I will not go.

I will not go

until you send me to hell this time.

I will not go

until you help me to make this alright.

I would never go

before the sun is rising up to the sky.

But I have to go

cause our fall feels like a fly.

So send me up to heaven by a kiss filled with pain.

Send me to the ground until my body changes into rain.

And always believe in the doubt that kills your sleep,

cause every sound in the night is a hope you held too deep.

When I met you at the station my life began to change.

And you kissed me with goodbye, so I start to rearrange.

I introduced you to my words- to my kindly, little world.

And it hurt- too much-

to say what you don't feel

and

to feel what you don't say.

Some part of you

-I will never know-

Some part had to love some part of me.

But you never know

what to want,

what to do,

what to feel.

But there you are

looking like a hell burned angel in sun rising beauty.

And breathing gets hard to remember

when I see you.

I will not go,

but nothing happens the same way again.

So I fell into a heart broken woman.

But the story goes on,

because there are more than miles between us.

More than a town and a city,

more than living life or living pretty.

I remember nights full of thoughts.

Too many to count,

too many to tell.

Remember you and your eyes,

speculating,

fascinating,

exploring edges of me.

-strangely never wanting anything of that.

Or wanting just anything.

I will not go,

because there was more between us than endless talks

right from the beginning.

But then

nothing to show.

Cause people taught us different lessons.

Or maybe just the same but in a different order.

Nothing to tell.

Cause you don't want to hurt the people you love,

but never said anything after the first wall was built.

A wall of distance, filled with silence.

Produced to be safe,

produced to save me,

save you,

save words and save pain.

Right there where it has to be.

You may seem too distant, but here I am still.

Because every wall of this goddamn world wouldn't change the truth that I never stopped believing in you and the things you made me feel.

But I had to go,

so we started to end.

And there is nothing to say about it except the fact

that I tried everything to do not fulfil this cut

with cutting me

-apart.

First I didn't get the chance to talk to you.

Then I didn't get the chance to know you.

And then I lost the chance to understand.

And then...

Then I started to lose myself.

People taught us different lessons

or maybe just the same in a different order.

I hope I taught you something

or maybe that I will.

Cause I've learned to live with pain

that made me feel dying

every time I dreamed again.

Dreaming at daytime,

staying awake every night.

But I learned to live.

And girl, I am perfectly in love with it.

I do not worry about people who hurt me.

Don't worry about broken souls and crazy minds.

Don't worry about cold behaviour and losing identity.

That's just how it's working

in a world filled with people

who first have to worry about

how to stop lying to themselves.

And I will not go.

Where ever all of this is heading to.

Called life,

called fate,

named as future.

I won't go, oh no.

I am the first activist of life.

I participate.

And after all I am glad to say

that you never went too.