20

"SHE'S A star, isn't she?" Anderson comments. We're on a break, and Bethany has been doing well so far. Other than a little bickering from Saskia, things are going smoothly. It's like Bethany's meant for this part.

I know that she also enjoys getting to be open about her sexuality. It's not everyday that a lesbian can play the role of who she really is, so I'd say that Bethany's living the dream.

"Can I talk to you for a moment, boss?" My face heats up, as Bethany walks over to me, with the sweetest smile on her face.

"Sure," I say. Anderson gives me a teasing look and giggles, as I lead Bethany into my office.

"What's up, babe?" I smile widely at her.

"When's your date with your ex?" That catches me off guard, and I have to sit down. To be honest, I keep forgetting about that, since it's so far at the back of my mind. But it's there, like a clingy kitten—impossible to ignore.

"Um," she stands in front of me, and crosses her arms over her chest, "I haven't gotten around to actually—" she leans down, and places a quick kiss on my lips.

"Good. I don't want you to."

I hum and inhale a breath. I wish it could be that easy. Placing my hands on her waist, I lean my forehead against her stomach and sigh.

"I don't want to either," she knows this, but it's good to remind her, "I really don't."

She runs her fingers along the back of my neck, and fumbles with the end of my ponytail, "it's settled then," she says.

"Yeah," I begin to worry. I already promised Ethan that I would, but how can I disappoint Bethany? If I were her, I'd feel the same way. I wouldn't want the person that I'm with to have anything to do with their ex, much less go on a date with them.

"I've been meaning to answer that question that I've been holding off," her thumb brushes against my ear, and I'm getting nauseated. I'm worried and excited at the same time.

"What question?" I tease, as I lean back. She gives me a goofy grin, and moves her thumb over my cheek.

"Whether or not I'll be your girlfriend," it sounds so odd. Girlfriend. I sometimes feel too old to have a girlfriend. The word better suits teenagers, and people in their twenties, not a fifty year old divorcee with four kids.

They say fifty is the new twenty, and that it's the prime years of our lives. But that's just for us old folks to believe to keep our happiness and hope alive. I'm not that old, I believe. But reality and the mind tell time differently, don't they?

"Take your time," I mumble.

IT'S TUESDAY night, and I'm on the couch watching the news, while eating a bowl of cereal. Looking through my emails, I receive a message from Petah.

Petah: Open the front door.

I groan and turn off the television. Getting up, I carry my bowl over to the sink.

Me: Why should I?

I pull up a picture of Bethany on my phone and sigh. With God's grace, I'll get through the next few minutes without going insane.

Petah: Because I want to talk about things relating to our pregnant daughter.

Oh right, as though that's the only reason why you're at my doorstep. I head to the front door, and swing it open, only to see Petah standing in front of me with a bouquet of red roses. It's a bad choice, since my favorite flowers are white lilies, and roses are actually hers.

She says, "I thought you'd leave me out here in the freezing cold," that's unlikely, since we're in the summer. She grins and stretches the flowers towards me. I frown and take a long breath, crossing my arms over my chest.

"That would have been a good choice," I respond.

Her jaw twitches nervously, "these are for you," she hasn't gotten me flowers, since I won my first Emmy all those years ago.

"What's the occasion?" I take them, and walk inside. I rest them onto the corner table, and place my hands on my hips.

"I just wanted to do something nice, Xo," with ulterior motives. If she thinks that a shaggy bunch of flowers is going to make my panties drop to my ankles, she's fucking wrong.

"What about Jane do you want to discuss?"

She stuffs her fingers into the front pockets of her jeans, and tilts her head to the side, "the baby shower," well, that's an important topic. The last thing that I need is a grumpy, pregnant woman.

"What are her friends doing for that?" I ask. Apparently, her best friend is organizing it. But Tasha is more unreliable than my irregular period every month.

"You know, virgin pina coladas, and pink balloons," that's even more depressing than my baby shower.

"I'm not getting involved. You can deal with that, can't you?"

She nods slowly, as though waiting for me to continue. I hate making Petah sad, but she seriously needs to back off. What happened to giving me space? It makes me wonder if something happened to make her suddenly so interested in me, "okay then," she finally mutters, and a few random possibilities run through my mind.

"Are you sick?" I ponder, "cancer? Organ failure? Anything of the sort?" She shakes her head, and rubs her hand across her face.

"No, Xo. I don't have to be dying to want to be with you. I've actually realized that I made the biggest mistake all those years ago, and I want a second chance," damn right your biggest mistake. I'm amazing.

"A little too late, don't you think?"

"Is it because of that little girl?" She asks.

Little girl? My eyes narrow. Seriously? She's twenty fucking five, "comments like that lessens your chances of ever stepping foot into my house again," I tell her.

"If I remember correctly, you used my money to buy this house," yeah, that's the last straw. I used what I was entitled to from our separation. And I hate to break it to you, but I make more money than you now.

"You should go," I head to the door, and swing it open, almost knocking myself down doing so.

"Xiomara?" That sweet voice fills my ear, and my cheeks heat up when I see Bethany standing there, with a single, white lily in between her fingers. As soon as she sees Petah, she moves the flower behind her, and smiles awkwardly.

"Oh, hey," I say, embarrassed, "Petah was just leaving," the glare that my ex is giving Bethany is making me even more uncomfortable.

"You should place those roses in some water, Xo," Petah brags, as though her bouquet triumphs what Bethany has. But at least she knows what my favourite flower is, unlike you.

"I was just stopping in. I can go if you're busy," Bethany says.

"No, no," I stretch for her hand, and pull her inside, while Petah watches in envy, "I was just thinking about you actually."

I intertwine our fingers, as I look at Petah, wondering why she hasn't left yet. Bethany pulls her hand away. And grips the step of the lily with both of her hands.

"You do know that she's a child," Petah grumbles and crosses her arms over her chest. I'm unthreatened by what she said, since Petah's criticisms means little to nothing to me. Of course I know Bethany's young, but Petah's just being nasty.

"And what about the neighbour's daughter who Mary caught you with? Isn't she a bit too young for you?" I snarl, and her face becomes a bright shade of red.

"That was," she scrambles for words, as I place my hand on the small of Bethany's back, "that's different."

"Well, this is different too. So can you please leave?" I ask. Petah scoffs and shakes her head. I'm ready to throw her out myself, but this belle next to me is stopping me from turning into a demon.

"Have fun while it lasts," the bitterness in Petah's tone is unsettling. What she said makes me insecure about my relationship with Bethany. Will we last?

Petah storms through the door, and I immediately close it, "I guess that drama hasn't settled yet," Bethany says. She moves the lily against her chest, before stretching it towards me.

"I just want to be cuddled up with you," I touch the petals with the tip of my index finger, "where's my baby boy?"

"He's with my aunt for the night. I thought that I'd take the chance to come see you," it makes me so happy that she'd spend her free time with me, "this is for you, by the way," I pull her into me, and cup her cheeks with my hands.

"Want to help me throw out some red roses?" I ask. She tilts her head to the side, indulging in the warmth of my right palm.

"I think I'll just head home," the sigh that escapes her lips makes my entire chest tighten.

"Why?"

She sucks in a breath, and moves away, pressing her lips together in discomfort, "I just—" she shifts, "I didn't think it would bother me so much," her eyes flutter, and I become confused, "Xo—" her eyes close, "did you break off the date with her or not?"

Fuck. Not that question of all things, "I, I haven't had the chance. I—"

"It's inconsiderate for me to feel jealous. I know that you're just looking out for your kids, but—" I take her hand, and lead her over to the couch. I need to sit to hear this.

"It's too much for you?" I knew this would be a problem. My life's a bit complicated right now, and I never wanted to drag Bethany into it.

"I'm afraid that you might still have feelings for her," I've assured Bethany that I don't numerous times, but I understand why she won't believe me. Petah and I will always be complicated. We have kids together. Regardless of feelings being involved, this will never simmer down.

"I really don't, Bethany. But I can't promise that she won't be apart of our lives. My kids mean the world to me, and their mother means the world to them."

"I understand," she gets up, my heart inside of my throat, as she walks to the door, "I just need some time to think."

I nod, my insecurities falling into place, right where they belong.