Chapter 29

Eleanor's father arrived soon after she had dressed. He walked in quietly, not daring to really look her in the eyes. His eyes were far more bloodshot than it had been when he had first arrived and there was no cravat in sight. His face was also littered with grey whiskers – he had not shaved in days, something completely unlike him. All in all, he looked the worst she'd ever seen him.

Eleanor, on the other hand, was neatly dressed, no signs of her sleepless, savage nights. She was fully dressed in a lavender day dress after having had a hot bath and her wayward curls had been pulled back into a chignon. The maid had been aghast at seeing her state when she first arrived. She'd been wearing the same nightdress for the past four days now, the one she had changed into after the attack and the blood had coated the old. She had not bathed and her hair had been a dishevelled mess.

The maid was simply a miracle worker, in Eleanor's opinion.

When he finally lifted his head, he reeled back, shocked. He probably had expected the worst. Having not stepped out of the room in four days, not even letting in her maid to bathe and dress her, he would have expected her to look like a savage.

But there was no hiding the dark bags under her eyes – no amount of powder could conceal those.

Salford cleared his throat before cautiously looking at her, unable to speak. When he finally gathered the courage to speak, Eleanor held out a hand.

'My dear, I really am sorr –' he had started.

'Stop,' she said calmly, her palm held up. 'I asked you here because I have questions. You can answer them and leave.'

Her father gulped in response but then quieted. Eleanor turned to the chair next to her vanity and sat. Her father continued to stand and she made no move to offer him a seat.

'Tell me about my father,' she said plainly although her heart beat a staccato in her chest.

At this, her father's eyes bulged out. 'Your father?' he asked, incredulous.

Eleanor nodded and then clarified, 'My birth father.'

She didn't think his eyes could bulge out anymore than it already had, but he accomplished it, his expression betraying shock, confusion and a hint of fear.

'Your father,' he repeated, rubbing his jaw and looking around. 'Well, I never saw him. He was one of the men who staged an attack at Company Headquarters. You know the story.'

Eleanor shook her head. 'I know your recollection of it. But I do not know the story. I do not know what actually happened.'

'Eleanor,' her father said, gently. 'Your father died. You were taken from his arms because you were alive.'

'But I do not understand why he brought me along,' she stressed. 'Why would any man risk his child's life like that?' Ever since she had heard the story of her adoption, back when she had been ten years old, she had often wondered how any man could be so foolish. But the lack of an answer had never bothered her before as it did now. The question had started to fester on her skin like a parasite ever since she had arrived here. The more she thought about it, the deeper its talons sank until it was no longer on her skin. It was underneath it, a part of her, and it drowned her thoughts.

She needed to know and get it out.

'No one understood his motives then and no one does now,' her father said sighing. 'It was as bizarre a thing to us as it is to you. Why would any man be so selfish as to bring their child to a battleground? If he had half the sense of a common man, he'd have left you at home with your mother or another relative. Whish is why we believe he didn't have anyone else, darling. Just you.'

Eleanor had expected this but the shock of hearing it from her father managed to double it. It was logical, though. Maybe her mind was not as advanced as those of others' but why else would he have brought her?

Eleanor could only nod. 'I see. So, I am an orphan.'

Salford's eyes swam with misery. 'But you aren't, love. Not anymore. You were only an orphan for a few hours.'

Her breathing hitched as she regarded the man who had taken her in and raised her as his own. Growing up, he had been her everything – the sun, the moon and the stars. Now, however, he was nothing more than a liar.

A liar she still happened to love very much.

As the tears threatened to spill, she glanced away and hastily rubbed at her eyes before she asked her next question. 'Where were you stationed during the attack?'

'Calcutta,' he replied. 'I was posted there as a Colonel.'

Eleanor's brows drew together. 'A colonel! A colonel does not have an office at the Company Headquarters.'

Salford nodded his head in agreement. 'No, he does not. But I had close ties with the Viceroy and he granted me one. A place where I could conduct my matters privately.' The dark look in his eyes warned Eleanor to not question further and she complied. She would not like the truth of his murky past, she knew. The lies were already too much for her to bear. And the truth was even harder.

'Thank you for telling me,' she replied and rose from her seat, silently dismissing him. 'I believe it is time for me to talk to the duke.'

Salford nodded and started walking towards the door before he turned back suddenly and pleaded. 'Darling, please. Talk to me about it. Scream at me. Throw a figurine at me. Anything is better than this.'

Silent tears swam at the periphery of her eyes and she replied harshly. 'You lied to me, you sold me to the highest bidder like chattel and then when I forgave you, you lied to me again, despite how you may think that it was for my own benefit.' She jerked her chin up in an effort to stop herself from crying. 'Tell me, Papa. Why on earth should I defer to your wishes?'

Her father was speechless. His mouth would not even open. Wordlessly, he opened the door and left, leaving her alone in her room once more until another knock, a strong knock permeated the ensuing silence. Eleanor knew exactly who it was.

It was time to speak to him.

'Come in,' she called and Nathan walked in quietly, slowly shutting the door behind him as he regarded her, standing at the foot of her bed calmly.

If he was shocked at her prim appearance, he did not show it, like her father had. She, on the other hand, couldn't help but catch her breath at his familiar sight.

Warm ocean eyes stared back at her, overflowing with a thousand emotions that begged to be conveyed. He was impeccably dressed – like the duke he was – and there was no sign on him that indicated he was anything but perfectly fine.

But surfaces were deceptive and Nathan wore his mask glued to his skin. Fortunately, Eleanor knew to look beneath. The shadows under his eyes – much like her own – spoke volumes of his inability to sleep soundly and his eyes held so much sorrow.

Nathan cleared his throat and spoke. 'Eleanor,' he regarded her.

She dipped her chin in reply. 'Your Grace.'

Nathan flinched at the title that issued from her lips but made no comment. Good. He knew she was not going to make it easy.

'Firstly, Your Grace,' she started. 'I'd like to thank you.'

Nathan was taken aback. 'Thank me,' he repeated, unsure.

Eleanor nodded. 'Yes, thank you. Thank you for being willing to take a low-born like me as your wife, even thought it was for your own personal gain. And thank you, for going through with it even when society dictated otherwise.'

He was aghast. The pure shock and confusion on his face gave away to misery and he reached for her. 'Elea –'

'Furthermore,' she interrupted loudly, drawing her arms close to her chest. 'Thank you for indulging the whims of a romantic eighteen-year-old who did not know any better. Thank you for then keeping the truth from me and only revealing it when threatened under knifepoint.' Her voice rose higher with each word she spoke and Nathan's face mimicked her own grief. But she continued.

'And while I thank you for all that you have done for me – clothing me, feeding me, giving me shelter –'

'You are not a child to coddle, Eleanor!' Nathan roared suddenly. Eleanor stopped in her monologue at the blatant terror in his voice. He was a sight to behold, like Lucifer in battle, deathly wings stretched behind him. It took all of her steely resolve to continue.

'And while I thank you,' she said loudly, matching his octave. 'It is now time for me to depart.'

Nathan stilled. 'Depart?' he asked, incredulous, as if he had not known that this was the obvious conclusion.

Eleanor nodded firmly. 'Yes, Your Grace. I cannot stay here anymore. There is nothing for me here –'

'You have me!' he intervened and fell to his knees in front of her, grabbing her hands in his and kissing them. 'Please, my love, please, do not leave me. I shall be broken.' Tears fell in rivulets down his face and Eleanor felt them against her hands as well. He was Lucifer no more but a small boy who seemed lost and forgotten, begging for love and attention.

'I have to,' she responded, not moving away, letting him kiss her. In truth, she had been planning to leave for a long time now. Of course, four days ago, her plans had involved Nathan and her unborn child. Now, neither was hers and she would be alone. She was not quite sure if she wanted that. But a small part of her kept whispering that she had to go through it alone and alone she would go.

'You don't have to,' Nathan continued, tilting his beautiful face up to look up at her. The tears settled on his lashes made them look like spidery webs and it took all of her to not wipe them away and kiss the tears away.

'You lied to me,' she said in response. 'You tricked and cheated me. But that is not what hurts. I can understand your desperation. I can understand that you wanted to help these people in any way you could. I would do the same. But I would tell you about it. I would not hide it away. Do you know how it felt for me to sit in that chair and learn that the love of my life was a despicable liar?'

Nathan shook his head and gazed at her pleadingly. 'I am so, so sorry, darling. I never meant to hurt you. I had planned on telling you after the wedding but then I was afraid. And the fear increased everyday until the words choked me every time I tried to get it out. But, please, darling. Please stay. Let me marry you again, properly. Be my wife.'

A proposal. She was finally being properly proposed to and she had to say no. She should say no. But, try as she might to get it out, she could not. So, she said the next right thing.

'You should leave,' she said with steel in her voice, holding her ground, willing the tears to retreat. Her voice shook but her resolve did not. However, she did not know what would happen if she let him speak anymore.

Something in her voice must have shaken him for he got up then and ceased crying. The tears still gleamed like crystals on his face but his face had hardened considerably.

'That is it then?' he asked. 'It is final?'

Eleanor nodded. She did not know where she was going or what she was going to do. But she knew she had to leave here.

'I see,' he said and then slowly made his way out the door.

It was only long after he left that Eleanor noticed his gold wedding band gleam on her finger.

**********

'We should be off, now,' Dr. Rajalakshmi remarked, checking her time piece. 'The roads will be scouring with highwaymen in a few hours. We must reach the palace before then.' When she had come to check up on her, a week after the miscarriage, Eleanor, seemingly overtaken by a mysterious being that persuaded young women to speak boldly, had asked the doctor if she could stay with her a while.

The doctor had merely smiled and answered yes, no questions asked.

It turned out that she was actually the daughter of a local raja who preferred the healing arts to playing princess. Staying with her meant staying in a palace. Eleanor thought she was going to be just fine for a while.

Eleanor glanced up at the manor house that had housed her the past few months. The white paint gleamed like snow under the sharp light of the sun and she smiled wistfully. She had made so many memories here and now she was leaving them all behind. Of course, there were terrible ones which she wished to forget like Gresham's attack and learning the truth of it all.

But there were also wonderful ones, etched into the walls. She had learned to shoot a revolver here, to dance in the rain, to kiss, to love and so much more. There were so many beautiful memories and her heart ached to leave them behind. But for now, she had to. No, she needed to. She knew it with every fibre of her being.

'Where do you plan to go?'

Eleanor turned to the voice. Her parents and Nathan stood at the stairs, watching as the footman loaded the small trunk of her possessions that she was taking with her. Just enough for her to survive on her own for some time.

Her mother looked apprehensive after she asked the question. Eleanor thought back to the last time the Marchioness of Salford had looked apprehensive. It was never.

She smiled as she answered, 'I'm off to meet the women.' She quickly glanced at Nathan who stood stoically a couple feet away from her. At her response, his mouth quirked up slightly but he said no more. He merely watched in silence as she turned to her father.

'Thank you,' she said. 'For taking me in and being my Papa,' she said, her throat clogged with emotions. She had thought she would leave without speaking to anyone but decided against it this morning. She was heading into a new chapter in her life and she did not want to leave with grudges and resentments.

Her father merely gave a single nod before crushing her against him and she felt his tears fall on her shoulder.

When they parted, she smiled at him before turning to Nathan.

He looked handsome as always and there was so much she wanted to say to him, so much left unspoken between them. But voicing it would lead to an endless spiral and she did not have the time to go down that road.

Instead, she said, 'Goodbye,' and turned away. She didn't make it far however, for he had grabbed a hold of her and crushed her to him, bringing his mouth down to hers for an earth-shattering kiss.

She heard her mother and the maids and footmen gasp as Nathan and Eleanor kissed each other hungrily, her hands roving over his chest and his, roving all over her body. Eleanor was dimly aware she should be in the carriage now, on her way to the doctor's palace but Nathan's kiss dulled all the other senses and kept her glued to him.

For heavens' sake, she loved this man, despite it all! If she was not going to be with him, she might as well have a goodbye to remember.

When they finally parted, breathless, Nathan grabbed the opportunity. 'I love you,' he declared. 'I love you so very deeply, my love, Eleanor. Please marry me.'

Eleanor could not find it in her heart to say no when he looked at her like that. Besides, she did love this man. And she could not outrightly hurt him.

So, she said, 'Ask me again in a few years. When you have grown and I have grown and we are both different people who do not have to hide behind painful scars. In a different place, at a different time. Ask me then and you shall have my answer.'

Nathan smiled then, full and brilliant, and she returned it. She turned away from him and climbed into the carriage after the doctor and looked out. She met her gaze with that of Nathan's and it was so full of longing, hope and promise that she almost cried.

'Defy all the rules, Eleanor!' he screamed as the carriage rolled away. Eleanor sat back in her seat and smiled as the carriage passed through the gates and onto the road, bustling with people. She looked at the woman opposite her and smiled even brighter as she twisted the wedding band on her finger.

Yes, she supposed she would defy some rules.

**********

This is not the end!!! There is an epilogue as well which shall be out shortly so stay tuned!!

Also, I'm crying because I suddenly remembered the ending of Clockwork Princess and if that isn't one of the most beautiful books ever written, I shall give away my entire Shadowhunter novel collection.

Send help, please.