Finding a Purpose

MAX

Three months have slipped by since I brought Estella back home.

It’s been a rough ride for both of us—sharing the same roof while she’s trying to keep her distance and me struggling to earn her trust.

I know I deserve this, and in some ways, I don’t mind.

But she does.

Her wolf gave her a tough time at first, especially when I was away, and we still butt heads several times a day.

Well, she fights, and I try not to make things worse because everything I say can and will be used against me. I don’t always succeed in being patient with her, but I manage to soothe her most times.

The only time I really lost my cool was when she confessed that she had spoken with Delta before we left Eric’s pack.

She was willing to listen to the woman who ripped us apart, but she wouldn’t give me a shred of trust. That stung and infuriated me in equal measure.

“She tried to fix it,” she told me.

“Are you defending her?” I growled.

“No. I’m stating a fact. What she did to me, to us, was shitty, but nobody can come between two people if at least one of them doesn’t leave room for it.

“Delta is a stranger to me, Max. She had the choice to be honest or not because she owed me nothing. But you did owe me.”

“I have explained…”

“Your explanations aren’t enough. Not now, and not for me.

“I get that you were insecure due to the unusual situation you found yourself in, but you almost destroyed me, and this didn’t start with Delta’s lies. It started with yours.”

I had no comeback for that. But I was still seething for the rest of the day. Naturally, my “betrayal,” as she saw it, hurt infinitely more than what Delta did.

Although, to be honest, I can’t accept that it was a full betrayal.

Technically, I hadn’t cheated on her because we weren’t even together when I slept around. It was just that the mating bond didn’t get the memo that she wasn’t really mine yet.

I’m not saying this to justify myself. It’s true. The women I was with before Estella didn’t really count.

They wouldn’t count if I were a human, and I can bet both my arms that she wouldn’t mind because everyone has a past. That’s acceptable in her world, right?

Also, the incident with Delta happened after Estella left me, which, again, wouldn’t really be considered cheating if I wasn’t supernatural because we had supposedly broken up.

She had broken up with me, and through an email, no less.

Again, I’m not shifting the blame onto her because that would be cowardly. I just leave out the “soulmates” crap and take this to her world and what my actions would mean in it.

The fact that we are mates has caused part of this mess. That and my underestimating it, despite knowing some of the consequences after a point.

I tried to explain this to her, but after what she had been through, she wasn’t willing to listen.

Honestly, I don’t know if I would be willing to listen either if I was in her shoes.

I had freaked out when she’d lost her virginity to Laurent, but I’d had to force myself to accept that it was normal, not just for a human, but for a girl her age too.

Moreover, I had pushed her in that direction, while I always knew that she minded my sleeping around. Would I change that if I had the chance?

Probably not.

She was very young when we met, practically a child, and I was never monogamous (before Estella).

But I would have loved to be able to tell her the truth the evening she’d confronted me in the woods. Or during that month we lived happily together.

I wish I could have respected her just one time and confessed before she left for Paris.

None of this would have happened if I had.

There’s no point in regret right now, though. It’s all done.

Estella needs my help. She doesn’t want it, but she needs it, and I’ll do my best to offer it without making her appear or feel weak.

That’s one of the reasons we aren’t sharing a room. She needs her space, so she is staying in the room that was intended as her studio.

She was hesitant to return to the house where everything happened, and I was too, but at my parents’ place, we wouldn’t be able to sleep separately. I want her to have her freedom.

Old habits die hard, you see.

But this time, I am sure I am doing the right thing because she wants the same.

ESTELLA

Getting back in touch with everyone took some time, despite seeing them all almost daily. Especially my aunt and uncle.

After nearly two years away, I had missed many important events in the lives of the people I love.

That attack Delta had mentioned as if it were nothing?

It wasn’t.

Patrick and Eva almost died during it, and Max had been trying to nurse them back to health those days he had failed to call me.

He was so swamped that his phone had died without him noticing.

I couldn’t help but think that everything had worked in Delta’s favor, as if the universe wanted her to be able to support her lie.

I did wonder if the purpose was to teach Max a lesson about what happens when you keep such important secrets or if I had to go through that for some mysterious reason.

Never mind…

The good news, apart from Eva and Patrick being alive and well, was that they caught the guy behind the rogues’ attacks.

It was some alpha named Erol, and he was supposedly part of the alliance. I never met him and never will because he was executed for treason.

Patrick did it himself in front of the other alphas in his alliance.

I will be harsh and say that it served Erol right. He destroyed so many packs, he almost killed three of my friends, and had he found them, he would have killed Patrick’s sons too.

But the boys were hidden in Max’s basement along with Luz, thankfully.

Gaby was expecting a baby, and I hadn’t overlooked that. I made a vow to visit her once I was feeling better, to be there when she welcomed her first child into the world.

Tristan had accompanied her, using the opportunity to rally some allies while she was with me. I only caught a glimpse of him.

As for Bonnie… things hadn’t really shifted much for her during my absence. I ribbed her about still being single, but she claimed she was too preoccupied worrying about me to entertain the idea of a man.

She just didn’t have the energy for it. That’s how she explained it. Aside from that, she reverted back to her usual upbeat self once we cleared the air.

Cal and Sarah had succeeded in making their pack one of the most formidable and respected in the country.

According to Sarah, they weren’t prepared for a second child yet because they were busy building their little empire.

They both invited me to come and live with them, but I told them that, for now, I couldn’t.

I wanted to. I needed to. It would be so beneficial to be around people my own age, to experience a bit of carefree living, even if just for a short while.

But, I wasn’t alone anymore, and… well… the wolf inside me was chattier than I’d expected.

Then again, most of the things that had transpired over the past few years fell into that same unexpected category.

Ever since Max showed up and began looking after me (or should I say us, now?) she wouldn’t stop talking.

Max claimed she wasn’t supposed to be doing that yet, but it seemed our bond remained strong, despite everything.

She was always whispering and murmuring. I could have tuned it out, but it was still irritating. It was like a constant hum in my head.

I wasn’t sure how regular werewolves dealt with it, but it was driving me nuts. I’d always known my thoughts to be my own.

Now, I couldn’t tell where my thoughts and feelings ended, and hers began. She was pressuring me to forgive Max and complete the bond, so she could emerge.

When I’d had enough, I pleaded with her to give me a few days of peace. I needed to rediscover myself.

Strangely, she respected my request, saying she’d dealt with one of my kind before and immediately gave me the space I asked for. Odd. If I’d known all I had to do was ask, I would have done it from the get-go.

The first thing I did after she backed off?

I began to draw. It had been nearly two years since I’d held a pencil. My initial sketches were so rough I almost quit. Almost. But I didn’t.

Like I said, I’ve resolved to never give up on anything in my life again, especially not myself.

It took me a while to get back into the swing of things, and I even sent some of my sketches to Gaby.

As for Max, he was always nearby in some way. Part of me felt secure, and part of me felt annoyed.

His near-constant presence wasn’t helping my current state of confusion, and I had no clue what my feelings for him were anymore.

Or rather, I didn’t know if what I felt for him was my own or the dormant wolf’s who was using me as a host.

Honestly, unlike my wolf, he wasn’t pressuring me at all. He just made sure I was okay. Physically, at least.

He never brought up our situation after that night on the balcony. I was thankful for that. What I struggled with, though, was the pity I saw in his eyes every time he looked at me.

Or I think it was pity.

Regarding my hair.

I’m steadily improving, but they remain the same.

When I asked Eva, she told me it was permanent, and like the scars from silver, the scars from a mate’s betrayal are lifelong. Lucky me!

Luz can’t even stand to look at me. The others are better at pretending, or they just don’t care about it as long as I’m still alive. It makes sense…

The other day, I took a deep breath and stood in front of the mirror for fifteen minutes, coming to terms with my new appearance.

I even chuckled when I thought I looked like Elli, minus the wrinkles.

But then the smile faded from my face when I remembered Patrick mentioning that Max had even traveled to Greece several times to find me.

That meant he had visited Stelios and Elli.

I needed to call them, so I asked Max to give me their number.

Elli wept when she heard my voice. She said she was so worried and heartbroken, as if she had nearly lost one of her own children.

That comment lingered in my mind for days. Nudging me. Prodding me to act until I knew what I had to do.