Chapter 34: Thinking

People love and people lose. That's just the way it goes. They'll love but eventually, one of them has to die or if you're one of the unfortunate few, those you love will leave you.

I mean that's what I've heard.

I can justify my statement though. For instance, my father-so I've gathered- loved my mother with all his heart. There was nothing he wouldn't do for her. But like the saying goes, you love and you lose and he lost. Big time. Not only did she leave her loving husband, but she also took away his only daughter.

Another example; I lost my childhood. I loved being innocent and free. Not having the shackles of trauma. But just like my father, I lost that love. The love I once had for being alive. For being me. It was all gone just like that. They weren't kidding when they said one person can change your life.

Love hurts. I have no clue why people want to have it. I've gone nine years without it and I turned out just fine. I hope.

I've always said how I hated mirrors. I've always said how they show all who I am. The broken girl who is nothing but a fraud but what if that's not the reason? What if the real reason is because I just don't want to see the real me? I don't want to see how I've grown. Ha. From being a small, smiley, toddler to a depressed, crippled teen who hides who she really is to keep herself safe. A coward. That's who I am

I'm supposed to be asleep. I'm not supposed to know the stuff I know. I don't want to know the stuff I know but we don't always get what we want.

Right now I'm sitting on my balcony, staring at the full moon with all of its light shining down on me. Wrapped up with one blanket and sitting in a chair watching the moon. That's what my life has resulted to.

Like I said, I'm supposed to be asleep and not know that my twin brothers are going to an illegal race. But that's not all, no. Not only are they going there but they're going to jump someone who won fair and square. Someone who allegedly 'cheated' because no one can ever beat the White brothers. I'm not saying I know everything because that's a lie but going off the twin's body posture I'm confident that my conclusion is somewhat close to the truth.

I feel sorry for the poor sap. All he did was try his hardest to win but there's one thing he probably doesn't have. A mafia. Sure it might be illegal and some small gangs could and would be there but compared to a mafia? Might as well be betting on a snail to win a race when their opponents a cheetah. Stupid.

If you think about it, I just moved from one dysfunctional family to another one except with this one, they actually love each other. I went from being abused and neglected to being the center of attention and affection. I scoffed. So? They still kill and murder innocent people. Most of these people never asked for this. They were dragged into this. It's sad.

But.

My brothers need to do what they need to survive this deteriorated world. In this world it's kill or be killed. But that doesn't make it right, trust me I know.

Sad. That's what Luke reminds me of. All of this responsibility was brought upon him at such a young age. All he has is his family and he will do anything and everything to keep them safe even if that means lives are lost.

What makes it really sad is he's kind of right. If he doesn't have his family then what does he have? I doubt he'll be able to get a girlfriend if he doesn't have any of us. I slightly smiled at the thought. Luke needs us and we need him. No matter what.

People will talk and people will stare. Tough. That's life. They don't know what it is like until they are the concept of conversation and yet, when the attention moves somewhere else only half of a quarter of them will realize how hurtful it is.

The moon has my back. It always has and always will. Like the crafts room, the moon has seen my nightmares. It has seen my dreams. It has heard my gasps of air after I have a nightmare. It's no stranger to my tears.

Yesterday Sasha came back. Tonight her and Caden are going on a date night. For a while I just sit there. Gazing and observing the moon's intricate lines. I'm not stupid. I can feel the tears staining my face. Some landed on arm, some drying on my face, others streaming down my neck.

"Lidia?"

My neck snapped towards my door. My eyes widened to the size of a basketball. "Y-yes?"

"Are you okay?" Luke said.

"I-I'm fine. It's nothing."

He stalked over to me in four strides. "You don't seem fine. Tell me, what's wrong?"

I gave him a weak smile. "Trust me, I'm fine. Just being over dramatic."

He gave me a knowing look. Luke in all his crisp suit glory sits down at the chair adjacent to mine. "Can I tell you something?"

My head swiveled to get a better picture of him. "Of course, what is it?" I asked.

"For the longest time, it was just me. Our brothers were there of course but to me, all there was, was me. All alone with all these responsibilities. And I didn't know what to do. All of a sudden there were these kids with so much needs and I hadn't have a clue of what to do. I was scared. Scared that I would mess up and ruin everything.

"But then it dawned on me. I'm not alone. Hell, I have four brothers. My four ride or dies. They'll always be there no matter what."

For the first time I saw Luke in a new light. A man who cared for his family. A man who threw everything away just so his siblings could live a good life. He never did anything for himself in years and personally, I would've blown by now.

I couldn't help myself when I launched myself at him and hugged him so tightly an anaconda would've gotten scared. At first his arms stayed by his side, tensing under my touch but I didn't care. It only made me hug him tighter. After the initial shock he wrapped his arms around me, his head in the crook of my neck and his face smushed into my hair.

"You are so kind and generous and loving Lidia Candice White. Anyone would be very grateful to meet you or even better yet, know you." He mumbled.

In that moment, everything I have thought in the past hours blinked into a oblivion. In that moment all I felt was something I've never felt in a real long time.

Love.

So, before he could say more, I beat him to the punch.

"I love you."

Awwwwww. Okay so started out sad but ended up happy. How fun is that? Anyways, I hope you liked it and don't forget to vote, comment and obviously like:)