Chapter 36

Rhainne Jhammira Alethea Lopez

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Months had passed. I was here at a beach that I just found 2 weeks ago. I was alone with my thoughts. Isang buwan na rin simula nung nangyari iyong sa party, simula nung nakita ko ang lalaking iyon my mind was so occupied by him matagal na kung iisipin pero it seems so fresh until now.

Ang dating lagi kong pananatili sa bahay nila Missis ko ngayon ay napalitan ng pag iwas sa lugar na iyon. I don't want to go there, nandon siya. Nandon ang lalaking iyon kahit naman ayaw rin ni Mama Cecil na nandon siya pero ang mga anak niya ay gusto rin makasama ang tatay nilang matagal nilang hindi nakasama. I don't trust him. I don't know kung totoo ang pinapakita niya o parte ba ng plano niya. I know that he knows that I'm a Lopez kaya simula nung magpakita siya ng personal ay pinadagdagan ko ang bantay sa bahay.

I couldn't let him hurt my family again dadaan muna siya saakin at sa pinakapaborito kong baril bago niya magalaw ang pamilya ko.

These past few weeks I tend to crave to be alone. Mas gusto ko mapag isa para mag isip dahil hirap na hirap na akong dalhin ang bigat na nararamdaman ko. Everytime I face her, guilt is eating me up knowing that I planned before that I would kill the killer of my love of life and sister.

I never wanted to be stuck in this situation where I have to choose whether it's her or my family's safety. Alam kong habang nabubuhay siya ay hindi kami ligtas. Kung dati ay wala akong magagawa but know I could do something.

Masasaktan ang babaeng mahal ko oras na kunin ko ang buhay ng pinakamamahal niyang tatay—she would hate me for that and I couldn't bare it, hindi ko kakayaning kamuhian niya ako iniisip ko palang ay nanghihina na ako.

Hindi ko namalayang tumutulo nanaman ang luhang hindi ko na rin mapigilan. Maybe I was tired of being strong? Maybe I was tired of hiding everything? Maybe I'm not that strong? Mas inuuna ko ang pagmamahal ko sa tao kesa sa hustisya na nararapat kong ibigay sa taong kinuha niya saakin. I'm weak.

Oh God please listen to me. Please listen to my heart. I know I'm not that good, alam kong hindi ako mabait at alam kong wala rin akong ginawang tama para pakinggan niyo but please hear me out. Hindi ko na po alam ang gagawin ko, gulong gulo na ako sa mga nalalaman ko. I don't know what to do. I don't know who should I prioritize. I'm stuck in the situation that I'm not prepared. I don't want to hurt her but ny family's life is at risk alam kong kahit anong piliin ko ay masasaktan ako. God enlightened me please

Agad ko namang inangat ang ulo ko mula sa pagkakayuko nito at pinunasan ang mga luhang kanina pa tumutulo.

Maybe this is my karma?

I smiled bitterly

Look how life turn around. Kung dati ay lugmok ako ngayon ay mas lalo akong nalugmok.

Maybe I deserve all of this? Maybe because I'm a bad person? Nadadamay lang ang pamilya ko sa kamalasang dala ko.

Every pain. Every suffering. Everything is my fault. I choose this life now I can't even get out of it. Masyadong magulo ang buhay ko and the only thing that makes me wanna live is her and my family but how could I live if one day she'll hate me. Bakit kailangang dumating sa panahon na yon?

Should I stop giving them justice? Or justice pa ba ang hanap ko o paghihiganti nalang?

Ang hirap

Ang hirap mapunta sa sitwasyong hindi mo alam kung ano ang pipiliin mo. My sister and first love doesn't deserve that nadamay lang sila sa kamalasan ng buhay ko. He want me dead pero hindi niya ako mapatay kaya ang mga taong malalapit saakin ang pinatay niya. Nice strategy he really broke my heart in every single way that he can.

I was still in the deep thoughts when suddenly my phone rang, agad na nagflash sa screen ang pangalang simula kaninang umaga ay hindi ko pa nakakausap.

Missis ko❤️‍🩹

calling....

I answered it pero hindi ako nagsalita. I waited for her to talk.

[Where are you? Everyone is looking for you, hinahanap ka nila saakin. We've been calling you simula kanina pa pero ngayon mo lang ako sinagot] nag aalala nitong sabi kaya naman tinignan ko ang screen ng phone ko, yeah she's right masyadong maraming tawag at chats mula sa mga kaibigan ko, my family and her pero ngayon ko lang nasagot.

Masyadong malalim ang pag iisip ko kanina kaya siguro hindi ko rin napansin ang mga tawag ng mga ito. Alam kong nararamdaman na nila na may hindi ako sinasabe sakanila cause they're starting to question me.

Bakit ba kailangan kong itago when in fact I should tell them. Pero bakit parang ang hirap sabihin. I know my family, kaya nilang mawalan ng awa sa taong yon once na nalaman nilang siya ang pumatay sa kapatid ko and I couldn't let that happen masasaktan ang taong mahal ko. And now all I know is to keep it, keep it as a secret.

[Love....are you still there?] malumanay nitong sabi sa kabilang linya

Buntong hininga.....

[Ah yes. I'm sorry. I'm just doing something I'll be back there]

Why did I suddenly felt a distance and barrier between us? Somethings wrong. Hindi kami ganto. We're not like this

[Alright, I'll tell them. Drive safely, goodbye. I love you] she said

[Alright. Bye]

Silence...hindi siya sumagot pero on call parin. Anong hinihintay niya?

[Are you still waiting for something?] tanong ko rito ng makalipas ang ilang minuto pero hindi niya parin iniend ang call.

Usually kasi after we said goodbye to each other ay pinapatay niya na ito agad but now it's different she didn't even end it.

[Ah...nothing. Goodbye, I love you very much] disappointment.....yan ang nararamdaman ko sa boses niya

What's that?

After she ended the call ay agad akong tumayo at tumungo sa kotse ko na agad ko ring pinatakbo pabalik sa bahay.

Maybe bukas ko nalang siya pupuntahan. I'm already tired and I need to go home para makapagpahinga na ako.

Pagkarating ko ay bumungad saakin ni Mama na agad akong niyakap ganon rin si Mom. They're worried, ramdam ko iyon.

"Where have you been?" Mama said habang yakap parin ako

"I just breathe some fresh air somewhere"

"Is there a problem? You know that you can always tell us" she said as she caressed my hair

"Nothing Mama"

"It seems that you're not" she said kaya napapikit ako

Ma stop asking already. I can't take it anymore. Hindi ko na rin kayang itago to pero I have to. Everything is too much. I always know what to do but in this situation I don't know. Hindi ko alam.—my mind

I just gave her an assuring smile "I really am, Ma. I just want some fresh air alone. My friends know that I always do it before" she looks convince though

You really are a good liar Rhainne—my brain

Should I clap for myself? Should I clap for being a good liar?

You hate liars and now here you are being one of them—my mind

Mama smiled at me "Alright let's eat already" she guided me through the kitchen

I remember that kanina pa pala ako hindi kumakain. Simula kasi nung matapos ang klase ko ay agad rin akong umalis ng hindi nagpapaalam kahit kanino. Even my friends.

After we ate ay agad na akong nagpaalam para umakyat at maligo.

Isang buwan na pero parang wala pa rin siyang galaw. I need to investigate what's his next plan. Masyadong nakakaduda ang pananahimik niya. Is he trying to change for his family?

I already gathered some information about him and his family background pati narin ang negosyo niya at ang orginanisasyong kinabibilangan niya na nagngangalang Jaguar.

He's a Presley, kilala ang pamilya niya pero hindi ganong namamayapag unlike sa Lopez and Alvares. Mama Cecil, she is a maid—she's a maid of Presley's. Nicolas Presley, he raped Mama Cecil at ang naging bunga noon ay si Claire. No one wonder bakit galit sakanya si Mama Cecil. He's ruthless. Mas demonyo pa siya sa demonyo. He kills whoever he wants to kill.

Nalaman ko rin na she's into my Mom before at hanggang ngayon kaya binabalikan niya kaming mga anak nito because he thought na kami ang hindrance in their lovestory which is very untruthful. He's crazy believing his own story, masyado niyang pinaniniwala ang sarili niya na mahal siya ni Mom when in fact kahit minsan hindi siya minahal nito cause someone already got my Mom's heart and that is Mama.

He's so obsessed to my Mom to the point na gumawa na siya ng lies about their relationship. Hanggang ngayon ay hindi parin tanggap ng Ego niya na si Mama ang mahal ni Mom that's why he blame it on us—her daughters. He thought na kami ang dahilan bakit hindi siya kayang mahalin ni Mom, kaya kahit pati si Mama ay sinusubukan niya ring patayin and I won't let him do that to my family.

I wish I could kill him easily without hurting her. I used to kill people without any hesitation but now.....it changes and I'm afraid that he might use her daughter against me.

He shouted stop his imagination na magiging sila pa ni Mom. Masyadong matagal na yung rejection sakanya ni Mom and until now hindi parin siya nakakamove on. He's obsessed demon at ang dapat sa demonyong gaya niya ay hinahatid sa impyerno. Baka nga pati si Satan hindi siya tanggapin don dahil baka kaya niya pang higitan ito sa itim ng budhing nananalaytay sa buong pagkatao niya.

He shouted be thankful to her daughter cause if wasn't her matagal na siyang nakabaon 6 feet under.

Kaya naman talagang nakakaduda ang pananahimik niya. I wonder what's his next plan. Kung tinatanong man niya si Claire tungkol saakin I hope she doesn't say any.

I was in my deep thoughts when I suddenly felt ny phone rang kaya agad kong tinignan kung sino ito, ang taong kanina lang ay iniisip ko.

Missis ko❤️‍🩹

calling....

I answered it. Of course she's my girlfriend and I need to tell her na nakauwi na ako. It's just that I almost forgot na sabihin sakanya iyon.

[I'm home already] turan ko without even saying Hi, Hello or Good evening.

[Oh...i-is that so? I-I was just about to ask. D-Did you ate already?] she said, gosh I can feel that she's in pain.

What did you do Rhainne? You were supposed to be her comfort but here you are unconsciously hurting her!—my mind

I let out a heavy sighs.

[Yes. You?]

[I already did. You should rest. I love you]

she said, she just said I love you but why does my heart is not responding?

[Hmmmm see you tomorrow] and I ended the call...

"I love you too" I whispered kasabay ng pag end ng call kaya alam kong hindi niya narinig iyon

Another heavy sighs.

Nagkukulang na ako. I'm slowly pushing her, again. And I'm feeling guilty lalo na't nadadamay lang siya sa tatay niya.

Gulong gulo na rin ako sa mga nangyayari at hindi ko rin alam paano sisimulan at paano tatapusin ang mga to.

I can't even face her lalo na't nakikita ko sakanya ang tatay niya which is very wrong. Maling mali. Hindi niya kasalanan ang kasalanan ng Tatay niya but why? why I can't even face her? Why am I even reflecting every wrong that her father did to us?

Ansakit ng ulo ko.

I can't make things right. All I want to do is run away all over again. I'm afraid to face the truth.

Natatakot ako sa mga possibleng mangyari. What if she'll leave me? Paano kung mas piliin niya ang pamilya niya kesa saakin? I'm not even sure if she'll understand once she figured out.

My head spinning at naramdaman ko nalang ang onti onting pandidilim ng mata

Can I have a better life?