. If in the future I have a wife like that, I would kill any man that does as much as smile at her. Can I say she’s a genuine delight? like seriously, she’s a living walking goddess!”My teeth clench hard in jealousy, “No you can’t, but you already said that, haven’t you? And if you weren’t helping me ruin her stupid date with that douche you’d probably be dead too.” I snap harshly.“How do you know he’s a douche?” Tina asks, suddenly looking up from her phone at me.I roll my eyes, knowing she’s young and probably naïve and clueless about how men’s mind works. “Cause I know a douche when I see one. He is a douche; he looks like one, talks like one, and acts like one and besides, who goes after a married woman?”“Or someone who cares about her happiness and looked past the barrier called marital vows!” comes Tina's blunt answer.Tina’s blunt reply takes me by surprise and for a moment I wonder if she here for me or the douches we are working against. “Are you for me or against me?”“You were the one who wanted to know how a black woman’s mind works and I’m telling you, it works like every other woman’s mind. Your wife is probably looking for affection and romance, flattery and attention and I’m pretty sure if you’d showered all these things on her, she wouldn’t be out with someone else right now and you won’t be here trying to destroy her date because you’re insecure. The woman I saw downstairs doesn’t look like a slutty or bad wife. I think she cared about you genuinely and you sent her running into the arms of another with the way you treated her. What a black woman wants from her man is the same thing any woman wants. She wants to feel loved, respected, cherished, and no woman wants to be taken for granted no matter how rich you are.”As much as I’d like to deny every word she just said to me, I know every word is true. If I had treated Vary a little better, and recognised and appreciated every little thing she had done in the past, maybe she wouldn’t be out now in the arms of a douche.“You’re right I should have treated her the way she deserved, and I didn’t because I was blind and stupid and afraid not like she was like an object, but I need to do this to win her back and show her just how much she means to me now.”“I got Lauren on the line,” April speaks up, her hand going to the earpiece in her ear before she turns George's laptop to me. Lauren is on the screen speaking and April increases the volume so I can hear what she’s saying.Lauren is wearing a white short-sleeve and a black skirt reaching her knee just like a waitress behind her serving some random people their order. “I already planted the chip close to their table. That way you’ll get to see everything that’s happening on George’s laptop.” She looks nervous and a little scared and I spoke before I can stop myself.I walk closer to the laptop so she can properly see me. “Don’t be scared, Lauren. I won’t let any harm come to you for this. Look at me.” I say and when she does, I continue talking, “I promise you I’d buy the damn restaurant if you get into any form of trouble. Hai la mia stessa parola su questo (You have my very word on that.)”She smiles widely, her nervousness dropping a little. “In realtà non sei così male come pensavo (You are actually not as bad as I thought),” she replies before adding, “at least I know now that you won’t hang me out to dry.”I nod smiling back, “Yeah, I won’t.”Her name gets called, and she turns around to them then glances back at the screen, “Got to go guys, I’m sure they’ll be here any minute, I’ve been summoned.” With that said, she goes away and the next couple of minutes that pass by we watch the empty chairs, and I pace around impatiently.“Did he change the location or something?” I ask rhetorically.George gives me a pitiful look, but before I can tell him to shove it, he speaks, “Be patient, I’m sure they are on their way.”I take a deep breath, trying to calm my raging nerves, “There better be or I’m gonna call the police and report a kidnapping case.”“There are here,” George says and the level of my anxiety reduces and I turn to them quickly.Enoch is holding Vary’s hand as he leads her to her seat and once she’s sitting, he goes and takes his seat. Lauren brings them their order and waits for them and when they finish ticking their order, they return it to Lauren, who smiles at them and walks away.“So where were we?” he asks with a charming smile.“When his dad came to your mom.” She replies with an interesting look on her face and I can see she’s enjoying herself and completely being herself with him, even though she’s a little embarrassed.He nods, as though recalling it, “Yeah and he said ‘what did you do to my son?’ and I replied ‘I don’t know, shut him up?”Vary laugh out loud and hard for a while before holding her stomach, “Serve him right for picking on the wrong person.”They get silent for a while and he just stares at her, making her feel a little edgy in her seat.“What?”“You’re gonna tell me what that was with your husband earlier?” Enoch asks with curiosity I want to scratch off his face. “You said he wasn’t the caring type, but from what I saw earlier, he was being protective of you and that’s caring enough for me.”Why would Vary ever say I’m not the caring type? Oh, well...Vary sighs deeply, her eyes dropping in a little mix of confusion and sadness. “To be honest, I don’t know myself. Most times I think I know him, but I end up being proven wrong. It’s really difficult keeping up with him.” She admits her regret out loud.“Is that why you want a divorce.” Vary bites her lips, but nods in reply. Enoch stretches his hand on the table and slowly takes hers into his and she stares at him. “Do you think you’re gonna be happy leaving him?” he asks, eagerly waiting for her reply, he looks genuinely interested in the discussion.“I thought staying would make me happy, I thought if I was strong and if I didn’t give up on him, or if I was there when he needed me, he’d realise I had his back and want only his happiness, but it’s complicated with him ‘cause all I’ve had with him is regret, pain, sadness and rejection. I don’t want to be afraid of falling in love anymore, and that’s all I have when I’m with him. The more I loved him, the more the pain I get.” Her voice breaks as she says these words, and she lets out a painful smile. “I am moving on because that’s what I need now.”Pain pangs my heart at her words and it gets even worse than she has felt all these ways and yet couldn’t tell me because she didn’t know how to go about it. I’ve hurt this woman so much with my rejection, neglect and arrogance, and I feel terrible.It hurt that I can’t make her see the difference between the old me and the me that’s dying to make things right and I know that even if I can make her see it, she’d just consider it as a ploy to make her stay and not a genuine attempt to win her heart back. I mean, I’ve not given her a reason to trust me.“Do you want us to turn it off?”George's worried voice snaps me back, and I narrow my gaze at him. “Why would you do that?” I ask slowly.“Because you’re crying?” April replies and my hand quickly touches my face and I realise they are right. My eyes are wet.“Ah!” I breathe out before covering my face with my hands, “At least I know why she’s leaving me.” I breathe out in regret. “Sono stato così accecato ed egoista per così tanto tempo (I’ve been so blinded and selfish for so long)”I was so mad at Taylor for what she did to me and I did the same thing to Taylor, maybe even worse.“Do you want us to give you room?” Tina asks in concern and I just close my eyes being unable to reply to her.“We should probably give you room.” George inaudibly mumbles in agreement and when I open my eyes, I see them all heading for the door.I raise my brow in confusion in them. “Where are you going?”“Giving you room?” George replies with an arched brow.“Oh, okay, do that then.” I nod, wanting them to at least take a break, too. I’ve kept them stuck in the room all day and the least I can do is give them space.“If you want to communicate with Lauren, the ear bug is on the desk,” George informs and my eyes travel to the desk and I see the little piece on it.I shake my head after a brief thought, “No, I’m not gonna need it, these too.” I point to the laptop where I see Vary and Enoch and they seem to have a good time from what I see the image immediately gives me a migraine and I lower my head into my hands. “You all should go home. I’m no longer going to sabotage her date with Enoch; I see what it is she sees in him and why she will not be happy with me. Call Lauren and tell her to undo everything now and go home.”There is so much I can take and right now I feel like the entire world is crashing down on me again. All my life I’ve always lost every good thing that has happened in my life: Phoebe, Taylor, and Vary. And somehow I’ve overcome the first two, but now I don’t think I can lose anymore, because I know losing Vary now will destroy me.“You think it’s a good idea?” Tina asks silently. “It’s obvious you love her and I’m not sure giving up is the best option on the table.”I let out a dry laugh, “I don’t know if this is right, but I want her to be happy and I don’t see her being that with me and so I’m done bringing her pain and sadness.”They say no other words as they pack up their bags and things together and they exit the study room once they are gone; I walk into my...now Vary’s room and collapse on the bed. Pain and torture capture the thing in my chest called a heart, and I desperately need to escape the heavy and painful sensation.I thought Taylor would be my last heartache, but here I am, broken-hearted. I should never have asked Rebecca and Judith to throw out the alcohol in the bar ‘cause now seems like a wonderful time to drown my sorrow and forget everything.An hour and a half laterI’m in bed half awake and half asleep when the door opens and I peel my eyes open even when I don’t see clearly for the darkness in the room, but I figure it’s Vary who’s home now and once she is in, she closes the door to the room. The light flicker on and I groan from the pain that the light inflicts on my eyes. I groan and begin to sit up.As the pain in my eyes subsides, I notice Vary staring at me and as my eyes lower; I notice there is a file in her hand. My heart picks up a fast and heavy beating as the reality I now dread most plays out before me and here I was thinking my day could not get worse.I breathe down heavily and rub my hand over my face before nodding. My hand stretches towards her because I know what she’s holding in her hand and even though I don’t want to lose her; I do not hope to make this longer than it already is.I shouldn’t be surprised. I expected this. And I told her I was going to sign the divorce papers if her date went well and from everything saw; it went well, so she’s going to divorce me, that’s for sure.I can’t keep her from knowing how she feels about me. I need to learn to let her choose the life she wants. This marriage has taken a lot from her and so have I, and I know I can’t restore most of what she’s lost, but I can restore to her the freedom she once had.This is her decision and I’m going to do anything just to respect it..Â