59. Running With Wolves

Chapter Soundtrack:

Aurora - Running With The Wolves

Thank you jazzwynter for the song suggestion!

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☄Nova☄

This picks up where Nova left off... when Conrad left to go get Grace.

-she is currently having a dream that Z began to have in the last chapter.. so they are dreaming together. They just dont know each other is really dreaming it. and he is having the same dream at home in his bed.. they are actually in this dream together.. the moon made it happen. But neither of them know its real. They both think its just a dream.

The water was so cool against my skin. Not cold. Just right. My skin felt on fire.. the sky open wide above me, stars twinkling like diamonds.. my hands floated up in the water and it felt so good . To be weightless..I realized then that i was naked, bare of any sort of clothing. taking a deep breath, I relaxed.. smiling.

Hands were suddenly gripping my waist from below me, underneath the water.. but i didnt scream. I knew those hands. They were all too familair with the current that ran through them

Coming up from the waters surface, there stood Zaryn.. his face like i never remembered... he was.. different.  Tattoos covered his shoulder and arm which were now chiseled with muscles.. muscles i had never seen before.

"Youve changed." His eyes roved over my body possesively.. taking in my new form, eyes dialating.. appreciative.

"You have too." I stared wide eyed.  Mouth open.

Moving so i was standing, my feet in soft sand below.. I looked at him. This was just a dream.. it wasnt real. I could allow myself a moment of weakness.. to dream

His eyes were so deep as they gazed into mine.. that sky blue i missed and hated at the same time. I roved my eyes down his fine muscular chest.. large muscles over his neck and shoulders that i wanted to grab. So i put my hands on his shoulders... rubbing the muscles. He shivered visibly under my touch. I liked what i saw... this zaryn was ..  so different. Dominant.. possesive.

Without another thought on his part, hands were on my hips, pulling my body flush against his. My heart was hammering out of my chest as my head leaned back, staring into his eyes. A hand roamed up my side, sliding over my curves to gently cup my jaw.. fingers running through my wet hair.

"You're beautiful. Even more so in this moment.. i have missed you so badly. Ive not stopped thinking about you since you left.. when i nearly died.. you were on my mind. Every day all day youre on my mind." My lips parted as his descended onto mine and i let them. His touch sent electrical currents pulsating through my body, straight to my core.

Dream Zaryn's kiss was passionate. Needy. I kissed him back with just as much need, my arms wrapping around his neck as his strong hands were lifting the back of my thighs to position myself around him. My legs locking around his back, pressing my bare body into his own. He wore nothing below as well.

I felt content... my wolf wasnt present in this dream.. it was just me and imagination Zaryn. His hands were roaming.. memorizing my new body as mine did the same.. as he kissed me deeply.. running my hands along the taught bulges flexing in his back.

I moaned, his lips leaving mine.. opting instead to kiss down my jaw line... leaving love bites down my neck as my body hung tightly to him. I was breathing hard.. feeling his excitement rock hard against my core...

"We don't have long." He breathed, my body clinging to him as his hands came up to caress my face... smoothing my hair back.  He looked at me lovingly and i forgot about everything i was ever mad at him for in this moment.

"I just want to tell you i love you. And i miss you. I want to hear you say it back to me. Since this is just a dream... i just want to hear you say you love me." He pled with eyes so blue

"I love you." It was whispered.. not having to think about it at all. His lips pressed into mine sweetly before kissing back down my neck again.. my head falling back as his teeth sank into my mark.. every fiber of my being vibrating with pleasure.

"Zaryn..." i moaned.. my voice sounding so desperate.. my core tingling with the way he rubbed against me.

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"No. Im not Zaryn. Wake up Nova.." a deep voice called out, jolting me from my dream.

My eyes shot open, seeing Damon standing above me, a smirk on his face as his brows wiggled. "Doing a little wet dreaming huh?"

Pulling myself up, i stared at him.. slightly embarassed. "I wasnt-"

His hand held up, stopping me. "Your scent in this room says otherwise. Now get up. Were doing a midnight run. Come on! Lets go! Its a full moon.  Did you forget?" He grinned, turning away to leave out of the door as I glared at him, a blush forming over my cheeks.. mortified he could smell my arousal in the air..

"Ill be down in a sec." I grunted.

"Clean yourself up first." He attempted to refrain from laughing at me as i chunked a pillow at him angrily..  he shut the door behind him.

Sighing, i touched my lips.  It felt so real... Zaryn's touch.. it was like we were together.. my imagination even bulked him up and put tattoos on him. It was only a dream though. Only a dream.

I shook my head, hopping out of bed and into my bathroom to clean up. Glancing in the mirror, i noted my face had partially healed.. eight more hours and id be good as new.

Something caught my eye..

My mate mark. It was red around the edges.. irritated.

Nah..  couldn't be.

I did however make a mental note to go to the pack healer and ask her about things that have to do with mates. Thats something i need to learn. We should have had a mate 101 in school.

In werewolf packs, once you turn 17 and shift..  you're done with school. But they never teach you all about mates. Just that they are sacred.

My body was still humming from the areoused state i was in, in my dream.. I needed this full moon run.. to clear my head.

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After my quick five minute shower, just to get the scent off my body.. i dried myself.. not bothering to put on clothes. .. I sprinted, running naked down the steps of the deck. Wolves didnt linger on things such as nakedness here. Ive seen more peni here in two months than i ever saw in seventeen years at Crecent Moon.

I leaped, shifting as soon as jumped off the last stair. Most of the pack was here.. in their wolf forms.. ready for the full moon run.

Every full moon.. the pack ran together at midnight. It was a tradition that I had come to love.

A bark from General Axel, who we referred to as just Axe, had us all moving to form a huddle.. his head falling back, howling at the moon as we all followed suit... our howls .. sixty something wolves singing their song out to the moon.

The pack had hundreds of wolves all together but not everyone participated in the run.. usually it was just the younger wolves.. warriors.. whoever wanted to come.

General Axe  barked, signaling it was time, and took off. My wolf loved this time.. the time she could be fully in control. I have learned how to really be at one with my wolf now.. let her control but instead of huddling back in our mind.. i sit with her.. side by side in our brain.. letting her steer us.

The wolves began to run.. wild and free as we followed our leader of the night. Conrad usually led us but tonight he wasnt here.

As my wolf ran.. side by side along other wolves.. leaping through the forrest.. the air rushed past us, her eyes closing slightly at the feels.

It was a crisp cool night.. the smell of burning wood in the air from the bonfire I had missed out on. Dark.. the sky a spanse of midnight abyss.. diamonds glinting as they hung in the sky.. the moon illuminating everything around us. The forrest was beautiful.. my wolf loved this as she climbed up the hill.. galloping with her packmates.. wind rustling through her fur.

Alexa's wolf came up beside me.. her black wolf, beautiful with her startling hazel-gold eyes. She barked at my wolf, tongue hanging out in a wolfish grin. She nipped at her in response.. playing.

We ran harder. As fast as her paws could take us.. up the mountain side

It was liberating.. never in all our life had we been apart of something like this. A true pack of wolves.. running.. together as a unit. A pack.

Reaching the very top of the mountain.. a grassy hill that overlooked the valley below.. a river running wild between hills that looked as if it were sparkling black diamonds rushing the land.. the moon full overhead.. sending silver light down on everything as far as the eye could see.

We all crowded together.. tongues hanging out as our wolves panted.. the general, taking the lead up front.. gazing up at the moon. His large head fell back once more.. his wolf howling up at the moon. A chorus of howls rang out.. my wolf joining in right next to Alexa and Damons twin wolves.

It was a beautiful sound, my wolf thought. Singing our thanks to the moon..  our song. A melody. Happiness enveloped my entire form.. fur and skin. We were at one with ourself in this moment.. agreeing on how we both felt about this pack tradition.

With a single bark, general axe signaled to us that it was time to hunt.

Every full moon, after a run to the mountain top.. we sing our song.. and then we run.. we hunt.. flying down the other side of the mountain, leaping through the shallow river and through the woods.. hunting game.

My wolf ran downhill as fast as her legs could carry her.. passing the rest of the pack and the generals wolf as we dashed into the cool stream.. our fur wet.. never cold.. we leaped up to the river bank and stayed quiet.. listening for movement in the forrest.

My wolf, so much more in tune with her senses.. felt the heat from another wolf as they approached cautiously.. it was Alexa.. followed by Damon. The other wolves had gone their own way in the night... seeking out their own prey.

Padding closer to stand by my wolfs side, the sat quietly.. waiting.

She could smell something a little ways away.. a buck. Something she had yet to take down.

Kicking up dirt in her wake, she charged into the forrest.. following where her nose guided her. As the scent became stronger.. she stopped.. hiding behind the brush.. chest low to the ground, ready to pounce. She waited.. listening..

A breeze blew.. dancing dry leaves tangling into the brush of the forrest floor. Closing her eyes.. she inhaled.. smelling the scent of mother nature.

Then movements alerted her that the deer was approaching.  As he came out of the thick dense trees, he grazed along the grass.. pausing right in the way of a moon beam from the open canopy above.. his form large.. muscular. He was a massive buck. At least forty points on his rack. My wolf wanted to take him down. She knew she could.

Coiling her muscles.. she waited.. readying herself to pounce on her prey. She was bigger now. More skilled. She could take him. I let her have full reign in our mind during these moments. No interfering.

Not giving the buck a chance to spring away, she launched herself by the stronger hind legs that now carried her.. muscles springing as she leaped over the shrubs.. the deers head shot up but he was too startled to move... my wolfs teeth catching into his throat as her massive paws latched around the deers neck.. hind legs dangling before they touched the ground.. bringing the stumbling deer down slightly before it began to buck.

My wolf refused to let go.. wanting this impressive kill for herself. Her head shook.. teeth going deeper into the deers throat as blood poured into her mouth.

Two other wolves came running out of the thickets.. Alexa and Damon. They launched themselves at the Deer.. teeth inside her as they ripped flesh from bone on the underbelly while my wolf put up the fight from the front.

Anger surged through her but she wanted to take this deer down first.

The deers movement slowed.. his legs weak as he stumbled.. falling down to the ground with a loud thump.

The deer lie bleeding on the ground, nearly dead as its pulse slowed to a low thud.

My wolf let go of her prey, snarling at the twin wolves who had made themselves comfortable eating the underbelly while the deer was slowly dying.

These two wolves just disrespected my wolf in her eyes. They helped themselves to something that was hers.. taking bites out of something that belonged to her before she had even had her fill.

Letting out a growl.. she raised her lip.. showing her canines as her ears lay flat.. menacingly staring at the two greedy wolves.

The twins lifted their heads.. blood staining their greedy mouths before my wolf launched herself at Damon first.  He was the male. My wolf tore into him... rabidly.. hating what these two had done. Her fury was felt in my mind as she bit down hard on his front leg.. snapping the bone slightly  as he yelped.. whining.

Alexas wolf growled behind me and my wolf turned.. snarling at her. She attacked.. launching at my wolf but my wolf raised up on her hind legs as Alexa was mid air.. catching her throat in her jaws, slamming Alexas wolf to the ground with teeth in her flesh..  biting.

Her wolf struggled.. trying to move out of my wolfs grasp but it only lodged the teeth deeper.  A whimper followed by a whine as her wolf stopped struggling.. angling her head back.

Submission

My wolf held her there for a moment.. sending out low growls as Damons wolf watched.. licking his broken foreleg as whimpers tumbled out of him. It wasnt broken in half.. just fractured enough to really hurt.

We let Alexas wolf go.. licking her wounds as a sign of care.. then my wolf turned her back on the twins and went to her deer.. her teeth ripping the flesh away to reveal the blood engorged musckes she had dreamed of ... diving down into the belly of the deer.. she ate and ate.

The twin wolves were whining behind her.. sparing them a glance, she saw them both.. pawing the ground.. wanting to come closer but they were respecting her privacy now. Realising their mistake.

She caught a scent in the air.. the rest of her pack. Ignoring it, she went back to eating until her belly was full..  moving to the side of the half eaten carcass... her large form now required more food.

The twins whimpered... their eyes going to hers. Recognizing that shes in charge of this kill .. that shes stronger now. Alexas wolf submitted to her.. Damons didnt but he was too hurt to really go at it with her. His wolf understood his mistske.

My wolf barked, nudging the deers dead body.. looking up at them.. letting them know they could finish what she didnt eat.

Gingerly, the two wolves came forward... taking bites while Alexas wolfs eyes would peer up at my wolf every now and then.. to see if we were angry. We let them be.. walking away.

The other pack members came out of the woods.. still in wolf form. Led by general axe who was now in his skin.. stark naked.  He was Conrads age.. just as big but not as tall. Handsome.

"Nova.  Shift." His deep voice sounded.

Submitting to his request.. the wolf slinked away, sliding past me in my mind as i stepped forth.. my body shifting back to skin, fluidly. Quickly. Fur shrinking into pores... i stood.  Proud of my new body, i didn't try to hide in this pack that didn't care if you had clothes on or not. I looked up at him curiously.

"Whats going on?" I rose a brow.

He chuckled, a strong tatooed hand running through his dark hair. "Your wolf is a lot stronger now.. we have all been watching the little show from the trees. Im impressed." He smirked.

My wolf was doing her usual prance in my mind that she does whenever someone compliments her now.. peacocking herself out.. fur fluffed.. swishing her tail as her ass sashayed around..

Diva..

"Thank you." I nodded with a blank face... not wanting to show my pride.

His features seemed to harden... a mix of sadness upon his face "Alpha has returned.  We need to go back... theres...  a problem. He's requested you."

Immediately Grace came to my mind.  He was back with her. Axe is mind linked with the Alpha, Beta, and the other top warriors. Beginners and intermediate warriors don't get a mind link until they have reached the expert level. That's why i was not able to communicate with conrad through the mind link. Yet.

"Okay." I breathed.. shifting back into wolf form. Damon and Alexa had left the deer carcas but I watched as Axe, went to the deer.. snapping his antlers off in one strong movement. He grinned down at my wolf. "Your first real trophy kill. Ill take care of it.. go. Alpha needs you." He nodded toward the river and i was off..

My wolf running as hard as she could.. trekking through the cool water and out over the other side.. like a cheetah..  running hard.. muscles working overtime as my wolf made her way up the mountain side.. needing to get to her Alpha.

The pack knows how close we are. That he's a friend to me. That we bring each other comfort but not in a way that some would suggest.

I wondered what could have happened.. what would he have found.. was Grace that bad off?

Despite everything.. I felt sorry for her. I know i shouldn't because she caused me so much greif.. but that was in the past. I cant grow and mature if i cant let things go.. if i cant be the bigger person. Besides.. she may have done some sketchy and horrible things to me.. like the underwear incident.. but from being here.. around people that knew her.. the stories i have heard.. i couldn't help but to think that female i knew isnt who she really is. Forgive and forget.

Im more mature than how i used to be

Besides.  Conrad loves her. And I love Conrad. As a friend.. i need to support him.

Finally reaching the pack house, i shifted back to my skin fluidly.. the cool air goosing my flesh as i bounded up the steps.. sniffing the air once i entered the back door.. looking for Conrad.

I followed the scent up the stairs.. grabbing a pair of yoga shorts and a hoodie as i passed the clothes bin and threw them on .. mid stride.

I came to Conrads door.. his scent ending here.. more concentrated.. the familiar smell of blood and Grace's scent which i used to loathe, was also present.

Not bothering to knock, i rushed inside.. seeing Conrad pace up and down .. a hard look on his features . Brows creased.. jaw set. Biting on his thumb nail as his long legs moved in strides across the large spanse of his room.

"Conrad?" I shut the door quietly behind me.. his head jerking up.. releif in those midnight eyes once they landed on my face. He immediately ran to me, pulling me into his chest. Hugging me. His massive arms wrapping around my slender yet toned and curvy body.

Hours ago we were in this position and his lips kissed mine. I didnt want that to happen again.

"What is it? Wheres Grace?" I lifted my head, peering up at his guilt stricken features.

"Shes at the doctors. She... she tried to kill herself.. a silver scalpel.. she p-plunged it in her neck." His eyes glossed over as his voice rasped on. "I f-found her that way..  bleeding out. Thank goddess i got there when i did. She was barely alive.." he turned his head away from me.. embrassed as he began to cry, his hand covering his eyes.

I felt my blood drain.. Zaryn had tried the same thing.. and hearing about it sent me into a shock.. a depression that Conrad pulled me out of. Taking his hand, i led him to the black comforted bed.. sitting down next to him.. our thighs brushing.

"Is.. is she okay?" It was barely whispered.

Nodding, he wiped his eyes.. glancing down at me. "I found her just in time. Im glad i decided  to take a few of the boys with me.. one of the doctors sons came with me, Tyler.  He  cut out the burned flesh the silver had caused.. and the wound began to heal.. but she needed blood and we were an hour away. There was some kind of big meeting going on at crescent moon.. we made it to Doc's on packland and broke into the clinic.. taking blood bags... Tyler hooked her up as she laid in the back seat of the truck. I didnt want to stay there. I knew i would go into a killing spree. My wolf was on edge badly.. " a rumble from his chest, a glint in his eyes... my eyes widened a fraction.

Rubbing his hand for comfort, i met his gaze with sadness rolling off of me in waves. "Im sorry.... im so sorry, Conrad..  Is she.. awake now?"

His voice deep.. broken, "She awoke once we returned.. but Doctor Sully gave her an anti anxiety medication so she's sleeping now." He turned to me, "come with me? I want to check on her. I returned about an hour ago but i didnt want to take you away from the full moon run.. so i have been waiting. I want you to go with me." His deep blue eyes pled with me.

"Okay." Nodding, a sad smile pulled at my lips.

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Walking into the familiar clinic.. the one i have become so accustomed to seeing every time i broke a bone.. i sniffed the air. Grace's scent coming closer.

Wolves heal quickly, yes. But when something like a major bone is broken... they need to be reset.. or the bone will heal at the angle its in. Healing quickly is a double edged sword. In instances like blood loss.. we still have to have blood put back in us. Our bodies mend but blood doesnt just reproduce as quickly as skin, bone and muscle.  Its complicated.

Conrad's tall stature next to my average one, we slowly moved down the large, brightly lit hallway of the clinic... white and sterile. Stopping in front of a room.. the door cracked.. i could hear the beeping of machines.. whirring and pumping mixed with the slow thump of Grace's pulse.

He pushed the door open, revealing Grace lying in the hospital bed...  I gasped, my hand going to my mouth as my brows rose.

She lay there.. pale as could be. Her skin loose.. sagging from the obvious amount of weight she had lost. She was frail.. skin and bones. Just like i once was but she was worse.

I know what a one sided mark feels,like.  My wolf had one..  but a skin mark is a lot stronger and harder to deal with than a wolf mark. It meant she was drawn to Nic more so than ever. It meant she had suffered greatly in the two months shes been locked away in that cabin, far away from pack members. She's had to deal with her mind... going insane with the possibilities she thought in her head.. with Eden being pregnant.. she knew how Nic would begin to act. She knew he wouldn't be able to deny the pull toward his pup. Her wolf had probably gone crazy with not being able to shift as well.

This was a punishment worse than death.

Knowing her pain, i went to her.. studying her face.  Dark circles... gaunt features.  Her bones protruding from her skin. A sob from behind me had my head craning to see Conrad standing at the foot of her bed.. tears running down his face.

"Its all my fault." His words were broken in that deep barritone voice. "If i hadnt rejected her.. if i had just brought her home.. none of this would have happened. I left thinking that Nic would be with her. I could sense he was a good male. A good wolf. I saw that he was drawn to her.. i thought-" his head fell in his hands as he shook.

I have never seen him so torn before.

Going to him, i put my arms around him best i could.  "Shh Conrad its not your fault. Its Blakes." My eyes narrowed at the thought of the Alpha wolf. I couldn't help but to feel it was a little of my brothers fault too. He could have done something.. stood up to Blake.. but part of me was remembering Zaryn.. when he left me alone.. for Grace. She never asked him to at this point but he did. My feelings toward Zaryn were being pushed toward my brother. He could have done something. Anything... Eden wasnt even as far along as Grace had been when he began to react toward the pup.

I felt different toward Grace now. She's my friends daughter. Well... the daughter he raised. My wolf sees her in a different light just as i do. I feel like i want to protect her, call me crazy. But i see an opportunity.. one to help a female become stronger like i did. She may not have endured what i did...

But I feel like she has more to overcome.  A sense that theres more demons she will have to fight.

The old me that would fight her, pregnant or not... that me was gone. My wolf and I see the bigger picture now. Im no longer immature, despite my age. I wont take any sh!t from anyone now.. but I think i can help her. For Conrad's sake. He's too whipped when it comes to her.

"D-Dad? I mean... A-Alpha?" A feminine voice rasped from behind me, thick with sleep. Conrad and I jerked apart from our embrace.. our eyes finding Grace who laid there in the hospital bed, looking around .. her eyes half open from the medicine dr. Sully had given her.

She peered up at us.. her eyes moving from me to Conrad .. Conrad gazing at her with love.. hope.. guilt.

"Where am i." her voice like sandpaper. She was was confused.. mumbling to herself.. i went to the bedside.. putting a glass of water up to her.. the straw to her lips and she sucked.. eyes wide as they noticed me finally.

Conrad moved toward her.. sitting on the edge of her bed ..his face twisted in a painful sorrow. "Gracie.." he took her bony hand in his. "Im sorry..." it was whispered as he choked on his own tears "im sorry for everything.. you'll always be my daughter. No matter what. You call me dad. Not Alpha..  I promise I'll never deny you again. Please forgive me. Forgive me for what ive done.. you're home now. Your back home with me. We're at Silver Moon. You're home baby." He sniffed, kissing her hand.

The emotions inside me were too much as i watched him break down. My own tears filled my eyes as i stood there, my hand clutching the hoodie where my heart lie beneath my skin.

Grace's eyes turned glassy. "Daddy?"

He engulfed her in his arms as he leaned over, deep manly sobs in her hair as he held her to him. Her own arms wrapping around him weakly. "Im so sorry Gracie. Do you forgive me?" It was muffled by the mess of her hair.

Her cheeks were wet.. as were my own. "Yes. I forgive you."

Conrad pulled back, kissing her cheek as he smiled down at her.. sniffling.. wiping his tears.

The things that make a grown male cry..

"W-what happened? How did i get here?" Her brows scrunched as she peered over at me.. eyes casting downward, shoulders hunching. Embarassed.

I didnt want her to fear me. Not anymore. That was over with.

Carefully i came forward, sitting at the foot of her bed.. her muscles tensing. "Grace.. you tried to kill yourself. Do you remember?" I kept my voice soft.. not wanting to scare her.

She shook her head.

"I dont remember anything... i remember ... i remember seeing Nic with Eden at Docs.." her tears returned.. head falling. "Thats it."

They must have been there for a checkup.  I can imagine what she saw. I saw it once as well. I can imagine the pain she felt .. her wolf going crazy with jealousy.

I took her other hand.. the one Conrad wasn't holding. I held it gently.. giving her reassuring rubs as she peered up in shock.

She isnt a bad female. Shes a female whose been too sheltered.. never making decisions.. never having to grow up. Daddys little princess. Shes a mess. I may be a few years younger than her.. but Im a bigger person than to hold this grudge. She only wanted to make her daddy proud. To keep her family.

Conrad glanced at my hand on hers which had shocked Grace.

"Grace." Her head turned to Conrad as he spoke. "You.. put a silver scalpel in your jugular. You lost a lot of blood.  Its been hours.. your healing now.  But.. i almost lost you." A deep whisper, "i was already on my way once Nova had heard what had happened to you. How Blake locked you away in that cabin.." his expression hardened. I knew he was thinking of revenge. "I came to get you. To take you home. I was almost too late.. im so sorry Gracie. I never want you to leave here again. Youre here as long as you want to be okay?" His tone was gentle.

Her grip tightened on my hand as she nodded.. love for her father in her eyes shown.. embarassment over not even remembering she tried to kill herself was visible in the way she kept dropping her eyes.

"Im sorry. " she peered up at me. "For everything ive done.. i know you think me to be a horrible person.." whispered through another wave of tears.

Shaking my head. "No. I dont think youre a horrible wolf. I think you were under a lot of pressure.  I think pleasing the people you loved was your first priority.. i think the moon is trying to show you that.. that you need to be stronger. And i think you can change. I changed.  I know you can too." I may be harder on the outside now but i have always believed in second chances. But not thirds. Which is why i couldn't stay with Zaryn. He blew his second chance.

She shook her head. "You're too nice to me. I dont deserve it." She pulled her hands out of both ours.. folding them around herself.

Conrad frowned. "Dont say that.. Grace everyone makes mistakes. I made a mistake.  And you forgave me.. Nova is forgiving as well. It shows what kind of heart she has. A good one." His eyes locked with mine.. an expression i thought id never see on his face. Not toward me especially.  It made me slightly uncomfortable.

He is falling for me.

I would be falling for him as well if i didnt have this mate mark. If i wasnt bonded. But i am.

This cant happen.  Ever.

I cleared my throat, Conrad shaking himself out of his thoughts.

"What about N-Nic? W-what do i do?" Desperation in her voice.. i didnt know what to tell her on that one.

"Look.." i righted myself. "Nic and Eden don't love each other Grace. Not that way. I know this. They are only friends for the pups sake.... If the pup makes it. You arent bonded with him fully.. he only has claimed your skin side. So i wont lie. Theres a chance the pup will make it. But you're far away from him now.  You and your wolf wont feel the bond.. he will feel your emotions if you dont have your walls up... but you can survive this. My brother is a believer in mates. He will try to find you when he realises you're gone. But don't go back there. Stay here. Wait it out.  See what happens with Edens pup. Thats the only thing i can tell you. Live your life.. as if Nic isnt even in the equasion. It will make it worse if you dont." I stared deeply into her chocolate eyes.. willing her to understand my words. To realise i know.  Only i left with the knowlege their pup died. My wolf was sated with that knowlege.

She left wondering...

Holding back her tears, she nodded. "Ill try."

Conrad squeezed her shoulder, smiling.  "Thats all i could ever ask .. just try. I dont care if you never have a mate again.. you can stay with me forever if you want. Its not your responsibility to give me an heir to take over the pack. I wont put that on you. I have a plan b okay? So dont worry about pleasing me. From now on, I'm always going to be here for you.  You matter more to me than anything in the world. I just want you to live.  To be happy." He was so passionate in his speech that it had my heart beating out of my chest. The love he had for her..

His head dropped, "im sorry about Anita. And im sorry... about Ben.. your real father.."

"No!" She shook her head, eyes widening. "He wasnt my real father. You are. I only saw him as Anita's play thing. He wasnt anything to me. You raised me. You took care of me. I have been so lost.. thinking you didn't want me anymore..."

Conrad's midnight orbs glazed over as he peered up through his long lashes. "I love you Gracie. I never stopped. I was just so angry and i took it out on you. Im sorry."

A soft smile. " i love you too.. im sorry for not telling you.."

"Its okay Gracie. From now on.. i want us to be open with each other. About everything.  Okay?"

She nodded solemnly.

-------

We left her to rest.. her medicine taking over with anothet wave. So much emotion tonight.. my wolf was exhausted. I needed to sleep.

"Your face is nearly healed." Conrad's lips pulled up at the side just slighty in a soft smile.

"Yeah." I grinned.. keeping my head down. "Im just really tired. Its been a long night."

We were heading up the stairs to the pack house.. going to our rooms to get some sleep. The house was quiet. All the wolves had gone to bed hours ago, seeing as it was now 3am.

The wooden flood creaked under his heavy steps as we silently made our way down the hall side by side.. coming into view of our bedroom doors.. mine right across from his. I frowned once my eyes saw something sitting in front of my door.. a canvas bag.. jutting up in different places with a note attached.

"Whats that?" I mumbled, my legs carrying me faster.  Bending down, i plucked the note off the top of the bag.. it was scrawled out in black ink.

Congratulations on your first official Buck. 40 point white tail. Good job kiddo.

-Axe

It was from the general. Axel.. better known as Axe.

I smiled to myseld just as Conrad came to stand beside me. I lifted the bag.. reaching my hand in and pulling out the massive forty point rack of the buck I had killed. Well... Alexa and Damon started gnawing on him before my wolf had gotten him down.. but my wolf was the one to kill him.

It was a perfect rack. He had broken it off the deers skull.. not a single crack in the bone.

"Wow. Your wolf got that tonight?" Conrad smirked with a raised brow.

"Yup" I said, popping the p.. keeping my face blank of the pride i was feeling inside.

My wolf stretched out from her corner in my mind.. shaking her fur.. just to give me a little visionary of her prancing around.. paws light as she danced.. peacocking her tail around.. tongue hanging out.  Wiggling her ass at me as a sort of dance... before she curled up back into her ball in the corner. I tried to hide my laughter at how much of a comedian she was being these days.

"Your wolf should be proud Nova.  That's a big deal for your age.. hell.. your size is a big deal for your age. Be proud of that wolf in you." His smile was there but barely.. he was tired but he was also impressed.

"Thank you." I grinned to myself.. putting the antlers back in the bag.

He came closer to me.. his body heat radiating. I felt like he was going to try something..

Now was my chance to talk to him. I turned, briskly. Looking up into his shining eyes. "Conrad? I want to talk to you about that kiss earlier..."

Dont blush. Dont blush. Dont blush.

I found myself lowering my gaze.. his pecks defined through his tshirt.

And then i blushed.

"Yeah?" He kept his face blank.. unsure of what i was going to say.

Meeting his stare, i sighed.. relaxing my body. "I just.. I just wanted to say that... it really can't happen again. I know it was a heat of the moment kind of thing..  but.. i have a mate... and although im not with him.. im still mated. And i take that seriously. "

He sighed, leaning against the wall next to me.. head back.. eyes closing. "Nova... you're so young. So naive."

I took a step back as my face contorted with confusion. "What?"

Looking down at me, he pursed his lips.  "Do you think he will wait on you for when you just feel like returning?"

I felt a shock run through me. A nauseous roll of my stomach.

He continued, " I get what you're saying.. i do.  But do you think a male can hold out as long as you can? You might have not felt him move on yet.. but hes a male. Hes going to get tired of being alone and males have needs."

His eyes bore into mine.. willing me to understand.

My eyes widened as i took this in. I didnt think of it that way.. not at all. Zaryn is a male.. he has needs, more so than i. I can go without it.. but hes producing more and more testosterone as he grows, being of Alpha blood.

How will i feel if he were to move on?

How does it feel to feel your mate sleeping with another? Does it hurt? Will it make me crazy?

I felt so confused right now..

At a loss for words.. i shook my head as my lips parted.. bright eyes going to his, "Conrad.. i.. i admit i never thought of it that way... but.. " i dropped my gaze down to my black nikes. "Thats just how i feel. I cant do it. My conscience runs too deep." I peered up at his hardened features.  He was thinking.. taking it all in. "I just know how I feel. And i wont do anything to jeopardise my mateship.. who knows. Years from now we may want to be together.. if hes patient.. if hes changed..  If not.. then i dont know. I don't know the future... i just know how i feel in this moment. And i wont lie.. im attracted to you.."

Conrad stepped closer.. his eyes studying me.. but i placed my hand on his chest.. my gaze sliding down to his neck .. away from his heated stare.

"But... i won't be that female. Im sorry." My voice wavered.

My hand was suddenly cold as he stepped back.. i peeked up to see he was still staring with those midnight eyes.. transfixed. The gears working in his mind as his jaw ticked.

He took a breath.. "Nova. Ever since i saw you.. i wanted you. Because you looked like Cilla. Then I got to know you and i wanted you more.. your heart.. your feirceness.. all of it. But most of all... i do value your friendship.. We are friends.. and we will stay friends. But i won't deny my attraction to you and you know that. We have been through some things together.. I have needs too. I understand you're younger.. and you dont know how things work when it comes to relationships.. but when a man and a woman are together as much as we are.. are as comfortable as we are together.. there's something there. You can't just simply hang out with a male.. in his bed.. watch tv and talk.. hug them.. stare at them with those bedroom eyes , hold hands... you cant do those things if you just want to be friends."

I felt my brows crease in confusion.  "Why not? What do you mean?"

He sighed. "I mean... a male expects something more when those things happen.. they expect that you have the same feelings they do. I've been with countless women Nova. And you have one experience that was sub par to a relationship.. i understand you dont get those things.. your relationship with Deacon? Friends dont act that way. Friends are there for each other yes.. but quick hugs are as touchy as it will ever get. Males and females who are just friends don't hold hands all the time.  They dont rub their skin in a comforting way all the time.. maybe if the other is angry.. just to soothe their fur down.. but.. Nova, males and females cant have that type of relationship without something more happening."

I was at a loss.. staring up at him with parted lips and eyes wide. I thought i had known it all... but he was right.

Deacon? Our "friendship?" He was secretly in love with me... and now Conrad..

"Have i led you on in some way?" I was lost.. hoping he would explain this to me. He was right.  I am naive in this department.

Peering around, he gestured to his door. "Lets talk about it inside. I hear a wolf getting up. My room is soundproof."

I quickly opened my bedroom door, setting the canvas bag with my trophy rack right inside on the floor before walking across the hall into his room where he stood holding the door.

I was comfortable enough to have this talk with him. Mature enough to not feel embarassed.  I needed to know what i was doing wrong.  He was my teacher in every way.

He closed the door just as i was sitting on his bed.. watching his movements as he came to sit next to me.. angling his body towards me so he was facing me...chiseled jaw.. dark goatee.. his crooked nose. All of him was attractive. But i couldn't...

"To answer your question.. yes. You have led me on.. but you did it unknowingly which is why i have never made a move on you. I knew that you were doing those things innocently.  Im assuming Zaryn was your first?" His brows rose.

Nodding, i bit my lip...his eyes darkening.

He reached up, hand holding my jaw while his thumb pushed on my chin, making my lip slide out from my teeth.

He dead panned me, "Thats one thing you dont know you're doing. Biting your lip. It's sexy." His deep voice was soothing but the words he spoke made my brows shoot up.

"I-im sorry?" I couldn't tell if it came out a question or a statement.

He laughed, shaking his head. "This." He held my hand in his, like we normally do.. eyes meeting mine. "Isn't okay either. If you just want to be friends with someone.. limit the body contact with them. In cases where im severely angry or upset.. it would be okay. But just holding it to hold it..  that's for couples." He arched a brow, releasing my hand.

I stayed silent..

"I know you dont understand these things because you dont have experience and im happy to help you learn. Just know theres that line between friends and more than friends.. and if you dont want the other person getting ideas.. then its best to stay on the other end of that line." He smiled gently..

Its such a wonder that a male this dominant and agressive can be so gentle when he speaks.

I smiled up at him. "Okay. I'll try my best... but.. " i had the puppy dog look on my face.

"Yes?" He looked at me expectantly, a dark brow raised.

"So we don't get to.. hang out in our rooms together anymore?" I sounded like a little pup.

Laughing loudly in his deep barritone voice, he grinned down at me. "Yes. We can still hang out in our rooms.. "

I couldn't help but to grin in response.

A moment passed.. neither of us saying anything before he looked over at me.. "Thank you.. for earlier with Grace. For what you said.. i know it must have been hard on you to go through what you did with her and to wind up comforting her.. but thank you. She has no one but me now. The only female to influence her was Anita and you see how well that turned out.. "

My cheeks heated up.. a blush spreading. "Its not a problem.."

Shaking his head in wonder, "in some ways you are much wiser beyond your years.. so much more mature.. and in some you're naive but i know one thing Nova. You do have a good heart.. if what you did for Grace and the fact you refuse to give yourself to anyone but your mate doesnt attest to that then i dont know what will.." a ghost of a smile on those lips.

"But it does make me sad.. that i cant have you all to myself.  I wish so badly that i could.. you dont even know."he shook his head.. his eyes sad.  "But i get it. I get you. And i like your honesty."

I was always taught to be honest.  Even from liars.

I reached for his hand but caught myself.. moving my hand back in my lap as i glanced down.. "im sorry Conrad. If..  if I wasnt mated.. then id be foolish not to be with you.. but-"

His deep voice sounded, "but you're too much of a good wolf to let that happen. I get it. And If i cant have you.. then i at least want to stay your friend. Just dont tempt me. Im begging you." He chuckled at which i let out a giggle.

"Ill try.  You just have to tell me when i am doing something wrong."

"Deal." He smirked.

Sighing, i stood up.. feeling tired. Ready to go to my room and sleep. Conrad stood, towering over me. His gaze locking with mine. "Maybe someday ill find someone to be happy with.. but until then.. i still have needs. Ive not had any females out of respect for you because i didnt know where you stood with me.. or if we were growing into anything... but at least now i know.. and now I can finally get some kind of releif from this stress." He chuckled once more.. my smile slipping from my face.

Quickly, i recovered.. my smile reappearing. "Ha. Very funny. No one takes my spot though. Im a jealous friend." Narrowing my eyes playfully at him.

"Of course not." Grinning ear to ear, he opened his door for me to exit. "Goodnight Nova." His midnight eyes felt like they were saying more than goodnight.

Like a goodbye.

"Goodnight Conrad."

I stepped out into the hall, his door shutting behind me. Walking straight into my room.. i closed the door and pressed my back to it.. sliding down. My eyes wide.

What was that i felt?

When he said he could finally get that releif... aka, comfort in a female.. that he hadnt had any out of respect for me? He thought.. or hoped.. we would be something. But the thought of him with anothet female made me feel...

I dont know...

Jealous?

Hauling myself up, i turned the main light off, my bedside lamp the only lighting in the room now.. lavender walls turning a periwinkle.  Getting into bed, i snuggled under the champagne colored comforter... pulling my phone out of my pocket.

I can't feel jealous over someone i dont even want to be with..

I mean.. i would be with him.. if i didnt have a mate. If i wasnt marked and mated i would give him a chance..  but the truth is.. i like our relationship.  The way he put it.. its like we basically acted like we were together minus the actual intimate details such as kissing.  I liked his hands on me.. how small he makes me feel.. but hes not my mate.

If he started seeing someone else?

I know i would feel jealous.. someone taking him away from me.. how would i feel to see him kiss someone?

I dont think it would be that bad..  but hes been my constant and I don't want to share him... I don't want to lose him..

I never ever thought of it that way. Ever. I never think of the intimate things..

And Zaryn..

If he were to be with another it would surely set me off. But i know he wont wait forever. He will have to find someone eventually.

Why cant this all be easier? Why do i have to be so naive in this area alone?

If i slept with another, Zaryn would feel it. If he slept with another.. i would feel it.

A tear fell down my cheek, and i realised my eyes had watered up.. my wolf whimpering at the thought of Zaryn with another. I may be tough on the outside now.. but on the inside.. I still felt for him.

I dont know how to feel about him anymore.

Tomorrow needed to be a day full of pain. A day I don't have to feel .

Dun dun dun!

Hey! Let me explain something real quick. I know theres a lot of keeping up with who is related but check this...

Okay so Gabriel is from dark moon. But he isnt related to anyone. Grace is his niece because Cilla, his sister, was Conrads mate.. only Cilla had grace with conrads Beta, ben. So conrad is no blood relation to Grace but he raised her.

It all started with the previous Alpha of Dark Moon.. Maximus. The cruel Alpha. Nyra and Maxim were his children. Nyra was born first so she was older but since Maxim was the son, he was the Alpha. It was rare for Alphas to have females first but it happened.

Anyway.. Penelope was Nyra and Maxims cousin. Which makes Zaryn, Maxim's second cousin.

Conrad was raised by Maximus, Maxims dad.. because conrads dad died and Maximus was his second cousin.. which in turn means that Nyra and Maxim are Conrads third cousins... and Penelope is Conrads fourth cousin.

Therefore if Grace had been Conrads daughter... she and Zaryn would have been sixth cousins. Or fifth. My numbers are confused. Ill draw up a family tree right quick lol

THEREFORE.. Dark Moon started out as a bunch of savage rogues, taking over land and making their own pack eons ago. When a rogue is left without a pack too long.. they become more wolf. Dark Moon didnt have other wolves around them so they began interbreed hundreds of years ago. I wrote it in the story then took it out, leaving it implied.  But Maximus believed you could reject your mate and mate with a distant cousin  (nothing higher than fourth. Wolves interbreed all the time. It happens. This pack was more wolf than human) anyway so Penelope saw nothing wrong with Zaryn and Grace mating... they are 6th cousins . She was brought up to believe they would have a strong blood line but that sickness Deacon had... it was caused by interbreeding from a gene messup in his mothers gene pool. Its all implied.. I removed the initial story bc it was too much.

Therefore thats why everyone seems to be 'related'.

Whew!

But Maxim believes in mates and doesnt do the whole interbreeding thing which is why he wanted to make that deal with Zarynfor his pack to come sniff out z's pack once a year. Maxim isnt like his father maximus

What do you think about Nova's realisation that she likes conrad.. but she wont cheat on her mate. Shes respectable.  But she felt jelly over his words of wanting to find comfort.

What ab how Nova feels ab grace now? I know some of you hate it...

But its a psychology thing. If you cant find yourself forgiving grace.. then you arent a forgiving person when someone betrays you or someone you have respect for. Youre like a ride or die for your friends.. and as for yourself.. you find it hard to let anyone redeem themselves if they ever mess with your loyalty.

Im that way as well but i also can forgive.. wth time. And circumstances.  I wouldn't want to see anyone go through that. If they asked for forgiveness.. i would forgive them. If you see yourself feeling like... "well.... yeah if nova can, i can." Then you have one of those hearts like Nova.

WHAT DO U THINK AB NOVA BEING JELLY OVER WHAT CONRAD SAID!?!?

She wants to keep things how theu are but shes attracted to him.. only shes faithful. But faith can be pressed too hard sometimes watch out Nova.!

And what ab nova realising shes naive in relationships ? What conrad said is real life. There IS a line. Guys and girls cant be best friends without something happening when you crose that line.. a guy is gonna expect something.

What ab nova realising Zaryn might not hold out? That he has needs?

Whats she gonna do!?

Next pov is nova again. And conrad perhaps. Maybe ill add a little pack pov too.

Time jump is soon!

Next time.

Xoxo

Chilee