Chapter 122

ASHER

Waking up to Maddy, nearly bare and nestled against me, is a pleasant surprise. I ignore the urgent call of my bladder, choosing instead to stay put, holding her close, breathing in her scent. She smells faintly of alcohol, a stark reminder of her late-night job serving drinks at the club.

I can’t say I’m thrilled about the path she’s chosen for her career, but that’s mainly because I struggle to understand why anyone, especially women, would willingly subject themselves to the world of BDSM. The one comfort I have is knowing that Atty is there with her, providing a protective presence.

There’s a clear difference between Sanctum and the club run by my father and brother. I trust that they have the best intentions, ensuring that the clients are there for mutual desires and needs. I respect that they’ve never treated women as commodities, but I can’t shake the belief that some clients overstep boundaries, both within the club and outside of it.

This is one of the many reasons I’ve always resisted the idea of stepping into my father’s shoes. But taking over from Callum, who actively works to prevent such abuses, is a role I’m more comfortable with. He’s not ready to give up his place at the head of Sense’s table just yet, but I’m eager to learn everything he’s willing to teach me.

It’s a role I’m genuinely excited to take on. As Maddy continues to sleep, I find myself lost in thoughts of her, fantasizing about waking her with a passionate encounter. My mind has always had a tendency to wander.

The various positions that flash through my mind have a hypnotic effect, and I can’t help but press myself against her, my arousal growing. I know our sex life has been a bit…stagnant lately, but just feeling her warmth against me is more than I could ask for.

I’m tempted to pleasure myself right there beside her, using the sight of her as inspiration, but I’m not sure how she’d react, so I decide against it. Then a different craving hits me—the desire for another high.

Is it wrong to admit that I can almost taste the cannabis on my tongue? Because I can, and it makes me yearn for a real hit. I’m disgusted with myself for feeling this way. The cravings have been unbearable this week, and I’m at a loss for how to handle them.

I can’t stay in bed any longer. I leave Maddy to take a shower, but not before brushing my teeth to erase the phantom taste of cannabis. Why are these cravings hitting me now, after all this time? And what am I supposed to do about them?

The shower doesn’t help to quell the urge to use. I’m ashamed to admit that I find myself reciting the numbers of various dealers in my head as the hot water washes over me.

“Asher?” Maddy’s voice cuts through my thoughts, extinguishing the craving almost instantly as she appears at the entrance to the shower.

“Good morning, beautiful…”

She stands there, completely naked, having discarded her sexy underwear. My arousal is still very much present. I want to touch myself, to stroke my length while touching any part of her she’ll allow—preferably her breast or her ass.

But fear holds me back, making me question whether I should—not wanting to upset her like I did last week.

“Can I join you?” she asks.

“Of course…” I reply, smiling. This is exactly what I need, and I’m not about to turn down any intimacy she’s willing to offer.

She steps into the shower, wrapping her arms around my waist and resting her head against my chest. We stand there under the warm water, holding each other close.

I can’t tell if it’s all in my head or if there’s really been a distance growing between us. My father has definitely played a part in creating a rift between us. I’m still grappling with the fury that I had trusted him for guidance, and he had betrayed me the very next day by cautioning Maddy about me.

He’s aware of her history, and he should be more than supportive of her journey to self-discovery and her new normal. I’m certain Mama had her peculiarities over the years, and I’m confident that he and my other fathers granted her allowances.

“I want you to fuck me…” Maddy interrupts my thoughts again, her hands wandering down to my ass as I blink in surprise.

“You do?” I ask, taken aback.

“Yes…fuck me,” she repeats.

“Why does it feel like there’s more to what you’re saying?” I question, hesitant to comply with her request but not wanting to set off whatever it was that I must have inadvertently triggered before.

“Because there’s a lot I haven’t said. Asher, we need to talk about certain things, my needs…your needs. Our relationship. But first, I need you, and I need you to let go and fuck me…not make love to me. I want a rough, bad boy who slaps me across the face before grabbing my neck to make me kiss you. I need a man who pushes me against a wall before he tears my clothes off my body, only to take me against my will—”

“Maddy—” I try to interrupt.

“There’s nothing wrong with liking dominance and submission, Asher. And that’s what I like. I like the rough handling that brings me intense sexual pleasure. And I want you to do that, and I want you to make me find that strange sexual pleasure after causing me pain.”

“Maddy, I. That’s not… I.” Damn. How do I tell her that I don’t exactly agree with causing pain to the women I’m with? I’m not like my fathers, and I don’t want to own a playroom filled with items designed to inflict pain?

“I know this isn’t your usual request, Asher. Atticus has hinted that you’re a gentle soul in the bedroom,” she teases, looking up into my eyes. I look down into hers, captivated.

“But maybe we can learn together. Experiment with experiences that satisfy us both… have fun while doing it safely?”

“What do you want me to do?” I ask, my eyes wide and my ears open. The shower is all but forgotten because even though she’s making an unusual request, my cock is throbbing with a need so intense that I can almost envision slamming her against a wall to take her roughly.

She swallows, a blush spreading across her nose and cheeks. Her eyes drop to the shower floor as she speaks.

“I like BDSM, Asher…”

I push her against the wall, pressing my body to hers as I lift one of her legs up and around my waist, and I gasp.

“You want me to punish you, Maddy?” I ask her.

“Yes… sir.”

I groan, a deep primal need resonating in my throat. Why does that title make my toes curl?

“I don’t know how to, Maddy.”

“You can learn. There are places we can go… Maybe… we could visit your parents’ club?”

“I despise the club,” I growl at her, holding her face between my thumb and forefinger as I lift her gaze.

“Why?”

“I can’t stand the idea of women being sold like you were—like my mama was.”

“Your parents’ club is far from a trafficking ring, Asher.”

“So they claim, but I still loathe it.”

“Will you consider it? I think we could learn a lot together. I could show you what I like… You could practice afterward.”

“I won’t fuck you in front of people, Maddy.”

“I don’t expect you to…” She sighs. My restraint evaporates as my desire takes control of my fingers.

I touch her pussy, parting her lips to find my target.

“Enough,” I command, and she falls silent.

Her eyes widen as do mine, and the realization hits us both that she wants this.

She yearns for me to dominate her, and that’s uncharted territory for me.