chapter 62

Thulir's POV I shook my head, snapping myself out of the spiral. My thoughts had taken me down—I was self-blaming again. That unhelpful habit of mine. It's something I really shouldn't do, and I reminded myself firmly that not everything is my responsibility. The world won't collapse into chaos if I let go, even briefly. It's okay to take a step back, focus on myself, and tend to the pieces of my life that I've sidelined for far too long. I drew in a deep, deliberate breath, feeling the tension ease slightly. That's when Thalir's words popped into my mind: "You should change that nose stud of yours." She was right, and the thought made me smile. A nose ring, perhaps? It might suit me better. I knew I had my little jewellery collection here, tucked safely in its usual spot. I'd decide on one soon enough. But before that—something far more soothing awaited me—a bath...And yes, the rain just started pouring, but there's no way I'm giving up on my plan for a bathThe thought of it brought a little thrill. Yes, I know, as usual, I will get to hear comments again about my night-time bathing habit. People will say I'll wake up with a cold in the morning, but honestly, I've always found these baths to be a kind of ritual, a private indulgence I refuse to part with. There's a unique magic to it—stepping out of the warm water, clean and rejuvenated, and curling up in bed. Sleep comes easy after a night bath. Blissful, unbroken sleep.Agathiyan isn't here to scold me about it, and Ammu? Well, she might fuss if I did catch a cold tomorrow, but I could easily blame it on the weather. After all, I'd just returned from the chillier Nilgiri hills yesterday, hadn't I? She'd believe that excuse without a second thought. A mischievous grin tugged at my lips. For once, no one was going to stop me from indulging in something I've always loved. The small rebellion of it made me feel lighter as I stepped into the room.Malar and Alar were nestled in the bed, the picture of angelic innocence—at least while they were asleep. Alar, of course, had managed to kick the comforter away again, her little body curled around the pillow I'd strategically placed for safety. It was almost comical how predictable her movements were. Smiling fondly, I tucked the comforter snugly around both of them, ensuring it reached up to their necks. Then I raised the side rails of the bed. With my daughters growing up, their sleeping habits seemed to have grown as unruly as their personalities. Messy sleepers, both of them. Satisfied that they were warm and safe, I bent down, kissed their soft heads, and inhaled their familiar, comforting scent. Switching off the bright light, I flicked on the soft glow of the night lamp, which bathed the room in a warm, gentle hue. Everything felt just right. With one last glance at them, I made my way to the bathroom.The rain outside pattered softly against the windows, creating a soothing rhythm that complemented my mood. A hot bath was non-negotiable tonight—especially during the rainy season. The cold wasn't something I wanted to battle, and a warm soak sounded like heaven.I'd stopped waxing ages ago, so I decided tonight was the perfect time to shave. One of the underrated joys of a night bath was the luxury of time. No frantic knocks on the door. No interruptions. It was my space, my sanctuary. Even though my days are mostly free after sending my daughters to school and my husband to work, they never truly belong to me. The middle of the day often brings its own interruptions—online deliveries, ringing doorbells, the clamor of life. And being a policeman's wife? Well, there's always a steady stream of letters. The worst ones arrive without a return address—vile threats or abusive remarks that used to send shivers down my spine. At first, they disturbed me, the way they intruded on the normalcy of my life. But over time, I built a shield around myself. Now, those letters barely register.Still, those constant intrusions have a way of whittling down your sense of personal space. It's why I've had to cut short my baths during the day. But not tonight. Tonight, the house was quiet, the world was mine, and I was determined to savor every moment.As usual, my mind replayed everything that had unfolded throughout the day, and I found myself stuck in a familiar dilemma. Expecting him to return, apologize, and make an effort for me at this stage of our relationship felt like wishful thinking. After all, he's already done so much—far more than what many husbands might do after years of marriage and having children. These kinds of silly arguments and expectations typically happen in the early years of a relationship, when everything is new and unpredictable. Later, as the routines settle in—especially after children—the time couples spend together naturally diminishes. It's an unspoken rule of society that the wife should accept this shift, learn to understand the changes, and quietly fill the void within herself. Society has set those expectations, and most women live up to them, myself included. But my husband isn't like many others. He's far from being ignorant, and even if he falls short sometimes, he's willing to recognize it and make an effort to change. Considering the pace and demands of modern life, that's an incredible thing.Still, I can't escape this inner conflict. On one side, I feel silly fighting over things I know I can rationalize and understand. I can clearly see his state of mind, and that makes me feel guilty. What if these fights wear him out? What if he grows tired of me and my expectations?But then there's another part of me, defiant and questioning: what's wrong with expecting him to contribute equally to the relationship? Why should it always be me doing the heavy lifting emotionally? Smooth, overly understanding relationships can grow dull—sometimes disagreements add the necessary spark, as Thalir pointed out. Fights and arguments are normal between couples, right? And it's not like we've never fought before.In the early years of our relationship, even during my pregnancy, I was far less reserved. I'd tease him endlessly, irritate him on purpose, and pick fights over the smallest, most trivial things. He wasn't as understanding back then. Most of the time, he'd be utterly clueless, struggling to figure out what the issue was. It took him a while to learn that if I was upset, he needed to apologize first—even if he didn't fully understand the problem. That's just how it is with men, isn't it? They often fail to see the bigger picture—what seems insignificant to them can be deeply important to us. Sure, sometimes we overreact, but that doesn't make our feelings any less valid.Even something as minor as my nose piercing has a history tied to one of our arguments. Looking back, I realize that these moments, though frustrating at times, are part of what shapes a relationship. They're little threads in the tapestry of our life together...Thinking about the incident made me smile already.......that day replayed in my mind again FlashbackWhile I was pursuing my PhD, we had just reconciled and entered the early phase of our relationship as secret lovers. Of course, Thalir already knew all about it. It was around the third month of our relationship, and she, having just started her first year of college, was even more excited about it than I was. She suggested I plan something special to mark the occasion. Initially, I wasn't very enthusiastic about the idea. But the more I thought about it, the more it started to feel right. These things might seem silly to others until we experience them ourselves. What feels cringe-worthy from the outside suddenly holds meaning when it's our story.Eventually, I decided to plan something, but circumstances were not in my favor. Agathiyan was in Andhra, busy with election-related work, and I was in Thanjavur, preparing for my second DC meet. It was a hectic time for both of us. I couldn't ask him to come to me, and I couldn't leave to visit him. Still, I wanted to do something to make the day memorable.My first thought was to get a new tattoo, but that felt too predictable—too ordinary. That's when Thalir sent me photos of nose pins she was choosing for herself. It sparked an idea. I decided to get my nose pierced.I went ahead with it, but things didn't go quite as smoothly as I had hoped. My nose swelled up, and a wound formed, forcing me to remove the stud. To prevent the hole from closing, I had to use a thennankuchi and relied on neem oil for healing. Though the experience was far from perfect I kind of felt happy.....That happiness didn't last long when Agathiyan showed up unannounced. At first, I was genuinely thrilled—he'd carved out time for me despite his hectic schedule. But soon, irritation crept in. He didn't even notice my nose piercing. He walked around, chatting lovingly, even bringing my favorite pastries and sweets, yet my temper simmered as he failed to acknowledge the change. I didn't want to ruin the moment or dismiss his efforts, so I stayed silent. Completely silent. He talked, and I responded with one-word answers, which only frustrated him further."What's wrong, Thulir?" he finally asked."Uh... nothing," I replied, avoiding his gaze. He narrowed his eyes at me."Oh, nothing? Then why are you acting so strange? I came all the way here despite my busy schedule, and this is how you greet me? If there's a problem, just tell me."I looked at him, deciding it was time to confront him. "Do you notice anything different about me, Agathiyan?" I asked directly.He furrowed his brows. "That's what I'm asking—why are you acting so strange?""So, you don't see any difference in me?" I pressed.He rolled his eyes. "Thulir, just get to the point. What is it?"That was it. My patience snapped. "So, you've already stopped noticing me, Agathiyan? It's only been three months into our relationship, and I'm scared of what it'll be like if we get married. You'll probably forget I even exist!"I shouted, and his frustration flared in response. "What are you even talking about? Stop overreacting and just tell me what's bothering you!""You still haven't figured it out, have you? I got my nose pierced, Agathiyan! It's been two hours since you arrived, and you didn't even notice. It's literally right on my face!" I threw my hands up in exasperation.He frowned, finally understanding, and leaned in to look at me closely. Then he sighed. "You're not even wearing a nose pin for me to notice.""Because my nose swelled up and got wounded. I had to remove the stud and use thennankuchi to keep the hole open. It's still healing, so I didn't wear anything.""Why didn't you tell me earlier? We even talked yesterday. Sure, I was busy and couldn't video call, but you could've mentioned it."His tone softened with concern as he stepped closer to examine the wound, but my agitation only grew. "So, what are you saying now? That I need your permission to do anything because you're my boyfriend? How ridiculous!"I snapped at him, and he sighed deeply. "Are you on your period?" he asked, and that was the final straw."What do you mean by that? How stereotypical can you be, Agathiyan? And for your information, I get mood swings during ovulation, not menstruation. Not that it matters—you'll forget this anyway."I shot back, my anger boiling over. He clenched his fists, clearly trying to keep his frustration in check. And as if on cue, my phone started ringing. I glanced at the caller ID—it was my junior, the one who always had endless questions. Perfect timing. I gritted my teeth, ready to ignore the call, but then his phone rang too. He stared at me before answering, and from his brief words, I realized he was about to leave.Not wanting to spark another argument about his departure, I took a deep breath, picked up my call, and retreated to my room to talk.I was in my room when he walked in a few minutes later, his expression blank. He simply said he was leaving, and without another word, he was gone.Flashback ends