Chapter 39

Rhainne Jhammira Alethea Lopez

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Nagising ako na puro puti ang paligid ko. Nasan ako? Where am I?

"Call the doctor Amrielle" rinig kong turan ng kung sino

I didn't move trying to process kung ano bang nangyayari and then I remembered it all. How I.... almost killed him.

How I saw hatred in her eyes.

Hindi naman nagtagal at may dumating na doctor at kasama si Amrielle.

He checked me and asked me many questions but I didn't answer any of it

"U-ulan... w-why aren't you talking?" Rayla's voice trembled, panic lacing her words as she reached out to me.

I could feel her eyes on me-eyes full of worry, full of fear.

Worry. That's how they all look at me now.

I hate it.

I hate how they pity me.

The way their gazes fall on me like I'm some fragile, broken thing, shattered beyond repair. They don't see me anymore, they see... this **monster**. A person who can only destroy, a person who's stained beyond redemption.

I want to scream, to tell them to stop looking at me like that, but the words catch in my throat. My body is paralyzed, trapped by the weight of their stares. Each second that passes feels like I'm drowning in their pity.

I can't escape it.

"She needs to rest" Jenaiah

I looked at her-at them

"How many days I've been here?" tanong ko rito

"2 days" Rayla

"Then I don't need to rest. It's enough." I said that makes them shut up

Agad ko nilibot ang tingin ko sa buong room at nakita ko ang isang bag

"That bag" I said at tinuro ito napatingin naman sila doon "Do I have a clothes there? Ayoko nitong suot ko"

"But y-you need to rest" Amrielle said

I raised my eyebrows at her

"I'm clearly fine Amrielle. I'm going home" hindi na sila sumagot kaya mabilis kong inalis ang mga nakatusok sa kamay ko at agad na kinuha ang bag at pumasok sa bathroom

Lumabas naman agad ako at tinignan sila ng nagtataka

They look like they was about to say something pero mukang hesitant ang mga ito.

They stared at me for a couple of minutes

"What?!" irritated kong tanong sa mga ito

Silence.

Then suddenly I hear sobs. It's coming from the three of them.

Anong nangyari sa mga to?

They're crying as if someone died.

"What the fuck? Stop crying will you and tell me anong meron?" inis kong tanong sa mga to but they continue to sobs

"U-ulan s-si Lolo" nahihirapang turan ni Rayla

Si Lolo.....that hits me fck he was shoot.

"Where is he?" tanong ko sa mga to

"H-he 's in m-morgue" after hearing that from Jenaiah I feel like my whole world crash.

What? Morgue? That's impossible. No! He can't leave me! Hindi pwede!

"No! That's not true! Stop joking around it's not funny!" inis kong sabi

"B-but we're not joking or even lying Ulan" Rayla said at yumuko wiping her tears "We thought h-he'll be fine since stable naman siya for this past 2 days but suddenly kanina-bago ka magising he flatline. We panicked-everyone panicked. W-we lost him" as she said it tears slowly running down on my tears

No! He can't leave me like that! I know him very well he wouldn't do that! That old man he still need to pay me for something!

"W-where is he?"

____

It's been 2 days since he died. Since that Old Man died.

"Ulan" tawag ni Rayla saakin

"What?" sagot pero hindi ko siya nilingon. I was just staring at the jar kung saan nakalagay ang abo niya.

Yes he was cremated. Nakalagay ito sa last will and testament niya. He requested it.

Why does everything seems to be planned by him?

"Kumain ka muna" she offered me a plate with food pero tinapunan ko lang ito saglit ng tingin at hindi na ito muling tinignan pa

"I'm not hungry"

"Pero simula nung nakaraan di ka pa kumakain" nag aalala nitong tanong saakin

I didn't answered. Naramdaman ko namang nilapag niya ito sa tabi ko at umalis na rin siya.

Damn this old man how dare he leave me.

This past few days ramdam ko ang pag iwas sakin ng lahat. Everyone seems so distant—maybe they're blaming me. Yes, I should be the one to be blamed by his death. If I wasn't so weak and distracted that time maybe I could saved me.

"You're so unfair, Old Man. Ako dapat yung nandiyan. I told you that I can handle it and don't even think to come but you're so hard headed like me" I whispered

"At sa tingin mo magugustuhan ni Lolo kung ikaw yung andiyan?" it's Yana sa dalawang araw ko rito ay ngayon ko lang siya nakausap

"Don't blame yourself that much" she continue

How can I not?

Alam kong kasalanan ko naman talaga, lahat ng lumalapit saakin namamatay.

And they'll be part of my missing piece.

I once feel lost now I'm lost again. It's an unending cycle of my life.

"Hindi niya magugustuhan ang inaact mo" sya ulit "Kumain ka naman kahit onti lang. You think I didn't observe you? You were just staring at him"

Yes, 2 days ago simula nung nakatitig lang ako sakanya at hindi umaalis kung aalis man ako ay maliligo lang and after that babalik ako dito at titig lang sakanya hanggang mag gabi.

"Eat now. Miss Presley was waiting for you outside" she said kaya napatingin ako sakanya

She's here? My Missis ko was here

I feel my heart pounding again like it was even awake for almost 2 days

I felt a little happiness inside me.

I was about to stand up para puntahan ito when suddenly Yana stop me "eat first, sasamahan kita sakanya" she said and flashed a small smile

Hindi ako nagdalawang isip at agad na kinuha ang pagkain na kanina lang ay inooffer sa akin ni Rayla.

"Let's go Yana. Where is she?" I excitedly say at hinila ng kaonti si Yana

I roam my eyes around pero bakit wala siya?

Does Yana is lying?

"She's outside, waiting for you" Yana said then I felt the fire inside me burn again, all those butterflies

Sinamahan niya ako hanggang makarating kami sa pinto

"Go on. I'm just here" she said and gave me an assuring smile

Tinignan ko muna ang babaeng nakatalikod at nakaupo sa hindi kalayuan habang may katabing box.

I suddenly felt nervous.

Something's wrong.

"I'm going now" paalam ko kay Yana at onti onting naglakad papunta sakanya.

I once glance at Yana para tignan kung andon pa siya and yes she's there kasama si Rayla.

Wait kelan pa siya napunta roon?

Kinakabahan man ay pinilit ko ang sarili ko na malapitan siya

Now I was standing behind her not knowing how to greet her

Should I say Hi?

Hello?

I miss you?

I'm sorry?

"Are you just gonna stand there?" she coldly said that almost make me panic

Bakit naman ang cold niya?

Oh yeah right she said that she hates me.

You almost killed her father—my mind.

"Ah eh hmm, hi?" I didn't know the right word to say

She just look at me blankly. Hindi ko mabasa ang emosyon niya.

Was she mad?

Oh yes Rhainne for sure she'll be mad after what you've done

I smiled bitterly.

Kaya ba andito siya? To blame me? Kumusta na kaya si Nicolas? Did I come to far and killed him? He's unconscious nung nakita ko siya and that's because of me.

I tried to walk toward her but I was stopped by her

"Don't come near me!" diin nitong sabi kaya napatigil ako

I saw how she fear me and it hurts me—so much than she even notice

"I-I'm s-sorry" nakayuko kong sabi

Conscience. It's eating me up again.

Hindi naman ito nag salita at may inabot na box

Nagtataka man ay binuksan ko ito. What the....nandito lahat ng binigay ko sakanya pati na rin ang mga picture namin and not only that pati na rin ang binigay ko kay Mama Cecil at Crystal

"W-what's this?" my eyes are getting blurry once again

Hindi ko nga iniyakan ang pagkawala ni Lolo pero ang onti onti niyang pagkawala saakin ay iniiyakan ko—she's still alive but it felt like I'm slowly losing her.

"A-are you?" I felt like I was choking. I wiped my tears and look at her who's now looking at me with madness, pain, hatred and fear

Why? Why does it have to be this?

Kahit saan tignan talo ako. I thought everything would be fine after that but it backfired—everything becomes worse.

"Let's end everything and forgot what happened to us. I don't want you near me anymore. I don't want you near us again. Y-you killer." as she said those words I felt like my world have shattered into pieces—pieces that I didn't even know if I could still get back into place where they belong.

"N-no. P-please M-missis ko" I begged at her trying to held her hand but she shove it away and look at me na parang nandidiri siya.

It hurts and I can't do anything to stop this pain.

Why?

Again and again?

"D-did I really killed him? Y-your f-father?" Kahit nahihirapan ay nagawa ko parin itong itanong

Nakita ko ang pagkuyom ng kamay niya

"No, but he's in a critical condition now, all because of you!" galit nitong turan sakin

My love—the love of my life was mad at me

I was so stupid.

The justice that I've been looking for is so stupid and fucked up

"I-I'm s-sorry. F-forgive me" I said and kneeled in front of her

"Forgive?" she sarcastically said "do you think it's that easy Rhainne"

Rhainne..... it's her first time calling me in that name. I was really nothing to her, now.

I'm nothing to her except from being a killer but I never really killed his father.

Not yet because of your pity, Rhainne—my mind

"P-Please, Missis ko. D-dont leave me l-like this" I begged once again

Kung kailangan kong lumuhod magdamag then I will.

"Y-You're a monster! I would never love a monster like you!" sigaw nito saakin

I didn't answer at patuloy lang din ang luha ko sa pagpatak.

"D-dont say that" tumayo ako para lapitan siya at para sana yakapin ito but she pushed me once again

"Gosh. Lumayo ka saaki! I don't want you near me!" agad akong napaatras ng itulak niya ako

"M-mahal k-kita, d-dont hurt me like this. I-I can't live without y-you. I-I didn't mean to do that t-to him" I begged again

"Fuck off! Save that love of yours! Don't you know how much I hate you?! Don't you know how much I want to hurt you for hurting him?!" galit, yan lamang ang tanging nakikita ko sa mata niya

Nasan na ang pagmamahal? Everything's going in a wrong way and there's no one to be blamed except me—myself.

"T-then h-hurt me. J-just d-dont leave me p-please. H-hindi ko k-kay. D-dont leave me like everyone does" I pleaded but I knwo she won't listen

"Then I guess you deserve it. Everyone will leave a monster and a killer like you! Don't bother me again, we're done I don't need a monster like you" I cried as she slowly walk away from me

Agad ko siyang sinundan at pinigilan

"No! Please! Missis ko! D-dont, don't d-do this" I cried

"Save that to yourself!" and she pushed me so hard and slap me kaya napaluhod ako

"Stay away from me!"

"N-no please!" Hawak ko ang kamay niya ng mahigpit, ayokong bitawan ito dahil alam kong oras na bitawan ko ito ay mawawala siya saakin.

I can't live without her.

Masyado na akong nahulog sakanya.

"Bitawan mo ako!" malakas na sigaw nito—its alright walang makakarinig dahil walang tao na nasa labas hindi rin ito aabot sa loob dahil medyo malayo kami

"No! I-I can't l-let y-you go. Hurt me physically but not emotionally I-I d-dont know h-how to h-handle it anymore. You're the only calmness i-in my s-storm" I pleaded, nakaluhod parin ako sakanya hindi ko na alam kung ilang minuto na akong nakaluhod rito but I don't care I can't lose her like how I lose everyone

"And you're the curse that ruined my life" as she said those words, felt like a thousands knife stab in my hard. Bigla akong nanghina sa sinabe niya

Was I that unlucky?

Maybe staying in her life means ruining it more.

Onti onting lumuwag ang kapit ko and she took those opportunity para makawala saakin.

"I hate you so much!" gigil at diin nitong sabi at tuluyan ng nawala sa paningin ko

I let her.

My greatest piece was gone and it's all my fault.

Now I feel life less again.

How could I go on when my greatest piece was missing again?