Chapter 18

EMERICK

I was fuming as I left Sam’s office. In the back of my mind, I knew she wasn’t considering the alpha’s offer, but the fact that she didn’t just shut him down made me so upset.

Zef had been ready to tear through the computer screen, so I left her office to burn off some steam.

As I stomped my way through the pack house, I barely realized someone was calling my name.

“Emerick!”

“Not really a good time, Celeste,” I muttered, not breaking stride.

“Well, I think you owe me an explanation,” she demanded, crossing her arms and standing in my path.

“Excuse me?” I barked. “An explanation for what?”

“Are you or are you not fucking the new alpha?”

A new rage burned through me. “What did you just say?” I stepped right up to her until I was standing in her face.

She shifted back, a flash of fear in her eyes, before squaring her shoulders. “Everyone is talking about how you arrived together this morning. Plus, she hasn’t moved into the alpha’s residence yet.”

“Where we spent the night is none of your concern, Celeste,” I said slowly.

Why the fuck did she even care? We had never been anything more than friends.

Okay, friends with benefits to be exact, but both of us had been on the same page with that. She reminded me of it often, and I was perfectly content with our setup.

We were each other’s booty call when we needed some companionship. We had fun together.

Up until my night with Sam, I had thought Celeste was great in bed. Now, she didn’t even compare.

“Are you serious?” There was pain in her frown. “We’ve been together for years. I could deal with the other girls because you always came back, but you said you never bring anyone to your house.”

I was confused. “Celeste, I have never told you we would ever be anything more than friends.”

She scoffed. “That’s such a bullshit excuse, and you know it.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose and took a breath, trying to maintain my composure.

“Does she know about your many conquests?” she spat.

“I’ve been honest with her, Celeste.” I kept my voice low to keep from shouting at her. “She knows that I haven’t wanted a serious relationship.”

“You’ve been honest with her, huh? So then she knows where you were the night before you met her, right? What you said to me?”

I stilled. I had completely forgotten about that. My entire world had changed since that conversation.

“Well, she does now,” she finally said, jutting out her jaw.

“What. Did. You. Do?” I ground out.

I got in her face again, but she wouldn’t meet my eyes. I wanted to strangle her.

Finally, I took a step back and turned around, heading toward Sam’s office. “Do not ever contact me again,” I called over my shoulder.

“Emerick, wait—”

“We’re done!”

I tore through the pack house to Sam’s office. When I reached her door, I found her still sitting at her desk, holding a piece of paper.

She looked up at me. “Who the fuck is Celeste?”

“Sam, I’m not sure what she said, but—”

“I’m going to give you one chance to be fully transparent with me, Emerick. Then we will talk about what’s in this fucking letter. So, I’m going to ask you again: who the fuck is Celeste?”

I sat down across the desk from her and ran my hands over my face.

“Celeste, I thought, was one of my best friends. We’ve known each other since high school, but we didn’t start hanging out until after graduation. Back then, it was only as part of a group.

“But as our friends found their mates and started their families, we were left behind as the odd ones out, and it made us closer.”

“Close enough to sleep together?” Sam’s eyes were narrowed.

“Yeah,” I conceded, “I guess so. I never saw our relationship that way. We would just call one another when one of us was lonely. It was just sex. There was nothing romantic, no affection.

“I felt like she was just a friend who I also had sex with on occasion. I thought she felt the same way.”

“She doesn’t,” Sam said flatly.

“I’m gathering that,” I said, rubbing my face again.

I had confided every secret I had in Celeste. The amount of dirt she had on me was probably endless if she spun it the right way.

“She told you what I said to her the night before I met you, didn’t she?” I asked.

Sam looked away. I could see tears in her eyes, and it killed me. I felt like garbage, but I knew I had to give her the truth if I wanted any chance of fixing it.

“I told her I was going to meet the new alpha’s mother the next day and that I would do whatever I could to win her over so that I could keep my job as beta… even seduce her.”

A small sob escaped Sam. I was hurting her, and I hated myself for it. Maybe a part of her wished it wasn’t true—that I wasn’t the piece of shit Celeste had told her I was.

“It was before I met you, and if I could take it back, I would. I won’t say I didn’t mean it because I did.

“But believe me when I say everything is different now. I meant it when I said I would choose you over being the beta every single time. I would choose you over everything, Sam.”

She turned her stern, tear-stained face to me. I wanted to run to her and hold her—to beg for her forgiveness. But I held my ground because I knew she needed the space.

“Did you call her while I was in the MedBay?”

~Fuck. I had completely forgotten about that.~

“I did… But it was only because I needed a friend. When you started yelling while they were resetting your ribs, I lost control. I couldn’t rein in Zef, and they threatened to tranquilize me.

“Reaching out to my mom wasn’t an option. She would’ve been a nervous wreck. And my sisters have their own lives and families to deal with.

“So, I dialed the only other person I felt could give me the reassurance I needed—that everything would be fine, that you would be fine.

“I promise you, Sam, I never intended to give her the wrong impression. We had always been clear that we were just friends. I even told her that I couldn’t see myself settling down.”

“It’s one thing to think the person you desire doesn’t want anyone. It’s another to realize they just don’t want you,” she murmured.

“That’s true,” I agreed.

For a few minutes, each of us digested the conversation in silence.

Eventually, Sam asked, “How long were you with her?”

I sighed. “I can’t say for sure. Maybe seven years? I never thought of us as a couple. We both dated other people.”

Sam only nodded.

As the minutes passed, I found myself becoming more terrified that I was about to lose the best thing that had ever happened to me.

I wanted to throttle Celeste, but I knew that I was equally to blame. I had used Celeste as a stand-in without even realizing it, consumed by my own selfishness.

Hell, I had even intended to use Sam, and I knew that was what was hurting her the most.

“I was warned that men would want to control me for my power,” Sam began. “I didn’t think that was you. Part of me still doesn’t, but now I’m questioning everything, Emerick. I hate it.”

I closed my eyes. “I hate it too.”

How could I have treated Celeste so poorly and thought it was acceptable? How could I have planned to use Sam for a ~job~?

Everything changed the moment I met her, and I wished I could go back and be the man she deserved.

“How do I know you’re not using me now? That when it became clear that I was the alpha, not Luke, you didn’t see an opportunity to use me for more than just the beta position?”

I looked up quickly, meeting her gaze. Her eyes were probing, searching for truth.

“I would never do that to you.”

“You can understand why I might find that hard to believe,” she said, managing a weak smile. It wasn’t a question.

“Yeah, I do.” I sighed. “And if I could undo everything, I would. But since I can’t, all I can promise is to spend every day from now on proving to you how much you mean to me.”

Tears welled up in her eyes again, but she held them back and nodded.

“Please, Sam,” I pleaded. “Give me a chance. I can’t lose you.”

She looked at me for a long while. I tried to decipher her thoughts, but all I saw was pain.

“I need you to leave, Em,” she finally whispered. “I have a lot to handle, and I can’t think about this right now. I need some time.”

I swallowed. “Okay, Sam.”

I stood and walked around her desk. Bending down, I kissed her forehead, praying it wouldn’t be the last time.

Without looking back—because I knew if I did, I wouldn’t be able to resist running back to her—I left her office and shut the door.

As I leaned against it, I heard her start to cry, and I closed my eyes to hold back my own tears.