Chapter Twenty-Two: Aftermath

"Good morning," Ben says to me hours later, after we've melded and melted together and then eventually fallen into a deep sleep.

Now the light is flooding in through the large windows in his bedroom which are only covered by white sheers.

"What time is it?" I ask, feeling groggy and thick in the head. My body feels sore, like I've had a good workout, which I guess is not so far from the truth.

"Early, sorry, I have some stuff to do this morning."

I peek at my watch. It's 7:45. "Is this your usual hour for waking after a night of drinking and sex?"

He laughs. I like the way the skin crinkles around his eyes. "I only had two drinks."

"Two plus one today."

"Right. I forgot."

"I wasn't counting."

"It's fine if you were. I'm the one with the silly rule."

"Not very rock and roll of you."

He kisses the bridge of my nose. "And that's the point."

I open my eyes past the slits I've been peering out of. Ben is rumpled in a good way, his hair sticking up a bit, his stubble thicker than usual. I didn't get much chance to examine him naked last night, but now I can admire his lean torso, muscles like a swimmer has—long and stretched out—and the freckles across his shoulders.

"You checking me out?"

I look up. His eyes are dancing.

"Maybe. That a problem?"

"Not at all. I only wish I had more time to linger."

"I can get ready in ten."

"No, no. You stay."

"Here?"

"Yes, of course."

"You sure?"

"I'll be back in a couple of hours. I'll bring breakfast. Sound good?"

I glance around his room. It's spartan, with only a few band posters on the white walls, a dresser I recognize from Ikea, his closet door closed.

"You can go back to sleep or spend your time snooping. Up to you?"

I take a swat at him. "I wasn't going to snoop."

"Course you were. I would too."

"Okay, for-warned."

He leans in and kisses me. "Why don't you try to go back to sleep? I'll be back before you know it."

I nod as he stands and lean back against the pillows. His bed is comfortable, the pillows the right firmness for sleeping. The sheets are good too. I try not to think too hard about what that means. If it's because they were picked by Rachel and he got it in the breakup.

I pull the sheets up over my eyes as I listen to him in the bathroom. I'm still tired and a bit hungover—sexed-over—and I could use some more sleep. I start to count down from ten slowly, Ben's movements a background noise.

And whether it's the lack of sleep or the lingering alcohol or our hours of exertion it works. I fall easily to back to sleep and don't even notice when he's gone.

###

I'm awoken two hours later by the insistent sound of texts coming from my phone. Or someone's phone. Mine probably. It stops then starts again, the angry double pinging of a series of texts. I stand up and riffle through my things until I find my purse and my phone.

I have multiple texts from Kit.

How was your date?

Hello, are you dead?

Are you headless in Jack's freezer?

This isn't funny. I'm getting worried now.

If you don't text me back in ten minutes, I'm calling Jack.

That was the last text, a few minutes ago. I also have two missed calls from her.

I call her, standing there in my underwear in Ben's room while I search for a T-shirt.

"You're alive," she says.

"What the hell, Kit? I can't go silent for a couple of hours?"

"Well, normally, yes, but then I saw your phone was in a location I didn't recognize..."

"I told you to turn that off."

"I worry about you."

"I'm a big girl."

"Big enough for sleepovers, anyway." She giggles. "How was it?"

I locate a T-shirt of Ben's in the top drawer of his dresser. I slip it on, breathing in his scent.

"It was good."

"So, Jack lives in Brooklyn?"

"Um, what?"

"Jack. You're at Jack's?"

"No."

"What?"

"I'm at Ben's."

"Whoa. I did not see that coming."

"Yeah, me neither." I fill her in on what happened. How Jack canceled and I went to the concert and there Ben was. "Like fate, or something."

"I thought we agreed that fate was a dumbass."

"I know. But we kept getting thrown back together. That has to mean something."

"It means that John's theory about New York is right. The Venn diagram. Remember?"

"I don't want to reduce my love life to math."

"So, you're in love now?"

"It's an expression."

"Hmmm."

"What?"

"What about his mother?" Kit says. "What about what he said about not being able to be in a relationship?"

"I shouldn't have told you that."

"Well, you did."

"Yeah, I know. I guess ... I guess it doesn't matter now. I guess he changed his mind."

"Did he say that?"

I think back to last night. Our conversations are fuzzy like there's a filter over them. "Sort of?"

I can almost hear her crossing her arms. "I see."

"It'll work out."

"Will it?"

"Why are you trying to ruin this for me?"

"I'm not. I'm just ... I'm the voice of reason, remember? That's my role in your life."

"Okay, okay, I know. Thank you for caring."

"Always."

"But wait, why were you calling me, anyway? It's early."

"Oh," Kit says. "I, um, have news."

My stomach sinks as I remember what Jack told me yesterday, that Kit had been fired. "What is it?"

"I lost my job."

"Oh, Kit, I'm so sorry. Why didn't you start with that?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Of course it does! Are you going to be okay?"

"They gave me a couple of months of severance. I have time to find something else."

"Was it that guy? That jerky boss?"

"I don't know. They let a bunch of people go. It doesn't have to be about me and him."

"You should negotiate for more."

"I just want to move on."

I sit on the edge of the bed. "Okay, I understand. What can I do to help?"

"There is something."

"Anything."

"Could you take over the organization of the engagement party next week? I just ... I don't have the energy to deal with it."

"Of course."

"You can bring Ben if you want."

"We'll see. I ... I'll talk with him when he gets back. See where his head is at."

"Where did he go?"

"He said he had some errands to do." I hear a key in the lock. "Wait, I think he's coming in now."

"Okay, I'll let you go."

"Let's do something later, okay? Dinner?"

"Yes, I'd like that."

I hear the front door swing open. "Got to go. Love you."

"Love you more."

I smile as I put the phone down, anticipating seeing Ben again even if we maybe have a difficult conversation in front of us. But the footsteps walking across his living room sound too light to be Ben, and I stand there frozen with a premonition of who's about to open the bedroom door, unable to do anything but wish I wasn't only in one of his T-shirts.

The door opens in slow motion and then, there she is.

Rachel, standing in a perfect summer dress, holding a set of keys on her finger. Her mouth sets as she sees me.

"Well, well, well. What do we have here?"

###

I've never been in a catfight, and I'm not saying that this is what's about to happen here, but it kind of feels like it might.

"Hi, Rachel," I say.

"Hi, Rachel?"

"Isn't that your name?"

"You know damn well it is, Chloe. What are you doing here?"

"Um, looking for my pants, actually."

I turn my back on her and search the room. I see the dress I was wearing last night in the corner. Right. Shit. I was wearing a dress. Which means I can't just pull on a pair of pants and get the hell out of here.

"Is this a joke?" Rachel says.

"I wish."

"What's that mean?"

"Maybe this isn't top of mind for you, but this is pretty embarrassing for me right now."

"You think I care about that? Ha. You should be embarrassed."

"Hold that thought."

"What?"

I grab my dress. "I'm going to put this on. And I don't feel like doing it in front of you. So, give me a minute, all right?"

I don't give her a chance to say no, just push past her to the bathroom. I take off Ben's T-shirt and look longingly at the shower. I'd give anything to take one, but making her wait for me to do so seems excessive.

So I give myself a quick sponge bath and put on last night's dress. Then I wash my face and do my best to make my hair look normal and not like sex-hair, but who am I kidding?

She knows what happened.

I open the door to the bathroom. She's right outside, tapping her foot in impatience.

"Took you long enough."

"Look, I get this might be awkward, but I really don't get the hostility."

"You just slept with my boyfriend!"

Wait, what?

No, no, hold up. They're broken up. Ben told me, and Ben's sister told me so it's true.

"You broke up."

She rolls her eyes. "That's a technicality. We're always doing that."

"So he's not your boyfriend."

"We're still together all the time. His mom doesn't even know."

"Because she's sick."

"Because he knows we're meant to be together. We've been together since we were seventeen. Did he tell you that?"

No, he did not.

"He didn't, did he? Well, we have. Ever since high school. And yeah, maybe we've broken up once in a while, but it never lasts. We last. I'm the one." She taps herself in the chest. "You're just a distraction."

I feel sick. From the drinks, from her words, from the ring of truth that I feel like I can't escape.

Their history.

Those keys she has dangling from her finger. His keys.

If you break up, you get back the keys.

"Why are you here?" I ask her.

"Ben texted me last night. I only saw it this morning, and when he didn't answer me back, I thought I'd just come over."

Ben texted her last night.

Oh, no. Oh shit.

I am going to puke.

"Excuse me."

I pivot and slam the door and make it to the bowl just in time. I fall to my knees as tears slide down my cheeks. Two hours ago, I was so happy. And now this is the worst day of my life.

I flush the toilet, then splash water on my face.

"Chloe? Are you all right?"

"Just go away, Rachel."

"No, I ... I'm sorry, okay? I wasn't trying to make you ... Just open the door."

I dry my face off with a towel and don't even bother looking in the mirror. I open the door and walk past Rachel.

"Chloe, hold on a sec?"

Where is my purse? Right, in the bedroom. I walk down the short hall and find it where I left it. Kit's sent me another text and it almost breaks me.

I'm happy for you, I promise!

I shove my phone in my purse and turn to leave. Rachel's there again. "Will you stop following me?"

"I just want to make sure you're all right."

"Sure, right. Whatever. I hope you'll be very happy together."

I wait for her to move out of the way, and eventually, she does. I get to the front door and wrench it open, and run smack into Ben.

"Hey, whoa. What ..."

"Hey, Ben."

I put my hands on his chest and shove him away, then bolt for the stairs because there's no way I'm waiting for the elevator.

"Chloe, wait!"

But I don't wait. I just leave.