Chapter 24

I didn’t see Death all day. I hoped that he would walk with me to the forest and till the last second I waited for him to show up but he didn’t.

I knew he didn’t want me to come but he also knew that there was no stopping me.

I waited by the window in Vincent’s house. That house was pack’s property and the Alpha told Jasper that he could take this house with his family and Jasper said that he would move in here when I am gone. He was in no rush to move and he insisted that I stay there for a few days. He said that being alone for a while would make me think if leaving was really the best thing for me. I wasn’t changing my mind. I would never be happy here, at least going away was giving me some kind of hope of what could be, I had not a single hope of life in this pack.

The twilight was setting in and I walked outside to the unfamiliar warm wind, the pack was starting to get quieter as I slowly walked into the woods while they got ready to settle down for the day. I still hoped that Death would be waiting for me here but he wasn’t there.

Did he hate me now? Did I ruin everything? How could I ruin something that wasn’t even happening?

Maybe I should have better shut my mouth… then we would still be something. It pained me that whatever we had would break. And it was also a delight thinking back of all the commotion of emotions I had while he kissed me.

It was beautifully painful.

I hadn’t realized that I was crying until I changed back to my human form and my cheeks were swollen. Why was I crying? Because Death made everything different in my life now. If I hadn’t met him that day in Vincent’s room I wouldn’t be crying right now. I wouldn’t want him with me. It wouldn’t be a problem but he didn’t want me like I wanted him. He said it was because it’s complicated and for my own good, but I wanted for him to wreck my life if that would happen. Was he just holding back because I was already made for someone as a gift? If the one I was meant to be for is not a mate what is it to me? Just a friend?

Some time back when I would say that Death has hurt me like no other I wouldn’t think I would say that in this situation, thinking of Death as a person.

I walked to the clearing where the lake was and noticed Death standing with his back turned to me. I walked closer to him. “Hoped you wouldn’t come,” he said and as I stood next to him I noticed the Phoenix feather in his hands.

“Hoped you would be happier to see me.” I said as the waves were filling the silence around.

“I am,” he said. “Just not here, I don’t want anyone to hurt you,” he explained. His care for me made my heart jump a little but the pain of him leaving was still there.

“Anyone but you? ’I couldn’t help but blurt out. His eyes caught mine. As if I just said something wrong. I quickly tried to fix my words.

“They didn’t call us here to hurt us.” I said instead.

“You don’t know that!” He almost spat at me.

“I haven’t done anything to make the gods angry,” I reasoned and he turned his head towards me.

“You can see me,” he said. “What if you seeing me is the thing that makes them angry?”

I shook my head not believing a word he said, me seeing him couldn’t be something that makes them angry. How could this be the reason? How could someone so dear to me be the reason to anger someone? “It can’t be it,” I said confidently. “We are not destroying the world by me seeing you,” I tried to make him understand but what did I understand of the world compared to him? He had seen everything from the start of times while I was just a dust in the wind.

“It’s not how it’s supposed to be, no one has ever seen me, not anyone who has no relation with the afterworld. This just changed the normal to how it needs to be, how that could be any good?”

“You are so much older and wiser but you refuse to see the good reason this could be for the meeting here, you only think that we will be executed or something!”

“No!” he cut me off. “You just refuse to see the only reasonable explanation for this because you want this to be something that won’t matter, but it will.” He looked at the Phoenix feather in his hands. “Even if this is something… that does not matter, it won’t make me stay with you.” He said and like a sting in my heart he said it so carelessly.

“I know,” I said, looking down on my feet. “You made that clear. That you don’t want to have anything to do with me, not now, not ever, you will just leave me alone forever because that is what’s the best to do and right for me.” I said repeating his words in spite. He looked at me like waiting for me to say more and just because of that I did. “You will just leave me to think that maybe in another life I will meet you again and maybe that you would want me enough to not think about what’s right and leave all rationality aside because it wouldn’t matter. And now it matters too much to you.”

I noticed a single tear leave his eye. “You being with me will make you miserable. It will be just you against the whole world… I don’t want that for you.”

“Do you want me?” I asked him quickly and he looked at me.

“Meredith this has nothing to do with what I want…”

I cut him off immediately. “You say those wonderful things. Look set me like…that.” I wasn’t sure how he looked at me but his eyes made me feel things. Things that no one else could make me feel. “And then you leave and make me feel stupid because of you.”

“I want you,” he said, stopping my banter. “I have always wanted you.” He almost shouted.

Like tripping over his own words he needed to take in a breath. “there is not a single moment where I don’t.”

His eyes glossed over. “Can’t you see? I have fallen in love with you.”

He loved me? “The one thing that shouldn’t have happened. But it did. And I had no say in this. I am madly in love.”

I wanted to run up to him. Kiss him and answer. But he backed away when I tried to. Leaving me there looking dumb. He wanted me but he… also didn’t.

“I love you too much to let you end yourself this way. Leaving will be the most painful thing I will ever do but it’s what’s best for you, I am not and will never be the best choice for you, and you will understand it… maybe not now but later you will see you should have left to live a mundane life a long before. I will never let you be with me, I don’t want to see you get hurt because of this… I can’t protect you in this world while I am in the afterworld.” He explained with his voice husky and low.

“You would much rather hurt yourself than be with someone you love?” I asked.

“I would much rather hurt for the rest of eternity if that’s what’s best for you.” He said and he walked away from the lake and something happened to him.

“You tell that you love me.” I shook my head. “You don’t love me, you love pain.”

I heard a noise like something crunching. “They are near,” He said. “I can sense him.” I assume he was referring to the Phoenix. He was standing with his head hung low now completely still. Ignoring what I said.

I tried to get near him a little but I wasn’t sure if everything was okay with him. “Are you alright?” A sudden worry filled my head, because he was now with his back towards me again and as I walked closer he walked more away. I stopped and noticed how he let his hands down and suddenly they were not his hands anymore.

Not the same hands that had touched me before, they were dark skeleton hands, he put his hood on and he cracked his neck turning it to the side and back. “Death…” I called him frightened of what was happening.

“You won’t like me now that much,” he said laughing a little at the end but his voice was raspy and deep. Too deep than it usually was.

“What happened?” I asked, trying to get a peak from the side but with no success.

“I need to be in my true afterlife form when he comes, “ he said.

“True form?” I asked. I never knew he had any other form, but I was scared to imagine his face now. His hands in dark skeleton. Covered in black dust.

“I’ll frighten you,” He said seriously.

I took a deep breath. “I want to see.” I said, trying to sound confident. I wasn’t so sure if it wouldn’t scare me but it won’t make me think any less of him. I could never think less of him, he was stuck in my mind and nothing would ever make him leave my memories.

He slowly turned towards me with his head down and I could see the shadow of his face only darkness coming. “Please…” I said to him, he slowly raised his head up and revealed a skeleton-like face except it wasn’t all white, it was dark, his eye sockets were gone and black spots were left there. His face was covered with black mist. It didn’t scare me as much as I would think it could. I was more fascinated and couldn’t take my eyes off his face.

Something strange was in front of me but I knew it was still him, now he was just as real as he could ever be, and there wasn’t a single thing that I would change about how he looked now. This was Death. Even in this form I loved him just as much because I didn’t fall in love with how he looked, I fell in love with his heart and mind. It was still him, just in a different body.

Then out of nowhere a flicker of golden light quickly shifted above our heads. I looked up revealing the most glorious sight ever for one’s sight to see…