35: shameless

Nila was running late. She wondered why she chose to trust the bus driver to reach Chennai on time when he had rarely ever done so. It was a pain to take an auto to her flat, haul her luggage in and then quickly swap her clothes to presentable ones and take an auto to the field where the State Sports meet was taking place. When she rung Krish, everything felt like déjà vu. He picked up her call but all she could hear was 'where', 'race' and 'starting' but they were enough to make her rush towards the arena. Thank God Krish was tall as a tree because she spotted him immediately in the crowd. Nila navigated through the crowd and reached him.

"Hi!" she said.

"Nila! Oh my—you like shit. What the fuck happened to you?" he said and someone smacked his arm. It was Farah.

"You can't say that to a woman. She's just... tired and looks like she's mistaken black eye shadow for eye cream," she said, studying Nila. Farah wore a denim skirt with a slit and a pale-yellow blouse. A blue scarf hung loosely over her shoulders.

Krish made a face. "Somehow that sounds worse."

Nila simply laughed and hugged both of them. "I'm so happy to see you all!"

"Says the one who wouldn't pick up our calls," Farah muttered.

"Come on, Farah. I called you and explained everything. I thought we made up," Nila said, poking her arm.

Farah stared at her for a moment before breaking composure and muttering, "Whatever," with a hint of a smile.

Another face popped up behind Farah. "Hello, Nila," Aadil said. He was wearing a white loose shirt, tucked into blue jeans and a denim cap. He looked like he walked out of a golf match.

"Oh. I didn't notice you. I'm sorry, Aadil. How are you?"

"I'm fine, Nila. You look... good."

Farah coughed. "Liar."

"I'm sure I don't look that bad," Nila said, patting her hair. Nila had taken a week after the call with Kayal to dive head-first into completing all her work for college. Report after report, research after research and a lot of all-nighters and movie breaks later, she was done with everything. She had been so focused that she'd even sat and started a presentation about her future with Vijay. Nila had mapped it all out--- reasons why they work, reasons why they won't, conflicts, possible solutions. She knew if Kayal saw her doing this, she'd never let her live it down. But having all the meshed thoughts in her head neatly organized on a screen helped her think better. Especially the slide that said 'I LOVE HIM SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH AND A LOT MORE THAN THAT' in bold big letters.

She knew she had to tell Vijay. She had to see him and tell him how she was wrong and that she missed him. Nila remembered that his sports meet was on this Saturday. A little white lie to her parents about compensatory internship hours and she was already boarding a bus to Chennai. She didn't have time to reset her sleep and rest enough to undo her zombie look.

"Where is he?"

"There." Krish pointed to an area where a lot of men and women in jerseys sat. She spotted Vijay, hunched with his phone in his hand, bouncing his legs as a stiff tall man sat next to him who was focused on the event happening in the field. His coach.

Vijay looked nervous.

She pulled out her phone and opened his chat.

There were messages from his side but none from hers.

She typed out three words and pressed send.

I love you.

As soon as the message turned read, Vijay looked up in her direction. She ducked down.

"What are you up to?" Krish asked, narrowing his eyes.

"Nothing," Nila said sheepishly.

Still crouching low, she checked her messages.

i love you more, silver.

win the race today and then i'll believe you.

She peeked above and watched him smiling.

yes ma'am.

She smiled too.

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Vijay won by a very slim difference. When the winning line appeared in his view, he almost thought he wasn't going to finish first but somehow, he made it. He'd given it his all.

Coach grinned at him and thumped his shoulders twice. "You'll represent Tamil Nadu in the Nationals. Be proud."

"Yes Coach. Thanks to you."

"You earned it."

Vijay felt a sense of elation wrap around him, making his heart soar. He was so happy. He called his parents and told them the news and heard whoops of joy and laughter. He saw his friends approaching him. "Wow. I should come to your races more often," Farah said, a proud grin on her face. Krish and Aadil congratulated him. But they weren't the one he was searching for.

"Where is Nila?" he asked.

His friends gave him a look of confusion. "Nila? She's not here, man. Did she say she was going to be here?" Krish asked.

"No, I felt like she was here," he said, trying not to let his spirits deflate.

"I'm afraid this is the most feared stage of breakup. Hallucinations," Farah added. "She sure did a number on you, didn't she?"

"No, I swear. I really felt it," he said. "And Nila and I never broke up."

Farah rolled her eyes.

"It's fine. Don't talk about depressing things. Let's just focus on your win. The award ceremony will take a while to begin. Wanna get something to eat?" Krish asked and everyone agreed. But Vijay couldn't help but looking into the crowd, searching for the woman he loved. Because whatever others might say, he knew for a fact that she was here.

After they'd grabbed hot bread omelettes, Vijay was called over to the stage for the prize distribution. He was given a small cash prize and a medal. He felt proud taking in his coach's face and all his friends' expressions but he also wished there was one more person in the crowd.

Vijay sent the picture to his parents which his father would surely print it and frame it on his way back from work. Winning always felt great but the people around him made him feel better.

When Aadil and Farah had to leave for a family lunch and Krish had to pick up his brother from swimming classes, he was left all alone with his prize. He pulled out his phone to text Nila that he'd won but another text caught his attention.

It was from Kayal.

knowing my sister, she would prolly be overthinking it and wondering how to tell you she was back in chennai. do with this information what you will.

Vijay's heart skipped. She was here. She was back in town.

thanks, kayal. i owe you one!

i beg of you idiots, let this be the last time i'm meddling between you two.

haha got it.

Vijay quickly booked an auto to her flat. She probably must be holed up in there, thinking of the right way to meet him and talk to him. Nila wasn't supposed to be in town for another week but she was here, exactly on the day of his tournament. It only meant one thing. She was here for him.

During the auto ride, his heart squeezed at the thought of seeing her again. He'd hold her tight and never let her go.

Never again.

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Nila stepped out of the shower with a towel on her head and looked at the luggage with heavy disdain. The idea of unpacking was exhausting. She walked past it and opened the fridge. A lonely bottle of Yakult sat in the company of ketchup, mayonnaise and a half empty tin of Milkmaid. She threw the tin out, knowing well that Anamika would have used the same licked spoon to finish half of it with no one there to scold her. Nila didn't even want to imagine the germs in it.

She sighed and sat in the couch, pulling out her phone to order something. Nila didn't have the patience to explore so she placed an order from her go-to pasta place. She looked around her flat and took a deep breath. One month away had gathered so much dust in the house. She couldn't comprehend where they were coming from.

She had just taken a shower. Maybe she should have cleaned the house before it. Nila had been sweaty from the trip to the sports field and had run into the shower as soon as she reached home.

Thinking of the tournament, it was strange that Vijay hadn't texted her to let her know that he won. Knowing him it would have been the first thing he would've done. Maybe he was still celebrating with his friends. They had asked her to stay but she refused to meet him then. She wasn't mentally ready. Nila didn't know what to say to him. I'm sorry I ignored you for a month but take me back?

In her mind, she knew Vijay wouldn't think much of it and forgive her but she was ashamed. Maybe she shouldn't have ignored him completely. It wouldn't have hurt to have replied to his messages once in a while. She really had been inconsiderate. She had to let him know clearly that she made a mistake.

She rested her cheek on her knees that she'd pulled close to her chest and thought about Vijay's race. She could still feel her nerves during his race, how she'd been sucking the life out of Krish's sleeve if it ever had one and how a strong force of pride and happiness hit her when he pushed through the finishing line. Nila had almost cried happy tears. He was amazing. And she was so so proud.

Sighing, Nila removed her hair towel and dried her hair absent-mindedly. How was she going to meet him? Should she text him to come to café or something? Should she do it today or take a day to prepare herself and meet him tomorrow?

Or was she making a big deal out of this?

"Stupid brain, ugh," she muttered, slapping her temple and falling back onto the sofa. Suddenly, the doorbell rang making her jump in surprise and almost fall of the furniture.

The bell rang again.

"What the fuck? Who is this impatient imbecile?" she muttered, walking up to the door. The food delivery was not due for another ten minutes. Maybe it was the security bringing her a water can. She had asked him to arrange for one when she had come in the morning.

Nila opened the door.

And she'd swear anywhere on anything, her heart stopped for a moment.

Vijay stood in front of her, one hand leaning against the door frame, beads of sweat dripping down his neck and disappearing into his black t-shirt. His black joggers hung loosely on his waist as if he was in his room and his dark eyes pierced her heart. "Vijay---"

"Were you there today this morning?" He stepped into her house, making her walk backwards.

"Vijay---"

"Just answer me, silver. Were you there? Did you see me win?"

Nila looked down, heat rising in her face. It had been so long since she heard him call her silver. It felt like the first time all over again. "I was there."

The words barely left her mouth before he pulled her to his chest with his arm and pressed them against the back of the door. Nila gasped and clutched his t-shirt tight. He pressed their foreheads together and then after a moment of staring at her like she was incomprehensible, he let out a small laugh. "Thank fuck. I was scared you'd turned me into a madman," he whispered.

"How did you—"

"Say it again."

"What?" she squeaked.

"My name."

She smiled softly and swiped her thumb against his cheekbone. "Vijay. Vijay. Vijay. Vijay---"

His lips came crashing down on hers and after so long, feeling his familiar warmth and the weight of his body against hers felt like getting her hands on the drug she'd been having withdrawal symptoms for. Vijay's hand cushioned her head against the door and the other pressed her body to him as he devoured her mouth like a starved man. Her body responded to his touch so well, making her want to curl her toes when he licked into her mouth. She clutched the roots of his hair and leaned her mouth closer, wanting to feel nothing but the taste of him. Vijay's hands fell from her hips, down her ass and in a swift moment, he had her thighs wrapped around his waist.

They didn't break their kiss as Vijay moved them somewhere, somewhere she didn't care to pay attention to, because all Nila was interested in was right in front of her. His arms was strong and sturdy. She'd always liked them when they wrapped around her but she appreciated it more now. Vijay sat her on something cold, the empty desk in the hall that Nila had cleared out for Priya to use for her art project.

"I love you," Vijay whispered against her lips before dipping lower and kissing her jaws. He sponged careful kisses down her neck and gently sucked the skin just below her collarbone. Nila's breath turned ragged, a low moan slipping free of her lips when he scraped his teeth along it. Vijay smirked at her response and licked the skin lovingly, reminding her of the time he had discovered that weak spot when he'd kissed her against the refrigerator in his friends' house.

"I hate you," she mumbled weakly, knowing that he was doing it on purpose.

He smirked into the kiss, pulling her towards the edge of the desk so that he was right between her legs. Nila's hands wandered over his chest and then slipped underneath his t-shirt. She loved the feel of his warm skin, how it stretched taut against his muscles so without thinking, she tugged his t-shirt upwards and flung it off him. "Patience, silver," Vijay said with a teasing smile but she ignored him.

Nila pressed her lips to his chest, right where she had accused him of having a hickey and gave it enough attention that it'd soon be one for real. "So fucking petty," he chuckled, moving her hair out of her face gently.

Nila glared at him and then moved her lips to his shoulder and bit him.

"I said so fucking pretty!"

She smiled but didn't answer. She continued exploring him and slowly trailed kisses down his chest and to his abdomen, giving every bit of his skin the love it deserved. When she went back to his lips, she wrapped her arm around his neck and kissed him slowly, pouring out all the emotions she had kept trapped within. The kiss was a story, a journal written with ink that was stained with regret, heartbreak, affection, love and pride. It was a poem of apology. It was a ballad that was about them and them alone. "I missed you," she whispered against his lips.

"I know. You don't have to tell me anything else. Just answer this one question," he asked, moving her hair out of her face and cradling her face. "Are you mine, silver?"

"Of course, I'm yours," she whispered, guilty that he even had to ask it.

"Then, that's all I care about."

"No. I have to tell you. I'm sorry for not---"

"I'm not mad, silver. Do I look like I'm mad?" he asked, taking her fingers in his hand and kissing each fingertip.

"You should be. I put you through so much pain, Vijay. It's only right for you to be mad. You should punish me for hurting you."

"Yes, I should punish you, shouldn't I?" he asked, his lips rolling into a smirk.

"Vijay," she sighed.

"Yes, silver?"

"Be serious."

Vijay leaned in to kiss her lips. "Maybe later. Because I'm not done with you yet."

He quickly intertwined their hands and lifted them above her head to pin it on the wall. His lip found hers again and she couldn't help but gasp in surprise, allowing him to taste her. The kiss was so hot and needy and wet and hungry that she couldn't do anything other than to surrender completely and let him consume her. He held her wrists with one hand and let the other slowly wander down. They moved down her neck, caressing her breasts. Nila's breathing grew erratic. "Touch me more," Nila whimpered when Vijay began to move his hands lower.

He gently cupped her breast, letting his thumb flick them through the fabric of her t-shirt. Nila made a filthy sound followed by his name that he quickly drowned out with his lips. Her whole body was hot. Liquid heat pulsed through her veins, pooling lower. Suddenly, she needed him everywhere, on every bit of her skin as if to soothe this uncontrollable fire inside her.

"Fuck, Nila. Look at you. The way I want to worship you right now," he rasped before sealing their lips again. Vijay's palms massaged her breasts, making her toes curl in desperation. His hands slipped lower and under her t-shirt. Vijay was teasing her, letting his wandering hands creep inside slowly, thumbing her belly button and the skin above it as his mouth fell back against her neck. Nila felt the uncontrollable need to get rid of the layer in between. She moved to remove her shirt but the doorbell rang.

"Let's ignore it," Vijay mumbled, feathering kisses over her collarbone.

"No, we can't," she said, her voice unbelievably scratchy as if she'd not had water for days.

The doorbell sounded again. The ring pulsed through her, shaking her out of her lust-driven daze. When she looked at Vijay, her cheeks grew red. Averting her eyes, she hopped down the desk and hurried to get the door.

Vijay coiled his fingers around her wrist. "Where do you think you're going?"

"That must be food delivery," she said, trying to pull her hand free. "Let me go, you idiot. I have to get it."

"Without a bra on? I don't fucking think so."

Nila's cheeks flamed, suddenly feeling shy and conscious. She shrunk her body. "How-How do you know that?"

Vijay merely raised his eyebrow.

Stupid, stupid, stupid. Of course he'd know she wasn't wearing a bra. He was feeling her up a minute ago and she had even asked him for more. Nila must have lost her head completely.

Vijay chuckled at her face. "God, I missed seeing you blush," he muttered as he went to answer the door. Shirtless. He was shirtless!

"Vijay! Put on a shirt!" she yelled, throwing his t-shirt at him. But Nila was too late. When Vijay unlocked the door, the t-shirt smacked him on the face. The food delivery man looked stunned at the rather unusual welcome. Then the man smirked at Vijay and handed over the food to him.

"Enjoy, sir!" he said, his smirk never leaving his face before Vijay shut the door.

Nila decided it was a good time to leave this planet.

"You have great timing," Vijay said casually, throwing the t-shirt over his shoulder and examining the takeout.

She grabbed the bag from him. "I hate you," she bit out, scurrying off towards the kitchen.

"Yeah, I heard you moaning something different a minute ago."

"You're absolutely shameless!"

"You can't blame me. I'm seeing my hot girlfriend after a month."

"Will you shut up, you idiot? No, don't come near me! I told you don't---mmph."

Vijay pulled her into his arms and tucked his head in the crook of his shoulders, breathing her in. He cradled her in his arms for a while. "I really really missed you, silver. Promise me you won't put me through that again. I don't think I have the strength in me to withstand it. I'll crumble if you leave me again."

Nila's eyes teared up. She tightened her arms around him and rested her cheek against his cheek. "I won't. I promise."

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