Chapter 15

3 years ago

Nikolai was visiting Alpha Seth’s land to establish a treaty that will allow their pack members to cross each other’s land without issue due to their borders bordering each other. It was just easier for them to commute to other packs.

Dimitri and Nikolai stepped onto Alpha Seth’s land and were immediately greeted by their border patrol. Five of them stood and blocked their path, stopping them from moving further into the land.

“Your Alpha is expecting me. My name is Alpha Nikolai.” Nikolai announced. His body vibrated with power as he gave them a deathly stare.

Luckily, they were already informed that Alpha Nikolai would be approaching their land and that their Alpha has granted him access. After a brief nod from the Captain, they allowed him through without a fight. Dimitri and Nikolai were led by two border patrols to Alpha Seth.

Upon arriving to the pack house, the door swung open and Alpha Seth walked out. In his arms was his Luna. She wore a brilliant smile as they approached Nikolai and Dimitri. Nikolai remember faintly that Alpha Seth’s mate was a rogue until she met Alpha Seth — a beautiful love story, one that has Nikolai coiling with nausea.

Nikolai was a damn good Alpha. He fought well and within five years of taking over his father’s title after his death, he was able to bring his pack into a prosperous height that even his father couldn’t do. It didn’t have anything to do with fighting. Nikolai was just a damn good leader.

Sure he played around and he slept with a good share of women to calm his beast, but he never found the need to have a Luna. To him, he could rule alone. He has seen his father falling tragically ill and the decline in work ethics the minute his mother died. To Nikolai, he did not want to be in that kind of misery.

Love to him was just another problem that he did not want to deal with. His main focus was his pack. Dimitri has told him repeatedly that it was important that they have a Luna. What he said made sense, but until Nikolai was ready, he wasn’t going to search for her any time soon.

Thus, here he was standing in front of Alpha Seth and his mate Luna Edith.

“Alpha Nikolai. It is good that you took my invitation.” Alpha Seth said with a bright smile.

“It is a good proposition and will benefit us both.” Nikolai responded and Alpha Seth nodded in agreement. After a brief formal introduction between them, Alpha Seth spoke again.

“Well then, let’s not waste any more time. Come, let’s go inside and discuss.” Alpha Seth waved toward the house.

“The sooner we get this done, the sooner I can get back to the pack.” Nikolai said and followed Alpha Seth inside.

A few hours later, Nikolai emerged from the office and shook Alpha Seth’s hand. They said their goodbyes and were heading out the door back towards the woods again. As Nikolai and Dimitri walked deeper into the woods, Nikolai caught a scent that had his heart beating fast in his chest. His wolf was growling and clawing to be freed. The scent was calling to them, luring them closer.

Dimitri glanced over and saw the change in Nikolai’s demeanor. His eyes were shifting and at first Dimitri thought there was a threat he didn’t notice, but when Nikolai turned to him and ordered him to go back home without him, Dimitri had to question.

“What is it?” Dimitri sniffed the air but noticed nothing different.

“My wolf is itching to get out.” Nikolai said lowly.

“What do you feel?”

“A strong urge to run east.” Nikolai growled and ran a hand through his hair. He knew what this meant.

“Your mate.” Dimitri pointed out.

Nikolai growled and his eyes turned black. Dimitri knew he was right. Nikolai was fighting against the pull of his wolf. Nikolai clenched his hands into fists as he tried reasoning with his wolf. It wasn’t time yet. He wasn’t ready.

“You should follow it.” Dimitri answered.

“No!” Nikolai snapped. “Let’s go.”

He fought the pull and dragged his feet away from his mate and her smell. They ran to the border and crossed into their line. Nikolai expected distance would stop the pull, but all Nikolai could think about was her sweet aromatic scent. He needed to see her.

That’s how he found himself back on Alpha Seth’s land and walking east.

When he saw her, he couldn’t breathe. She was the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. A lump formed in his throat and he swallowed hard. His wolf clawed and growled, wanting to run to her and mark her. His canines were elongating and he growled harshly as he turned away briefly to control his emotions.

“Who are you?” She asked and sniffed the air. Her eyes were knowingly looking at him. She knew who he was to her and she tilted her head slightly to observe him. He looked like a creep hiding in the bush and then being caught by her.

He stood up and her eyes followed him. Her lips parted slightly in surprise as she looked him over. His eyes roamed every inch of her body. He found no faults — to him she was perfect. Unable to hold his wolf back, he grabbed a hold of her wrist. She frowned and tugged at her hand. The instant spread of tingles got Nikolai’s heart beating faster. This was it.

He yanked her body to his and she gasped as she fell into his arms. Before she could protest, Nikolai did the unthinkable. Honestly, he wasn’t thinking at all! He kissed her and he couldn’t stop. Pretty soon, he was inside her cabin and ripping her clothes. He couldn’t control his actions. She allowed him to touch her body and make love to her over and over. It was late into the night, when they finally fell asleep.

Guilt ate at Nikolai’s chest. He had done what he said he would never do. He found his mate and now he found it was hard to leave her, but he couldn’t very well take her back home. He was not ready for a Luna. He wanted time. He needed time.

Three years later

He couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t think. He was constantly angry. He snapped at anyone who came to talk to him. He killed any rogues who dared to step onto his border. He bit off the head of a woman who tried to cozy up to him. He was ruthless and no one wanted to step on his toes.

Sitting in his office, he shifted through his papers. This was where he hid for the most part of his day. He didn’t go out unless he was needed.

Dimitri opened the door to his office and entered. “There is something wrong with you. Why are you resisting the bond? Go to her, apologize. Get her bac-”

“No!” Nikolai slammed his fist down on to the desk and it cracked under the force. He closed his eyes tightly and flashes of Roza appeared behind them. She was always there even when she wasn’t. His chest ached painfully.

“Why are you so bent on torturing yourself, Nikolai? Go and apologize to your woman and get her back.” Dimitri tried to reason with him but Nikolai wasn’t hearing any of it.

“I can’t.” He growled lowly.

Dimitri frowned. “What do you mean? Has she found a chosen?”

Nikolai snarled and he had Dimitri pinned up against the wall in seconds. “She’s mine!”

Dimitri pushed Nikolai away from him and glared. “We are friends, Nick. I want to help you, but I can’t help you if you are refusing my help.”

“I don’t want your help.” Nikolai growled. He didn’t deserve her forgiveness. He was ashamed of his actions.

Before, he didn’t fully comprehend what the real meaning of a mate was, but now he understood completely. He craved for her. He needed her. It was like someone taking away your sun and leaving you in darkness for three years; like he was blinded and wounded for so long.

It was like someone removed every single part that can keep him alive from his body and left him in his skin and pain. For three years, he has become friends with pain very well. He lived it every second of his life.

Why was he so stubborn and didn’t go back?

He didn’t deserve her.

He hurt her.

He broke her heart.

After going to see her almost every damn day for the first three months after leaving her, he decided to let her go, even though he needed her with every breath. In his eyes, he wasn’t good enough for her. He might be an Alpha, but he was a stupid man who threw away what was good for him. He stopped seeing her after that and it took everything in him.

The first few months after not seeing Roza, he ordered Dimitri to lock him in the dungeon every night. After, he found that a strong tonic can numb the pain briefly until he got drunk and wept like a baby. Even after that, he would drink until he was completely out.

“Whatever it is that you are dealing with, deal with it, Nick. The pack needs a strong Alpha who can think with a sensible mind. Your stubbornness will get you killed.” Dimitri growled.

Nikolai’s wolf didn’t like the disrespect, but Nikolai knew he was right.

“The Alpha games are coming up and the Alpha King is asking for your presence. There have been multiple letters sent to you, but you have not responded. The last letter demands your presence or the Alpha King will see to it that you are removed from your position.” Dimitri warned.