Chapter 19: Confessions

Before going to sleep, I picked up a rock from the ground and took it with me.

"I will not hurt you," assured Sirius when he saw my action.

"Sorry, but I've heard you say that before," I replied angrily.

"I won't hurt you, Marien," he insisted. "Besides, that wouldn't stop me."

"You underestimate me, Sirius."

He sighed heavily.

"Yeah, I guess..."

He sat at the foot of a tree. He would surely be alert all night in case Orion was chasing us. I remembered that he had not eaten anything, so I took a milk bottle and gave it to him. It took me a lot of willpower.

"Assuming, of course, that you really like it and it wasn't another lie."

He gave me a severe gaze, but something else in his eyes indicated resignation, accepting my attacks without complaint. I went back to my spot to sleep.

"I don't like it as much as I like you..."

I looked at him, surprised after feeling the jump of my aching heart when hearing him say that. Had he really said it?

Sirius looked at the floor with his legs bent and forearms on his knees. He was holding the bottle in one hand.

"That was what saved you from them and me, that I liked you since I saw you," he murmured.

My heart raced. Was he declaring his love for me or whatever he felt? Weren't they supposed not to know about it? Although perhaps it was evident that he knew at least about liking something or someone.

"All my life, I was trained to hate humans. My tutor trained me since I was a boy because it was a matter of honor. He said I belonged to him and filled my mind with ideas about you all. And for a time, I believed it. Seeing that Orion's ideas had influenced me, my father told me I deserved to be his son." He seemed sad about it. "I would have preferred to be like him and not like Orion, but I grew up respecting him. That happens, I suppose, when someone has been around since you were little. But I still don't understand... Why did I betray them for you? I betrayed people who have been with me almost all my life... because of you."

"Well, you shouldn't have if you knew you couldn't."

"I was going to be able to. I was determined to clean up my mother's honor. The mission was easy. Winning the trust of Doctor Ramos and bringing her circumstances helped, and I had to get rid of anyone who got in the way." He paused slightly. "But as soon as I saw you... You seemed the most fragile and innocent creature I had ever seen; you didn't seem to be what Orion had described, and you seemed concerned about me, risking yourself as well." He frowned. "A thousand times, I thought about disappearing and coming to be killed, but I could not get away from you. I couldn't leave you." He ran his hand through his hair in frustration. "I don't understand. I feel that if something happens to you, I will die just like that... This cannot be good or normal..." I noticed the anguish on his face. "You have no idea what you're causing me. What did you do to me?"

As I supposed, he could feel love but found no explanation of what it was. I felt a lot of sadness because I still couldn't forgive him, and now, I was dying to be able to do it, forget, and run to him to explain and tell him what I also felt. But I was scared.

"I did nothing. If you don't figure it out yourself, there is nothing to explain."

"Well, I like you more than chocolate or hunting. I appreciate you as someone very close, but at the same time, it is very different. I was happy when you showed preference towards me, smiled at me, hugged me, and kissed me on the cheek... When..." He looked at me, somewhat embarrassed. "When you gave me that strange kiss on the lips... I... You made me fly. What was it?"

I blushed more than I was, remembering that kiss, and stopped looking at him.

"Forget that happened, Sirius."

I heard him sigh in frustration and turned my gaze to him.

"You can call me Anthony again."

"No, thanks. That was never your name, so it is irrelevant. It was your invention, and that kiss was my farewell to him." He wanted to say something, but I continued. "Now I'm with someone I don't know."

"Don't tell me that, please... But I understand you don't believe me, and I deserve it. I like that name too, and I don't feel attached to my real name."

"What if your little plan didn't work, and I died? Huh?"

His gaze became severe.

"I would have launched myself to kill them. Although that was suicide, I wouldn't have minded. I have been trained to kill, and although they have not allowed me to do it because it also dirties your honor, I will do it if something happens to you."

"Ha, what a solution."

I stopped looking at him and got comfortable to sleep. After a few seconds, he broke the silence.

"Farewell..." he murmured almost in a whisper. "Don't say goodbye to me. I'm still me."

"I've also heard that before," I answered without looking at him.

"Can I hope you'll say goodbye to Sirius when I drop you off in the capital?"

I didn't answer. I didn't want to lie to him because I wanted to kiss him. That feeling was not gone, but I still felt a lot of pain. I fell asleep again right away from exhaustion.

***

When I opened my eyes, I saw something blurred. I could only detect darkness around me, so I blinked to clear my vision. I was in the cell, emptiness reigning in me and breaking through. I tightened my chest, and the anguish devoured me. Had I had the most authentic and happiest dream of all?

"No... no, NO!" I exclaimed as I curled up on the mattress.

I sat down and looked around, started to cry, and clenched my teeth so as not to make so much noise. Orion burst into the cell abruptly and threw a bloody corpse at my side.

"OH, GOD!" I screamed with a crying voice while covering my eyes.

"There goes another day," he said.

"No, this can't be happening!" I cried.

I was screaming, and someone was shaking me. I woke up suddenly and could recognize those flashing eyes, full of concern, in the dim light of the half-moon.

"Anthony!" I screamed and launched myself at him, hugging him tightly and crying uncontrollably. I buried my face by his neck, holding on tighter. "Anthony, my Anthony!" I sobbed. "Don't let me go back there, please! Don't let me go back there! Don't let me come back, don't let me come back..." I asked, wrapped in tears.

He was holding me tight, too, and stroking my hair.

"Don't worry, everything is fine," he whispered. "I'm here. I won't leave you. Nothing is going to hurt you."

"Don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave me..." I kept sobbing against his neck, almost senseless and non-stop.

He lifted me, carrying me in his arms, and I let myself be enveloped by his aroma and heat. When I became conscious again, I noticed we were under the tree. He had me surrounded and imprisoned against his chest.

I calmed down little by little under his caresses, which gently stripped me of sobs and tremors. I realized that that had been a dream, a nightmare. He really had taken me out of there. I looked askance around me. We were in the woods in the middle of the night. Now, we were far from that horrible prison.

I ended up falling asleep again.

***

I felt the slight heat of the sun filter through the tree's leaves. A soft caress slowly traveled my cheek. After a few seconds, a mischievous finger played with a lock of my hair. The dry forest stood before my vision. With another new caress on my cheek, I tilted my face and buried my nose in his chest.

"We must continue," he said softly and tenderly.

I sighed and settled back into his lap, turning my body and looking forward; he still had his arms around me.

"Sorry about last night. It was a nightmare," I explained. "It won't happen again."

He held me close to his body and ran his nose through my hair near my ear.

"Forgive me. This is my fault," he replied.

I looked at my hands, ashamed of my heart beating so fast and insistent.

"You are not forgiven yet," I whispered.

"That's fine." He laid his cheek on my shoulder. "I think I don't want to get out of your life," he murmured.

"I'll turn you over to the security guys then," I murmured in response.

He shuddered with a short, silent laugh. Maybe I was very prideful, and I didn't care. I felt safe but feared this was still some other kind of lie. Perhaps I would sink into madness.

I stood up. He let me out of his lap without objecting. I gave him another milk bottle, the last one, and we got ready to continue.

I walked, frustrated. How come I ended up sleeping with him again? I and my silly dreams! But this new trauma was his fault.

I crossed my arms as I walked.

"How are we from the capital?" I wanted to know.

"We're pretty close, maybe one day."

"Wow, finally!" I waited a few more seconds and then decided to speak, "So, your plan was always to get to the lab where I was and protect me along the way to take me to your prison alive."

He frowned.

"It sounds pretty bad if you say it like that... But yeah, my target was the lab."

"So, at first, you pretended you liked me."

"No."

I sighed.

"Well, to summarize... tell me what you pretended and what you didn't."

He smiled and raised an eyebrow.

"I told you everything you had to know."

"From what I heard, Altair would have killed me if it hadn't been you."

"Probably."

"Thanks, I guess," I lamented.

"Don't think that everyone is cruel. You may think I am defending my species, but no. They are hurt. Still, they don't have to act that way. Orion is known in my city for doing such things; they are supposedly concerned with preventing human attacks. In addition to being recognized as one of his men, I could meet humans and satisfy my curiosity. You know, my whims."

"I see..."

He gave a slight laugh, and I couldn't help but smile, but I didn't let him see me.

"When I first saw you, it was a hard blow. Because I realized right away that maybe I wouldn't be able to do it, that wasn't me. I had left my mother in danger and everything I knew. And if I quit the mission, they would kill me, punish my mother, and send someone else for you."

"So, you stayed," I whispered.

"And because I like you." I was starting to blush, damn it. "Although at first I didn't want to believe you were good, and I tried to convince myself that you were only pretending as Orion had warned me, and I was doing my best for my people if I took you." He looked at me, and I took my eyes away so they didn't meet his.

"Now, you will still be hunted to death," I murmured, hiding my concern.

"Yes. Well, first, he has to speak to the elderly leaders who, of course, will approve of my death."

I sighed. In the capital, I could keep him safe...

"So... Sirius, huh?" I settled, smiling.

After seeing me smile at him, he offered me a splendid smile, so I looked straight ahead.

"I know. Our names are rare," he apologized.

"Sirius is the name of a star, from Latin. It is one of the brightest in the night sky. I like it."

He kept a slight smile.

"Orion told me it came from the Greek word 'Seirios,' which means cruel, and he also liked that this star was nearby the Orion constellation like I almost was his son," he laughed a little. "What irony."

"Hmm... Interesting."

His countenance changed, and now he was serious again.

"But forget about it. I already said that you could keep calling me Anthony. Last night, you did, and I liked it."

"But it's not your..."

"It's me," he insisted.

"Yes. I understand that it is you, but I accept your real name."

"I just want you to feel that I am still me, that I have not changed, nor am I someone else, that's why."

"I know. I haven't forgiven you for lying to me, but it's you, right? You say you weren't pretending with me, so you're still you. I understand why you did it."

He looked at me with some doubt, smiled slightly relieved, and shook his head.

"Well, well... If you are ok with that."

"I am," I assured, feeling it really. We continued walking in silence until I spoke again, "Can I call you both ways?" I asked. "It's not that I feel you are someone different; I just don't know... just out of habit, I'd like to call you both ways. Sure, if you like."

He smiled.

"I like it."

I smiled, too.

After a few minutes, he took out the music player and handed me an earpod. I suddenly felt a little nostalgic. I smiled at him and approached. The hours were easy to spend with him by my side.

He was still the same. Although with what I now knew about him, I was surprised and, at the same time, somewhat fearful since he was also wild; his nature was given like that. A predator capable of freezing with his expressionless gaze.

As we walked together, my hand brushed briefly against his. My heart was pounding. I put my hand back, this time voluntarily, moved it a bit more, and weaved my fingers with his. He looked at me, smiling sweetly.

He was still him, sometimes meek and sweet as a cat and sometimes a fierce predator like a lion... And I still loved him, but our worlds and cultures were different.

***

At noon, Sirius was alert to see if he could sniff out any possible prey to hunt down. I loved seeing him so focused. He had that calculating look, seeing around. He strolled forward, leaving the backpack on the ground. I sat on a rock to not cause noises that could scare away whatever he had seen or smelled.

A deer peered out of a tall bush in the distance.

"Can you handle that one? It's big. We don't need that much," I commented.

"Yes, and if it is big, at least it will make me chase it for a while. Maybe it will guide me towards some smaller ones," he said with satisfaction, making me chuckle. He looked around, somewhat worried. "Don't stay away from me, please," he added.

He started to move towards the deer. I stood up and followed him when he was already at a moderate distance. Maybe he could smell something closer, more wild animals, which worried him.

He stayed still when the deer looked up. I tried to do the same, but, oh dear, humans were not suitable for this.

He took a few more steps and shot out like a bullet, making me jump with surprise. The deer looked up and ran, kicking up dust in its despair.

He was close to reaching it when I saw him turn his face towards some trees, and instantly, a female EH came out, ramming him. I worried she would fight him and started running. I was surprised that the girl left him on the ground and ran after the deer while Anthony quickly stood up and resumed his pursuit.

I kept getting closer. Maybe he knew her. How was that possible? Ugh, but of course, it was possible. He had a life in his town, right?

Anthony caught up with her immediately, but she shoved him, and he returned it. The deer turned sharply, causing them both to skid onto the ground. Anthony took advantage of this and stepped forward. The deer was coming in my direction.

The stranger jumped on Anthony, and they both fell and rolled on the ground. I barely heard him laugh. Then, I realized that the deer was already a few feet from me, and I let out a scream because, in a few seconds, it passed by my side. At that exact moment, Anthony rammed it, the girl did the same, and the animal fell to the ground. She launched herself at it.

I looked aside; I didn't want to see the poor thing die. Anthony stood up, leaving her with the animal, and approached me, staying between her and me, perhaps to protect me from any attack. I worried.