Chapter 14: School problems

I walk up to my room and pull out my diary.

Dear diary,

So I've finally met Caden's girlfriend. She is so nice and kind. She kinda reminds me of mom before everything happened. My mom wasn't that bad of a person. She just did bad things. Granted those bad things being alcohol, drugs, abuse, and neglect. But Carl made her do that. I start school tomorrow. Wish me luck.

Sincerely,

Lidia White.

After I signed off I realized I put my brothers name instead of my own.

I hid it in my drawer then went to bed. But not before I turned on the sound machine.

(A/N k so idk if I should put dream/flashback in italics or normal so for now I'm going to put them in italics)

I was running. Running as fast as I could but couldn't run fast enough. He would surely find me. He would find me then kill me like he did to my mother.

"Come out, come out, wherever you are" he taunted. "Come on, I won't bite"

I ended up in a dead end. I dove towards a tree. He can't find me. He won't find me. He can't find me. He won't find me. He can't find me. He won't find me. He can't fi- "Gotcha"

I woke up panting, dripping with sweat. In. Out. In. Out. Okay I'm calm.

I get up and walk towards my bathroom. I try to avoid the mirror. I hate looking at mirrors. I hate it because I have to look back at me. My broken, tired face. The pain and suffering. Everything I went through is on my body one way or another.

I head into the shower and look and my body in disgust. If only she hadn't married him she would still be alive. If only she kept walking and not stop to help him. If only I had tried to fight back. If only I tried harder to run away then I wouldn't be in my predicament. I would be living free. Working and getting a degree. Not stuck here with a bunch of good for nothing scars. They say scars are a symbol of strength and bravery. No, scars are a symbol that you didn't try hard enough to fight back.

I walk out of the shower. As much as I hate mirrors I can't help but look at mine. My face shows nothing but pain, suffering, tiredness and everything in between. But in just a few moments that will be replaced with happiness, grouch, and nervousness.

After looking at my disgusting and horrible body in the mirror, I walk out and get dressed. I'm wearing some dark wash skinny jeans with a white button-up and a gray cardigan. I put my hair in a simple half-up half-down. And wore a simple black cross necklace.

After getting ready I walk out and head to the kitchen to eat at least some breakfast. I end up eating a plain piece of bread. I've read somewhere that it expands your stomach.

Right as I finish eating it I see Zack walk in. He looks quite startled. "Chica why are you up so early?" He asked.

I looked at the clock and shrugged. Because if I weren't  then I would get beaten. "Because we have school today and I don't want to be late" I explained.

"But dear it's only 6:30 school doesn't start till 8:20. The boys normally get up around this time" he explained, still clearly confused.

"Oh well. I guess when I get homework then I could do it in the mornings if I don't get it down during the evening. Plus I was nervous and jittery" I said with a half-fake chuckle. I really can't be happy today, can I?

He just nodded and sat down beside me. "What time did Luke leave? Assuming he already left" I asked.

"He left about thirty minutes ago. Right before you got up" how does he know when I got up? I mean jokes on him I got up at 5:30. Have been for about nine years.

I just nodded in response. As if on cue a tired looking James came down the stairs. "What the hell?" He muttered. He looked at me and Zack confused.

"Do not curse in front of your sister!" Zack told

him.

He just mumbled a whatever.

After what felt like an eon the boys came down dressed and ready. Zack had left about ten minutes ago wishing me a good first day of school. What the hell am I? Five?

We rode in the car in relative silence. Much to my dismay I got put in the middle again. How did I even get put in the middle? There's only two other people in the car? Oh that's right. Right as I got in and was crawling to the other side Jesse stepped on the gas pedal and started to drive.

"And we are here! Welcome to he-" James smacked his arm,"school. Yeah I meant school" Jesse chuckles nervously. "So, little sis, I'm going to warn you. We act different than we do it home. Okay?" Jesse confirmed.

"Okay. I figured that much" I shrugged my shoulders. The twins look at me in surprise.

"Oh okay then. Let's get out" Jesse said. There were whispers all around us. I heard some of them but not all. The ones I did hear were "-gosh I can't believe they had sex with her" and "I know right? Such a slut" it kind of made me sad. I mean that's what Carl would call me. Slut-faced whore.

The twins walked me towards the office. There was a redheaded lady with tan skin and gorgeous brown eyes. She looked at my brothers hungrily. Okay ew. That's gross. I mean c'mon lady. You're like what? Thirty? These are sixteen year old boys. Granted they might have slept with the whole student body but still ew.

She looked over at me with slight jealousy. Lady c'mon, I see that ring on your finger. "Here's your schedule. Your locker is 173 and the code is 1819. Have a good day." She sneers. Okay rude.

My brothers walk me to my locker. They don't need to. I'm a big girl. I've had much worse happen to me. "Here's your locker. Luke told me to say a few things to you so here we are. One: don't skip class. Two: uh I forgot but don't skip class!" He covered up.

As soon as the boys walked away the whispering started. "Slut. I can't believe her. She's likes twelve!" And "looks like the White brothers have a new play thing" plus "she could use a diet" I know I'm fat. Carl made that very clear to me.

I walk with my head down nervously to my next class. I have math first. "So class that is the formula for Pi" the teacher said. I knocked on the door. "Oh hello. You must be our new student. My names Mrs. Gray. You can sit by Keith over there." She pointed.

Keith was a tall muscular kid. I sat beside him and the teacher presumed teaching. He leaned down and whispered in my ear "slut". The people around him snickered. How can someone be so rude? It's my first day and I'm already getting picked on.

As soon as the bell rang I high tailed outta there. I ran towards my locker and got my books for geography. The teacher made me do the same thing. Introduce myself, sit down and continue to teach. And in each class there was at least someone calling me a name.

The class right before lunch was pretty nice though. I had English Language Arts. Did the norm' and then sat down. I sat down by a girl with neon pink hair and a black smokey eye and black lipstick. She had on a black beanie and was wearing, can you guess it? Black!

I looked over at her, waiting to be called a slur too but thankfully she didn't. In the middle of class she whispered "Nice necklace" I looked over at her. Did she really complement my necklace? Sweet.

"Thanks. I like your hair. It suits you" I said back to her. She looked at me proudly.

"I don't do this to most newbies or people, but want to sit with me at my table? I am going to warn you, one of my, or should I say my only friend, sits with me" she invited. I must've looked like a kid in a candy store. I nodded my head then went back to the lesson.

I soon learned her name was Audrey. We walked to the cafeteria together and sat down at a table close to the trash cans but not close enough to smell them. There was a boy there. He had milk chocolate hair with a light blue streak going through it and beautiful brown eyes.

"Evan this is my new friend-" she told him then realized she didn't know my name. "Lidia. My name is Lidia." I told her. "Sweet name" is is he replied.

"So what is it with you and the White brothers? Is it true you had a threesome with them?" Evan questioned. Audrey smacked him hard.

"Evan you can't go around asking people if their sluts! I can't believe you" Audrey told him.

"No it's okay. And ew no. I'm not sleeping with them." That thought made me shudder with disgust. "Their my brothers. Granted I didn't know about them until now but they are my brothers" I quickly explained.

"Sweet" is all he replies.

For the rest of the day it was pretty much the same. Me and Audrey have five classes together plus lunch. The boys pretty much ignored me the whole time and I felt that same feeling I felt when Luke didn't show any emotion when I had made the food.

We got in the car and drove back to the house. "So, how was your first day at school?" Jesse squealed. His voice was so high pitched I think I busted my eardrums.

"It was good. I made some friends" I told them.

"Oh really and what's their names?" James asked.

"Their names were Audrey and her friend Evan. Audrey's really cool. She wears all black and her hair is pink" I say with a smile.

"Is Evan a boy name? If so you're not being friends with him" James told me.

My mouth hung agape. I can't believe him! Of course. My brothers don't give two flying shits about how that may affect me. He could be gay! What if there was only one person who wants to be friends with me and it's a boy? What then?

I, of course not wanting to get in trouble, respond "Yes Evan is a boy. BUT, I doubt that he has or will have feelings for me. He doesn't strike me as the type to." I truthfully told them.

"I'll still have to check it Luke on it but okay." James tells me.

At home Sasha comes running up to me and latches herself on to me. I, have to again, try my hardest not to flinch. "Ohmegawdhowwasyourfirstday?!" She said all in one breath. I looked at her confusedly. She takes a deep breath and corrects herself. "Oh my god how was your fist day?!" She says hitting a C note. (A/N don't come after me if C isn't a high note. I don't do band)

"It was pretty good. And really tired so I'm going to go to my room. Okay?" I tell slash ask her. She looks at me thoughtfully but nods her head anyways.

I lied. School was not pretty good. In fact it sucked. Everyone kept calling me what Carl did. If every one kept calling me that then I guess it's true. I am all those slurs they called me. I looked at the razor that I use to shave my armpits. I haven't done it in so long. Maybe I should start... just to take the pain away.

I shook those thoughts out of my head. I'm guessing it won't be the last I hear of them but for now, I don't want to think about them.

I laid down on my bed and stare at my ceiling. Life sucks. My life sucks. I lay there in thought but to my disagreement, I fall asleep. Without the noise machine on.

Okay long chapter but I wanted to give you an inside of her head and thoughts. And character development? Yes please! Please don't ever cut yourself or harm yourself. People care about you, a random person aka me cares about you. Should I put a trigger warning before the cutting/ suicidal thoughts scenes? I hope you like it and don't forget to vote, comment and obviously like :)