Chapter Twenty-Seven: A Billion Possibilities

"Are you still mad?" Ben asks that night at my apartment.

He came over after work, just like we talked about this morning with more amazing takeout from another Chinese restaurant I didn't know existed in my neighborhood. I buzzed him up wondering how I was going to handle the whole I still don't have my boyfriend's number thing. I mean, assuming he is my boyfriend, which is not that clear to me at this point.

Anyway, the answer is, not that well. It burst out of me as he walked through the door, all attempts at coolness about not having his number evaporating like the water on the sidewalk after a hot rain.

We talked it out, ate our dinner, and are now ensconced on the couch, our legs tangled together, but with our backs on different ends. Normally, I would be content with this. Ben, here, in my apartment! A great dinner in my belly and the potential for great sex hanging in the air.

But right now, it feels like I have butterflies in my stomach and I'm not sure what to do about it.

"I'm trying to get over it," I say.

"It was an honest mistake."

"I know."

He pulls my legs into his lap and starts to rub my feet. If he's trying to distract me, he's doing a good job. "It could be super romantic."

"How?"

"It's only one digit, right?" He'd said that when I showed him the number earlier, that it was one digit off. Not which digit, mind. "So, that's totally findable. You could work it out and have my number in no time."

"Um, no." I take out my phone and Google it. "There are ten billion possible combinations for a 10-digit phone number."

"Wow, that's a lot." He thinks about it for a second. "But if you already have 9 digits, it must be less."

"Maybe only a million combinations now? But I don't even know which digit is wrong."

Ben's fingers focus on a tender spot on my foot. It makes it hard to concentrate.

"It's not the area code."

"So that's brought it down to seven."

"Easy, then."

I cock my head to the side and pull my foot away. I need all my faculties for this conversation. "Why are we talking about this? Are you not going to give me the correct number?"

He smiles seductively. "It could be fun. Like a quest, or that movie, Serendipity."

"The one where John Cusack has to find a book and the phone number's inside?"

"Yeah."

"But it's the right phone number."

Plus, I hate that movie. I mean, I don't. If it was on right now, I'd get sucked in just like I do every time. But I'd be mad at myself afterward. Because we did they put up such obstacles to being together? If you want to be with something, just be with them already. Which I know is totally not the point of these kinds of movies. The couple can't get together until the end or otherwise it would be boring. But here, in the real world, that's what I want.

A boring, nice relationship without any twists in it.

Not anymore, I mean. Obviously.

"Where's your sense of adventure?" Ben asks.

"All taped out at the moment."

He reaches for my foot again and I give in. It feels too good to resist.

"My fault, I supposed," he says.

"Probably."

"How about if I tell you the first three numbers?"

"You already did."

"I meant the next three."

"So there would only be four numbers to figure out?" I Google again. "10,000 possibilities."

"That sounds reasonable."

I pick up the pillow behind my back and throw it at him. He catches it easily and tosses it back.

"You're joking, right?"

He shrugs. "I think it's romantic."

"For me not to have your phone number?"

"It adds a sense of mystery. Also, you can always Facebook message me."

"Are we even friends on Facebook?"

He takes out his phone and my phone pings a moment later. I check it. It's a friend request from Ben. I accept it. I'm not going to do this in front of Ben, but later, I'm going to go check if he's removed all his photos with Rachel. Because obviously, right? That's not weird, it's normal.

"You have your notifications on, on Facebook?" Ben asks.

"Yeah, of course. You?"

"No."

I sigh. "So it's not really a way to get in touch with you."

"I'd see it eventually."

"Do you check Facebook every day?"

"Not normally."

What have I gotten myself into?

"Ben."

"Chloe."

I try to keep my voice steady. "Is there some reason you won't give me your phone number?"

"I'll give it to you if you really want it. But ..."

"But? How is there a but?"

"I know it's a bit silly, but it just kind of feels like if you figure it out on your own then we'll know that we were meant to be together."

"You don't know that already?"

"Of course I do, yes."

"So," I say, trying to keep my tone light but struggling, clearly. "Are you writing romances on Wattpad?"

"What? I don't even know what that is."

"Just ... didn't we go through this already?"

"How so?"

"I had to find you once. Why go through it again?"

"I'm right here."

"You know what I mean. Like today. I wanted to ask you about Kit's party and I couldn't. It didn't feel good."

"I'm sorry. I didn't want that. That's ... I'm sorry."

I get a sinking feeling in my stomach. "It's not because you have doubts, is it? You don't think we should be together and you want a sign from the universe?"

"No, Chloe, no." He reaches for me, hauling me across the couch so that I'm facing him, and brings his lips to mine swiftly. He kisses me, hard, wrapping his arms around me, then pulls back before I can respond. "I'm being stupid. Of course, I want you to be able to reach me whenever you want." He kisses me again and in a moment, my knees are feeling weak.

There's something chemical between us that's been there since the beginning and seems to keep growing each time we connect. It doesn't take long until his kisses drive every thought and every doubt from my mind. I just want to get lost in this kiss forever.

He pulls away. "Give me your phone."

"I thought maybe we should do something else first."

"You sure?"

"Oh, yes." I pull him toward me now, holding the sides of his face with my hands.

I love the way his lips feel on mine, the way his mouth tastes. His hands travel along my sides to my hips and now I'm straddling him, his need clear beneath me and mine growing by the moment, and I don't care if I never have this man's phone number, so long as he keeps touching me like this.

Afterwards, we're in my bedroom, tangled up in the sheets. Ben's stroking my arm and my hand is on his chest. I can feel his heart beating, fast against my hand, and I like that I did that to him. Made him out of breath. Made an impression.

It'll fade, but it's there for now.

"So the venue is all set for Saturday night?" I ask.

"Yes."

"I can send out the invitations?"

"Yep."

"Excellent."

He turns his head toward me. "You already did it, didn't you?"

"Of course. Because, like I said, that's why I was trying to text you. And since I couldn't reach you I figured I'd just go ahead."

"I approve."

"Good."

"You distracted me before from giving you my number."

"I know, but it will happen in the morning. I'm too lazy to get up right now."

"I like that," he says.

"You think it's because of you?"

"I'm hoping."

I kiss him. "Probably."

"I'll take it." He glances at the clock. "It's still early ..."

"Hmmm."

"What?"

I reach for the remote next to my bed and turn on the TV. It's tuned into the news, but I go to one of the streamers.

"You want to watch TV?" He sounds a bit disappointed, which I get.

"No, I want to watch Felicity."

"Why?"

"I want you to watch it."

"Okay."

"You're not going to ask why?"

"Nope."

I laugh. "You're a bit strange, you know that?"

"I'll take that as a compliment."

I queue up the show and skip past season one and go right to Ssason two. "Have you ever watched this?"

"Nope."

"You know the premise?"

"Girl's in college, right? And she got a bad haircut?"

"Ha. Yes, that happens at the beginning of season two after Ben breaks up with her because he's not ready for a real relationship."

"Ben, huh?"

"Yep."

"What's the premise?"

"Felicity and Ben went to high school together. She always had a crush. He writes this awesome note in her high school yearbook and she follows him to New York."

"That's ... a lot."

"Yeah, she can be a lot. But she and Ben are meant to be together."

"Why'd he break up with her then?"

"Because he's an idiot. He wanted something with her but he was afraid."

Ben nods his head slowly. "What are you showing me?"

"I'm showing you how he fixed things."

"Why?"

"Because I think it's good. It's not just something magical that happens. It takes work. He lost her trust and he has to work on it to get it back."

"Is this a message for me?"

I shrug. "I think it's a message for everyone. Relationships aren't easy. Not real ones, anyway."

"But this is a TV show."

"I know, I know." I snuggle against him. "We don't have to watch."

"No, I want to. Where do we start?"

"In the middle of the season."

"Why?"

"Because that's when he starts to do it."

"Do what?"

"Win her back."

We watch a couple of episodes and I fill Ben in on the characters and plots, and eventually, we fall asleep with the TV on.

I wake up in the middle of the night at one of my favorite scenes. Felicity is on a date with another man and Ben interrupts. And he explains that he knows that she feels like she can't trust him but she can. He's changed. She can't hear him at that moment, but later, she'll be able to. Eventually, he makes this grand gesture, and finally, she sees—he's changed. He knows what he did wrong and he isn't going to do it again.

I sigh and turn the TV off. Then I watch Ben sleep for a minute. He sleeps on his back with his hands over his head, like he's lounging in the sun.

I turn away. I feel awake, too awake to sleep. It's been a long time since I had insomnia with someone here. Too long, really. I could try to wake up Ben but that would be cruel. We don't both have to suffer.

I pick up my iPad and try to find a book I've bought that I haven't read.

And then it hits me.

Addison's story. The one on Wattpad. I can read it.

I log into Wattpad and search for the title. I find it quickly. It has thousands and thousands of reads, and she has a big following. She's been posting chapters weekly, sometimes even more often. My God, she's a Wattpad star!

I click on the cover image for the book that's apparently about me. I read the prologue quickly, which introduces us to Zoey (!), Zack (!!), and Ren (OMG), and start to read the first chapter.

Zoey wasn't a patient person. When she wanted something, she wanted it right now. So it was hard for her to sit there, waiting, for Zack to show up for their blind date. Each minute felt like torture. Zoey had been ten minutes early. Zack was twenty minutes late. That was thirty whole minutes! But she was sure that everyone in the restaurant knew she was being stood up and if she left, then she'd confirm it. So she sat there, taping her foot, staring at every brown-haired, brown-eyed man who came in the place.

And then he did.

He didn't quite look like the picture that her best friend, Kat, had shown her, but Zoey didn't notice right then. Instead, she found herself standing and waving like a maniac to catch his attention. When he finally saw her, he looked confused for a moment, then approached her cautiously.

"Took you long enough," Zoey said trying to sound casual but probably blowing it.

"Oh yeah?"

"I mean, if you think thirty minutes is on time maybe we should just stop this date right now."

He laughed and sat down. "I have an excuse."

"Better be good."

"Stick around and find out."

"Is that a question or a statement?"

"It's both," he said, and she laughed.

She was glad she'd stuck around.

It was worth a shot, anyway.