08: weakness

hey

this is vijay

is this nila?

i literally typed my number in your phone

ofc it's me

no, farah always gives a fake number to men so i was just checking

well you've reached nila. wassup?

are you okay? i didn't see you on the bus today

oh no i am fine. i am out of town.

when will you be back?

in four days

okay

why? do you miss rescuing me?

kinda. yk how we men are. can't live without external validation and feeding our saviour complex

lmao

points for your honesty and self-awareness

hey i was kidding. i don't have a saviour complex

shoreeeeee

seriously. i'll gladly let you save me any day. in fact, I'd be honoured

noted 😂

anyway, did you eat?

yeah just now. wbu?

yeah ma made ghee roast

😭 the sweet sambar here isn't it for me. can't stomach it

you're in karnataka?

yup, bangalore

ah, then run back to chennai

i wish i can 😭

just say the word and i'll get you out of there

😂😂

saviour complex acting up again huh?

shut up

btw, who's farah?

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It has been three days since Vijay last saw Nila. They had been texting each other however often they could without being a distraction but in Vijay's case, it didn't work. Nila texted him once during his class and he sneaked in his phone between the pages of Krish's five-subject notebook to text her back. Even when she realised belatedly that it was his class hours, he lied to her that he was in his break to continue texting her.

Farah wasn't entirely happy with him behaving the way he was. She kept telling Vijay that it was going too fast and become obsessive but Vijay didn't care. So what that he had a gigantic crush on a girl? And so what that he was addicted to talking to her? Whatever they shared wasn't lethal. All it did was give him a rush, a rush that made his heart flap its wings and soar high, giddy and drunk. He fucking loved it.

When Nila and Vijay texted each other, they didn't exactly flirt. It was 90% of them pulling each other's legs and trying to win the upper hand. On the first day, they didn't know enough about each other to throw insults but as days flew by, they remembered every single detail about each other to use it against them.

The one thing Vijay loved about Nila was that she was a damn good texter. She sent these elaborate paragraphs; you'd expect them to be heartfelt messages but it most often would be cleverly orchestrated attacks on his ego balanced with a pinch of humour. He adored it.

Vijay would have sneaked in a flirty comment or two but these past few days, it had been all about knowing each other. Nila lived with her two friends in an apartment when she was originally from Coimbatore. She had an elder sister who just had a baby, and her parents were both government employees. His father worked in the Weather department, now retired, and her mother had been a clerk in the Collector's office.

Nila had to wear braces until the first year of undergrad and she had hated that she couldn't begin a completely new chapter when she joined college. She studied in an all women's college for her undergrad and she tried alcohol for the first time in her college dorm. Nila had breathing difficulties from childhood so smoking was a hard no for her.

As they texted each other back and forth (sometimes till 1:00 am), Vijay couldn't help but feel closer to her. They shared a lot about each other and the best thing was that the conversation flowed like a wave. It felt so natural to talk about ourselves to each other.

But the one thing that shocked Vijay was Nila's sticker collection. It was way better than his and hers were so damn funny that he was saving each one of them. He told her that and she gave all the credits to her best friend, Sanjay.

Sanjay. The one name that was bothering him. She told him that he was a friend but Nila mentioned him a lot, which Vijay didn't like. Even after talking for hours together, he hadn't gotten the courage to ask her if she was single or committed. Vijay had argued with Farah that if Nila spent so much time talking to him, she definitely wouldn't have a boyfriend but Farah argued back saying that he could never know.

Vijay toyed with the thought in his mind and took a seat on the couch in his living room. He had to find the right moment to ask her the question without being too suggestive and scare her away.

He grabbed the remote and switched on the sports channel just as his mother came into the living room. "Vijay, let's go to the tailor's and come no? I have a function tomorrow. There's an alteration to be done on this blouse."

"Ma! I just came from college," Vijay protested. "I am so tired. I had practice this morning too. Coach made me work extra today."

She carried an orange silk blouse in one hand and cupped his chin in the other. "Please da, please da. It's an emergency. Otherwise I won't ask."

If there's one thing he couldn't stand, it was his mother's face when she was upset. That look... it was his weakness. "Fine," he said, taking the blouse from her. "Tell me the alterations. I'll convey it to him."

"No, no, no. You won't understand. There are a lot of corrections. I should tell him directly," his mother said.

"But it's a long walk. Already you have joint pain. When you come back, you'll ask me to massage your legs with ointment. Just give me the blouse and tell it to me."

His mother was stubborn. "No, no. You will forget everything. Remember when you bought cauliflower instead of cabbage once because both started with a C?"

"Ma, that was one time!"

"Vijay kanna, there's a reason why you barely pass your exams. It's time you accept it," she said in all seriousness.

Vijay sighed and ran an arm through his hair. "Then what do you want me to do?"

"Your bike is standing there simply, only no? Let's go—"

"No."

"Kanna, at least try—"

"No, ma. I told you I don't want to. I can't."

"You can't or are you scared to?"

Vijay hesitated. "I can't risk it with you in the back. No."

Vijay's mother's eyes softened. She stepped forward and held his elbow. "I trust you, Vijay. I know you can drive it. I know I will be safe with you."

He shook his head, too scared to close his eyes in case the memories of the accident flashes by again. "Ma, you don't understand. I can't do it. I am too weak. I am not—" Vijay's voice broke. His eyes fell onto the silver handle of his bike peeking out of the door and the picture blurred as his eyes welled up. "I am not brave like you think I am. I am a coward."

His mother wrapped an arm around him and rubbed his back. "If you don't try at all, how will you know if you are a coward or if you are simply fooling yourself into thinking you are a coward because it's easier than trying?"

His mother's words pierced through his chest like a well-aimed arrow but even though the words stung and it was true, he couldn't move forward. He couldn't take that step.

He glanced at the bike again and all he could see was the shrill sound of the lorry horn and the blinding white light as the bike he loved gave out underneath him, snatching away the control he had over it.

Vijay shook his head repeatedly. He stepped back and whispered, "I can't, Ma. I'm sorry."

Vijay's mother's heart broke. Watching his son break his leg was one thing but watching him grow to fear what once he loved with all his heart was heartbreaking. She had seen him look at the bike with longing glances that quickly turned to fearful ones. She had seen his face change into bitterness whenever he had to rely on his father and public transport to travel again.

Vijay never complained in fear that it would make his parents worry.

But his parents knew.

Vijay wrapped an arm around his mother's frame to give her an apology kiss on her head. As if on time, another motorbike's sound became louder and louder until it parked right in front of the house and Vijay's father climbed down from it. "I'm home!" he said, bringing in his lunch bag and walking in with his khaki uniform.

Now that his father had come he knew he would take his mother to the tailor. He squeezed his mother's shoulders one more time and walked to his room.

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hey

you free?

yuppp

is something wrong?

how'd you know?

idk. it was just a feeling. i'm usually wrong about these things but i got lucky with you i guess

what happened?

i don't want to talk about it.

okay, you want me to distract you. got it.

how was college today?

it was good, i guess. the travel back and forth was boring tho

oh really?

yes, there's this pretty girl who keeps staring at me on the bus. missed her so much today especially because there was an empty seat next to me

hey, i don't stare at you!

why do you think i was talking about you? there are so many pretty girls and so many of them who stare at me

as if

why is it hard to believe

because i've seen you and i don't think you're worth that hype, you narcissist

please. is that why you drool over my face from the other side of the bus

i absolutely do not!

i saw it that day. the way you looked at me when i gave you the jacket. like you want to eat me or something. i was so scared of you.

you asshole! i NEVER did that. you know what i think? i think you are projecting your feelings. it was you who looked at me as if i'm the most precious thing on this planet that needs protecting

well i wasn't wrong

are you flirting with me?

because only yesterday you called me a garbage can

pick a side

a garbage can can become the most precious thing to someone and they can want to protect it, you know?

oh, really now?

yes, ma'am

so, who is this pretty girl?

can't tell you

why not?

because you'll think i'm flirting with you and we don't want that do we?

🙄🙄

just admit it's me and that i'm pretty and that you miss me

no can do

it's heavily implied tho

implications will not be considered

i need you to say it

send me a voice note!

say nila you are so pretty and i miss you everyday

why? so you can use it against me forever and gloat about it? no thanks

and who's the one excited for external validation now??

hey! be nice

you come back home and i'll say it.

i'll say it to your face a hundred times if you want

deal?

deal.

be prepared to say it tomorrow then!

YOU'RE COMING BACK TOMORROW?

i'm in the train rn hehe

woman

you are the most amazing garbage can in this world

a compliment from the ugliest douchebag? why thank you

travel safe, alright?

yeah yeah dw

text me when you reach

fine fine

okay good night

good night ✨

and vijay?

yup?

everything will be okay

thanks, nila 🤍

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a/n: i kinda missed writing firecracker and cellophane hence the chapter you just read! those who haven't read both the stories and are new to this format, do you like it? or do you not want these kind of conversations anymore? lemme know! i personally think texting is so fun (the fictional kind, at least)! much love x