☼ Chapter V ☼

picture; Genevieve Seilyar

song; "Control" by Garbage

_________________________________________________

My stomach twisted in on itself as a rush of nausea crashed through me. Lorelai took a tentative step forward as her gray eyes clouded over with concern. Her hands settled onto either of my arms as she steadied me and kept me upright.

A whooshing roar resounded in my ears and I felt an old, trenchant panic cascade over my entirety. The familiarity of it pushed through my chest and I stumbled away as I grew incredibly light-headed.

Lorelai hurriedly pulled me to the couch and moved next to me just as blackness settled over my vision.

What felt like instantly, my eyes snapped open and I sharply sucked in air. Lorelai squeezed my hand reassuringly as I took in her image. She allowed that intensely recognizable slow smile to birth itself onto her lips.

"You're insanely dramatic." She told me as I started to sit up. "The Awakening is not as horrible as you think, Sonny."

"Did I faint?" My voice was almost dismissive as I quizzed her, my eyes sliding around the quietness of my dormitory.

"Yeah, you did. Because you're insanely dramatic." Lorelai's own tone had also become dismissive. She shook her head as a short, small laugh fell passed her lips. "The Awakening is the best part of the Changing."

"How do you know? Lycans don't Awaken."

"No, the first Shift is actually pretty horrible. You start out with a fever so intense it makes your whole body convulse with chills and vomit until you're puking blood. And then it usually takes more than twelve hours for you to completely transform into your Lycan." Lorelai shook her head and her gray eyes seemed to grow dark with gloom.

"But the Awakening isn't anything like Shifting. Your true nature is only beginning to come to the surface, so that means all that happens is heightened emotions, senses, and you find more Gifts or Powers." Lorelai was still munching on bacon, and her voice now was too casual—way too calm.

I nodded slowly and let out a heavy sigh, almost as if I could breathe the stress and anxiety that had curdled into the very core of me away. My eyes slid over to check what time it was.

The green digital numbers on the wall clock read 5:12 pm, which meant I needed to start getting ready to go see Genevieve for our first meeting of the week.

Lorelai had needed me to reassure her at least twenty times that I was okay to be alone before she finally retired to her own dormitory to get ready for her classes. I dressed quickly in a simple pair of black jeans and a black long-sleeve top.

I paired it with my Academy issued combat boots since I knew I had a Combats lesson after I left Genevieve's office.

My hair was still wet from my shower so I brushed my kinky, voluminous curls into a slick ponytail, letting the ringlets remain free in the hair tie. I decided to forego any makeup simply because I wasn't in the mood to put any on.

Pulling on a denim jacket and tugging my lavender book bag from the hook beside the front door, I moved to leave my dorm when I felt a rush of relentless and undeniable warmth flow over me as soon as I moved to step into the hall.

Upon opening the door to leave, I came face-to-face with gorgeous cerulean-blue eyes. His eyes seemed to alight into a crystal ocean as he surveyed my appearance. "Derik," I breathed in surprise as a vivacious hunger slammed into me.

"What are you doing here?" My eyes narrowed suspiciously at him as a familiar wolfish grin slinked across his mouth.

"Friendly neighborhood watch." He waved grandly to the emptiness of the hall and I quirked a brow up at my soulmate. As Derik's eyes turned over to me once again, he cocked his head to the side in an inquisitive fashion.

He could sense that I was worried about something, but was unsure of what it was. "Why are you so stressed out?"

Huffing and stepping deeper into the hall away from my dormitory, I twisted to lock the door. "I'm not stressed out." I responded flatly as I jostled my bag higher onto my shoulder.

"You are too." Derik shot back almost instantly, falling in synchronization with my steps. He thought I looked very pretty today despite my simple and plain outfit and the fact I wasn't wearing any makeup.

"I'm not." My brows furrowed into a scowl as I shot him a look that clearly said I didn't want to talk about it anymore.

"Liar." He childishly carried on. "You can't hide stuff like that from me, Princess." Derik tapped his temple as his lips pulled up into a easy-going smirk. "I'm almost psychically connected to you, Sonya."

Rolling my eyes, I tsk-ed my tongue. "Almost. Which means you're actually not." It was Derik's turn to scowl at me. His eyes had slightly darkened with annoyance.

This man was very easily irritated by me. He wondered for a moment if we were even Mates.

Suddenly, Derik's mouth transformed into a sheepish smile. "I didn't mean that." It was my turn to shoot him a questioning look. "About you being my Sufletul Oglinda."

Again, I turned my eyes away in confusion, still not understanding what he was talking about. "Sonya, I know you knew what I was thinking."

My feet halted as realization concurrently cascaded over me. I hadn't even realized that I had known exactly what he was thinking since the moment I saw him standing outside my door.

"H-how...?" I trailed off, my eyes slightly widening. This was definitely a new development.

Derik twisted his head in a manner so that I could see the bite he now sported on his neck. The fang marks were still evident, and the skin was slightly reddened and seemed like it would be tender to the touch.

But now, I could just make out a few faint and barely-there etchings that seemed to be growing from underneath the skin there. They were a vivid pinkish-red, and had a similar appearance to tattooed ink on the skin.

"You Marked me, Sonya." He told me simply as his fingers gingerly brushed over the area. "It means that you can sense my emotions, thoughts, and whereabouts much better than I can sense yours. Once we have completed the Rituals, we will be Threaded completely."

"Rituals?" I had never heard of such a thing. Rituals were something that could generally only be performed by Sorcerers, meaning they required magick.

Derik and I were both Vampyres and didn't have the elemental or personal entity of magick that Sorcerers did, and Lycan Mating Rituals didn't require magick—as far as I knew.

"Yeah, there are several steps to becoming fully Threaded to a Sufletul Oglinda or Mate. The first step is obviously meeting them. The Thread immediately forms, and is solidified when the Mates Mark one another—the second step.

"The next step is sex, to be bound by flesh along with essence. That step also requires blood-letting. And the final step is a ceremony that is basically like marriage, but not everyone completes that step since it's completely unnecessary." I had begun to shake my head as Derik talked, and he scowled at me. "What?"

"I'm just sorry..." My voice had shrunk from embarrassment. "I literally bit you last night and we just met."

Derik stared quietly at me for a really long time and I stared back, almost desperately wanting to explain further, but coming up empty with how to.

So much time passed that I wondered if he didn't know what to say or if he just didn't have anything to say at all.

"You know Lycans almost immediately Mark their Mates when they find them, right?"

"But I'm not a Lycan and neither are you. I Marked you without knowing or apparently even caring if that would be okay with you. It was incredibly shitty." Derik paused abruptly before slinking an arm around my waist and tugging me deep into his body.

The jarring validity of sultry tendrils that cascaded over my entirety caused me to sharply suck air through my teeth.

He had twisted me so we were facing one another, so close our chests pressed into one another's as we breathed in and out.

"Sonya, I know that you don't know much about Mating, but this is all completely normal. If you need me to reassure you and explain all this shit, then I will. This is only weird for you because you grew up in the human world.

"I don't think what you did was shitty or wrong—it was normal. It is in our nature to claim what belongs to us as soon as we can. All you did by Marking me is make the pull less painful for me." His fingers held my chin firmly in place and I swam merrily in those radiant blue eyes of his.

Derik was so unlike any other man I had ever been around or even laid eyes on.

This is what it meant to be soulmates with someone: they could utterly erase any and all doubts that had claimed your mind and set your entire world upright.

I felt so whole and at peace there in the vacant hallway as if nothing else in the world mattered anymore.

The rage toward Rene and anguish that swirled around memories of Meredith and Colton and Cetilayn had totally fell away like it had never existed, and for the first time in nearly seven years, my breaths moved in and out of my body with an effortlessness I had forgotten was possible.

My vision slipped unclear and straightened as the familiar burn of tears brimmed my eyes. I stared into the handsome face of my Mate and couldn't deny the joyous smile that upturned the corners of my mouth.

"Wow," I breathed as I settled my head onto the center of his chest and fisted my hands in his black t-shirt. Derik's heartbeat thumped soothingly against my ear and I nearly felt myself dissolve into his body.

"I think I could actually get used to this feeling."

☼

My phone buzzed from somewhere within my bag and I delved my hand inside to fish it out when my fingers slid over a cool and almost powdery smoothness.

Furrowing my brows together, I clutched the object and pulled it into my view as the elevator doors before me dinged.

They pulled apart in an invitation for me to step in, and I turned Eloize's journal over as I pressed the corresponding button for the floor that Genevieve's office occupied. I had forgotten all about it and hadn't read any of it yet.

A thought just occurred to me if it were too personal to read the inner musings of someone I had never met, regardless if they were my relative or not.

I dismissed it though as I remembered Sawyer saying he would read some excerpts from her journal regarding the Red War to our entire IOS class.

Tentatively, I flipped the smooth cover open and Eloize's experiences and thoughts were agape. The script inside was invariably elegant, but so much so the words written there were nearly intelligible.

Skimming through, I paused as my eyes came across words that seized my attention. Eloize was talking about the Change. My face flushed with warmth as a gnawing nervousness skittered along my skin.

Breathing out slowly, I touched the indentation of the letters on the page and looked to the top.

16th of February, 410 C.O.

Familiar reek of snow contrives a foggy haze on the glass pane by virtue of the crackling warmth of fire in our little cottage. My husband has gone again to fetch more wood to be certain we'll be comfortable for the remainder of the evening.

Horrific nightmares have shaken me to my core and omitted any chance of sleep through fear. It has been days since I have fallen into slumber and either insanity of the Change or the sleep deprivation is festering in my mind and creating these terrible visions. I do not know, but it is petrifying.

Blood, splattering at my feet and staining the wooden floors crimson. The sound of a screaming child mauls through the cozy air, and freezes my veins. Caine has been born, but no—he is still in the womb.

My reality is warped and the only comfort I have is the pendant father gifted to me years ago. My thirst grows and dissipates; the emotions swirl and calm; illusions torture me, leaving crimson tears from irrational, nearly unbearable fear in their wake. This is Hell, but I will march onward for my unborn love, Caine, and my husband, Micael. For my men, I will fight.

The dinging of the elevator called my mind back into the present and I pressed Eloize's journal closed before returning it to my bag. Just from the small amount that I had read, the Change sounded horrific.

Eloize had thought that her son was suddenly born—her baby boy sprawled in a bloody and wet mess at her feet. She mentioned she hadn't slept either, that her hallucinations kept her awake.

Fear rocketed through me and I huffed, trying to push these topics from the front of my mind as Genevieve's office door came into view. After tapping with my knuckles a few times and waiting a moment, Genevieve's voice told me to "Come in."

I did, and saw her sitting at her desk, manila folders and paperwork sprawled across the area in front of her.

Her warm blue eyes turned up to me as the bored expression dissolved from her face and she smiled almost appreciatively.

"Sonya, I'd almost forgotten we were to meet before your classes today." She flicked the folder she had been reading closed and sat up straighter.

"Good evening. You're a welcome distraction from..." Genevieve gestured dismissively to the mess around her. "all this foolishness."

"What is it? If you don't mind." I sauntered deeper into the room, kicking the office door shut with the heel of my combat boot.

"Applications for the Academy. Head Vierseut sometimes requests for me to assist him in sorting through them and pulling promising Novices from the stacks. He is away at an Elder's Courte for a time and a plethora of candidates requesting enrollment for next year have already been sent in."

Genevieve had begun to straighten up the papers and folders sprawled seemingly haphazardly on the top of the desk. Sinking gratefully into the seat across from her, I levelled my eyes at my Mentor.

"Oh, wow. That's pretty early to send in an application." I commented as my brows rose in subdued surprise.

"Well, not every Novice is lucky enough to be the Final Child of the Reinove bloodline and can get in here by request of the Elders." Genevieve smirked at me knowingly and leant back in her seat.

Rolling my eyes and smiling back, I sarcastically laughed at her teasing. "Haha, yes. Such luck for me. Although, the Elders did still allow me to train to be a Protector. They always could've told me no."

Genevieve nodded in agreement, her eyes seemingly glowing lighter to a crystal blue, suddenly reminding me of Derik.

"I found my Mate." I blurted before I even realized what I was saying.

Genevieve's expression was shocked momentarily, and then utterly joyous. "Oh, Sonya that is wonderful news! What is his name? Is he a Novice as well?"

"Not exactly." I stated slowly.

My feelings surrounding Derik were still very confusing. No, not confusing; that was the wrong word.

I knew exactly how I felt about him.

He was incredibly handsome and I always wanted to be beside him, but the blinding rage that hollowed out my chest was a relentless distraction from the peacefulness of my Sufletul Oglinda.

The first thing I'd thought about upon meeting Derik was how I wasn't ready to be happy.

For me to be truly happy, I needed to feel the heat of Rene's lifeblood on my hands and watch him struggle to cling to vitality before those blue eyes dulled into a blank, eternal nothingness.

"His name is Derik Seilyar." I told Genevieve and the expression she wore remained stoic, though her eyes cut away in confusion.

"Derik... the Protector?" I nodded and Genevieve's lips slowly formulated into a very intimate smile. "He is my nephew."

"Really?" I knew Genevieve was a Seilyar as well, but I also knew her to be at least four or five hundred years old. If Derik was her nephew, I wondered how old he was. The way he spoke and carried himself didn't seem as if he were an Ancient. "How old is he?"

"He is only twenty-six, but I was very close with his mother. I practically raised her." I nodded in understanding, somewhat grateful he wasn't hundreds of years older than me. A part of me couldn't see us truly connecting and understanding one another properly if he were a much older Vampyre.

"Was?" Genevieve smiled tenderly and her eyes cut away again. She stood from her seat and turned to stare out onto the Plaza of the Academy.

A drifting thought settled into the forefront of my mind, and I wondered if she did this to hide emotions from me. She did so whenever we spoke about something that was hard to talk about.

I remember the first time was when she had to relay to me that my father wouldn't be attending my mother's funeral.

"We grew apart." Her tone was final. She didn't want to talk about Derik's mother anymore, and I wanted to ask what had come between them.

What had ruined their relationship? A surge of anger pulsated through my chest at the idea that Genevieve had hurt my Mate's mother, but I hastily swallowed it.

"Well, I gotta get going. I have Combats soon." Tugging my bag up from the floor, I rose to my feet. I had gotten almost all the way to the door when Genevieve's voice caused me to pause there.

"Sonya," Twisting my head back to look over my shoulder at her, Genevieve's eyes glistened with wetness and I furrowed my brows together in confusion.

In the six years I had known her, I had rarely ever seen her show any inkling of emotion, and I definitely had never seen her cry. But Derik was her family. He meant so much to her.

"I hope you accept Derik as your Mate." I nodded in understanding.

Truthfully, I had already completed the second step of the Mating process with him, so I was pretty sure that counted as acceptance. But the weight of Genevieve's words weren't about me denying to be with him.

They were about me accepting to love him, over all the anger, the need for revenge, and my hatred towards Rene.

She wanted me to love him more than I hated Rene.

And I wasn't sure if I really could until Rene was dead, until he had suffered for what he took from me.

"I will, Gen. Eventually."

☼