Chapter 45: Being Alive Again

Sirius' POV

I saw the plants flash by because of the speed of the truck I was in. I detected a slight movement out of the corner of my eye and snapped my head around immediately. It was Marien adjusting her hair a little. She stared at me with fear, but I didn't know why.

Although I didn't want her to be scared, I felt the same. I was afraid that everything would disappear and that it would be another hallucination. The tiredness was winning, but it would kill me to sleep and not see her when I woke up. I took a deep breath after gasping for air. Panic arising.

It started to rain, and the sensation of the water falling on me began to calm my anguish. The soft patter of the drops on my skin brought me back to reality again and again as my dazed, bustling mind couldn't stay focused.

I looked at the sky and the drops, now falling with more force and abundance. I smiled faintly, feeling it was becoming less and less like another nightmare caused by that machine, and I slid down to lean against the edge of the truck pickup box...

...My eyelids became heavy...

A scream in my mind jolted me awake. I looked at Marien and was relieved to see her still there.

I breathed again.

"Come here, or I won't be able to close my eyes peacefully," I told her.

She was surprised, and although for a second I thought I had scared her more, I saw her cheeks turn pink. My aching heart raced. How I missed that! She came, practically throwing herself at me, and I cradled her against my body. Her scent calmed me, and her warmth comforted me. She settled down next to me and wrapped her arms around my waist.

"My love," she whispered, filling me with joy.

She had not called me that in those horrendous hallucinations. I rubbed my nose against her forehead and locked to the sky again.

***

I growled lowly at a slight shake. I stopped feeling her warm body pressed against mine and reacted, opening my eyes immediately. I stood up straight and looked around—my town?

I rubbed my face a little.

"What? Are we here already? I asked in a sleepy voice. How long had I slept?

"Yes. Go home, you need to rest," Ursa spoke.

I jumped down and extended my arms to Marien to help her. She leaned on my shoulders, a little trembling and weak, so I took her by her waist and lowered her slowly. I could feel her. Her clothes were soaked from the rain that had already stopped, but besides that, she felt... light.

"You weigh less."

"Probably," she murmured, embarrassed.

The door opened, and my mother looked out.

"Sirius," she said with a sigh of relief.

"Mother."

She came and grabbed my face to kiss me on the forehead, which also comforted me.

"You're here," she sighed and looked at everyone present, barely smiling. "Please come in. I'll cook something for dinner. Make yourself comfortable."

However, I heard the others saying goodbye because they had been away from home for a long time. I barely said my goodbyes, as I was careful not to lose Marien's hand clinging to mine.

Ursa and Symphony looked at me in a somewhat intense way. It must have been because of the situation I had been in. I had worried them all, but at least I was back... I think.

My mother gave Max a container with food for his return trip. He thanked her and handed Marien her backpack, finally saying goodbye too.

"Don't take long to come back. There are pending businesses," he added before walking out the door and disappearing.

"Uh, where's Sirius stuff?" Marien asked suddenly.

"I put them back where they belong," my mother replied. "I heard what you said to Ursa and decided to respect your wishes."

"Thank you."

I reacted, remembering that she was probably referring to the rule ordering the taking and burning of traitors' belongings.

I looked at my beloved with a slight smile. She had objected to them doing that, no doubt.

"That's my Marien," I murmured proudly, seeing her still-tired expression shining with happiness.

"So..." Mom sounded cheerful, which also made me happy. "What would you like me to cook for you?"

I heard the characteristic noise of hunger in my girl's stomach.

"Don't worry," I said. Mom must have been very distressed. I wanted her to rest. "I'll take care of it. The truth is I'm dead tired, and I want to sleep."

She smiled, relieved to see me, and nodded, turning around and going to her room. I sighed and turned to see Marien.

"Would you like something to eat?" I asked her as I gently pulled her by the hand, leading her to the kitchen.

"Anything. I'm hungry..."

"I know," I smiled, "I could hear your stomach."

"Oh... sorry!" She blushed.

My smile widened when I saw her red; I came back to life little by little, and the next thing I was aware of was that she had clung to my neck and was kissing me with great passion. The sensation of her lips was like an explosion of sweetness and softness, intensity and heat, things I had not felt in... perhaps an eternity.

She moaned as we devoured each other. Her soft, delicious mouth and her bites made me shudder. I felt like my body was starting to come alive with our electricity.

A warm drop wet my cheek, making me slowly move away from her. She was crying, and it made me sad.

I gently wiped away her tears.

"Don't cry," I whispered.

She nodded quickly.

"Don't leave me again, or I'll die," she asked with a broken voice.

I hugged her tightly and let out a sigh.

"Forgive me..."

I had hurt her so much. I had broken her inside. She had thought I had died and had felt that horrible thing that I felt when I saw her fall. I imagined that torture.

Although, I was going to die anyway if they didn't get me out of there. I was going to leave her like this in this world, alone and destroyed. Luckily, it hadn't had to be that way after all. The heat of her body comforted me.

Her stomach rumbled again, and I released her.

"We'll eat quickly to sleep."

I started searching the shelves and the freezer. I took bread and steak. I put it to heat over the fire in the clay pot and opened the bread wrapped in thin paper. It was a round, flat bread that the bakers made for our people.

Marien suddenly came over and helped me, making me smile at her curious reaction.

We made some sandwiches with the meat but then ate what was left of the pot. Marien took her backpack, and we walked along the corridor with large openings to the main garden.

I wanted to go to my room, but I saw that Dad had already finished the one he said he would build for us, so I guided Marien toward that new section of the house next to the second garden area.

"You use the bathroom first. I'll wait for you," she said.

"No, I'm fine; you should put on dry clothes. Come on," I insisted since she was in those wet clothes. I kissed her forehead. "Don't worry about me. I'll go to the other shower."

After a sigh, she accepted, and I left her to hurry to the shower next to where the chickens were. It didn't matter. As I walked, I saw my house, breathed in its aroma, and observed the silent gardens. Nothing seemed to have changed, just me. I felt like I was very different now, and I was hurt inside and out.

I turned on the water, and the sound it made when it hit the stone floor was distant, but it comforted me again when I entered under it. I took a deep breath and gasped from the cold. It awakened my senses, my brain that little by little had been silencing and finding peace.

I let the water finish cleaning my blood-stained skin. I could see that many of the scars I thought I had were undoubtedly not there. They never existed. Including the ones Marien and the twins did to me in those hallucinations... Part of what I experienced had been nightmares. Horrendous, but not real, after all.

I returned to the room, and Marien was still in the shower.

I sighed, still feeling a lot of heaviness in my eyes. My head hurt. I lay down on the bed and ran my hand over the fabric, playing with the sheet wrinkle, perhaps to quietly make sure that the textures were real and that I wasn't lost in my mind.

My body hurt. The wounds that remained throbbed at times. I was healing, but I was no longer numb, and that's why the pain was present.

I still felt a slight sense of emptiness, like I was barely floating—the loneliness. I had to touch things not to get carried away by those sensations in my brain.

I focused on the falling water from the shower and took a deep breath.

My eyelids were so heavy... So I closed them for a second...

I suddenly woke up and saw Orion with his huge, sinister smile next to me.

My blood pressure dropped, and I felt my heart drop. Desolation and anger flooded me. I was with my hands tied to the sides of a bed. No. No! Mom, Marien! I had them by my side a second ago. It couldn't be!

I growled wildly.

"Stop playing with my mind!" And I did everything possible to keep my voice from breaking as I began to sink into deep madness.

"It's so much fun. Why would I stop doing it?" He mocked.

He took the knife, and I started trying to free myself. I thought I was stronger, but no, my body was still injured, just as it was before everything. He approached and raised the weapon, ready to stab me.

"No!..." I pulled on the rope, but it didn't break. "No, no!"

"... My love...!" Marien's sweet voice and a shake made me wake up scared.

I was left with my eyes wide open, gasping. I was in the silent room in my house, and the aroma proved it to me. I sighed deeply and turned, covering my forehead with my arm.

A nightmare. One more second and my world was going to fall apart...

Marien looked at me with concern.

"Sorry. I scared you," I whispered, feeling the chill of the nightmare leaving, albeit reluctantly.

"You didn't," she spoke immediately. "Well, a little, but don't worry."

I took another deep breath, trying to relax, coming back to reality.

I felt her soft caress on my face and closed my eyes. I put my hand on top of hers, pressed it against my skin, and smiled just a little. I needed her touch. I needed to remember again and again that this was reality and the rest were just dreams. Her hand slid to my chest. My breathing had already calmed.

Hopefully, she was beginning to differentiate dreams from what was real, and some things about my captivity were becoming clear.

"You know?... In my nightmares, you didn't call me love."

She gently played with her fingers on my skin, helping me clear my head.

"Is that why you asked me why I called you that?" she asked, and I nodded. "It must be because they didn't know I called you that, and that's why they didn't use it." She kissed my cheek, shooting off that explosion of sweetness.

"What a special word."

"My Anthony..." She began to give me short kisses on my cheek, and I turned my face so that they fell on my lips, making her smile and continue. "How did they put you there?" she asked, whispering, studying my expression, perhaps fearing to make me uncomfortable, but nothing from her could cause me harm.

They were no longer nightmares. She was my Marien. That good and adorable young woman, the one who loved me, the one who wouldn't hurt me. I took her hand, which was still resting on my skin.

"Because no matter what they did to me or how many days passed, I didn't pray for my death... So they put me on that machine. I already knew what was coming, but anyway. In that machine, you end up getting lost, and if you don't go crazy, you end up dying from starvation... And, well, you know we take a long time to die."

"Forgive me," she said with sudden anguish, "I took too long to come for you. Forgive me, I'm so sorry!"

"Hey." I gently took her face. "Don't worry. Thank you for coming."

"I came to see if I could get revenge too. I wanted to go and burn those old leaders' things."

...Huh?

"Y-you... were going to burn their things?" Just imagining her trying while the elders chased her made me laugh, albeit softly. Suddenly, my head stopped hurting, and I felt happy again. She wrapped her arm around me, leaning against my chest. I turned to be face-to-face with her. Having her by my side helped me a lot more. "Orion didn't have the elder's permission," I explained. "They had already forgiven me, so to avoid ruining his reputation and prestige with his new recruits, he went to appeal, but the elders were taking their time. That's why they didn't kill me right away."

"I'm sorry. I should have come earlier."

"I'm fine. I'm already at your side," I calmed her down, kissing the tip of her red nose.

I caressed her arm, noticing the bandages. I sighed as it sadly assured me that I was not dreaming and that she was hurt for coming to find me. I was going to take it out on the one who hurt her.

I moved my hand down, trying to forget my anger. I made my usual journey over her body, caressing her up to her waist. Her skin was as soft as I remembered, warm, and... uncovered?

I knit my eyebrows together in confusion as my eyes checked her out.

"You are... naked..."

She smiled shyly and clung closer to me. My heart began to race, and it felt like breaking through a crust of pain to be free. Marien brushed her nose with mine. I tilted my face and touched her lips. My hand continued to travel down her thigh, and I gently pulled it, making her cross her leg over my waist.

We kissed, strong, soft, and intense at the same time. I needed to feel her and forget everything. I really needed it.

I turned and covered her with my body, started going down, running my mouth over her shapes, devouring her, licking, gasping, sucking, and growling like an out-of-control beast. I needed to get intoxicated by the aroma of her wet skin, her softness, her warmth. She curled against me, moaning, pulling at my hair, and I devoured her with more passion.

She tried to pull down my pants, so I clumsily helped her. She smiled and pulled me back to claim my mouth again. I joined her, enjoying every second. I was desperate for feeling.

Her hot body shot away the bad memories, the pain, the noise in my mind. Her breath filled me, her gasps, her joy. This was my paradise.

I let her kisses heal me like a balm. She took me to heaven. Her naughty hands touched and squeezed me with urgency.

I trusted that Dad had used that material that he once told me didn't let sounds come out, but still, the glimpse of consciousness lasted a couple of seconds before I lost myself in the enjoyment of making love to her, in the sensation more pleasant, intense, and delicious that existed.

She gasped against my mouth, gave me a short kiss, muffled a soft moan, and smiled full of life. She looked more than satisfied.

"Wow..." I whispered. My mind was blank, and there was nothing better than that.

She kissed me again and ran the tip of her tongue over my bottom lip, making me smile. She played with my lips with her naughty tongue some more.

The pleasure had driven away the pain. It was true. Not only did the adrenaline or fury numb my body, but so did the pleasure. Love.

I looked at her; she was so beautiful and relaxed. She had no doubt been like me, wanting to ensure this was all reality. Yes, it was real. There were no more bad dreams. We were here together, and we had made love. My whole body was beating with happiness.

"Hey," I reacted, "Now that I remember, I haven't seen you take any pills. You know, that one."

She chuckled and nuzzled my chest.

"Well, before all this happened, I took the one that worked for a month." She shrugged.

"Oh..." A slight disappointment. Suddenly, my body had been too excited about the idea. Maybe it was part of what they called a sense of survival, instinct, although I doubted it. The satisfaction and fulfillment I felt when being and finishing inside her was much more than a mere instinct. The idea had attracted me before. I wanted a family with her because I loved her. "Are you sure it's good for you to take something that stops normal processes in your body?"

She laughed again and sighed.

"Don't worry; I'll drop it at some point." She kissed me, tentatively adding, "To have a baby as beautiful as you."

That made me smile widely. Yes. I wanted that, too. My body screamed for me to have a child with this beautiful, smart woman. It was as if each of my cells had chosen her to have my offspring. I would do it.

I stared at her and noticed the red tip of her nose again. I reacted.

"I'll bring you clothes before you get sick," I hurried.

However, she immediately refused, holding me back.

"No, don't get away from me. I'm fine," she asked, fearing, like me, that she would stop feeling me. "Stay here."

And without hesitation, I obeyed. I cradled her against my body and sighed. I understood how she felt and didn't want it to continue like this. I would be by her side as long as she needed.