a letter.

hello there,

this is the first time

I really want to talk to you

hey,

it's me

and I want you to listen,

listen carefully,

cause I am about to

reveal some things,

feelings,

reveal what I avoided to say

hey,

do you remember the letter

I got from you?

I never wrote back,

but

that doesn't mean

I didn't have an answer

do you remember this time

we sat down

heart to beat,

intertwined

and the world stopped spinning?

I never told you,

but that was the first time

I realized

that

somewhere from another lifetime

my soul already knows you

and I know

you asked yourself this question about a million times,

but yes

I wanted you by my side

yes,

it was true what you said

yes,

I know how much you're willing

to give up for me,

but

you've got to understand that,

even if it hurts,

I needed to keep you away

and let me say

right now

I am lying in bed,

bleeding out my breath

and breathing in my pain

I am watching white skin

turning red,

I am watching

so many things,

but I don't want to leave

without telling you my truth

I love you,

always will

I miss you,

always had

I want you,

I really do

and I should've called you back,

I shouldn't have left you alone

or

walk away

I

should have kissed you

as you started to cry,

I should've opened the door

as you stood outside

waiting and waiting

till it started to rain,

cause

sometimes I still see you

standing in front of my window,

sharing tears with the sky

I think about

the night we met,

hand in hand,

counting stars with closed eyes

I think about

all of the words you wrote

all of your poetry,

possibilities to explain

the things you've done lately

I think about

being the one

you will always love

I believe that

you and me

deserve to be together

and

I need to tell you

that I am still angry,

cause you left me alone,

alone in

this fucked up world,

alone with

all of this fucked up people,

alone

with myself

I miss you in my bed,

breathing into my neck,

miss your habits at the morning

and the way you brush your teeth,

I miss your grumpy side

when you're  hungry

and

the smile

when sun shines through the trees

let me tell

that I wanted to kiss you

every time we talked

that's why

at the end

I tried to forget you

and

I am sorry,

cause I promised to be there,

but

to be honest

I wasn't

I was busy with

avoiding what

I am confronting right now

and I know

that it's too late,

look at your grave,

even the flowers grew dead

how long has it's been?

you left too early

and

I was too silent

I can't stop thinking about

all the things

that could've went differently,

if I'd just told you my truth

hey,

you will never read this letter

I am just thinking out loud,

but

I love you

and

this will never change

I just wish

with all my heart

I told you this

at least one time

when you came around with diner in your back,

one time as you buyed ice scream just for me,

one time as we sat down

and the world was on standby

I should've told you this

-I love you-

why didn't I told you

how much I fucking love you?

I just hope

that you still wait for me,

cause this time

I will follow you

this time

I am brave enough to

let it happen

I am writing this,

doing this,

getting down for you

at least

that's what I am trying to

and I don't know

what will happen the next morning

I don't know

who will read this,

but their texts

won't get an answer

I am leaving,

I am leaving for you

and

I am sorry,

but

that's what I needed to say