Of Bonds and Broken Hearts

SYN

My first date had to be perfect.

It would set the course for what was to follow. I couldn’t afford to mess this up, so I sought advice from the only lycan I knew not to have mate problems.

Sani.

He and Frayah were the perfect example of what a lycan mating bond was supposed to be.

Love at first sight, rare fights that were easily forgiven, more happy moments than sad, a loving family, and a relationship that flourished, growing stronger every day.

My alpha, however, was not an ideal pick.

Hakota’s bond was cracked in so many places that it was hard to distinguish what the original picture ever had been. There were pieces missing that could never be recovered, creases that whitened out color and represented scars.

Even Roshan and Innoko’s bond was torn in half, and an attempt was yet to be made to tape it back together—a strong glue might be a better and more permanent solution for that divide.

Yes, Sani was the best choice.

And I knew he wouldn’t tattle to Hakota or Cleo.

The lycan father had been surprised when I approached him.

I explained to him my particular situation with the stubborn werewolf, and he laughed at me, not mockingly but in amusement at my nervousness. His eyes sparkled, and he clapped my shoulder.

“I don’t like what Terrin has been putting you through, but we all know he’s a good kid. He’s just scared. We all saw with Cleo and Hakota what the dark side of a mating bond can do.”

“Exactly,” I groaned. “And that’s all he can focus on. He sees this as more of a curse than a blessing. And whenever I try to explain, or even just talk to him, he shuts me down and we fight.”

Sani shrugged, his crystal ice-blue eyes meeting mine. “So don’t talk. Just show him, Syn. He can’t always be thinking of a counterargument if you never open your mouth to say anything in the first place.”

It was actually a brilliant piece of advice. Terrin and I had never been good with words. Our first encounter had involved him being a mouthy brat and me snarling right back in his face.

I guess that had been a premonition of what was to follow.

“Do you…” I trailed off, embarrassed to reveal my insecurities, but I wanted an outside source to give their honest opinion.

Swallowing thickly, I continued, “Do you think I have a chance? A real honest-to-gods chance of winning Terrin through this?”

Sani gave me a wry smile. “Hell, Syn. If Cleo and Hakota still found a way to forgive each other after all that happened, I’d say nothing is impossible.” He chuckled but then sobered upon seeing my somber expression.

Grasping my shoulder tightly in one hand, he said in a serious tone, “I can’t tell you what will happen, Syn. Lune is the only one who knows. If she paired you together, it must mean you will work out in the end.

“But I know you, Syn. I know what you went through, and I know what an amazing mate you have the potential to be. Terrin would be stupid to remain blind to that forever.”

Rubbing my arm nervously, I looked away from Sani’s intense gaze. “I don’t know if I can win against Heidi,” I admitted quietly, ashamed that I had such little confidence in myself.

“Ugh,” Sani sighed, crushing me in an embrace. “Damn the little brat for being such a promiscuous womanizer. Don’t doubt yourself, Syn.

“Terrin got a taste of something he liked, and he doesn’t want to give it up, but that doesn’t mean he won’t try something new.”

He pulled away from me and gave me a tight, sad smile before touching our foreheads together, his hand on the back of my neck. “He never kept the other females around for very long because he knows that he’s missing something.

“He has stayed here, Syn. He didn’t leave for the Forest Kingdom. You can say he stayed for Cleo, but I believe he stayed for you.

“He didn’t let you leave, Syn. He made this deal to get you to stay because he doesn’t want to give you up. He can lie and make all the excuses he wants, but deep down, he knows that you are what he wants and what he needs.”

Sani pulled me in for another hug. “So show him, brother. Make him see.”

I stayed in his embrace for a little while, soaking in the comfort and companionship before finally pulling away.

“Thank you, Sani. I really needed that pep talk. I—”

“Syn? Sani?” the voice of my alpha cut me off. “Oh, thank Lune! Finally, I don’t have to be harassed by the female species.”

Sani and I both turned to see Hakota making his way toward us. His tribal tattoo was on full display, the black whirls of ink curling around his arm and expanding across his chest.

“Is there a reason you’re only half dressed?” Sani drawled.

“My mate,” Hakota gritted out through his teeth. “She kicked me out of our room. I tried to get another, but for some reason, all of our high-ranking staff happens to be female, and they all listen to Cleo over me.

“She must have pitted them all against me because they wouldn’t even talk to me! No one would find me a shirt, and Frayah damn near bit my head off when I asked to borrow one of yours,” he said, looking at Sani.

“All of the head staff is female?” Sani questioned.

Hakota scoffed and crossed his arms over his bare chest.

“Looks that way. I have no doubt this is all Cleo. I knew I shouldn’t have trusted her with the staff. She probably planned it just so that she could do stupid things like this to get back at me.”

“What exactly did you say to piss her off?” I asked, knowing Cleo wasn’t usually this childish and vindictive.

And if she had even gotten Frayah to turn on Hakota for whatever little argument they had had this morning, it must have been a touchy subject.

Hakota ran a frustrated hand down his face and groaned. “I swear to Lune, if you laugh, I will slaughter you,” he warned us before struggling to get the words out. “I…well, you see…it’s—we haven’t exactly—well, how do I put this…”

“For Lune’s sake, out with it!” Sani snapped.

“Argh, fine! We haven’t had sex yet, okay?” he snarled. “It’s driving me fucking crazy.

“She always wants to cuddle and ‘play around’”—he made air quotes with a sneer—“and stuff, but the moment I even try to take it a step further, she freaks out.

“I mean, honestly, what does she expect? I don’t have that much self-control.”

Sani was as shocked as me. “Wait, you guys haven’t…”

“No!” Hakota shouted, raking an angry hand through his hair in frustration.

“And I always try to tell her that it could be a good thing for us, something that can help us, but she always blows up on me and says if I can’t wait until we fix our problems first, then I can just stay celibate forever.”

“Whoa,” Sani replied, his pitying expression mirroring mine. “That really sucks. I mean, I can’t imagine if Frayah did that to me—”

“And she’s such a little tease!” Hakota growled. “How can she expect me to cuddle and kiss her and do other things and always be satisfied with that? I’m an alpha male. I have needs!

“So this morning…well, you guys know how it is…anyway, I started light, just with kisses, and as it got a little hotter, I wanted—”

“Look, can we skip the details and just move on to what you said or did that pissed her off?” Sani questioned.

Hakota didn’t even pause. “She stopped me like always,” he said, skipping to the important part, “and I got a little flustered, okay? She literally gave me blue balls. So I brought up the question.

“All I said was ‘You know, if we completed our mating, we would be stronger and we could heal our bond faster.’

“But then she totally took my words the wrong way and twisted them, saying, ‘Don’t blame me for the slow recovery of our damaged bond.

“‘The fact that you think sex is the answer to fixing it shows how ignorant you are about how deep the scars run.

“‘You aren’t getting sex from me until I think you are actually trying your hardest, which at the rate you’ve been going, will probably be never.’ So I said, ‘You can’t lock me out forever.’ And she said, ‘Watch me.’

“And then she kicked me out and literally locked me out of our room! Gods! Why are females so damn sensitive and aggravating?

“She thinks she knows everything about a lycan mating bond, but she’s not the damn lycan in the relationship—I am! And she thinks I don’t know what I’m talking about.”

Hakota was telling the truth.

The actual mating part of a lycan mating bond connected the two individuals at the level of the soul. It was essentially like exchanging pieces of your soul with your partner. You gave and you took, a fair trade.

We believed mates were two halves of the same soul. Mating was the way for the two halves to join. Typically, mating did help when there was a problem.

It was a way for the couple to remember how important their partner was, how essential their relationship was if they wished to live happily. It was used as a way to heal as much as it was used to find pleasure.

“I can’t really help you understand females, as I do not quite understand them myself,” Sani told the seething alpha.

“What I have learned in my years of successful mating with Frayah is that in an argument that has anything to do with your relationship, the female is always right. So just do as she says, and it will all work out just fine.”

“I can’t take this much longer,” Hakota moaned.

Sani shrugged. “You don’t really have a choice.”

Our alpha scrubbed his hands down his face. “I can’t deal with Cleo and her female sensitivities right now. I’m being run ragged.

“I’m struggling to come up with a solution for establishing a hierarchy to take the stress and weight off all of us. I need to have werewolves I can trust—or at the very least predict—to take superior roles throughout our kingdom.

“The best solution that I can come up with is dividing our kingdom into packs like in the Forest Kingdom and establishing a werewolf as alpha to govern their pack on their own but always abiding by our superiority.

“But I worry about leaving the Forest Kingdom in the hands of werewolves. We all know that they pose the most risk of rebellion.

“They hate us more than the Old Kingdom, and it’s far enough away that it would be a struggle for us to keep an eye on them and squash any rebellion before it has already taken root.”

I knew all too well that our grievances with the Forest Kingdom were proving to be a thorn in our side. As I sucked on my lower lip, I was reminded of my own problematic werewolf.

“I know this is a pressing matter, Hakota, and I promise that I will try and help you to find a solution, but I have something really important to attend to right now.

“I will talk to Cleo for you, but I make no promises on getting her to see your side.”

Hakota just waved my excuse aside, granting me permission to go. He was much too frustrated with his own mate struggles to even ask about mine.

Sani only gave me a prideful look and a wink before turning his attention back to his alpha, who continued to unload all of his problems.

I made my way out to the courtyard where I had already prepared all the supplies I would need for today. I waited nervously for Terrin, constantly going over my preparations.

I was beyond anxious—I was terrified I had picked the wrong plants and worried that I had made the wrong choice for our first date. I paced back and forth as I waited for his arrival, reminding myself to show Terrin and not tell.

I knew I couldn’t push him too far today. I didn’t want to scare him, and I didn’t want to make him retreat further into his shell.

I knew making friends with Terrin would be a good first step, but I also worried that I would never make it out of the friend zone. I had to be somewhere in the middle.

I had to make it known to him that I was not willing to just be his friend, that I wanted to be his partner and his companion.

When Terrin finally arrived, I knew he had just left Heidi.

His lips were slightly swollen, and his eyes still held a little gleam to them. But when he looked up and saw me, that sparkle instantly dulled. I tried not to let his reaction dishearten me, but it did.

All of my self-doubt instantly flooded back into me as Terrin approached.

I stood frozen, watching him. His dusty brown hair was tousled, and I knew it was probably from delicate little female hands.

His hazel eyes, with vibrant green flecks that reminded me of pine needles on the forest floor, caught the light so brilliantly.

He was beautiful, absolutely astounding, and I wondered what had ever made me think that I could have such a beauty for myself.

For just a second, I thought of calling the whole thing off, but then Sani’s words rang clear in my head, reminding me that Terrin had stayed for something and that something could be me.

Even the slightest chance of that being true was enough for me to steel my resolve and take this very important first step.

Grabbing a wheelbarrow, I started making my way to the first station I had set up with all the plants and soil I’d need. Terrin trailed after me, not saying a word.

Reaching my first stop, I handed him a shovel and pointed to one of the shrubs I had placed there. I then turned to my own and started to dig.

Making a nice deep hole for the shrub, I gently set it down, careful not to break the roots, and began to fill the hole. Terrin left his own hole to hold the plant steady and straight as I packed the soil around it.

Wordlessly, we continued the same pattern for the other five I had picked. I kept stealing glances at the werewolf, trying to gauge if I had made the right decision in doing this.

It wasn’t until I moved my wheelbarrow full of supplies to the second station and then the third that I knew I had been right.

Terrin was now relaxed, and he even changed up my landscaping plan to his satisfaction.

I watched the way his hands moved, deftly and swiftly. He was gentle with the plants, and I wondered if he held Heidi with the same care.

The thought saddened me, but then I forced myself to remember that he was here with me now, and that was what mattered.

I watched my mate down on his knees, patting the soil around the base of the last plant, with which our date would come to an end.

I had picked an oak sapling as the finale, knowing that Terrin enjoyed the colors of their leaves in the fall. I observed him, my mate, with a soft smile on his face and captured the image in my mind to be treasured forever.

He was so adorable, with streaks of dirt on his face and bits of leaves and pine needles in his hair. The formfitting black t-shirt he was wearing allowed me to see every hard edge of his body as if he were bare.

He was perfect, unparalleled. His height and his body were just right, big enough that I didn’t have to constantly worry about being gentle and yet small enough that I could cradle him.

His head would fit perfectly under my chin, his lips right in line with where my mating mark would be placed. Those lips were so full and tempting, especially when they were curved up in that delightful smile.

I stared at him and inhaled his scent as the breeze carried it toward me, ruffling his soft hair.

I must have been staring for too long because Terrin glanced up at me, the smile fading and his cheeks flushing a deep red.

“What?” he snapped, getting to his feet and dusting the soil off his hands. “We’re done now, right? I can go?”

I couldn’t even be offended because I knew he was only being rude out of habit.

He was embarrassed, and he didn’t know how else to respond to me.

Letting the shovel fall from my hand and land on the ground with a dull thud, I grabbed Terrin’s collar and yanked him toward me, landing a bruising kiss on his lips.

I held it for just a few seconds before pulling away, not giving him a chance to respond. I picked up the shovel and tossed it in the wheelbarrow before carting it away, leaving my mate standing there in shock.

A giant smile spread across my face, my heart light as I strode away.

I had embarrassed him, which meant some part of him had to care what I thought. Even better, he was embarrassed that I had caught him enjoying our date.