44. Understanding Insecurities

Kaira entered to see Maitri had wrapped herself and was crying hysterically. She immediately walked to her and passed her a glass of water.

"Maitri" Kaira held crying Maitri tightly as they both sat in Maitri's room. Maitri kept crying hysterically.

"Kya hua?" Kaira asked her wiping her tears.

"Maan...He...He said if I want to return to USA then I need to end our relation and then go" She broke out crying again. Kaira understood the whole ploy behind it and asked Maitri to calm down.

"Dekh beta mard jaisa bhi ho, agar zidd dilayegi toh woh tut jayega magar apni zidd nai chodega(Look child, no matter how good a man is, if you will give them a reason to be stubborn, he'll break but won't let go of his stubborness)" Kaira explained to her lovingly.

"Unhone waada kiya tha. Shaadi ke baad hum wahi settle honge. Tabhi toh maine bhi shaadi ke liye haan ki thi(He promised me that after marriage we will settle in The States. That's the reason why I agreed to this marriage)" Maitri started crying again.

"Zaroor kiya tha. Magar vaade yaad dilana ka aur apni baat manwa neka ek taarika hota hai na. Tu mujhe sachi sachi bata, tune usse pucha woh jaana chahta hai ya nahi, kab jaana chahta hai?(Ofcourse he did but there's a method to remind people of their promises and make them agree to your demands. You tell me, did you ask him even once what he wanted? Did he want to go? When does he want to go?)" Maitri understood her words and wiped her tears.

"Dekh Mayu, mera beta pagal hai, shiday hai, zubaan ka bhi kadwa magar dil uska saaf hai. Woh tujhe apni mohobat me rok raha hai. Aab teri bari, tu bhi apne pyaar me apni baat manwale usse.(My son is mad and also has a bitter tongue but he's a softie at heart. He stopping you from going because he loves you. Its now your turn to convince him to agree to your demands)" Kaira said holding Maitri's hands in hers.

"Toh main galat hoon? Mera bahar jaana galat hai jiske liye mujhe unhe manana padega? Unhe shaadi ke pehle bhi pata tha na toh uss waqt kyun kuch nahi kaha?(So I am wrong? Me going out of country is wrong and I need to persuade him for something he promised me. He knew about this from the time we were together then why didn't he point it out if he had a problem?)" Maitri looked at Kaira with a broken heart.

"Ofcourse not beta. You are right at your place. What am saying is hear his side too and then make a decision, hmm? Betaa, marriage is not something where it is you VS him, it is you both as one team against the problems. Promise me you will try and talk to him" Kaira held Maitri's face in her hands and smiled.

"Woh naraz hai mujhse. Baat nai kar rahe(He's angry with me, he's not talking to me)" She said hiccupping.

"Toh pyaar se maana usse, keh usse ke tujhe nahi jaana uss ke bina. Pyaar se baat karegi na toh mera beta maan jayega Mayu (Convince him with love, tell him that you don't want to go if not with him. If you'll convince him with love he will agree to you)" Kaira held Maitri's hands in her and said.

"Pata hai beta, agar apni baat kisise maanwani ho na toh pehle uski baat man ni padti hai. Agle ko jhukane ke liye pehle khud jhukna padta hai (If you want someone to listen to you then you need to first listen to them. Before asking them to bend you need to bend first)" Kaira said with a smile explaining Maitri.

"Aap sab ne toh yeh mujhe nahi samjhaya" She looked at her complainingly.

"Hayee mera bacha. Galti hogayi hum sabse magar aab samjha rahi hoon na. Maana le tere pati ko" Kaira hugged Maitri and kissed her forehead.

"Aap bohot ache ho (You are very nice)" Maitri hugged Kaira crying.

"You too my sweet girl" Kaira kissed Maitri's head smiling.

NEXT DAY

Maitri got ready in a lehriya saree so she could accompany Aryaman and convince him. Aryaman woke up to find Maitri getting dressed and ignored her and went for a bath. Taking a quick shower he changed into a blue kurti with white pyjamas.

"My saafa?" He looked around in the room to find his turban cloth couldn't find. He thought to let it go when Maitri stopped him.

"Wait" Maitri gulped down her saliva and looked at Aryaman who was dressed in his royal attire, looking exactly like the man she had given her heart to.

"Why? Is there anything more left you've to say?" Aryaman looked at her angrily. She closed her eyes trying to stop the dam of tears to burst open.

"Sit, I'll tie the turban" She held the turban cloth in her shaking hands.

"I can do that myself" He walked to her and snatched the cloth away from her. He walked with it and stood infront of the mirror. A tear slid down her cheek as she looked at him. She walked to him and pushed him on the chair and took the cloth from his hands.

"Its not that I don't love you Maan, you are going to be the only man I've given my heart to and will give to even in future" She asked him to hold one end of the cloth. He looked away from her, refusing to listen to her. She knelt down infront of him.

"Maan" She called him softly, keeping her hand under his chin, asking him to look at her once.

"We are going different ways after today then why are you making it as if you care" Aryaman said angrily pushing her hand away.

"Because I still do care" She ignored the hurt his words inflicted on her.

"Leave from here Maitri. I don't have anymore strength left in me to look at you." He continued looking away from her.

"Maan please" She made him look at her using her both hands.

"Go Maitri" He stood up and was to walk away from her without tying the turban.

"Atleast let me tie the turban. It is my right as your wife" She held his hand and stopped him.

"A wife until the day finishes" He scoffed sarcastically.

"As you say" She smiled sadly looking at him pleadingly. With a half heart he sat down as she tied the turban. Once the turban was tied she circled her hands around his head and cracked her knuckles. Aryaman didn't waste more than one second after she was done, leaving her in the room in ruins.

"I want to come with you" She said to herself noticing that he had left without hearing her. She sat there hoping he'd return before it was too late.

Aryaman instead of going to where he was needed, he went to Maitri's house to talk to them because he felt that everyone at the Ranawat palace were on Maitri's side and didn't want to hear his side.

Divya opened the door in half-asleep state to find Aryaman looking tensed. She let him in and asked him to speak.

"Di loves you jiju" Divya said noticing that he was there to find his lost self. She understood everything he said and tried to explain to him. Both of them stood in the balcony to talk.

"Yeah she's got a weird way of showing it. Out of all she decides to show her love by telling me she's leaving, what a wonderful way?" He scoffed angrily. Divya laughed slightly.

"She's scared that she will become like mum. You have brought her to that edge where she would have to choose between you and her dreams. She wants to choose you but her childhood has shown her that choosing love means losing herself in the process and that leads to just pain and hurt. Didn't you see what happened the other day? She fears that one day all this love charm will wear off and you will turn like papa" Divya entwined her hand around his arm. He looked at her questioningly.

"If she's lived that life then so have you. You aren't afraid of losing yourself for Manav are you then why is she? You don't see Manav turning into your dad then why does she see the worst first? Even after living with us for so long she still doesn't want to understand am not like him who'll leave her alone to fight" He asked her frustrated.

"She's the first-born child, am second born. Whatever reached me was filtered in a way that only happiness and fun reached me, all the trauma was filtered by her, she kept that to herself and only let the positive side of the family reach me" She pulled him with her into hers and Maitri's childhood room. She made him stand in front of the pictures of hers and Maitri's.

"She's seen mum crying, saw dad's blindness towards his parents ill behavior towards mum. She has heard the taunts of our grandparents directed towards mom. She has felt the indifference between her and our other cousins. She has lived through it all. She knows how to stand infront of me and mum as a shield when dad said ill things. She has the ability to fight the world for us but when it comes to herself, she is scared.

You know in childhood, di never asked for anything, she was always well-behaved, responsible not because she wanted to be that. I've seen her in USA, she enjoys herself there without fear, she lives her childhood there which she couldn't live here because she had to prove to the world that being a daughter doesn't mean she's less than anyone, she had to support our mother, she had to protect me from the family drama so I can live my childhood happily. If you ask di about her childhood, she doesn't have memories like I have because she was more concerned about creating a life for me and mum where we didn't need to depend on anyone. She lives for herself in USA which she doesn't here. My di knows how to love and when she loves someone, she cares for them until she forgets that she also needs to be cared of.

Jiju, I grew up in a fun, loving environment where she grew up in a tensed one where her every step was judged by everyone. One mistake and it would be over for her. Her stubbornness to return to USA is not because of a childish reason but because she feels more confident there, she feels like she can make mistakes there and no one would judge her. She loves you too much that if you ask her again to stay back, she will but just know that she will also lose her confidence and her identity here. It has taken di a long time to build that confidence in her to ask for things she wants. Back when we were young, if I needed something I would demand for it but di... she'd sit hungry the whole time if they didn't ask her. She isn't someone who asked for things she needed not because she was shy but because she was raised in that manner where girls don't have the right to ask for things until someone offers her. After going to USA I've seen di live her life freely, she laughs from her heart, she lives her life for herself without any fear and any pressure.

Jiju... in simple terms di has seen what happens when you choose love over dreams and that fear has settled in her heart. Ask her not to leave you and she wouldn't think of leaving you ever but the woman you fell in love with will also not remain. She has seen our mom pick dad over her dreams and has seen how dad and his side has behaved with her firsthand. We all relied on her because she was our pillar of support but through the way we forgot that though she was our pillar but sometimes she too needed to be reminded that not all men are like that and for the same reason today she is stubborn on returning to USA because she feels that she will have some control over her life there which she won't over here. She fears that she would become like mom and in future if you turn out to be like our dad, her children would also have to face the same fate as hers and she doesn't want that for her children. The problem isn't you, the problem here is her trauma from childhood" Divya explained to him patiently. Aryaman took in her words and his brain started churning thinking of Maitri's decision from her side.

"Yes Aryaman. My daughter will never ask for things because unknowingly I placed so many responsibilities on her that I've scared her that if she does something for herself, everything will scatter around. I forgot that my young girl was still too young to have gone through that. Mine and Akshit's fights didn't just hurt me but they traumatized her because of Akshit's narrow thinking. Beta.... I am a CA first attempt but after marriage I left everything for Akshit and he left me all alone for his parents. Mayu is scared that what happened with me will happen to her. She doesn't mean to hurt you beta but she is too hurt from within that she simply wants to protect herself in the beginning before anything that happened with me happens to her" Jiya said as she entered the room and made him sit on the bed. She looked at the pictures of Divya and Maitri on the wall lovingly.

"She stood up for me against Akshit and his parents. She always held me when I broke. She stood as a filter infront of Divya and as a responsible woman infront of the world that she and I both forgot that she too had the right to enjoy her childhood. My daughter is scared that one day her daughter would also have to be the woman she was to this family. She doesn't want her child to feel any of the emotions she felt as a child. Mayu found her happiness, her indiviuality, her confidence and her way of enjoyment in USA. She has made USA her safe haven and this place feels as if this is where she needs to be on her best behaviour. Try understanding her perspective too beta. Am not saying that her stubbornness is right but her reason for stubbornness is also valid na?" Juhi motioned Divya to leave Aryaman alone for sometime until he comes up with a decision.

He sat there for a while and walked to the living room.

"So me being insecure is useless?" He looked at Juhi with hurt who walked to him immediately.

"Of course not. Your insecurities are equally important and respected jaan. I am more than happy to know that even when my daughter is running behind her silly dreams with passion, there's you who just wants her support. Not many people find this type of love and am glad she found it. Your insecurities are extremely fair just as her stubborness is. If am told to pick a side I'll pick yours blindly because I am on your side. I understand your feelings bacha and I know how you are feeling right now.I know you are worried that what if Maitri forgets you after you move there and I understand how that feels"

"Then isn't she understanding that am scared that she will forget me and we will forget each other" Aryaman sat down huffing.

"Arey baba, how can I tell you what's going on in her mind. It is important for you to tell her that how you feel about this" Juhi said smiling. Diya sat down with a bowl of Chocos and warm milk beside him.

"See my di is mad so incase she doesn't listen to you hug her tightly and don't let her go until she hugsyou back. First she will stand there like a statue then she will fight with you then say a few mean things then she'll get tired that there's no reaction from your side and then she'll start crying and lastly hug you and cry in your ear then you can explain to her" Divya passed him the chocos bowl which he took gladly from her.

"Have I told you how infuriating your sister is?" Aryaman asked Divya.

"Ask me about it. I spent my whole life with her but don't worry with time you'll get used to it" He passed her the spoon to eat. She placed her hand on his shoulder and showed him her support.

"You are the only one who understands me" Aryaman said taking the spoon back from her being all emotional. Divya hugged him tightly.

"I'll share with you all my immunity pills to survive with my sister. I know its hard but boy... you've got me and we can do this" Divya motivated Aryaman and wiped his non-existent tears. Aryaman nodded his head and hugged her back as Juhi laughed loudly seeing both of them do drama.