7. Sorrow

I stared at Zaryn lying in the hospital bed, wounds covered in bandages that were stained with crimson..

His wounds were healing slowly but they would heal.

I stared wide eyed filled with fear as his raspy voice echoed through my mind..

"I have something to tell you..."

My lips parted as I tried to keep my bottom lip from trembling.. Sorrow in his eyes told me this wouldn't be good..

Walking in silently, I closed the door behind me and took a deep breath. I could smell anxiety rolling off of him in waves..

My own body giving off the same scent

Sitting on the chair beside his bed, I looked into those eyes blue as the purest ocean.. Sorrowful .

"Nova. " his hoarse voice whispered. .

"You don't want me around you anymore do you." I stifled the sob as I looked away from him. I wouldn't cry. I couldn't.

"Nova... No. Its just... I can't have you around Deacon anymore. Its causing problems with my wolf ."

Anger rose into me like a phoenix ready to burst into flames.. I felt a low growl through my chest as my head whipped to face him.

"You what?" I growled out. My wolf didn't like his command when she saw Deacon as family... As her pack member. Her mate got another pregnant. He lost all authority in telling me what to do...

Zaryn's eyes narrowed at the obvious ruffling of my fur, fire in my eyes.

I glared down with my own green eyes. "Zaryn I don't think you have any authority to tell me what I can do. You lost that privilege.. I am not mated to you. You are having a pup with another female." My words were low and deathly as I felt the anger pulsating inside me.

His nose flared, taking in the scent of anger I gave off. He smirked.

"Nova .. My father has approved it. You being around Deacon sets off My wolf. Its unhealthy for the pack to witness as well..... as for... Grace." His smirk turned down into an uncomfortable sadness. A frown crossed my features at the mention of her name.

"Why would it matter to you if Grace is upset. I thought you didn't care about her?" I was getting irritated.. He said he didn't care .

His eyes found mine, apologetic. "I don't... But.. My pup. If she's going to miscarry I don't want to be the cause of it. Its something .. A feeling I can't control. My wolf wants you but he knows we are going to be a father and he has an urge to protect the pup. My wolfing out isn't going to do that. I can't explain it without hurting you..." His voice cracked at the end.

I inhaled, taking a deep breath, smelling the sadness that came from his wolf side..

I understood. An expecting parent wanted their pup safe no matter who the other parent was. Its instinct but it hurt

Tears formed in my eyes.. I can't seem to stop them anymore despite my promises. I am too emotional for this.

"Zaryn. He's all I have. You have someone else and he's all that keeps me together." I felt the warm liquid run down my cheeks , my sinuses clogging in that familiar way I've become so used to.

Zaryn glared, eyes darkening. "You have me."

Standing, my mouth fell open as I gawked at him.

"I have you!?!? No I don't! She has you! She's carrying your pup, demanding your Mark!"

"I won't give her that." His eyes blurred as well.

I felt my shattered heart cut deeper in my chest, the pieces lodging themselves into my lungs. "Maybe not.. But you're asking me to watch you two together.. To be alone and watch. To stay away from my only real friend. All because you can't stand it!?!? Well do what everyone else does to me With Grace! Keep away !!! They look at me, fearful I will shift and rip her limb to limb because I'm a new shifter and think I can't control My wolf.."

His eyes softened. "Most newly shifting wolves can't Nova. Not even when we get older and experience something like jealousy..." He had enough empathy to look sheepish at his own mistake .

I paced the room, feeling cagey all of a sudden. My mind was a wave of scenarios that could play out in my head... Finally I looked up, wiping the tears from my face.

"Is this really the alpha's request or yours?" My lips pursed, thinking he had no real say in this.

He looked down, "I asked him to order you."

Fire.

I was pumping fire through my veins. Stalking toward him with purpose, I felt my canines descend as I rose my hand and slapped him across the face. He let me. He could have easily stopped me.

"How dare you!!!!" The anger turned to agony.. I cry when I'm angry. Its something I can't control... My hands shook..

He pleaded at me with those blue eyes to understand as I stood there shaking in rage and sorrow.

"Nova it breaks Me. I know there's nothing there but my wolf is threatened by it..."

I turn on my heel, too disgusted to say another word to him, I reached for the door ready to go see Deacon when Zaryn's words stopped me.

"Nova.. Remember when we were kids? And you and Deacon were always running around.. Chasing each other, tackling each other like little wolves .. Playfully barking because you wanted to be a wolf already?"

His words has me smiling as I remembered back to those days.. Days when Zaryn would babysit us .. We were 8.. He was 12. He would always make fun of us...

"I remember." I whispered loud enough for him to hear, my hand backing away from the door handle as I turned.. Feeling that exquisite feeling of his eyes over my skin. It sent me into a state of lust. Always. Feeling his eyes rake down my body. I was well developed for my age. I knew he liked what he saw.

I could smell his arousal just from watching me, eyes lingering over my curves..

Our eyes met and something inside me wanted to be next to him now that the anger was fading.. It would cone back but right now was a moment that time had stopped. ..

He continued as I sat next to him in a chair. Eyes locked on mine

"I always thought you were so cute. Even when you were young."

As did I.. I always had a crush on Zaryn but pretended to think he was gross. Something kids just do.

"Nova I remember on your 15th birthday, after I had come home from training for the summer to discover you had grown so much... Filled out in all the right places.. I found you attractive to me. I know I was already 19 but I couldnt help but feel drawn to you even then. As sick as it may sound.. I always watched you with a fondness." His glassy eyes spoke of truth..

I studied his features.. His angular jaw and sculpted cheek bones. He was a work of art. But why did it have to be him?

Nodding, I felt myself wanting to be honest with him... The bond tugging at our invisible strings. "So was I. I had a crush on you forever.. I just would never admit it."

He smiled bright, making my heart stop then accelerate at the same time. His teeth were bared but in a smile of happiness, not one of a threatening promise.

Suddenly tingles shot through my hand, running up my body straight to my core as I took in a breath..His dilated eyes told me he felt what I did.

The reactions we couldn't resist.. The attraction to each other. A low growl erupted from his chest.. One that desired something that only I could give.

Without warning, his hands reached over, grabbing my waist and pulling me on top of him so I straddled his waist. My eyes grew big, realizing what he had just done but the warm large hands caressing my back quickly dismissed any thoughts of running away as I stared down into those eyes... Swimming .. Drowning in need and want.

He pressed down on me, one hand gliding up to cup the back of my neck as he pulled me down to him. I couldn't stop even if I tried. The wolf in me surged forward but stayed behind my mind. She just wanted a taste of our mates skin..

Tingles exploded inside me once our lips pressed together, causing us both to suck in air. Hand on my ass, one knotted in my hair, I felt his hardness beneath me as his lips devoured mine in a hasty desire. I responded, rocking against him involuntarily, letting his tongue enter my mouth and taste me. A low rumble was consumed by my mouth on his followed by my own needy moan.

My first kiss.

My eyes snapped open when i realized what I was doing but my wolf wanted him. She wanted him for ourselves.

Pulling away, he could see my now bright golden green eyes.. Knowing what my wolf wanted.

His canines came out as did mine. I was staring right into his wolfs eyes. No human lingered in the forefront of our minds. Aggressively, his hands brought me down to him and flipped me so I lie underneath.. I was screaming to take control over the situation but the wolf side was having none of that.

I felt his lips on my neck, his warm breath making me shiver in delight. A warm sensation that sparked inside my belly had my legs clenching around him as his tongue tasted my skin before the sharp scrape of teeth caused a low moan to escape me. He pulled the tender flesh into his mouth, sucking on it before sliding his fangs against it, preparing to make me his.

Suddenly my thoughts went to that pregnant female and My wolf bared her teeth at me in my head, allowing me to come back to reality and I ripped away from his hold

"Zaryn stop! Your pup!" I panted, the tingles still there, buzzing around inside me.

He snapped back to reality, looking down at me with wide eyes as he backed away slowly. "I-im sorry." He whispered. .

I made to get up and away from him but he rolled us so we were side by side, his arms around me pressing my chest into His. He brought his nose to My neck, inhaling deeply with a sigh.

I struggled to get away. This was wrong...

"Please. Please just let me hold you. It may be the only time I get to. Please let me" he pleaded with tears in his eyes. Nothing will make a male fall weak than his mate...

I relented with a sigh, allowing him to hold me as I held him, taking in His scent. Remembering it. I could pretend for one moment that none of this was real.. That I was just here with my mate. This would be the last time I see him for a while.

I won't let myself be around him anymore.

We lay like that for an hour. Just holding each other... Not talking, just crying in each others arms over his shame and betrayal and my Shame and sadness. . He felt so good against me. My body craved him. To feel him. Everywhere.

As soon as he passed out from the meds, I withdrew from his arms trying to dry my eyes as I left him in that room. Closing the door softly, I took a shaky breath and went to the other room , raising my hand to knock, the anger rushed back to me at the request that Zaryn had bid to his father...

How dare he.

Damn bond ..

"Come in" Decaon croaked.

As I entered, his eyes narrowed at me.

"You went to see my brother first. His smell is all over you.." He was angry.

The moment I stepped in, he realized My anger and sorrow as well.

I glanced down at his bandaged form..neither brother had any horrible fatal wounds. They would be If the doc hadn't intervened but not so much now. His blue orbs softened as my body wracked with sobs..

"We had a moment. And... Its been approved by your dad that I not see you anymore " my voice was weak as I broke down on the chair next to him, hiding my face in my hands as complete misery enveloped me.

I had no one but family now..

No friend. No mate. I was being cast aside..

His anger rose. "That's bullshit!" He pulled me into him, arms wrapping around me

"Deacon the bond was too strong for me not to see him. He told me he asked your dad to allow our separation for his wolf .. For you guys safety... The packs sanity.. And for . for the pups safety because of Grace." I sobbed .

I felt him bristle, jaw clenching. "I'll speak to my father about this Nova."

I shook my head. "Don't. It will just cause more trouble "

Anger rolled through, his muscles bunching in his arms. "I'll take care of this. Don't worry. But... Why do you smell of arousal?" His jaw clenched as he leaned back to study me.

My face turned a deep red but Deacon was always so blunt.

"I-i had a moment. Our wolves came out."

He nodded in understanding but still displeased.

Breaking away, I wiped my tears for the millionth time today. "How are you feeling?"

Sighing , he glanced away at me... Hurt crossing his features. "I'll be ok I'm just not healing right. Its not normal. But Nova... What are you going to do about Zaryn? You can't be with him while this is going on. You need me to be there for you." His voice pleaded with me...

Shaking my head, I sighed. "I won't be with him. Our bond is strong so I have to stay away from him on my own accord. You can't disobey your father's orders and neither can I.. I guess I'll just.. Be with my family and watch. Watch everyone be happy " a tear made its way down my face again.

He pressed the pad of his thumb down, wiping it away as he studied me with determined blue copy cat eyes. "I wont stay away. We can sneak off but I won't leave you alone " he spoke the truth.

"You'll be punished Deacon." My throat hurt from crying So much... All this burden placed on a mere seventeen year old juvenile.. Leaving me without hope .

After a while of our talking , Deacon informed me I needed to go get Zaryn's scent off of me so that's when u left, my tears long gone but heart ache weighing me down...

I wanted to crumble..

I felt torn.. Shredded.. All from this female who showed up on our pack with my mates pup in her belly. Their future....

I made my way down the dirt road. It was already 9pm.. The moonlight overhead was giving way to a shorter day... Flicking light through the tree's canopy overhead as I trudged on.

I should hate Zaryn for what he's done.. His request. But I couldnt. I couldn't find it in me to hate him, be angry, yes. But to hate him I couldn't do that.

My Broken Heart crumbled even further with each step that I took bringing me closer to the pack house. I passed my parents home on the way down the road seeing their lights were still on. I thought about stopping for a bit to talk but the shattered heart inside my chest pulled me towards the pack house where my sanctuary lie. all I wanted to do right this moment was curl up in my bed and cry letting my tears Soothe me into a deep sleep... Hopefully I wouldn't wake up. If I did, maybe it would all be a nightmare.

I know my brother was coming home tomorrow,half of me was excited but the other half was full of dread knowing that his friendship with Zaryn was going to complicate things further with this whole situation. Nic wouldn't let him get away with hurting his baby sister.

I crept through the back door of the pack house sliding my way through the mud room and quietly crept up the back stairs to the third floor. entering my room I shut the door and locked it, throwing myself under the blankets relishing the scent of my mate on my skin. maybe I would get some sort of satisfaction just smelling his scent on me. Maybe I would be able to sleep without having any nightmares tonight but I knew I would have to wash this pleasing scent off of me as soon as I woke so no one would ask questions..

Still in my clothes, I let the pain surge through me.. Taking every bit of pride and strong will away as I tried to restrain from crying myself to sleep... Clutching my midsection to keep the nausea at bay. His smell comforted me but it also made me feel even more broken knowing I couldn't have him ...

The cell phone on my nightstand dinged. Wolves never use cell phones unless you're an unranked member like us juveniles as a way for the pack to communicate with us.

I opened it ...

From: Alpha Blake

Come see me after your visit with your family. We all need to talk.

Anxiety crept inside me. This had to be bad for him to send a message to me this late at night.

Dread washed over me, taking me with it until I could no longer cry.