sober.

there are times for you

to talk about specific things

there are months when

you keep quiet

and I

I was loving what I had with you,

even if it meant nothing

and I

to be honest

always knew the truth,

that I meant nothing

it was so easy

I was living in spring

still can't believe what happened,

not a single thing from

saying "I love you",

from giving no response,

from not knowing what's true,

from holding on too long

I loved for years

the same non existing things,

I tried for years

to avoid what demi sings,

I try and I try and I try and I try and I try,

but it's not that easy being on your own,

without you by my side

I always told you

that you're strong,

but there are things

I never mentioned,

stories I didn't offer to

whisper you to sleep,

poems I never wrote

for you to read

and

I can't fight it anymore

you know about therapy,

about boys and girls

and what people did to me,

you know that I'm struggling

and

I'm pushing away

what I try to save,

I'm looking for distance

cause I really want to stay

it's confusing, but

there are things you don't know

and

it's not that I wouldn't trust you

you're my person

that's what you are, was, hopefully will always be

it's just

I lose myself in these words

and you know

I fight for so long

I'm not sober too,

not talking about alcohol...

I'm ashamed

I don't feel like a diamond anymore

and you told me

I've been acting selfish

while not talking to you,

when all I've tried to do

was to don't mess it up with you

funny story

telling what I feel

and rushing away just the other day,

stupid thing

trying to be what I just can't,

trying to be brave

until I can't stand what's happening

that's it

that's my final point

I made mistakes,

maybe making it right now

and I'm sorry for disappointing

the ones who loved me

I'm sorry for high hopes they had

for telling me how happy I seem

and

now I can't meet a mirror without leaving tears

I know

it's hard for you too

I know

you've tried more than once to be there for me

maybe

there are times for us

to talk about specific things,

cause

the last months

I just kept quiet

so

I'm sorry I'm not sober anymore

I know you'd never leave me,

but there's one thing left for sure

- I never played a single thing about us, about my life and what I love

there is just too much going on

things you can't excuse

and it was before your time

it's just

better call me when it's over,

cause I really try to save what's left