22. Agony

Thank you so much to those of you who have voted on my story by clicking the star! It has moved up to #48 on the hot list... the highest rank it has recieved so far! I love having something written that you all love to read. It makes my heart swell with happiness that i am able to create a world for you to lose yourself in because that is why i read and also why i write :)

Again. Thank you all so much!

Xoxo

Chilee.

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Zaryn's  POV.         (Omg!!!)

Heart shattering misery.

Contempt.

Anger.

Turmoil.

These were the feelings Nova was experiencing. She was forcing her wolf to feel them, punishing her for submitting to my own wolf. For allowing their natural instincts to take over.

I dropped to my knees with the sorrow i felt that came from the grief she bore. It was a nauseating gut wrenching sadness I have never even come close to feeling.

I hated it.

I hated myself.

I dont even know where it started to go wrong..

When Grace voiced her excitement over feeling our pup kick, her eyes scanning around for a smile.. from anyone. She recieved nothing but glares. Something inside me clicked, the wolf urging me to go feel our pup. He didn't like that no one was happy with the news..

Grace looked down, realizing she wouldn't get sympathy here.. not from this pack who wanted their rightful Luna. The next moment, im kneeling, hands on her belly as she smiled down at me, feeling my pup kicking her firm swollen flesh into my hand. I don't remember getting there.. one moment I was standing, watching... then i was there, touching Grace's stomach. My wolf's need to feel his future were dominant, taking over my control.

Whispers..

The males speaking of challenges the moment I took the lead after my father..

females looking on and growling with disrespect.. those were the things I heard.

In that moment the sound of a  guttural fierce growl that had pups whimpering and a few juveniles shivering with the need to cower, filled the air, alerting my wolf to danger. i turned, seeing Nova's beautiful white wolf with gray markings, her chest low to the ground, ears flat, tail down over her lifted rump, ready to spring. The hate in her eyes.. the need to kill. To taste the blood vesseling my blood.. teeth exposed fully as she snarled, spittle flying from her muzzle.

I froze. Her silverish eyes on Grace.

I had no control anymore, these feelings inside me so confusing.. i wanted to go to Nova. But my wolf felt the need to protect his offspring. He also wanted to calm his mate.

It was a difficult feeling to feel.. being torn in two different directions.

The males cheered, wanting her to take Grace out.. i didnt like this.. and they would all deal with me after this was over. They have outwardly expressed contempt for my pup for so long.. i wouldn't have this anymore.

My confusion allowed my wolf to kick me to the back, shifting immediately as my clothes shredded, filling the evening air with ripping sounds along with the sick snapping and crackling of bones. The bonfire crackled, the fire's  flames licked up against the shadows between us, revealing her silverish blue eyes more clearly , watching mine.

Another snarl from her as i began to approach. Her wolf pawed the earth with sharp claws, hackles raised. The scent of dried earth flooding my senses as she readied herself to attack.

My wolf wouldn't be dominated by his female. He wanted to comfort her.. soothe her fur down.. all the while protecting his future that grew in another female.

I could hear my father..

"Get Grace out of here!!"

He knew Nova's wolf would go for the kill as did I. My wolf knew that as well. He stood, watching along with Nova's dad who seemed to have a hard time controlling himself. Dad nodded my way, giving my wolf the okay to reign her in, as her mate.

Only my wolf could do this without fatality. She was too far gone to have control and not attack anyone who made her angry. She was a powerful wolf for a juvenile female and we didn't want to cause her embarassment in front of everyone with my father intervening.

My wolf hunkered down to the earth, mimicking Nova's attack stance. He didnt want to hurt her.. just make her submit. Ease her down. We felt relief the moment Grace was removed from the scene, ready to make our mate calm and docile.

Without warning, Nova's wolf lept at us, springing high on her hind legs, angry that I .. my wolf , had displayed a public show of paternal instinct. She didnt understand that instinct, as she was just a juvenile.

Her snarling form was on me in an instant, teeth gouging into my scruff hard but she was no match. My wolf was large, grey, and muscled, power radiated from his stance. He shook her off and she was smart enough to back up, moving to the side as she targeted me, eyes trained on my wolfs movements, waiting for another chance to attack.

I didnt let her get one.. my wolf felt the need to put her in her place with the pack to witness his authority then calm her down. Leaping forward, teeth lodging into the fur covered skin at her scruff, biting down hard enough to shed blood but not hard enough to hurt, my wolf attacked.

He didnt want to hurt her.. he just wanted her to submit... to calm down.

She snarled, whipping her head side to side as she tried to free herself, not caring that it was causing my teeth to dig into her flesh deeper, threatening to rip the skin. Whining out his pleas for her to stop, she took no notice as she kept on.

Her wolf was a survivor.

It's then that my wolf caught her scent.

The enticing scent of her mating hormones, seeping out of her skin, begging the wolf in me to mark her and mate her. She wasn't in her heat right now.. this scent.. it was just a small fraction of what was promised to come soon. Being her mate, it was difficult for me to control yet easy for me to sense..

A wolf about to go into heat is so tempting to any male... but when you are that wolf's mate it is impossible to deny what nature calls for.

Feeling her thrash under him, her mating hormones dispersing into the air, tickling my wolf's senses.. instinct  took over in the wolf. I had no control now. He bit down, right into her shoulder halfway on her neck, plunging his teeth deep,..

marking her wolf as ours.

Pleasure.

Pleasure radiated from her, a low rumble from her chest as my wolf sunk his teeth deeper into her.. binding her wolf's soul to ours.

We could feel her bliss as she could feel our own. The need to mate her came strong as cheers filled the night air over their future alpha claiming his rightful future luna. He growled low, teeth inside her skin, calming her beast as her thrashing ceased and she sat there, motionless. Calm, our low growls comforted her.

Her wolf's needs became known to us in that instant as she collapsed onto her side, rolling over, allowing my wolf to remove his teeth and lick the mark. She whined, expressing her need for him inside of her. Rubbing himself into her fur, something suddenly came through the mate bond..

Rage.

Nova's rage.

She was pushing through the control she had lost to her wolf, forcing her to feel what she felt.. the whine that came through her muzzle was heart breaking. Her wolf didnt understand why Nova was feeling this way. Why she wouldn't want us to mark her.

The moment she lept up and ran, negative emotions brewing through our bond, was the moment i was able to regain control of my wolf, pushing his instincts back as i forced him to run... run far from the congregation of cheering wolves celebrating their future Alpha's victory.

It was only then that i was allowed to realize what i had done.

I had sealed half of the mate bond.

Marked her wolf.

Thats when i was forced to feel the humiliation, the sadness that her wolf was being forced to feel. I hated it.

I had managed to control the wolf, making him run to my home across the lake, shifting back into human form as I staggered up the old creaking steps.. clutching onto the support beams of the porch as her emotions were slamming into me like a hurricane.

wave after wave.

I slammed the door behind me with so much force, it rattled on its hinges. Its then I collapsed into the floor..

and here I am now.

Recalling the memory of my mistake on Nova's behalf.

My wolf's mistake.

He felt the emotions his mates wolf was being forced to feel by her skin side and he didnt like it.. this was supposed to be a time for celebration normally..

But i took her, without consent from Nova. Her wolf wanted it.. has wanted it for the longest. I could feel that. As did my wolf. And I. But id never humiliate and disrespect her that way.. not while Nova didnt want it and not while i had another female carrying me pup.

The tears in my eyes blurred my vision in the dark cabin, only a lamp in the far corner on which became a blur, tears increasing as the emotions roiled inside of me like boiling water, scalding my mind.. my heart.

The wolves got what they wanted but I was left to clean up the mess.

Hot tears slipped down my cheeks as I rocked back and forth, kneeling on the ground naked, clutching my stomach that felt as if it were going to spill out my mouth from the fact she was forcing me to feel these emotions by making her wolf feel them.

She wanted me to feel this...

Despair. Utter loss of hope. Anguish. Heart break.

My heart hurt so bad.. i wanted to claw it out of my chest. My hand reached up to my heart, taring at the skin. Trying to get inside to scratch the surface.

I was hacking up my stomach contents a moment later, barely making it to the trash can. I wanted this feeling to stop but it hurled against my insides unlike any misery I have ever felt. Is this what she experienced that first few weeks?

I could hear my door creaking open and i wanted to hide. No one needed to see me like this.

I could barely make out the form of my mom, her dark hair piled high on her head, pale skin, standing in the doorway looking down at me with a hand over her gaping mouth, eyes widened in fear and surprise.

She ran over to me, falling onto her knees and wrapping her arms around my shivering naked body. Her hands were cool.. comforting. I let her hold me against her as her soft voice hushed me.

Through my blurred vision, i watched as her hand came up, wiping the tears from my eyes. Then I was able to actually see her, the pain on her lovely youthful face. My eyes met her own crystal blue ones, sorrow at seeing her eldest pup in so much pain.

"Mom, it hurts." I cried, not embarassed to be seen crying in front of her... the only person aside from Nova that has ever seen me cry.

She held me, my head in her lap as she stroked my hair with her cool hands on that celery green rug atop the wooden floor. "Shhh baby its going to be okay. I promise. Just hold on okay? Hold on. It will be gone soon.. " her soft voice eased my mind as her lips kissed my forehead, pressing her cheek against my heated skin as i lay there, my chest heaving with exhaustion.

After a moment of her rocking, the fire burning inside me died down to a low flame.. still heart breaking but more bearable. I sighed heavily as my insides stopped quivering, relaxing a bit.

Looking up into my mothers eyes.. the pain in my own, my voice came out hoarse

"Why does everything have to be this way?"

Shaking her head sadly, she closed her eyes as a mask of hurt reflected back at me. "Sometimes.. things happen. Things you can't control. Your father and I didn't have the best of starts to begin with either."

Frowning, i steadied myself as i leaned up. She helped me to a sitting position that covered most of my parts. She reached for a blanket on the couch, wrapping it around me as my eyes studied her, confusion and shock written on my face at what she had said. I thought it was love at first sight between them. "What do you mean?"

She shook her head sadly looking down to her fingers, eyes never meeting mine. "I will share a story with you. I met your father when I was 18. When i met him, I had caught the scent of another female on him.. he hadn't waited on me like I had with him. He promised me it was in the past.. that i was his future. But he didn't know that i had engrained that females scent into my memory. When he brought me back to his pack..  i met everyone, one woman inparticular.. a mated woman.. she was the one that carried that scent. I never told him or her mate that i knew what they had done.. kept it to myself. I did however tell that female that I knew. She had a child on the way then. I wasn't going to ruin her life with her mate over a mistake but she kept her promise and remained distant from your father. I kept her close to me for a while but she never could handle her misery over what she had done to her mate. I have carried the secret of knowing with me this entire time.. and although it doesnt matter anymore now, it still bothers me sometimes." Her lips pressed onto a line, looking up to gage my reaction.

My mouth fell open at her confession.. a mother trying to comfort her pup with stories of mistakes and regret from the past. Her story couldnt compare to my mistake.. but my father.. and the pain she felt...

"Dad was with a mated female before you?" My voice held the shock that I expressed on my face. "Why are you telling me this?" I wondered why she would trust in me so much to speak of my fathers mistake, chancing the fact i might think differently of him.

Thats when i noticed the built up tears in her eyes as her eyes shifted up at me. "Because I want you to see that a mistake doesn't define a wolf. Your father made a mistake but it didnt mean he was a bad wolf. He's been a wonderful mate and father... as well as pack leader. He regretted that mistake but unlike you, the outcome didnt change his life. It could have. Greatly if i had confessed.. but i didnt.  Just because you made a mistake with Grace... doesnt mean youre a bad wolf. Maybe Nova isnt meant to be with you even though she is your mate.. maybe the moon had a change of heart and put Grace in your life. Or maybe she put Grace in your life as a lesson so that your bond with your mate could become stronger.. im not sure. I just know that mating Nova is the best thing you can do for your pack. She will come around because she is your destined mate. It may take a while.. and she may have hatred toward you because of your bond with Grace.. because of her being pregnant. But do you really think that pup can survive a half bond between true mates? Because I dont." She smiled softly.

Everything she said made sense.. this doesn't mean im a bad wolf.. and my wolf did do what was right.. wrong timing and all but it was right. It felt right. I do love Nova.. she's my mate. At the same time I want to protect Grace because she carries my pup but.. if the moon takes that pup away.. then i will have no tie to her. My mom believed it..  and deep down i did too.

"Thank you mom." I leaned in and rubbed my cheek against hers as she sighed, taking my hands in hers. Squeezing them. Relieved at finally telling someone the burden she has carried for so long.

"So dad really did that? I cant believe it.. he is so against having relations inside the pack and before finding your mate!" I leaned back, expressing my hurt for my poor mom.

She laughed a little. "That's why he is so against it. Because of his own mistake. He doesn't want another wolf to make that same mistake. Just because you did, doesn't mean its over " She tilted her head, her dark hair falling into her crystal blue eyes. "But dont ever repeat what i have told you. This stays betwee us my son. And dont dare think differently of your father. He was once like you.. young and dumb." She smiled, ruffling my hair.

My mouth turned up into a half smile. "I wont. I promise."

The ebb and flow of the pain Nova was feeling had subsided for now. Her wolf was in an exhausted state from feeling what she felt.. i could sense her wolf.. like i could sense my own. She wanted me next to her but thats not what Nova would want.

I stood, wrapping the blanket around me, helping mom to her feet as she took me in her arms, cheek against cheek, pressing her scent into me. "It will all work out for you my alpha pup. Im going to go check on your father and give him an update on you. I love you son." Her voice, always so delicate and soft.

"I love you too mom. And thanks." I smiled gently at her. Thanking her for sharing her sorrow with me.

I wondered who that female was that my father was with.. but i knew she would keep that to herself until the day she met the moon.

"Goodnight." She gave a small wave before closing the painted brown door behind her.

As i stood there in the dimly lit den, My mind wandered to the past few days I had with Nova. Something inside me wanted to check to see if she had left me a letter today.. Just to see if she had any words for me before I created her disaster. Before i destroyed her emotions..

That urge surged..

Realizing I was still naked, I draped the blanket on the couch before I stepped out into the cool night air, shifting into wolf form as the moon shone down, lighting everything around in a soft glow. The bonfire could stil be seen across the lake, small but visible.

Bones shifting for the second time tonight, My wolf stood tall and mighty, feeling Nova's wolf across the lake drove him crazy. He wanted to be with her but I stood firm on this and he knew it.

We would give her time.

Communicating to my wolf, he knew where i wanted to go. No stops along the way..

We raced through the forrest behind my cabin and up the back side of the mountain, opposite of the side Nova always takes. I didnt sense her up at the tree house so I kept on, letting the wolf race through the trees and up the mountainside, the burn in our legs, i could feel. As we reached the top, coming in through the back side of the clearing at the peak of the waterfall, i shifted back to my skin side, wasting no timb climbing up the tree house with an urgency.. just to see her written words.

Once at the top, i threw up the hatch and pulled myself inside, scrambling up and walking straight to the cubby hole without stopping to think. Pulling out the piece of wood, my heart lept when i saw the folded up piece of paper lying there, begging me to take it. She would have left it before the barbecue so there would be no harsh words in here.

My heart beat faster with excitement over this small pleasure as i hurriedly took the note out, unfolding it quickly, eyes scanning the page.

Zaryn,

This will probably be the last note i want to write you, im not sure if it nfact will be the last but nevertheless, i want you to know..

I cant see you anymore. I know we arent supposed to anymore anyways.. but we somehow always find a way. I dont want to be the laughing stock of the pack.. you have a pregnant female to care for.. i cant be apart of that. I will treasure the locket. Its the only gift I've ever recieved from a male. But know that i cant be apart of your life anymore. Be with Grace. Take care of her and your pup. Let me go.

Grace is always on my mind. If she disappers.. then we might could be friends but i know she wont. Just please stop following me.. stop trying to meet up with me. You found your happiness so let me find mine.

Sincerely,

Nova.

I fell backwards onto the mattress  as i read the last sentence. She couldnt mean that?

My heart seemed to swell inside my chest before constricting, bursting at the written words in front of me. My hand clutched the paper to my chest as i felt the tears well up in my eyes.

What have i done?

She was so hurt with my actions with Grace. At which i don't blame her a bit.. but we had talked about it! I told her i loved her and i meant it!

I lay against the matress' surface, letting my emotions take over as i sobbed to myself over the broken heart in my chest. The mate I have always wanted ... and then i smelled her scent on the pillow.. the scent that drove me crazy. It lingered there, teasing me as i inhaled it, clinging to it.

Unfolding the letter from my chest, i gazed at it's hurtful contents once more through my bleary vision, letting her written words flow through my mind.

She had been in such a hurry to write it that it didnt even look like her own handwriting...

Ready, eager to rid me from her life.

Yet she smiled at me tonight.. had her locket around her neck.. i didn't understand.

I felt like such an idiot.. giving my heart to the female i loved and was meant to be with only to have it shattered by a page full of words.

Collecting myself, i went to the bookshelf and pulled out a notebook and a pen. Ready for her to hear what I had to say, i wrote swiftly. Pouring all my emotions into that one letter. I cried, tears hitting the paper as i wrote, smudging the words. Who knows if she would even come back up here to get it?

I signed it, folded it and placed it in the wall before sliding the rough piece of timber over top. Wiping my tears away with the backs of my hands roughly, I focused, trying to get ahold of my emotions before i stepped out of here because i knew if i didn't, that i would shift and the wolf inside me woud go to her.

She wanted me to leave her alone..

So i will leave her alone.

For now.

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Hope you enjoyed!.

Also hope you picked up on a FEW things in this chapter!

I think this will be the last update for a few days so i can get some more votes on the chapters ive already published so cherish this! Ill have another one ready before too long. Maybe friday?

We will see! If i meet my goal then ill post it sooner but i want to try to do two chapter posts at a time! :)

So many speculations as to whats happening! Some of you are correct and all that will come out soon.

The next scene will be Nova at the party that Eden planned. Nova just wants to rid her sorrows with alcohol and guess whay rascal is there to comfort her?

Ooh.

What is going to happen!?!!?