20: entranced

Nila couldn't help but look around the college like she was at a tourist spot. It was the second biggest academic campus in the city and had beautiful infrastructure. When she had come in for the entrance and interview, she had been too nervous to marvel at it. Well-groomed lawn and neatly placed trees added freshness to the urban grey pavements and roads that ran through the campus like thick veins. There were people lounging on the benches under the comfortable shade of the trees, but the crowd was concentrated in the sports field.

It was a vast expanse of brownish orange land, specially vetted for the sports day. Bordering the field, there were colourful tents supported by thick wooden rods housing the raging crowd of students. The people under each tent were dressed in a different colour, rooting for their department. Farah had asked her to come dressed in pink so before Krish could lead her to the tent, she spotted it already.

Farah sat on one of the chairs, hiding her face from the harsh sunlight with her pink scarf, using the ends of the fabric as a fan. When she saw Nila approach, trying her best to look like she belonged to this campus, Farah stood up and beckoned her over enthusiastically. "You're actually here! I can't believe it. Did the security ask anything?"

"No. We are good," Krish said, taking a seat beside Nila, both of them sandwiching her. They asked her about her overnight trip back to the city and she had to yell to answer them because of the dreadful dual language commentary in English and Tamil. The commentators must be thinking they were hilarious because most of the jokes landed poorly. Nila took some time to take in the entire picture and smiled. The event was chaotic but in a good way.

Suddenly, a sneaky pang of yearning needled her way into her heart, wishing luck had been on her side when she had applied for this college. But even if she had gotten in, she didn't know if she would've met Vijay and his friends or had a chance to wear Vijay's ID card around her neck and surprise him.

Nila loved surprises. She also loved giving them.

Hands kneading on her lap, she wondered how Vijay would react. Her stomach flipped when she imagined him seeing her in the sidelines out of the blue. She could only hope he was a fan of surprises too and wouldn't be too mad at her for lying to him about coming the day after.

"Vijay's event is next," Krish said. He put his arm around her shoulders and leaned her towards his side to help her get a glimpse of him. "Can you see him? That pink shirt and the pink band on his forehead."

Nila could see him.

But she couldn't control the laughter bubbling inside her. "If Barbie was a boy, it would be him. Oh my god, we should take a picture."

"Already did," Farah said, unlocking her gallery. Nila giggled into her fists when she saw the scowl on Vijay's face as Krish put on the band on his head. There were so many pictures of him --- him with a smirk, him showing off his arms and making a pout, him holding Krish in a headlock and him glaring at Farah.

"These pictures are a need. Send them to me please," she said, already deciding to change his contact picture into one of these. Nila felt a bit of envy because there were so many pictures of Vijay on Farah's phone. They were all goofy, dumb pictures of him, probably setting himself up for future blackmail and embarrassment. But still, she wanted her gallery to be full of his face too. It was such a childish desire and she wondered when she had become this person.

But she couldn't give a damn about it.

She was far too deep in with Vijay to be embarrassed by things like this. She wanted everything with him – the cringe, the happy, the sad, the fear, the heartbreak.

The commentator announced the participants lined up at the starting line and the only moment his voice was appealing was when he read out Vijay's name. Since they were sitting in the front row, she had a clear view. It was an 800m race. She sat up right, her fingers intertwined together and clawing into the other. She knew he'd win. But it was nice that her body was automatically nervous for him.

The clapper went off and the runners took off. This was the first time she was watching Vijay run directly. The grit lining his face, his well-assured and confident steps, the wind ruffling his hair like he was its favourite boy – it was magic. She was so entranced, everyone else disappearing in her vision except him. It was like she was under a spell until Vijay's eyes met hers in the sidelines and widened, softened.

Silver, he mouthed in surprise.

Her heart thundered against her chest but Vijay seemed transfixed on her, his head never turning forward and back to the race. He was slowing down. And he let someone whizz past him.

"What the hell are you doing? Run, you idiot!" she yelled, aggressively gesturing him to move his legs faster. She probably caught a bit of attention but she didn't care. He was being an absolute idiot. "Vijay!"

That snapped him back into the race. He turned his head forward but not before throwing her a lopsided grin that instantly lit her heart up like a bucket of diesel dumped on fire.

Sweet Lord.

It didn't take a lot from Vijay to gain speed but even then, it wasn't enough to beat the person ahead of him. He finished second.

"Pathetically whipped," Farah muttered, hiding her smile. "That's what that idiot is."

"Pass up your money, Farah," Krish said, flipping his palm out to her. Farah begrudgingly placed the 200 rupees note in his palm.

"Uh, what is going on?"

"We placed a bet. Farah said Vijay wouldn't notice you in the crowd and even if he did, he wouldn't fuck up the race. I bet the opposite," Krish explained smugly. "Understandable since it's me who put up with that whiny asshole for the last week. You don't know how bad he's caught it."

Warmth crept up Nila's stomach and tickled her neck. If Vijay's caught it bad, it was the same for her. Only that she was careful not to be too obvious about it unlike him who wore his heart on his sleeve.

"He's coming," Farah pointed. "I think this is the fastest he's ever run."

Nila watched Vijay speed towards her. She almost thought he was going to pull her into his arms and lift her up. The look in his eyes meant that he wanted to do something reckless, like drawing everyone's attention to them. And she knew Vijay was stupid enough to do it. Scared, she shrunk behind Krish. "Krish, protect me."

"He looks like he's going to steal you away," he chuckled.

"I can't believe you are here. Why are you here? You never told me. I thought you weren't supposed to be here until the day after. Why didn't you tell me? I wanted to pick you up when you came back! But still, how did you get inside the campus? I can't believe you're actually here. I want to fucking ki--hug you right now. Wait, is that my ID card?" Vijay said, panting.

Sweat lined his forehead, soaking his eyebrows. The neckline of his t-shirt was drenched as was his torso. He looked mad hot that Nila was now the one having thoughts of doing something reckless.

"I wanted to surprise you," she said, not able to contain her blush.

"I know both of you are itching to hug each other. Just do it. No one cares in this college," Farah butted in.

Vijay grinned and stepped forward but he hesitated. He looked at his shirt. "You look so fucking pretty I don't want to—"

She wrapped his arms around him. "Idiot," she muttered, pressing her cheek to his sticky t-shirt and hearing his familiar heartbeat.

"I missed you, silver." Vijay wrapped his arms around her but not as tight as she wanted. She gripped his t-shirt tighter and stepped closer, bridging any little space left between them. He took the hint and tightened his arms around her. She didn't care if he was sweaty.

It was him.

She'd not care about a lot of these trivial things if she got to be held by him.

"They're calling your name for the prize," Krish interrupted.

"I don't want it," he said, before patting her head affectionately and whispering, "Mine's right here anyway."

Nila smacked him, wondering if her cheeks could get any redder. "Don't be arrogant."

He smiled. "I think I have a right to be if I get to be the only one to hold you like this, silver."

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Apparently, the previous year Vijay's department was in the bottom few rows in the leaderboard. But this year they had worked hard to compete in most of the games to completely flip the tables around and enter the top 3. Apart from Vijay, there were a decent number of sportspeople in their department.

Throughout the rest of the programme, it was fun to watch Farah cheer ferally for her other friends and her seniors. Krish disappeared now and then to pick up snacks and mango juice boxes from somewhere to distribute it to everyone.

Only one person had asked who Nila was. Krish had effortlessly lied, "My sister. She wanted to see the sports day so I sneaked her in. Don't tell anyone, alright?" No more questions came in.

Thankfully, the staff also hadn't been around much as they were all assigned duties elsewhere. Nila didn't worry too much.

Nila's favourite event was the relay. She didn't understand why but it was always the most exciting part of a sports day. Farah had been bullying the relay team of her department to run well and assist Vijay as much as they could and not fuck it up.

And they didn't.

Vijay's team won it.

Farah and Krish must've not expected it because they were dumbstruck, robotically clapping for the team. "They won! I can't believe it. The Physics Department always wins the relay. How?" Farah mumbled.

"Maybe luck was on our side," Nila said, shaking her out of her shock. "Be happy."

Farah held Nila by her shoulders and shook her in excitement. "Oh my god, this puts us in a big advantage. Do you think we'll win the overall trophy?"

"Let's hope."

Their department didn't lift the envied trophy but they did win second place. It took a lot of comforting for Farah to smile again. She said it wouldn't have hurt if they weren't so close to being the best and lost it over a handful of points. Krish explained that Farah had pushed everyone to participate in the games all year and had led most of the women's games.

"You have another year. Maybe next year you can win the trophy for the first time, leave a legacy behind in your department," Nila said helpfully.

Vijay sneaked in and threw an arm around Nila. "Yes, Farah. You should look at Dinesh. He was sobbing. It's his last year."

"Yeah, I guess," she said. "Sorry. I've always been a sore loser."

"Yeah, big time," Krish confirmed, earning a sharp glare in return.

"I'm hungry," Vijay announced, changing the topic.

"Let's go out!" Farah said, gaining back the twinkle in her eyes. "Oh wait, Krish and I promised we'll stay back and help clean our tent. I don't know how long it will take."

"Two of our seniors have already started. If we do it together, we can finish it quickly," Krish said.

Farah threw her car keys to Vijay which he caught it effortlessly. "You guys go to my car. We'll be there."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Vijay and Nila walked together. Once they were away from the chatter, she heard a jingle. Since Vijay had his arm around her shoulders, she hadn't noticed the bunch of medals he was holding in his other hand. She took it.

Four golds and one silver.

She tapped the odd one out. "You got this because of me. Otherwise, you would've gotten all gold."

He grabbed the medals from her hands. "Don't you dare diss the silver medal. It's my favourite.

"Don't lie."

"I swear. This silver medal is special. It reminds me of someone I love."

"Love?" Nila echoed stupidly. She was scrutinising the tree a few metres away from her as her heart raced. She couldn't dare look at him.

"I thought you were smarter than me, silver. Of course, I love you. I've been in love with you for a while now. Ever since I saw you smile proudly like you accomplished the impossible when you battled the crowd and grabbed a comfortable spot for yourself on the bus. You were wearing this same pink shirt and jeans."

"You remember?"

"I never believed in love at first sight until you, silver."

She couldn't breathe. Nila knew. She knew Vijay liked her. But the way he said it... it made it seem new, like she'd discovered a secret no one knew about.

"Vijay... I—" The words brim her throat but wouldn't come out.

He halted. His arm dropped from her shoulders and reached to intertwine their fingers together. "You don't have to say anything now. I couldn't keep it in any longer, silver. I tried so much. It's just so difficult when everyday I wake up wanting to announce to the world that I am so in love with you. You made it impossible for me to keep my mouth shut when you showed up here, cheering for me. You have no idea how many times I've imagined seeing you doing that. Somehow, watching you sneaking into another college and breaking rules for me made me love you ten-fold. Be glad I didn't scream it in front of everyone. I fucking lost it there, silver. You always make me lose my goddamn mind."

"Are you blaming me for your lack of self-control?" she teased, the pressure in her chest easing a tad bit.

"Yes. You're too fucking attractive. It's worth it."

He simply continued walking, dragging her along with him.

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Vijay couldn't sleep. The events of the day were playing on his mind in a never-ending loop, plastering a permanent grin on his face. He dug his face into his pillow and fisted his arm, slipping it under the pillow and trying to not give into his urge to scream. Could this be his best day of his life so far?

And he'd confessed. Spilled out his feelings like careless ink on pristine white pages.

But Nila hadn't run away. She hadn't treated him differently.

It was like nothing had changed between them.

Maybe because both of them had always known.

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Nila opened her eyes and made a sound of frustration. She saw Anamika asleep beside her, her pillow slanted, and her head weirdly positioned. Nila adjusted her pillow so she was comfortable and stared at the ceiling.

Why couldn't she tell Vijay she loved him?

It was obvious she did.

Was it her perceived inability to disappoint her parents? If so, how long was she going to let it rule her? How long was she going to please them when they won't ever be pleased by anything she did?

How much more was she willing to give up just to try and attain the impossible?

She had to let him know. She had to let him know she loved him so much that her heart often felt like it would burst. She felt so seen, so understood and so cared when she was around him. He made her feel safe and protected.

He made her feel happy.

Isn't that what she'd always dreamed of?

Kicking off her bedsheets, she took her phone and walked out of the room.

It was almost 3 am. She called Vijay.

He picked up on the first ring.

"Couldn't sleep, silver?" he asked, his voice raspy, making her skin dot with goosebumps.

"Hey, Vijay?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you."

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