thirty six

I wake up from my nap in the car when the road starts getting bumpier, and I get shaken by a particularly big one.

"Sorry, I try to avoid them but it's kinda impossible," Adrian tells me softly and I nod in understanding, stretching and yawning a bit, before settling down again and start watching the scenery passing by.

It's not all too different from ours at home, but the forest is more open, and there's a lot more sunshine shining through the trees than it did back at the hut or in the pack.

"It's pretty, right?" Levi asks, and I nod, wishing Tristan could be here.

He almost had a heart attack when I told him I'd be away for two days, and I just laughed at him, but I wish he was here too.

"When are we gonna be there?" I ask, and Levi and Adrian look at each other, before Levi turns around to look at me.

"We're gonna make a... quick stop somewhere before if that's alright?" he asks, the excitement in his voice clear as a day, but there's also nervousness.

"Uh, yeah, sure," I answer, and Levi smiles again, before turning back to the road.

Soon the forest becomes less and less dense, and you can already see a clearing from afar, and I frown, wondering what they're up to.

Soon there are no trees in sight anymore, and Adrian stops the car at a fence, where yellowish grass is growing all around it, making it impossible to see what's behind it.

"Where are we?" I ask, confused, but they jsut share a look again, and a frustrated sigh escapes my lips.

"Why don't you see for yourself," Adrian just comments dryly, and I almost roll my eyes, but decide to do as he says for once.

As soon as the air hits my face, my eyes widen, and I hop towards the fence, only to stop once I see where we're at.

Adrian and Levi stop right beside me, and I know they're not looking at the view, but at me.

"You brought me to the sea?" I ask them, somehow out of breath, and when both of them just nod sheepishly, I can't help but jump up and pull the both of them in a hug.

"I can't fucking believe you guys," I whisper in excitement, and they chuckle, but before they can react to my hug, I'm already letting them go again to look at the ocean once more.

My wolf is practically bouncing from eagerness, and he urges me to just jump over the fence and run straight into the water, but I hesitate, and turn towards my mates.

"Can I, uh, go for a swim? I know we're here on a... mission-"

"Of course, you can Rafael. That's why we brought you here," Adrian tells me with a soft look in his eyes, and my face lights up in excitement, and I'm all ready to jump over the fence, but turn around to look at them again.

"Thank you," I tell them sincerely, my heart warm because of their simple idea, and Levi beams at me, while Adrian just nods with a content look on his face.

"Come on," Levi urges, and the both of us start climbing the fence and running off toward the sea.

Mid-run I lose all my clothes and when there's only my underwear left, I run into to water, the cold not stopping me one bit. Levi is hot on my heel, and soon we're in the water, splashing water at each other like little kids.

Suddenly he jumps at me and tries to pull me underwater, but instead, he just slips awkwardly, making me laugh loudly.

"Holy fuck it's freezing," he complains almost immediately when he comes up again and I just smirk, spraying as much water on him as I can.

"You'll get that back!" he threatens, but I just stick my tongue out at him, like a child, when suddenly he starts smirking devilishly and before I can react, there are already arms wrapped around me, pulling me down into the water with them.

Of course, it's Adrian, and when I dive up, pushing my hair out of my eyes, I just glare at him.

"What? Is it too cold for the princess?"

My eyes form into slits, but he doesn't falter, and soon I'm clinging onto him, trying to push him into the water, just like he did to me a moment ago.

Keyword: try, because he won't budge, and after a few minutes, I give up, the pout on my face evident.

"Not fair," I mutter, and they just laugh at me, before Levi announces that he's getting cold and leaves me and Adrian alone in the water.

Only then do I seem to realize, that both of them are only in their underwear and I was just touching both of them, and then I realize that I'm in my underwear too, and I freeze involuntarily.

"Rafael?" Adrian asks, sensing that something must be bothering me, but I just shake my head, my arms sneaking around myself, thinking about all the scars littering my body.

It's not that I'm ashamed of them, but it's just a reminder of all the damaged parts inside of me. The scars on my body show all the rotten parts of me. The only difference is that the scars healed, they eventually faded... the scars inside of me, never really felt like scars, but wounds.

Wounds with stitches that keep getting ripped open and open and open and never fucking heal.

"Rafael," Adrian hums, and pulls me out of my thoughts, pulls my morbid gaze away from the scars, pulls me closer to him by the waist.

Oh. Oh.

His touch makes me shiver. From the cold, from the way he touches me so gently, what difference does it make?

I shiver, and his thumb starts rubbing soothing circles on my waist and I just look at him, his dark eyes, his hair that's dripping droplets on his face. Almost on instinct, I wipe a drop away, that trickles into his eyes.

He hums at the contact, his eyes an airiness to them I haven't seen in a long time.

"The scars on your body mean that you were stronger than whatever it was that had tried to hurt you,"  he tells me softly, and I pull my hand away from his face, shaking my head no because it's not true.

Almost immediately he puts his hands on my cheeks, so I stop and just look at him with wide eyes.

"They don't make you any less beautiful," he tells me so sincerely, that my heart suddenly starts beating ten times faster than before.

"You're so corny," I whisper, and he just shakes his head, the action why water drips from his hair onto my face. He follows the sight of a drop, that's slowly running down my face, to my lips, and I swallow harshly when he doesn't look away from them.

"May I?" he asks, his thumb swiping softly across my lower lip, and I nod, unable to form any words or any thoughts, really.

His lips barely brush mine, before I press mine onto his more firmly, but the kiss is still as soft as ever.

It ends as soon as it began, but he leaves his forehead on mine, and for a moment I close my eyes, just enjoying the peaceful moment.

I can never get enough of those.

"I feel left out," Levi suddenly screams from the shore and me and Adrian part, and when I see Levi standing there wrapped in a blanket with a pout on his face I can't help but let out a chuckle.

"Idiot," Adrian grumbles, but his lips are twitching, and I just look at him for a moment, before averting my gaze, unconsciously touching my lips with my fingertips.

"Can I go for a swim?" I ask Adrian, when I shake myself out of it, and he's already looking at me, so he just nods, and I nod too, and we just stare at each other, before Levi interrupts us again.

"Isn't this awkward?" he asks, and Adrian growls a little, to which Levi's eyes widen, and I another laugh escapes me when Adrian starts running toward him and Levi screams like a little kid.

I watch them for a while, something inside of me warming at the sight of them laughing in the sand when Adrian finally caught up to him and wrestles him to the ground.

Soon I turn around though, and dive into the cold, my mind shutting up almost immediately when I'm underwater.

Oh, how I love the sea.

*

I'm floating on the surface of the water, my eyes closed, when something cold drips on me, and when I open my eyes I realize how dark the sky has become.

Soon, there are more drops falling onto me, and then there's Adrian's voice, calling me, telling me to come out of the water.

I do, even if only reluctantly, knowing that I won't be coming back here any time soon.

"Here," Adrian comes up to me, handing me a towel, and I wrap myself up in it, following him up to the car.

I'm ruffling my hair when he climbs over the fence, but I halt in my steps when I pull the towel off my head, and see them standing next to the jeep with almost timid or bashful looks on their faces.

"W-what is this?" I ask dumbly, looking at all the blankets and pillows they put into the trunk, along with sandwiches and fruits, and other things.

I climb over the fence when the rain starts getting heavier, and pull them under the trunk door, so they don't get wet again.

"We, uh, wanted to do something nice for you," Levi explains, and I look back into the trunk, then at them, and at the trunk again, and my shoulders slump.

"You don't need to do this. You have more important things going on-"

"We do. Need to do this, I mean," Levi interrupts, and then looks to Adrian for help, probably afraid of not finding the right words. He's always afraid of not finding the right words.

"You're our mate Rafael. And making things right with you is more important to us," he clarifies, his voice nothing but sincere, and Levi starts nodding vigorously, which almost makes me smile.

Almost, because there's a sudden lump in my throat, that I try to swallow, so I just nod, afraid my voice will break if I speak.

"Come on," Levi tells me softly as if knowing that if I speak right now, I might break down, pushing me towards the car a little.

I hesitate, my heart beating loudly in my ears because for some reason this doesn't feel real at all, "just, let me change real quick."

I tell him, sounding breathless, and I take my clothes that are neatly folded from the trunk.

When I'm out of sight, I let out a deep breath, only now noticing I was holding my breath, trying to calm myself down.

I hate this feeling. This feeling that when something good happens for once in your life, you start questioning it to the point where it doesn't feel real anymore.

A dream you're about to wake up from, reality crashing down on you, realizing that none of it was real.

My wolf yips worriedly in my head, and I close my eyes, taking deep breaths in, and deep breaths out, when I feel a presence appearing beside me.

"You okay?" Adrian asks, his voice serious, the concern in his eyes visible. He doesn't try to comfort me with touch, which I'm grateful for. I can react badly to it, especially when in the wrong headspace.

When I look at him, I frown, because now he's getting wet from all the rain again.

"Yeah, just... needed a minute. You're getting all wet again" I tell him, motioning to his grey hoodie that slowly starts getting dark spots, but he ignores me, studies me for a few moments instead, probably to check if I'm lying or not.

"Is this too much?" he asks, the hesitance in his voice baffling me, "we wanted to take it slow, but maybe this-"

"This is perfect," I interrupt him, a somber sigh escaping my lips, "I'm just not used to..."

"...nice things?" he tries, and I nod, even if it isn't just about being used to nice things.

A stricken look crosses his face, but I shake my head, "No, today we're not going to... feel bad about anything. Let's just enjoy this, yeah?"

When he wants to protest, I give him a look that makes him sigh, but he turns around and walks back to the car eventually, so I can change into the dry, warm clothes.

I notice it's not my hoodie, and by the smile that spread across Levi's face when he sees me in it, I'm guessing it's his. Also by the jealous, but at the same time content look on Adrian's face, which he's wearing way too often lately.

"Okay?" he whispers, when I start climbing into the truck, making myself comfortable with all the pillows and blankets, and when I turn towards him, I whisper a small but audible okay.

And for the first time in a long time, it is not even a lie.

yes, they kissed, believe it or not. say thank you for the long chapter (you're welcome)