Chapter 23: Rock Stars Are Easy To Fall In Love With

Trace

We're staying in the French Quarter at the Windsor, and our caravan comes in through a service entrance. Paparazzi are usually no problem in New Orleans, and usually even fans are surprisingly casual, so everyone is in chill mode. Kat pauses as we head through a recreation area on the way to the elevators. I follow her gaze. She's smiling at two swimsuited kids—an older boy about twelve and a younger girl with long dark hair— playing ping pong as their moms watch from a seating area with drinks.

I know what Kat is thinking...they remind her of us. We used to play ping pong back in the day.

The older kid wins a point raises his paddle in triumph, proclaiming himself "God of Pong." The little girl makes a demonic face and throws her paddle at her opponent. The boy responds by chasing her around the table while she screams. The mothers ignore them and continue chatting.

Kat and I both laugh. "She's crazy," I whisper behind Kat's ear.

"He's a punk," she murmurs back.

"You think he'll catch her?" I ask, wrapping my arms tight around Kat's waist and squeezing her until she makes an "ooomph" sound.

"I think he'll regret it if he does," she laughs and reaches back to yank my hair. I respond by tickling her and she tries to extricate herself gracefully, without squealing. But I won't let go, or let up. I know all her ticklish spots.

Dawes smacks me on the back of the head as he heads toward the elevator. "Show some goddamn decorum, Gallant. Christ, people want to see rock stars playing it shit-cool, not goofing like twelve-year olds."

"Fuck off, Dawes," I say mildly. I pick Kat up and throw her over my shoulder and she does shriek now—one really loud cry of surprise. "Trace, put me down," she hisses. I ignore her as the guys laugh and Dawes curses some more.

Kat is getting mad now, really growling at me to put her down as we pass a few more guests on the way to the elevator. Mac is ahead and she turns around, glancing casually at Kat. As I pass her, she says in a low voice, "Did you know that Kat is wearing purple paisley panties? Cause everyone else in the room does."

I put Kat on her feet in a hurry. "Sorry, babe. Got carried away." Her face is on fire. I think it's a combination of irritation/embarrassment and being hung upside down, of course. When we get in the elevator, I give her a little space.

By the time we get to the suite, Kat's hot little face has cooled off and she's over her irritation with me as she exclaims over the suite. I'm so used to these high end hotels that they all seem pretty much the same to me, but I enjoy seeing the glamour through Kat's eyes. She exclaims over the view, the bathroom, the fully stocked bar, and of course, the extravagantly appointed bed.

Kat falls into the massive bed with a sigh. "I could get used to this."

I crawl beside her, smoothing her hair. "So could I," I say as I watch her lips spread in a beautiful smile. Then she smacks me hard on the chest. "Don't do that Neanderthal shit anymore. Not in public. Dawes is right, we shouldn't act like kids."

"Yes ma'am," I say and then I roll on top of her. "In public, I promise to treat you like a lady. But in private, I make no promises at all."

I pin her arms down and laugh evilly and she bucks beneath me but she can't get free. "Goddamit Trace, you asked for it!" she yells. She bites me on the arm...not hard enough to draw blood but hard enough to surprise me into letting go. She shoves me off and I grapple for her and we roll around on the bed, laughing and battling for leverage. Ten minutes later we call a truce and collapse on our backs. We are both panting, sweating, and extremely horny.

"You wanna make out?" she asks.

"Like you wouldn't believe," I assure her, tracing down the neckline of her tank top, and then up her neck and jaw, to the two-inch cut on her temple. I'm still so fucking furious about that pap causing her to get hurt. I press my lips softly to her cheekbone just below the cut "But...let's save the sexy for when we go to bed, yeah? I was thinking we could...take a beat. Get some food delivered and talk. We haven't really done much of that."

She brings her fingers up to my own battered face, which looked a helluva lot better in makeup last night than it does today. "Does anyone else know how sweet you are?"

"God, I hope not."

She plants a soft kiss on my bruised cheekbone. "So tough and tender at the same time."

"If you're going for T adjectives, you might as well add tremendous to the list, too."

"Oh, as in tremendous ego?" she bats her eyes innocently, as she walks her fingers down my chest, toward my stomach. "Or tremendous talent?" Her fingers are sliding down my crotch. "Or tremendous...?"

"All three," I assure her, and she laughs wickedly and rubs me through my jeans.

I groan. "When I said talk, I didn't mean talk about how hard I am for you, Katheryn."

"What do you want to talk about then?"

I don't answer. It's not what I want to talk about, it's who we have to talk about: Ashlynn.

I still Kat's hand and kiss her nose. "Tell you what. Let me run down to Riley's and figure out something for dinner and finalize our big date plans for tomorrow. You use that giant tub like I know you are dying for, and I'll be back with some Cajun by the time you are done."

"I could use a a good scrubbing," she scrapes at a fleck of orange paint on her arm and rolls off the bed.

"I like jambalaya by the way," she says, sauntering into the bathroom.

"I though you didn't eat shrimp on account of them being cute, like mini-lobsters." I call after her.

"That was when I was ten. I grew up."

"Yeah, you did. You grew up nice." I can see her in the bathroom, and I'm admiring her as she pushes down her little flouncy skirt. She sticks her tongue out at me and closes the door.

I lay there for a minute, composing my thoughts and losing my boner.Five minutes later, I'm in Riley's room. Five minutes after that, he's out the door to wrangle us some food, because the place I have in mind doesn't deliver.

I call Ashlynn three times. She declines me. I shoot her a text.

Answer my goddamn call! It's about Kat!

"What?" she says, trying to make her voice too even. Even with the one syllable, I can tell she's high. Pills probably, from the sound of her. When she's coked up, she' not this even and she uses more words. That's how well I know Ashlynn's drug habits by now.

"What did you tell her, Ashlynn?" I say with forced patience.

"How did she get that cut on her head?" she counters. "Did you do that to her?"

Huh. It's weird that Kat didn't tell her. But then again, maybe it's not weird. Maybe Kat didn't have a chance. I know from experience that when Ashlynn is high, her drama takes up all the air.

"Fuck no, of course not. She lost a fight with a pap and a car door. Marcy's on the guy's ass, and I'm on training Kat how to deal with the paparazzi. Won't happen again."

"Oh," Ashlynn says, then, "It's like that, huh? She's going to be...hanging around with you?"

I sigh. "I guess I'll find out soon enough. I want that, but I'm going to tell her about us. I don't want any lies, Ashlynn. I want to tell her the truth."

"Trace," Ashlynn's voice is suddenly urgent. "Tell her you've been trying to help me, but don't tell her...about Vegas and our stupid fake...mistake. I promise, I won't tell her. It was all a really bad idea, and it didn't work anyway. There's no point in hurting her."

"Ash, we can't just...avoid dealing with this forever. We can't go on like this."

Silence on the other end of the phone. I bite my lip. Should I bring up the annulment clause or will that just piss her off and send her into extortion mode? Christ, she's so high she might not even remember anyway. But at least I've hit her in a somewhat cooperative mood.

I ask her again. "Ashlynn, what did you tell Kat?"

"I told her when I first ran away, I came to you in LA and you were the one that made me come home twice. I told her since then, I've been living with a friend, with plenty of money to spare. She got the idea that it was a guy, but I swear, she doesn't have any clue it's you."

"I told her you've shown up at three shows. Did she ask you about that?"

"Yeah."

"What did you tell her?"

Silence. "Ash."

"I panicked, Trace...I didn't know what to tell her, so I just said...I just blurted something out, really."

"What did you say?" I repeat.

"I told her...I told her I came because of Leed, okay? I told her I met him a couple of times when I was out in LA with you, and we got along, and he likes party girls, and I was...well, I told her my current situation might be playing out and I was looking to trade up. I told her I was trying to get his attention."

I take the phone away from my ear and stare at it. Does Ashlynn even realize what she's saying anymore? I slowly put the phone back to my ear. "Ashlynn, hon, do you even know what that sounds like?"

"Yeah, it sounds like I'm a high class whore looking for a richer guy with better drugs."

"That is not what you are, Ashlynn." I growl at her.

"Not with you," she says softly.

I want to slam the phone against the wall. All my suspicions about Ashlynn's favors are true, then. "Ashlynn, for fuck's sake, please...just go home, okay? Go home to LA. You can have the place to yourself. I won't even ask you about Denver again. Just...stop whatever you are doing. I'll...shit...we'll figure something out. I'll talk to Dawes. We'll find someone to help you. Not someone like Riley. Someone who will...do whatever you need, ok? Get you whatever you need. Just go home and when I get off tour...we'll handle things better."

"I can't, Trace."

"Why the fuck not?"

"Because of Kat."

"I'll make her understand. Ashlynn, you can't believe she would want you out there...letting people take advantage of you."

"Trace...it's not fair."

"What the fuck does fair have to do with it? It wasn't fair you got hurt. It just is. This is where we are. Let me help you. Please, Ashlynn."

Silence. Then I hear a muffled sound, like she's covering the phone. Hell, is she crying?

"It's not fair to Kat." Her voice is shaking. "For us to pretend anymore." she whispers.

Pretend? What does she mean? Pretend that she wants to get better? "Honey, I don't understand what you are trying to tell me."

"I always pretended I didn't like you at all, when we were kids, because it was easier than trying to be a third wheel in your fun with Kat. But I always liked you, Trace. You were always fun and kind. Tough and impatient sometimes with me, but I knew you were a good person because of the way you looked out for Kat.  I always liked you, even when I scolded and bitched and worried about you and Kat. And now..." she lets out a sob. "I more than like you. Because...I need you, and it's getting all messed up in my head."  She's full on crying now.

My throat is burning with a scream I can't let out. How in hellfire did I not see this? I should have realized, how fucked up this was going to get between us.

"I know we're not real. But it's the realest thing I've got, and I... I want to stop feeling it, before I can't stop feeling it." I can tell she is straining, holding back sobs.

She wants to stop feeling, she says. Christ, is she taking the drugs because of her headaches, or because she's trying not to feel for me? Either way, I vowed to take care of her. I can't let her sell herself for drugs.

"Ashlynn, I need you to listen to me, okay? I can see now, maybe things between you and I are more confusing than I ever thought they would be, and I am so fucking sorry. You're right, we aren't real, but we are...something.  I still mean the things I said in my vows. I know you remember them. I stood up before god and the state of Nevada and a fucking Elvis impersonator and I meant that shit, when I promised to always be your friend. I promised to take care of you. I promised to help you and not lie to you. And I messed up.

"When I went to Portland...I wasn't honest, I didn't treat you like a friend, and I didn't take care of you the way I should have. And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Ash. I promised you things, and I haven't delivered. I want to do better.If you care about me at all, you'll get on a plane tonight and go home, because it's making me crazy to think about the things you are doing to yourself. I can't just...let you go, let you disappear.  Ashlynn, honey...I...I more than like you too, ok?  I think what we are is...just...family. You're my family now, and I need you, too. I need you home safe."

Ashlynn is silent. I have never, not once, said I loved her, and it's certainly not right to say it now and add to the confusion, but it's like Kat said...there are all kinds of love. Ashlynn annoyed the piss out of me growing up, but over the last two years, I have come to feel differently. I'm not in love with her, but I do love her, like family.

She's not saying anything, so I press on.

"If you want...I'll cancel some dates. I can do that. I'll meet you in LA. We can spend some time like last spring." It might be the end of me with Soundcrush, but I mean it. The music is in me, it can wait. Fuck, maybe I'll even bring Kat with me to LA, so she can see... Ash needs me. We can work this out. We have to. Because I can't live without Kat, and Ash can't do this on her own.

"Trace, you are a really, really good guy, but you are in love with Kat. I realized that last night, when you were so torn up worrying over her. You were physically sick from whatever happened between you, and yet you couldn't even talk to me about it. It's like...she owns you, body and heart and soul, and I don't think you even really know it, because you haven't ever let yourself feel it.I do care about you—so much more than you realize— and that's why I want you to go ahead and do what you need to do, ok? Call the lawyers. I'll text you where to send the paperwork." Even though she's high, she sounds like she means it.

"Ashylnn, we don't have to decide—"

She hangs up.

She doesn't answer when I try to call her back over and over. She doesn't answer my text.

Fuck, what am I supposed to do now?

Trace is in love with Kat, but Ash and Trace are in a really confusing predicament, practically, legally, and emotionally! So I'm curious...did you see that coming? How do you think Trace is going to respond to his emotional moment with Ashlynn? He IS a rock star, after all. They are kind of...unpredictable, you know....hmmm.....

Please don't forget to vote, share, add to your reading lists, etc. Thanks so much for reading!