Releasing the Ghosts of Yesterday

ALEKSANDR

I was paralyzed.

Kaia didn’t just utter her safe word, she cried it out.

Her voice was laced with terror, prompting me to immediately lift her off and reposition her so that her back was flat against the bed. My gaze darted over every inch of her.

The silk mask I’d placed over her eyes earlier was now drenched in tears, and her body trembled uncontrollably.

“Kaia?”

Her bottom lip quivered as she shook her head back and forth on the pillow.

“~Remove it~,” she rasped.

I leaned in, pulling off the mask, then moved to untie her wrists.

The moment she was free, she curled up into a ball, sobbing quietly.

I reached out to her, my fingers barely grazing her shoulder when she recoiled, causing me to frown.

But I wasn’t discouraged. Nothing could keep me from comforting her.

I climbed onto the bed, pulling her into my embrace. She resisted, pounding her fists against my chest as if I were the enemy, her nails scraping across my shoulders.

I had to hold her wrists in one hand and her chin in the other. That’s when I saw it. The distant look in her eyes, as if she was looking past me, lost in another time.

“Kaia. ~Look at me~, kotik,” I coaxed gently, not wanting to frighten her further. “It’s me. I won’t hurt you.”

Her breathing steadied, and I saw the exact moment she focused on me.

“Aleksandr?”

My fingers moved from her chin to caress her cheek, holding her gaze.

“I prefer when you call me Aleks,” I said.

Her eyebrows knitted together.

“I called you that?”

I nodded.

“When you were pleading for me to finish,” I said.

A blush crept up her cheeks, just as I’d hoped, and she tried to wriggle out of my arms. I only held her tighter.

“Tell me what frightened you, sweetheart,” I said.

She avoided my gaze as she responded.

“Nothing.”

I pressed my lips together, displeased.

“You screamed your safeword for nothing?” I challenged, pinching her chin. “If you lie to me again, I’ll tie you back up and tease you again, but this time I won’t let you climax.”

She stayed silent, her finger tracing the tattoos on my chest. I could read her like a book now. She was deciding whether to tell me the truth or not.

Kaia was a mystery I was determined to unravel. I knew she had two sides. One that leaned on me and wanted to share her truth, and another that sought to protect herself and handle things on her own.

“What does Zula mean?” I asked softly, breaking the silence.

Her finger stopped its tracing, hooking into the gold chain around my neck where a thick cross hung.

“It’s the name of a ship,” she finally said. Her eyes met mine. “The one Irina and I escaped on.”

I don’t think she realized she had wrapped her arms around me, as if seeking solace.

“When the estate was attacked, Irina and I fled to the village where a woman helped us board a ship bound for here.” She took a deep breath, her body trembling as memories resurfaced.

I pressed a kiss to her temple, intertwining our fingers, and felt her body relax.

“I don’t know how long we were on that ship. The captain—Melor—made us stay in a small room with just a cot and a bucket. There wasn’t even a lamp. Melor gave us a flashlight but warned us not to use it in case his men saw the light under the door. He didn’t trust his men around such pretty girls, he’d said. He was the one who brought us food and water and emptied the bucket. I’d never felt so powerless before.”

I could feel her shiver in my arms.

“But one night, Irina fell ill and was vomiting a lot. One of the men must have heard her and before we knew it, two of them had broken down the door.”

My heart pounded in my chest, bracing for what was to come, struggling to keep my anger in check.

“Hearing Irina’s screams—” Kaia’s voice faltered, and she wiped away fresh tears. “It was pitch black. All I could do was listen to Irina pleading with the man not to harm her while another man threw me to the ground, stripped me, and bound me.”

I held Kaia by her shoulders, anger boiling within me.

“You don’t need to share the rest, kotik,” I said, my voice as hard as iron.

But she just shook her head.

“I have to. You need to understand why I am who I am,” she insisted. “Melor must have heard the screams because he burst into the room before the man could… hurt me.”

Melor should never have locked two girls in a room, but I kept that thought to myself.

“And Irina?”

Kaia shook her head once more.

“I’m not sure what happened to her. She had scratches all over her body, but she won’t talk about it,” she said, her face filled with distress. “Irina changed after that night. I think she blames me for what happened.”

I gently held her face so she could look into my eyes.

“That’s absurd,” I told her firmly. “You should never blame yourself for that. Or anything else. Irina should be thankful you saved her and gave her a new life.”

Kaia pushed my hand away and glared at me. But I could see that her anger was really directed at herself.

“A new life?” she snapped back. “We escaped Russia only to be kidnapped by Don Cristo and now here I am. Living with the pakhan. Leaving Russia changed ~nothing~.”

I moved Kaia off my lap and under the covers, then planted my fists on either side of her head and lowered my face to hers.

“It changed ~everything~,” I argued. “In Russia, Akim would have married you off to another ~Vor~ to form an alliance and secure votes at the High Table.” The mere thought of that made me want to kill him all over again. “But here, you belong to ~me~.”

Kaia pulled the blanket up to her chin and glared at me.

“How is that an improvement? You just said as your wife I’ll be a target.”

I leaned down and kissed her forehead. My mind was already planning. Ready to order Andrey to find Melor and kill him and every last man on that ship.

“I’ll protect you.”

She grabbed my wrist as I pulled away, pulling me back to her.

“You’re leaving?”

I gently removed her hand from mine and reached for my boxer briefs.

“I have some work to do. I’ll be back soon.”

“Stay.”

Kaia’s soft plea made me turn back to her.

“Stay with me. Please, Aleks.”

Seeing the disappointment on her face, I let the clothes fall from my hands and climbed back into bed next to her. Kaia turned into my chest and snuggled into my side.

I kissed her hair and heard her sigh.

“Tell me about your wife.”

I tensed for a moment before forcing myself to relax.

“What do you want to know?” I tried not to sound harsh, but I didn’t like talking about Nadya. Not because I didn’t want Kaia to know about her, but because I didn’t want her to see the darkness inside me when I thought about avenging her.

“What was she like?” Kaia asked, tracing the tattoos on my chest again. “Was she obedient and followed all the rules?”

I chuckled at her question.

“Most of the time, yes,” I replied. “Her father was very strict, so she was raised to be submissive and compliant. That all changed when I kidnapped her.”

I could feel Kaia’s gaze on me when she asked her next question.

“You were in love with her?”

For some reason, the answer didn’t come immediately, and that gave me pause.

“She intrigued me, and yes, eventually I loved her.”

Kaia rested her head back on my shoulder.

“I’m sorry she died.”

I let out a shaky breath, stroking her hair as a surprising thought came to mind. But I waited for Kaia to fall asleep before I voiced it out loud.

“If she hadn’t, you never would have been here.”

And with that thought, I felt like I could finally let Nadya go.