Chapter 23

I walked in the room where Meredith should be sleeping. I walked in but she was already up, sitting up and watching outside the moon. I noticed how her hair was a mess from laying down, still she looked beautiful as ever, and how could someone be so fallen in love with someone that looking at her just made my heart beat faster, beat at all. It felt like before meeting her I didn’t know what was living. I didn’t even know what was breathing without her, but now everything hurt my bones knowing that I couldn’t have her.

“What are you doing here?” She was shocked and got up from her bed right away. She was wearing her thin white nightgown, this wasn’t anything less than she usually wore but it felt like it was just being with her this time in the morning seemed too intimate.

“It’s Vincent...” I didn’t need to say anything more. She headed for the door right away.

“We need to wake up Jasper, he will help!” she panicked but I grabbed her hand as she was trying to pass me.

“Just go to Vincent and not a single word to Jasper. I already am telling you too much!” I said and I might have sounded too threatening because she tensed under my touch. When I let her go she ran to Vincent’s room. He was sleeping. And Meredith looked at me confused.

“He’s all right.” She whispered to not wake him up, but there couldn’t be anything that would wake him up, he was already in a too weak state to open his eyes, he wasn’t even thinking anymore, he was slowly leaving his own body.

I showed her the watch in my pocket. “His time is twenty minutes.”

“Jasper will help him!” She tried to run but I caught her.

“There is nothing he can do” I looked her in the eyes.

“Please,” she pleaded as she walked back to Vincent’s bed, he looked like he usually looked, nothing that could show a sigh of him disappearing any time soon.

“He’s already unconscious,” I explained to her. She looked back at me and then back at Vincent, but she still passed me and ran to Jasper. I didn’t even try to stop her this time. The grief was making her do things out of her mind. She ran back with Jasper following. He ran up to the bed and checked his pulse, then he tried to shake him slightly awake. He looked at Meredith who was watching him in teary eyes.

“His pulse is very faint...” he nodded his head at Meredith and she just slumped in the chair where she usually sat. After a while Jasper walked out of the room and left Meredith here after making sure that she was okay to stay alone.

I walked up to her and put my hand on her shoulder, she put her hand on top of mine. “Isn’t there anything you can do?” She asked weakly. I didn’t even try to answer and she didn’t wait for an answer. I just guided people in the afterlife.

Meredith wasn’t crying as much as I would think she would. She sat by his side until his breathing stopped completely. I walked up to him while she was watching everything with an empty stare. I took his slightly colored soul with me in a glass container. He did so much good but even after all that his soul was still covered with his youth.

After that she slowly got up and called Jasper who already managed to get someone from the pack to transport him to the pack sanctuary.

After Vincent was gone from this house the sun was already up. Meredith walked back to her room and after a while I walked up there too to find her sitting at the edge of her bed. She looked up at me, she wasn’t crying, she wasn’t okay yet, but she was fine. “You can go now,” she said with her voice weak and tired.

“Do you want me to go?” I asked but still walked inside, closing the door behind, just so Meredith’s conversation doesn’t freak out Jasper making him think that she was again talking to herself.

“I don’t need you here,” she said looking down on her hands that were tangled in her lap.

“But do you want me here?” I asked again. “Your friend just died...” I started but she interrupted

“I’m not a little girl, I don’t need someone to explain to me what happened.” She snapped at me, still with her stare down.

I made my way towards her and sat next to her putting my one arm around her. She tensed at first but she rested her head on my shoulder and I could smell her hair, and the softness of her skin brushed against my hand. “Vincent is dead... that means I will soon leave.” she said but I didn’t want her to go to the unknown alone.

“I am not sure you should leave,” I said. “You will be there all alone, who will be there for you? Here you have your sister,” I explained.

She reached her hand to mine and tangled her fingers in mine, she was looking for comfort, for someone to be there when she cries. “You don’t believe that I have it in me to protect myself?” She asked.

I chuckled and squeezed her fragile body tighter under my arm. “I don’t believe that you have it in you to not care about yourself more than others.”

She lifted her head up and looked confused. “How is that a bad thing?” She asked, being dangerously close to me, still I didn’t loosen my grip on her.

“Because I know that if you had a last piece of bread in your pocket you would much rather give it away than feed your hunger.” I said and she put her head back on my shoulder.

“Come with me,” she said. “That way you will be there to protect me,” I closed my eyes and kissed her head.

“You know I can’t…” I tried to explain but she broke out of my hug standing up and walking up to the window where the light was breaking in.

“Don’t want to… you just don’t want to!” she said with her head down freaking out on me. “Just like everybody else… you just don’t want to!”

“Meredith. Being with you is the only thing I would ever want. It’s just not that simple…” she interrupted turning towards me.

“Are you afraid to take the risk of it?” she asked.

I nodded my head “No. I am never afraid of any risk…” I tried to explain with her interrupting me again.

“I am just not enough for you?” she asked but I just kept looking at her in confusion. “I am just not enough to take the risk for.”

I buried my head in my hands. “Why are you making this so hard for me!” I said frustrated and put my hands up to her face resting my forehead on hers. “Can’t you understand that I am not right for you.”

“Then who is?” she asked.

“You were made for someone, you have someone out there, but it’s not me.” Suddenly a knock came from the other side of the doors and we separated right before Jasper entered.

“Magdalena is waiting for you downstairs,” Jasper said and walked back out.

“Hope I don’t see you tonight.” I said hoping that she won’t come to meet Phoenix and Moon Goddess.

She forced a smile out of her. The fakest I’ve seen and I left shortly after Jasper.

Meredith

I walked down now dressed in one of my darkest dresses. I walked in the living room and as soon as Magdalena noticed me she ran up to and hugged me tightly. “I am so sorry,” she said in a sympathetic voice. She broke the hug off and looked at me holding my hands in hers. “Do you want to talk about it?” She asked but I shook my head. Magdalena didn’t know Vincent like I did and I didn’t want to make her grief just because I am. “So… does that mean you will leave soon?” she asked now, more sad because that was more relevant to her than someone dying who she didn’t even know.

I nodded “Yes. Soon,” Magdalena nodded back to me. “Will you visit me?” She asked.

“I’ll try,” was all I said because I didn’t know how far I was going, or where.

“On the way here I met Xavier… he is waiting outside. He thought it wasn’t appropriate to go inside so he is waiting for you.” She explained.

“Will you wait here while I talk with him?” I asked and she nodded letting me go.

Right as I opened the doors Xavier turned towards me. “Hi,” I greeted him.

“I am… sorry for your loss.” He instantly stuttered a little while he looked for the right words.

I nodded. “Yeah. Me too,” I said, not sure where to look. My eyes were not adjusting well with the bright light from crying and not sleeping. I tried to look Xavier in the eyes but it was easier to look down on the ground so I was left with shifting my stare constantly.

“How are you holding up?” he asked, breaking the awkward silence between us.

“I’m… doing well. At least I will be… eventually. Death isn’t the worst thing that can happen in life,” I said and he nodded.

Another moment of silence fell and I remembered what could be the reason for him being here “about the wedding…” I started but he interrupted me.

“I know… your parents called mine. They argued for a long time and then it was decided that the wedding is off.” He explained.

“Oh!” was all that I could answer to him. “I was still going to call the engagement off but our parents did it for us.

“I really wanted to marry you.” He said. “Not because I love you in that way but just… we wanted the same thing,” he explained.

“I am sorry,” I apologized.

“Don’t be,” he said, taking my hand in his. “But if you change your mind… the offer is still up.” he said, smiling a little.

I liked that he came. Soothing to have friends in these times.

It seemed like out of nowhere he pulled me in a hug. Where my head rested on his chest and his arms wrapped around me.

I buried my face in his chest only now realizing how much it hurt. He played with my hair. “its okay.”

But that only made me cry. I knew why I was okay with marrying him. Because he was like that. Caring. Sweet.

And maybe I was in the arms of someone who I just let go. What if he was the happiness I let go? What if he was the one who could give me happiness?

But my mind only wanted to chase Death…