Chapter 41: The sleepover

Why?

Why can't I just be happy? Why can't they just disappear out of my mind? Why can't they just leave me alone? Why couldn't my mother die in a different way? Why couldn't my mother just walk five more steps?

We'll never know the answer because she's dead, and she's not coming back. Except, she is coming back. She's coming back in my dreams.

This one was by far the most soul crushing. I had came inside from playing one day, and she was kitchen 'making' lunch. I asked her what was she making but when she turned around, all I could see were hollow areas where her eyes had been.

"M-mom? Mommy what's wrong?" Little Lidia asked.

She snarled. "You, you little piece of shit!"

And my mom, the one who is supposed to love me the most, threw the knife she was using to chop carrots at me.

In my nightmare I had screamed. A high pitched one too. Can you guess what I did in real life? I screamed. Well more like a loud whimper. Thank the Lord Almighty that I didn't forget to turn on my white noise machine.

The awful thing about my nightmare was that it was before Carl. Had she always hated me? Was I forever destined to be alone?

I shook my head. No, I'm not alone. I have Sasha and Audrey and my brothers and all of our family friends. I have a lot of people that love me. I don't need the love or attention of two people that only brought pain onto me.

Wow, I'm so mature.

It was Friday, the day of the sleepover. I was excited but also nervous. I haven't slept in the same room with a different person before. Well I did that time I had a nightmare, but that doesn't count. I was scared then, this is voluntary.

When I moved here, school had become virtually my main focus. When I was living with Carl it was my safe space for obvious reasons, but here, I don't want to go to school. It actually brings me dread waking up in the early hours, pretending to be asleep then getting up and doing my makeup then trying to get in the car before Jesse so he couldn't drive off with me hanging out the door.

But back then I would wake up so early that a rooster wouldn't approve. I made him breakfast, hurried out the door and sit and read for an hour two blocks away from the school until it was a reasonable time to arrive there.

I know I said earlier he wasn't a bad guy, but I think that was just impulse. To just lie so I don't get in trouble. Now that I think about it, I haven't lied in a long time. I don't know if that's good or not.

I feel like a con artist sometimes. The person that my family, friends, hell even the kids who bully me, is fake. I am fake. My whole personality is a lie. I'm not happy, I do actually like shrimp scampi. What will happen when they find out? They'll discover that 'Lids' or 'Chica' or 'Curly' is a fake. There is no Lids, Chica, or Curly.

I know! I'll just run away! Wait- what will I tell Audrey? I'll just take her with me. Although I doubt my brothers will let me get very far. They are at the top of the mafia. Which still bugs me sometimes since why do they feel like they have to hide it? I won't tell, I'm great at keeping secrets. I know what you're thinking 'Lidia, you're keeping a big secret too', and yeah, yeah I am but I have a reason.

Whenever I say it out loud it reminds me of all the pain, the torment, the agony. It feels like I'm reliving it again. All it does to them is make them worry for about five seconds. So you see, my reason is a much more better one than theirs.

We pulled into the school parking lot and got out. Thankfully I didn't trip and stain my white jeans again. "You ready for your sleepover?" Jesse asked while walking through the morning dew to the entrance.

"It's not happening now, it's tonight." I replied. Why would he think it's right now?

He smiled. "I know that Chica. I was just seeing if you were being your brainiac self. That's all."

James snorted. "Damn right."

I raised my eyebrow. "Damn right what?"

He looked over at me with a blank face as usual. "That you're a brainiac. If you individually take all of our test scores and compare them to yours, you'll still beat ours. Even if we added up mine and Zack's they wouldn't be enough."

I smiled at him. "Wow, who knew that James likes statistics?"

He gently pushed my head away and I laughed. It feels kind of good to bond with my brothers; especially the one who doesn't like me.

"Hey Audrey, you excited for tonight?" I asked her.

"You bet your complex family tree I am!" She responded.

I narrowed my eyebrows but she began a whole new conversation on what we were doing that night. I couldn't keep up with what she was saying so I just nodded my head along, occasionally making the mandatory 'uh hunh' and 'mmm'. While her meaningless words were being said, I decided that I would tell her. I would tell her about Carl and mom.

This is going to be fun.

While I was stuffing leftover pizza in my mouth, Audrey started to speak. "Do you think you'll ever find love?"

I gagged on the bit I was eating. "Ex-excuse me?"

She looked at me in my eyes and said, "Do you think you'll ever find love?"

I cleared my throat. "Yes, I do think I'll find love. I also think you'll find love. Everybody deserves love, no matter what."

"No matter what?"

I smiled. "No matter what."

The whole ride to the house was spent giggling and snorting. Jesse was driving and much to James's dismay, he had to ride with us since no one could pick him up.

"I still don't get why she had to come to our house." James mumbled.

"My dear twin we've been over this. Lidia's not allowed to spend the night at a non-family members house." Jesse replied.

"I still don't get it." He mumbled.

I rolled my eyes as we pulled into the driveway. I grabbed my backpack and her hand and bolted out the car. We raced into kitchen, then to my room and locked the door.

We were both huffing and out of breath and doubling over but when we looked up and at each other, we busted into another fit of giggles.

"Oh-oh my. Why are we like this?" I said while trying to get a breath in.

"I don't- I don't know." She wheezed.

I walked over to my bed and threw myself on it. "Man, remind me to never run again." I said.

"Same. I don't think I'll ever look at a track the same." She said and also threw herself on my bed.

We laid there for a couple of minutes, catching our breath then she stood up. "Okay, up you go." She pulled my arms.

"But I don't want to!" I pouted.

"Don't care, we have a party to get started."

I huffed. "Fine."

We sat on the floor talking about stupid Mrs. Gray's math assignment and how good we think we did on it. We talked about the newest celebrities and if they were cute or not. We played smash or pass with said celebrities. I randomly got up and started to twerk and she raised her eyebrows and we both laughed.

"So, have you asked Luke about the date tomorrow?" She asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

I groaned and said, "Don't remind me please. It's too stressful."

"So you're just going to stand him up?"

I looked back up at her. "No, maybe, ugh I don't know! Do you know how hard it is to ask my brother for something!"

She giggled and and patted my arm. "Don't worry, you can just ask him at dinner. And before you protest, I'll be right there and won't hesitate to slap anyone." I laughed and agreed.

Why did I agree?

I kid you not, we got home at 3:30 and dinner is at six and we played in my room the whole time. We sat in my room doing things you don't want to know for three hours and ten minutes.

And it was amazing.

Until it was time for dinner.

A knock came at our door and I heard a "Time for dinner!" We stopped our binging of Outer Banks and walked to the dining room.

"Girl no- J.J is way better." Audrey argued.

"That's the thing! I can't say no to that, but John B. is a literal go-" I was cut off by the clearing of a throat when we entered the dining room.

"Lidia, are you going to introduce us to your friend?" Zack asked.

Everyone was in different seats-most likely to accommodate Audrey- and was staring at us. "Oh yeah uh, this is Audrey. Audrey, this is my family," we sat down and I began to point them out, "First we have Luke; the oldest and guardian of the twins and me. Then we have Zack, Caden, his girlfriend Sasha, and you already know the twins."

Sasha smiled at her. "Nice to meet you, Audrey. I hope the boys don't give you too much of a hard time here."

I looked up. "You won't be staying?"

"No, me and Caden are going out with some friends tonight, and trust me, the less brothers the better." She whispered the last part to me.

Dinner was Chicken Carbonara. When the cook served it, Audrey's eyes bulged. I leaned over and said, "Don't worry if you don't eat all of it. Just move it around to make sure it seems that way."

She gave me a nod of appreciation and I smiled. Dinner was coming to an end when Audrey elbowed me. I knew what she meant. Doesn't mean I want to do it but some things just can't be avoided.

I cleared my throat and said, "So uh, Luke. My big bro ha, I was um, wondering if uh maybe," I began to chicken out because this was the hardest thing I have ever done. I gulped and just went for it, glancing at Sasha on my right and Audrey on my left for support, "can me and Ian hang out for lunch tomorrow?"

I deserve an award.

Jesse was choking on his food, James had food hanging out of his mouth, Caden was stunned into silence, Zack was stopped in the motion of eating, Luke raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, is that so?"

I cleared my throat. "Y-yes. Yes it is. I don't think it'll be a big deal since we know him and we're just going to that creepy place that smells like cigarette smoke."

Luke was deciding it in his mind.

"No! You can't let her go!"

"Jesus Luke, are you considering this?"

"Oh shut up and let her go on the god darn date."

"You did say she could a few days ago."

I leaned over to Audrey and was silently apologizing that she had to see this mess. Turns out she didn't need my apology because she thought this was all fine and dandy. I could see her visibly holding in a laugh.

I slapped her arm playfully and smiled at her. "Enough!," we both flinched and gazed over at Luke, "Stop this noise immediately! I have come to a decision. Some will like it, others will not."

"Shut up and tell us what it is." Caden demanded.

Luke squinted his eyes and glared at Caden. "Lidia you," the words he was about to say looked like it physically pained him, "you may go out on your hang out."

Everyone started yell. Well the twins, Caden and Zack started to yell. Sasha and Audrey yelled back at them.

Here are some things I heard being said.

"What the actual fuck?!"

"Oh go fuck your self!"

"You can't be serious! I'm not letting her go!"

"Oh grow up! And what're you gonna do? Huh?"

I was just sitting in my seat, acting like this was a normal occurrence because, well, it was. Since I've been here there have been multiple occasions where my family yells. The first big dinner they had yelled. That is how much this family loves to yell.

"End of discussion!" Luke announced over everybody.

"Is this a normal thing?" Audrey whispered.

"Yeah pretty much." I replied.

She nodded her head and left her hands in her lap. Luke looked down at his phone and said, "Excuse me, I must take this." And left.

We all sat there in silence, waiting for someone to say something. "Dinner is finished since I know my appetite has gone and three other people's have also. Good night." Zack announced.

"You weren't joking when you said this was gonna be a shit show." Audrey mumbled as we walked upstairs to my room.

"I'm always right. When are you going to realize that?" I replied. She glared playfully at me after my snarky response was said.

"Really didn't need to think on that one, did ya?"

I smirked. "Nope. Now c'mon, let's finish our episode of Outer Banks then do blindfolded makeup."

"And possibly twerk on the wall." She added.

This girl and twerking.

Me and Audrey both cried when John B. and Sarah broke up. It was the saddest moment in television history. Even sadder than when Jack fell off the door. We all know there was enough room on that door, but she had to go and be a selfish little brat and hog it all to herself.

"I can't believe they divorced!" I said with tears going down my face.

"They weren't married." Audrey replied with tears gathering in her eyes.

"Well not legally, but they had  their 'wedding'. Their rings were his bandana! How cute is that? And then she had to go and ruin it!"

"Stop it! You're going to make my mascara run!" She shouted.

After our little 'meltdown' we did blindfolded makeup. I would say hers turned out pretty good since we all know I'm the makeup queen, and mine, well mine was surely done blindfolded.

"Hold still! You're moving your head!" She ordered sassily.

"I am not! You're moving my head!"

"Just shut up and let me do your makeup." Audrey commanded. I mumbled a fine and sat there while she got lipstick in my teeth.

We watched a scary movie that wasn't even scary, it was just disturbing. The main character got her arm nailed to the wall by a nail gun, and to make matters worse, it showed her pulling it out. I was seriously gagging the whole time.

After that I checked the time and found out it was  3:30 in the morning. We were both fighting to keep our heads up, no matter how much we wanted to finish watching The Proud Family Movie.

I turned off the lights and decided now or never, I was going to tell Audrey about my past. My actual past. We laid down in my bed and were half asleep. Deliriously I told her about it all. The pain and suffering. What I had to go through. I finally told someone who isn't a paper sheet.

And it felt good.

She comforted me the best her delirious mind could. I could barely process her words so everything that she said to me, I took it as comfort. To outside people they don't know what it's like to have a weight so heavy be lifted off your chest. Sure it's still a secret from the ones I love but hey, I told someone.

I succumbed to darkness a little bit after her comforting rant about 'stupid Casey and her perfect little life'. It was quite amusing.

I have come to realize that when I sleep in the bed with other people, I don't have a nightmare. I'm like Katniss Everdeen in that way. Haunted by nightmares but when comforted, none appear. (A/N please don't leave any spoilers for the hunger game books. I'm still on book 2)

We woke up the latest I have ever woken up at; 9:00. "Woah, why is it so late?" I grumbled.

Audrey murmured something incoherent so I couldn't catch what she said but knowing her, it was along the lines of 'Shut up and let me sleep.'

Guess she's not a morning person.

I accidentally smacked her face with my tingling arm. "Ow!"

"Sorry," I mumbled, "we have to get up. Breakfast should be ready."

Again her incoherent murmurs weren't processed. But like I said, I am the master speaking Audrey so I can only imagine it along the lines of 'Screw breakfast.'

That's my best friend alright.

I groaned and groggily got out of my sweet, warm, comfy bed. I trudged over to Audrey and ripped the blankets off of her. "What the hell?!" She yelled.

"You need to get up or else we won't be able to go to sleep tonight."

"Sleep my ass." She mumbled.

I grabbed her hand and dragged it behind me as she groaned and reluctantly followed. I almost tripped down the stairs, which would've been bad since I was dragging Audrey behind me. Although she's not a big girl, she has a fat butt that could squash me like no other.

We walked into the kitchen and I heard a, "Morning sleepy heads. How did you sleep?"

I looked at Zack and said good. When Audrey didn't say anything I looked over and saw her head about to fall on the plate that lay before her. I shook her and her head snapped up, waiting for anything.

"Where's the Twins?" I asked with a piece of egg hanging out of my mouth.

"Right here! Seems like you finally learned the ways of sleeping in, little sister." Jesse commented as he came down.

I glanced over to the fridge and just looked at him. No emotion on my face, I just looked at him. Thinking that I was a loss of words, Jesse began to snicker in victory.

"Shut the hell up."

Okay so a long chapter! Lidia finally told someone! Was it like you thought? I based this sleepover on the mix of all the sleepovers I've ever had. I hope you like it and don't forget to vote, comment, and obviously like :)