Chapter 28: ' , -

ð¶ðªðððððððð ð·ðððððð: ðºððððð ðªðððð ðð ðªðððð ð®ðððð¶

Tw: violence, childhood trauma/neglect/abuse

Olivia POV:

On the car ride here, I expected myself to run into the house to see what is going on, but instead here I am. Standing in front of the door, frozen, as if I didn't have complete control over my body. As if I couldn't step into the house easily. I stare at the familiar door, which I have always dreaded going through while growing up.

Even looking at it makes me quite nauseous, since it brings back all the bad memories I've had here.

"ðð©ð¦'ð´ ð¢ðµ ð©ð°ð®ð¦,"

"Olivia,"

I snap out of the memory and back towards reality. Back towards the damn door that I wish I could run away from. From the other side of the screen door, I can see my grandpa standing there with a confused but huge smile on his face.

I try to forget the memory as I open the door and go to give my grandpa a hug.

"Y quiÃ©n es este caballero?" (and who is this gentleman?) he asks as he pulls out of the hug and looks behind me. I turn around and see Conrad standing there with a smile on his face.

"His name is Conrad,and he's..my friend," I say to my grandpa, that gives me a suspicious look on his face.

"How are you," he says towards Conrad. Conrad goes to shake his hand, but my grandpa goes on for a full hug.

"Bien, good," Conrad says, while hugging him back.

"Olivia," I hear someone holler as I enter the house. I look over and see my grandpa running towards me to give me a hug.

"Abu," I say, as she hugs me.

"Que bueno que estas aqui" (How great is is that you are here)

I realize the reason I am here and pull away.

"Where's my mother? Is she alright?" I ask. My grandma looks away and doesn't say anything.

"What is going on?" I hear someone say from across the apartment. I look over and see someone turned around closing a door, but I can tell who it was any day.

"Mija, look who's here," grandma says, while walking towards my mom happily.

We both stare at each other, but don't say a word. Just looking at her makes me get a rush of anxiety.

"Hey ma," I say while standing still, not really sure where I should go or stand, or if I can even stand straight right now. She doesn't say anything though, she just stares at me with an angry look on her face and then looks towards my grandma.

"What is she doing here," she says as she walks over to the kitchen and lights up one of her cigarettes.

"Are you okay, I mean, abu called me and said you were in the hospital...but I guess you're back?"

I look over towards my grandma when my mother makes a confused look on her face.

"She's not sick, I just wanted you both to see each other, it's been so long," she says, while grabbing onto my shoulder and taking me towards my mom. I stand in front of my mom awkwardly as she places her cigarette out of her mouth and blows the smoke onto my face.

"She doesn't want to talk to me, so then great, don't talk to me," she says as she puts out her cigarette and walks away from me.

I can feel guilt start to build up on me as she walks away. She has somehow, even now, made me feel guilty about something I don't have any fault for. She has somehow made me feel shitty for running away from them, even though being with them was slowly killing me day by day.

"She can run away from me, as if I had done something wrong. Even after everything I have done for her, all the sacrifices and-"

"Everything you have done for me?" I suddenly say, surprising myself. But all this built up guilt, anger, and confusion about "how to feel", has led me to not be able to take her shit anymore.

"Who raised you? Definitely not your damn father," she says, while lighting another cigarette. I laugh in complete disbelief and walk towards her.

"I did. I fucking raised me," I say to her. She looks over at me shocked, as if I was some type of criminal and she was the victim.

"No le ables asi a tu madre," (don't talk to your mother like that) my grandma says, with a stern look on her face.

"But grandma, you don't understand. She has literally put me through hell, literal hell, and is standing here acting as if she is the most amazing mother in the world! And she wasn't, at all and-" I can feel tears start to form in my eyes, but the last thing I want to do is make my mother feel like she has control over my emotions. Not that, not ever again.

"She, this house, and everything about this place was literal hell for me and- and I had to bring myself out of it," I stop and take a deep breath in. All I want to do is run away, but at the same time, I know I need to say all of this. Not for them, but for myself.

"No diga eso," (don't say that) my grandma says while looking away from me. I sigh, since no matter what I say, they still don't seem to understand it at all.

"I don't know how else I could show you how much of an awful mother she was-is. She was sucking the life out of me, and I chose myself. I chose to run away from her and I don't for one second regret it," I say, hearing the cracks in my voice myself. There is silence in the room for a while. I can already predict the chaos I have just caused, just by stating how I felt.

"How dare you," I hear my mother holler from across the room. I quickly turn my head towards her as she charges towards me, with her hand up in the air, to hit me.

I close my eyes, feeling like the 11 year old that was deathly scared of her, and wait for it too all fall down.

But nothing comes. Her hand never lands on my face, or my arm, or anywhere. I stand there for a couple of seconds, not knowing what to expect. But eventually, I slowly open my eyes and see her hand over me. But, she was stopped and someone is holding her arm away from me. I look over and see Conrad with an angry look on his face holding onto my mothers arm.

I sigh in relief and look over to my mother who is also in shock. He pushes her arm away and then looks over to me. He then places his hand on the back of my head, and places me against his chest.

"It's okay," he says, and I release the tears from my eyes.

"It's alright, you did good. You're okay now." he says as he caresses my hair. I can hear my mother curse under her breath and walk away. I sigh in relief and let myself fall into the hug, to find comfort in his arms.

Since, it's the only thing I could find comfort in these days.

_______

𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒔𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒚, 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒘𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒖𝒑

Share This Chapter