♦⊱ Chapter 12 - Change of Heart ⊰♦

Ruka pov:

I sat in silence, looking around the huge room that was Kichiro sama's bedroom. It was twice as big as the one I was staying in, and grand in every possible sense. The bed was just as soft as mine, if not more, and the sheets were of the finest silk I had seen in this time period, even better than that of the clothes I wore.

While I waited for Kichiro sama to be done with his shower, I took the liberty to observe the painted portraits on the wall, stepping up close to them. One painting was of a middle aged couple wearing grand attire and crowns. Four others were individual portraits which I guessed to be brothers, sons of the couple in the first painting. The last portrait though was of a boy younger than the rest with an empty, lonely, and cold look in his eyes. I was almost certain that it was painting of Kichiro sama when he was younger and the other portraits were of his family – his parents and three brothers rumored to have been killed by him.

The portrait of Kichiro sama made me mildly uncomfortable and I stepped away from it just before Kichiro sama walked out of the bathroom. He wore night robes and it was tied loosely around his waist, exposing quite a bit of his bare chest. He was well toned and I averted my eyes feeling embarrassed and a little apprehensive about what was going to happen now.

He took a seat on his bed and held out his hand to me with a word of coaxing. Swallowing thickly, I stepped to him and put my hand in his. I glanced at him gingerly only to frown at his appearance – sure, he had just stepped out of the shower but his hair was still wet, close to dripping water at the tips here and there. I retracted my hand a little forcefully and reached for the towel around his shoulders.

"You should dry your hair or you'll catch a cold!" I said in a scolding tone. Bringing the towel over his head, I began to rub the water of the strands.

I did so for several moments before I tensed and stopped suddenly, realizing just how forward I had been. I also noticed that Kichiro sama had taken a hold of my clothes tightly in his fists, as if he was warning me for stepping out of line. A noticeable tremble came to my hands, my heart was racing and my breathing was quick.

Oh goodness, what did I just do? What on earth was I still doing?!

I had always been a considerate person, caring of others who needed help but this was definitely a stupid move. Perhaps others would have been annoyed with my forwardness but I'm sure Kichiro sama was angry about my behavior. I had been doing my best to stay out of trouble but I had really just made a mess out of things now, hadn't I?

I pulled the towel off his head and stumbled back while watching him in apprehension, "I-I'm so sorry, I- didn't mean to be so forward! I was just-"

"Finish what you started, Ruka." The depth of his voice with a velvety touch to it sent another shudder through me. He was watching me expectantly, his eyes seeming to look into my soul. My eyes stung and I swallowed the prickly lump that had formed in my throat.

My heart hammering in my chest, I shifted closer to him and brought the towel over his head again. I rubbed the wetness out of his hair, but more gently this time. When I felt that his hair was dry enough, I moved the towel away and ran my finger through the loose strands once. I then moved away still holding the towel, having averted my eyes to the floor.

I resisted from flinched when Kichiro sama took a hold of my wrist surprisingly gently and tugged me to the bed. He took the towel from my hands and let it fall to the floor beside the bed as I climbed in next to him. He instructed me to lie down and I did just that, though on my side facing him. I sucked in a sharp breath when he wrapped an arm around me waist to pull me closer to himself. He then propped himself up on one arm and touched the strands of my hair while looking over my face intently.

Despite feeling his penetrating gaze on me, I kept my eyes on my clenched fists that were softly resting against his bare chest. I could feel the strong, rhythmic thumping of his heart below. I felt more embarrassed than afraid of our proximity and the sight of his toned body, and I could feel the heat of a blush on my cheeks.

After a few silent minutes, Kichiro sama removed the constrains on my hair and ran his fingers through the strands just as I had done to him earlier. I looked up at him at that, meeting his scarlet gaze that didn't seem as cold as usual. They held curiosity instead, almost childlike, along with the usual sternness.

More heat rushed to my cheeks as I became hyperaware of our proximity and the comforting heat of his body that enveloped mine. I looked down only to be embarrassed more by the contours of his chest. I then shut my eyes, mentally scolding myself for being so embarrassing suddenly. And with Kichiro sama not ceasing his caresses to my head, I couldn't bring myself to calm down in the least. Goodness, this situation was not good for my heart!

I was glad that my senses were soon overpowered by fatigue thanks to the lack of sleep for the past three nights. As I kept my eyes closed, they began to tug at my consciousness. Involuntarily, I relaxed and allowed myself to drift into light slumber.

Kichiro sama pov:

I narrowed my eyes slightly at Ruka who had only just fallen asleep. Her eyes were closed lightly, her lips slightly parted and her breathing was deep. I was still touching the silky strands of her hair that fell over her neck and was sprawled out behind her.

I narrowed my eyes slightly recalling what she had done just moments ago. When I had summoned her to come close, she had suddenly reached for the towel around my shoulders. Instinctively, I had tensed my body to respond quickly to stop her attack, even reaching for a small dagger I had hidden in my robes. But I was confused and curious as to why instead of trying to choke me with the towel she had brought it over my head to rub my head furiously with it. He words that had a scolding hit to it had surprised me even more.

"You should dry your hair or you'll catch a cold!"

She had sounded concerned, worried about my well-being. It was something that I had never got from anyone before. Not that I needed concern over my wet hair for I always slept with wet hair after a shower, but her gesture had sent an odd sense of satisfaction through me, a filling to the void just like when I had seen her smile in the Strolling Garden, sat her in my lap, and as she slept so defenselessly next to me now.

Perhaps it had been the spur of the moment but it was instinctive and unbiased – the kind of gesture I had wanted her to show me from the very beginning.

She had soon realized what she was doing and had stepped away while apologizing, an expression of terror coming onto her face as she watched me. I should have been angry at her for doing something without my consent but I could only command her to complete what she had begun, to not leave things done halfway. She had obeyed and continued, though was gentler. When she had run her fingers through my hair checking if they were dry enough, I couldn't take my eyes off of her. It felt so comforting and so I had done the same thing to her too after having her lay down next to me.

The expression she had before she fell asleep was strange though. He cheeks had reddened and she had stiffened, not moving in the slightest until she was overcome by sleep. I wondered what she felt when she had given such an expression, the redness only increasing when she had met my eyes.

I averted my gaze from her and glanced over the portraits hung on the wall that she had been looking at when I stepped out of the bathroom. I narrowed my eyes at them in distaste – I don't even know why I still had those on the wall when they were only of those who hated me, mistreated me, tried to kill me. Perhaps the two people who were my parents were an exception but looking at their portraits still annoyed me.

I looked back at Ruka when she shifted. She furrowed her brows in her sleep and groaned softly before curling up slightly and falling into calm sleep again. I put my arm around her and brought her closer to myself so our bodies were in contact. The warmth of her body was gratifying and I too closed my eyes to rest for the night.

The weight I felt on me when I awoke was both annoying and alerting me to become defensive. I reached for my hidden dagger and held it to the person who lay on top of me only to pause just before making a fatal strike. I narrowed my eyes sharply at Ruka who slept with her head on my chest and her arm thrown carelessly across me. I could feel the weight of one of her legs over mine at the ankles too. She was just as defenseless as she had been when she fell asleep last night.

I lowered my dagger and watched her silently for a few moments. Last night and now were the first and second times I had seen her face this close. She was even more beautiful than the first time I had seen her. Her face was small, her skin was flawless, and her features were delicate. Dark locks framed her face, making it look even more alluring. I moved some of the strand out of her face – she reacted to that, whining softly and furrowing her brows before slipping off my shoulder and curling up against my side.

I felt suddenly annoyed and uncomfortable with this extended proximity. Out of instinct, I saw her proximity as a threat.

"Get up, Ruka," I said, sitting up and giving her shoulder a shake.

She whined again, "Five more minutes..."

"I said get up!" I said in a louder voice and she finally stirred. She sat up slowly and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes with a slight frown.

I felt an uncomfortable constriction in my chest when she opened her dark eyes to look at me. She looked like a porcelain doll right now and it made my heart beat harder than normal. I couldn't stop from giving her a sharp, threatening glare that changed her expression to one of absolute fright.

"GET OUT!" I bellowed. She flinched and shuffled back on the bed, almost falling to the floor. She stood, bowed and sprinted out of the room, slamming the door shut behind her.

Frustrated, I reached for the vase on the side table and threw it at the door, making it shatter upon contact. I heard a startled yelp from Ruka on the other side, indicating that she was still near the door. But her hurried footsteps faded as she ran away from the room.

I cursed under my breath while pacing through the room. I could not get the words fear, hate, distrust, and betrayal out of my mind. All that I had lived through during my childhood threatened to haunt me again, enough to make me feel like it would all repeat itself now. I couldn't shake off the belief that I would be betrayed by Ruka too – she feared me after all and surely hated me. It would all lead to betrayal in the end.

I clenched my fists tightly enough for my nails to pierce the skin of my palms and draw blood. I exhaled deeply with my eyes closed. When I opened them, I had regained enough composure. Pushing all other thoughts aside, I walked to the bathroom to get ready for the day.

Ruka pov:

My body was trembling from the jolt of fright I had had after Kichiro sama had yelled at me to leave his room and the loud bang I had heard when I was leaning against the closed doors of his room for a breather. I didn't know why he had suddenly looked so angry at me – I was sure I hadn't done anything to upset him. I had been obedient, followed his orders for me to sleep next to him even though it was scary and embarrassing. I had been quiet and submissive in every aspect...and yet he had got so angry at me. I was so afraid that I would be rewarded with painful punishment again. I didn't want that! I didn't want to feel even more afraid and suffocated than what I was already feeling!

I barely noticed the two soldiers chasing me as if I was trying to escape. I didn't stop running until I was in my room, and I startled Kyo chan from my unexpectedly harsh entrance. When I was in the center of the room, my legs gave out and I collapsed to the floor. I was breathing heavily and my eyes prickled before tears fell from them without control.

"Oh my goodness, My Lady!" Kyo chan hollered. She rushed to me and kneeled while touching my shoulder, "Are you alright? What happened?"

"W-why? Why, Kyo chan? Why?" I said through my sobs.

"My Lady, please calm down! What happened for you to be so distraught?" Kyo chan asked.

"I-I was so scared!" I wailed, covering my ears and trembling. "K-Kichiro sama is so scary! W-why is it me? How can I-I continue to live here like this?"

Kyo chan gently pulled me into an embrace and patted my head, "There, there, My Lady. You're alright, everything will be alright."

I remained in her embrace until I calmed down. She rubbed my back soothingly and whispered words of courage, helping me feel better and even think a little less negatively. I had to believe that everything would turn out alright in the end. I was doing as I was told, being submissive, so surely everything would get better. I had to be patient and strong till then, hold on to the thin string of hope that this tough time would pass.

Having consoled myself, I pulled away from Kyo chan while sniffling. I wiped off the tears from my cheeks and let Kyo chan caress my face as well. She helped me stand and caressed my head again.

"Why don't you wash up for the day? I'm sure it's help you feel better," she said with a smile.

I nodded in response and followed her to the bathroom. I waited silently while she got the bath ready. After she had left, I undressed and got into the tub and leaned back against the side to relax my still tense body. The warm soak really helped me feel better both physically and mentally. I sighed in content, closing my eyes and letting all the chaotic thoughts dissipate for now.

After a few minutes, I looked up at the ceiling in a daze. I felt alone and anxious, longed to go back home to where everything made sense, was safe and where I wouldn't get hurt. I longed for the normal life I had had before I turned up in this time period. I wanted to see my mother and father, Kojiro and Sparks and all my friends.

Just thinking about them made my heart ache. I wanted to see them...even if it was in a picture. I was sure that seeing their smiling faces would rejuvenate my spirits at least a little.

Perhaps I could ask Kichiro sama to return my phone now. It had been quite a long time since he had confiscated it and I had held on to my end of the 'agreement'. I was afraid to ask him for it though, because of what had happened today. I didn't want to see him angry again. I didn't want him to yell at me again. I didn't want to see that scary side of him again.

But...what if I was overthinking? Maybe Kichiro sama wasn't a morning person so he was juts annoyed for no reason and had taken it out on me. Maybe I had misunderstood him in my moment of fright, assuming that he was angry at me for something I had did wrong. I'm sure he knew that I wasn't the least bit of a threat to him and I wouldn't try to escape so...he would give me my phone if I asked for it, right?

I nodded slowly to myself. I would ask him for my phone today, perhaps after a meal. He would surely be calm then and would consider my request without getting angry or irritated, right?

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Kicking it up another notch! And feeling rather happy with Ruka, huh?

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