32: dumbass

Vijay wasn't talking to his mother.

"Yeah, she tells you not to talk to her again but you keep talking to her. I didn't even tell you to stop but you stopped talking to me. I don't understand how this works. It's all because of you, you know?" Vijay's mother pointed at her husband with the dosa spatula.

"What did I do?" Vijay's father asked, his face peeking out of his morning newspaper.

"If you also stopped talking to him, then he'd have no other choice but to talk to me. Since you are taking his side, he's seeing me as the villain."

"Yeah, this is all my fault," his father drawled and folded the paper into a neat rectangle. "How does it feel to be seen as the villain for once, Shantha?"

Vijay's mother made a disgruntled sound and disappeared into the kitchen. Vijay sighed. He hated how both spoke about him as if he wasn't even there. But Vijay couldn't blame them. He'd been talking over his mother the same way to convey things to her. It had been a difficult few days without constantly annoying his mother with some random shit he came up with but he'd live. He had to get the point across to her: She cannot shit talk his girlfriend and get away with it.

Vijay gulped the remaining coffee and stood up. "I'm going to meet Krish. I'll come back only in the evening but I'll be here for dinner," he informed, loud enough so that his mother could hear him. Then he grabbed his phone, his sun hat and walked out of his house.

It had been a couple of days since Vijay met Nila and swore to her that he'd never give up on her. He really wasn't planning to. It was just insulting that Nila thought it would be possible. In the past few days, he had been thinking about the issue at hand. He wondered if he should call Nila's sister and talk to her – introduce himself and maybe explain the situation. Nishanth hadn't introduced him to her but he'd heard enough from him to feel like he knew her personally. From what he had described, Kayal seemed to be someone who had a strong will and a tough heart but channelled it in the wrong area of her life. She was level-headed, enduring and big on sacrifice. Vijay knew how she'd let Nishanth get away with his shit.

Nila was similar.

But unlike her sister, it was all an act.

He had noticed multiple times how Nila's eyes lit up when she caught him looking at her, when their hands accidentally grazed and how she'd bite her lip in contemplation whether to hold it or not. He had watched her smile the realest smile when Vijay teased her or complimented her. He'd felt the shiver that ran through her skin when he tucked her hair behind her ear and watched her lean into his touch. And oh, she loved to show him off. She'd stare at the comments on her Instagram stories and posts, smile smugly and hold his arm tighter when another woman checks him out and grab the edge of his sleeve when they were at a public place.

The instances when she'd put on a brave front, ignore what she wanted and choose someone else's choices instead, suppress her emotions and be the epitome of picture-perfect could all be easily picked. The light in her eyes would be snuffed out, as if the moon was overshadowed by something bigger and opaque, but it would only be for a moment. One would easily miss it if they don't watch for it. But it was there --- the sharp waning of her light. It bothered him so much.

With Nila, the tough heartedness was all an act. It was nothing but a cheap and ambitious imitation of her sister.

In her rawest form, Nila was kind, soft-hearted, caring, thoughtful, hardworking, protective, possessive, insecure, jealous and oh so gentle. She liked pretty things and wouldn't intentionally hurt a thing. When she set her mind on a task, she'd try her best to do it. It wasn't stubbornness that fuelled her but the mere fear of failing at something she thought she could pull off.

That's why when Nila set her mind on letting him go, he refused to accept it. She was putting on an act, forcing herself to do something just because it was 'right'. It wasn't what she really wanted. But failure to do what she made up her mind to do was unacceptable in her books. And calling her out on her act would only make her resolve stronger. And that was why Vijay gave her something better.

An excuse to lose.

As a strong rival for her fear of failure, he put forth his blunt stubbornness to win.

The funny thing was that fear was like gum on the wall. Once it hardened, you could scrape it right off. But stubbornness was like gum stuck to hair. There was no way to scrape it off without chopping it off altogether.

He'd just have to wait for Nila to lose to him.

Because Nila had the most beautiful heart on the outside but when you peeled back the cover, it was shrivelled and starved of love.

Until recently.

Vijay had seen how much Nila thrived on love. She loved loving and being loved. She had so much to give but she had only begun to learn to accept.

And that was okay.

Because Vijay had time to spoil her rotten with all his love.

He had forever.

And he will make sure of that.

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Vijay climbed down the bus and began to walk to a small snack bar which sold the best chicken puffs. It used to be Krish and Vijay's after college spot in their undergrad. When he reached the snack bar, his breath left his chest. Sitting next to Krish with her back turned towards him was Nila. She was leaning her cheek onto her palm and talking to Krish, occasionally laughing. A sharp flare of green lit inside his chest. Of course, Vijay trusted Krish and knew that he saw Nila as a sister more than a friend but the fact that she was laughing with his best friend and avoiding him was painful.

Why did Krish invite him here in the first place if Nila was going to be here? Was he trying to help him?

Vijay walked in and as soon as Krish saw him, he waved him over with a grin. Nila twisted around and when she noticed it was Vijay walking towards her, her eyes grew wide and her hand knocked the empty glass onto the table, spilling left over tea, which if Nila had ordered it, must be ginger tea. "Wha-What are you doing here?" she asked, trying to be stern. But her voice was wavering. She didn't meet his eye for a long time.

"Krish invited me."

She schooled her emotions and shaped all of it into anger and betrayal, directed at Krish. "Why would you do this?" she asked him. "I just spent thirty minutes explaining why I didn't want to see him."

Her words hurt Vijay. No, to be honest, it felt like she had taken an axe and chopped his heart into two.

"Really? Hmm. All I heard for thirty minutes was 'I love him I miss him I shouldn't see him but I wish I could see him' over and over again," Krish said in all seriousness. "I'm sorry I must have heard wrong, Nila. My bad."

Nila's cheeks turned a little pink. She turned her head away to the other side.

God, so fucking cute.

Vijay just wanted to wrap her in a gigantic bear hug and steal her away, somewhere far away where they could be alone and happy. It was obvious how hard she was trying to stay away from him thinking it was the right thing to do. For all Vijay cared, she might actually be right. But when it came to Nila, it didn't matter if the world thought something was right or wrong. As long as they thought it was right, all was fine.

Vijay's goal was to help Nila realise that they were right together.

That they were the rightest thing in this whole fucking world.

"Do you want me to leave?" Vijay asked her gently. He wanted her to lose this game but never make her feel uncomfortable. She should do it on her own terms.

Krish patiently watched the two of them. When Nila meekly shook her head without glancing up, he grinned like he'd aced his exams just like he thought he would. Vijay sat down, feeling a little giddy on the inside.

Krish began, "You know, it's a little awkward for me. I am Vijay's best friend and Nila has become like a sister to me. I am protective over both of you. Being stuck in the middle, hearing both sides of the same story and not being able to do anything able to do is really frustrating."

"We're sorry, your majesty, for inconveniencing you with our situation," Vijay said dryly and Krish bristled.

"It's not like that, okay? I'm just trying to give you another chance to talk it out. You need to talk your minds out a few more times to navigate this situation. You can't just wait for time to do its own thing."

"Sure."

"Stop being sarcastic, you fool," Krish snapped at Vijay.

"Jeez, man, just let us be. Don't you think I'm suffering enough already? I've not seen my Silver or had a real conversation with her for so long. I miss her, man. I miss her in my arms. I think I have a right to be insufferable. Shut the fuck up and put up with me without complain," he said.

Nila, who had been looking the other way all this time, turned to meet his eyes. Her cheeks were pinker. But she held Vijay's gaze. "Don't be such an ass to Krish. He doesn't deserve it. He's just trying to be a good friend to you. You can't even be grateful?" she scolded.

Vijay laughed. He threw his head back against the chair and laughed, then wiped the tears off his eyes. "I have to insult him to get you to talk to me, don't I?" he said.

Nila looked stunned. "I-I..."

"It's okay, silver. Don't be too harsh on yourself for falling into that trap. It's not your fault I know you that well," he said softly.

Nila bit her lips and stared at him for a moment. The next minute, she was grabbing her bag and saying goodbye to Krish and a soft I hate you to Vijay before storming out the snack bar.

Vijay watched her leave, her pastel pink kurta and the white duppata fluttering behind her and leaving traces of her vanilla perfume. Nila looked absolutely breathtaking today. It was too bad she didn't give him the chance to tell her.

"Aren't your grateful for my existence?" Krish asked once Nila left.

"Why did you have to call her all the way out here? She already has her internship going on."

"She's done with it, man. She is leaving Chennai tomorrow."

"What?"

"Yeah. She was the one who called me, asking to meet before she left the city. She'd gone to the temple today and this spot was close so I suggested we meet here," he said.

"Oh."

Krish leaned forward, with a sad smile on his face. "You know she wanted to meet me just to check on you, right?"

"You think so?"

Krish smiled again. "Do you know what her first question was?"

Vijay was silent.

"'Do you know if Vijay is eating well?' As if I'm your fucking mother and I'm supposed to track your eating habits," Krish grumbled. "She said you always tell her not to forget her meals but you tend to skip yours when you're upset and stressed. She's worried sick about you, man. I swear to God, the only thing she has on her mind is you. I don't know how you did it, man. Nila is so in love with you that it just pours out of her and consumes everything around her leaving just you and her in this world. This is the first time I'm seeing love, you get me? It's crystal clear in her eyes. And she's one big dumbass if she thinks she can gaslight herself into letting you go and move on."

"Don't call her a dumbass, you fucker." Vijay knocked his shoulder but there was a hint of a smile on his face.

"But you know she is."

Vijay looked at him and chuckled, picturing Nila's eye roll and the way she slapped his arms hard when she couldn't stop laughing at something.

"Yeah, she kinda is. And I fucking love that cute little dumbass so much."

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