Chapter 16 - Love is a responsibility, a sacrifice

Lilly's POV

My heart clenched so tight as he muttered those couple of words and walked away. Hurt wrapped me up from the inside out and I slammed my back against the locker, trying to hold into anything so I wouldn't just collapse into a million piece.

It was pathetic.

I couldn't stop my tears. My own self taunting me. I felt so pathetic at my current vulnerable state.

How did I reach here? How did I let myself open up for him? Why did I ever take that risk?

I knew it. From the beginning, I knew it would only end in heartbreak, but I couldn't stop myself.

Now, I learned my lesson.

With my hand, I harshly wiped the tears from over my cheek away. I am not going to cry over him. I am not going to cry at all. I am not weak. I will easily get over this. I have to.

I felt Zack's hand palm the side of my arm, "Hey, you okay?" He asked.

When I turned to him, I noticed the bit of blood gathering around the corner of his mouth from Chase's punch. My eyebrows pulled together, "I am sorry," I mumbled and he shook his head, wiping the blood with the back of his hand, he said, "It's not your fault."

It is. I should've never kissed Zack. Should've never got in between them. But what happened, happened. There is no changing it now.

"Lilly?" I looked at the other side when I heard Max's voice. His eyebrows pulled together when he noticed my red eyes and strained cheeks. The bag over his shoulder slipped to the ground as he rushed toward me.

"What's wrong? What happened?" He asked, worry flared in his words, shocked at seeing me in this state. Like I've said, I don't usually cry. But look at me now, breaking down over something so stupid.

I shook my head, "Nothing happened."

"Are you sure?" He asked, a bit bewildered at the fact my eyes are full with tears. I nodded and offered him a small smile, "I am fine, don't worry."

He didn't seem satisfied, he turned to Zack, "You didn't do anything, did you?" He asked, with his overprotective tone that he took over from dad.

I placed my hand over his arm, grabbing his gaze back to me, "He didn't do anything, I am fine." I noticed the people starting to come out of the cafeteria, signaling the end of the lunch break, "Now, get back to your classes."

Thankfully, he didn't argue further before he walked away, still not satisfied with my answer. Zack also didn't talk much as he lead me to the history class that unfortunately, we all take together.

My eyes found Chase first, he was already seated down, his elbow pressed against the desk, the side of his head laying into his palm and with his other hand, he was playing with the pen, twirling it around, totally ignoring me and everyone else.

I gulped down at the stupid feelings that kept stirring against my chest. I felt like I was about to cry again. I wanted to rush to him, hug him, explain all about yesterday and wait for him to tell me it's all just a lie. He wouldn't. I still couldn't believe it.

I felt Sally's hand pull me away from my trance and pull me into the seat next to her, "Please tell me that Aylin is lying."

I numbly shook my head in return. My eyes drifting to Aylin, sitting far away from us. I didn't know how to react. I wanted to be so angry at her, but then I had to convince myself that she didn't know about me and Chase. If she knew, she would've never. Yeah, she would've never done anything like this.

Still, how could I ever be close to her after this?

For the rest of the class, all I did was lean my cheek against my palm and watch him. Watch what I had, what was mine and what I lost.

Sometimes that's all it take, actually.

You don't know the true value of something up till you lose it.

************

I pulled the covers from over my face and mumbled, "Come in," at whoever had made his mission to disturb me.

Mom peeked from over the door, "Hey baby, I brought you food." She said as she stepped inside and that's when I noticed the tray full of food in her hands.

I covered my face and mumbled, "I am not hungry."

I heard the tray being placed over the counter and I waited to hear the door close behind her but that never came. Instead, I felt the mattress dip from beside me. I huffed out when I felt the covers being pulled from over my face.

"You should eat," She said, more strictly this time.

"No, I just want to sleep and never wake up." I added as I tried to pull the covers from underneath her but failed.

She gave me a small understanding smile, "So, it's a guy problem then, huh?"

I glared at the ceiling when she seemed pretty much amused at my miserable state. She inched closer and tucked my hair behind my ear, "Tell me, what happened?"

I only shook my head in return, "If I tell you, I will start crying again and I really don't wanna do that anymore."

Her eyebrows pulled together and worry flared in her gaze. I buried my face into the pillow, trying so hard to keep the stupid tears from slipping down my cheek. What the hell is the deal with this? Will it keep sucking this much?

Will this stupid pain ever fade away?

"Hey, Lilly, I know that it feels like the end of the world now," Mom commented as she ran her hand through my hair, "But believe me, no matter what it is, it'll pass."

I lifted my eyes to meet her soothing ones, she offered me a reassuring smile, "It'll be okay."

I pulled my upper body up and sat down, "But it hurts," I admitted, "Because it feels like I lost him forever."

She shook her head, "Don't be so sure about that," She said, "You have no idea what the future is holding for you, or for him, maybe it's just the wrong time now, maybe it's better this way, you just have to let things work out the way they're supposed to."

"But," I huffed out, "It sucks."

She smiled with a shrug, "Well, that's life."

When I stayed silent, she curried on, "So, what did Chase do?" Her eyebrows pulled together, "Or the better question is, what did you do?" I gulped at the accusation in her question, "You have a lot of me in you, it's kind of scary."

"Well, we both did." We're both at fault here, not just me. It's true I dealt with it the wrong way, but he should've never hid the truth from me in the first place.

"Anyway, I don't feel like talking about it." I added, hoping she'd drop down the whole investigation.

She nodded, "I know, and that's why I asked for backup." She nodded toward the door and I followed her gaze, to see Sally sneakily peeking inside at me.

She smiled and showed me the bag in her hand, "I brought us two big ice cream buckets," She announced as she stepped into the room, "We'll eat them and binge watch all the rom-coms movies there is till we cry our eyes out."

A heartfelt smile pulled up the corner of my lips as she pulled out the ice creams, she immediately took my laptop from its bag, she opened it and started her search for those silly movies.

Mom patted my arm, "You two have fun," She stood up, "Make her eat her food first," She told Sally, who nodded, "Don't worry, I know my way around this girl." She said, sending a wink toward my way.

Mom left after and Sally sat by my side on the bed, worried lines etched between her eyebrows as she asked, "How are you?"

I didn't answer, I just inched closer and threw my arms around her. I needed to do that. She immediately hugged me back, she pressed her chin over my shoulder and mumbled, "I hate both Chase and Aylin right now."

When I pulled away, she tucked my hair behind my ear, "I am on your team." She added, ever so seriously making me smile.

She took one of the ice creams and handed it to me, "You start with this," She then took my tray of food and placed the first spoon in her mouth, "And I will start with this."

One and a half hour into our third movie, my ice cream was almost finished, I placed the last spoon in my mouth, "Why in these movies, always in the end, the man ends up confessing his love when the girl is about to catch a plane or train or something." I commented annoyed at the scene where the guy comes rushing to the airport, they make you think that the girl left, but then she shows up out of nowhere, he confesses his love for her, they kiss and live happily ever after.

So stupid. Love is stupid.

I am pretty sure if I leave, Chase wouldn't follow me like that and he wouldn't put his ego down and confess his love.

That little jerk...I miss him. No, no, I don't.

You know what, maybe I should really leave. Get out of this city, the country even. Away from everyone I know.

I turned my head to the right to see Sally fast asleep, her head tilted to the side, the spoon still in her mouth.

I smiled. I will take her only and get the hell out of here. Why not? Only Chase thinks he can study far away. I can too.

I placed the covers over Sally's body before I stood up, turned the stupid movie off and placed my laptop at the desk. My eyes fell immediately at the ribbon I left laying there. My fingers lingered over the silk material before I held it, opened the drawer and placed it back in its place beside the sweater and our picture.

For the longest time, I just stood there, staring...till I finally made up my mind. I took the phone and dialed his number. I waited but he didn't answer. I looked at my bed, Sally was still fast asleep. I left her there. Determined, I grabbed my bag, stuffed his things in it before I wore up my coat and shoes and sneaked my way out of the house.

I took a Taxi and not more than ten minutes later, I was standing by his house. I didn't have it in me to face his parents at the moment so I walked around the house and into the backyard. Knowing the place of the spare key of the backdoor, I grabbed it and as quietly as possible, I opened it and walked inside.

Light and noises came from the living room and I took that as my chance to scurry up the stairs and toward his room, all while looking behind me, afraid to get caught. I took into a long deep breath before I knocked on his room's door.

Seconds only and the door opened. His eyes fell on me, shock and confusion flashed in them before the blank look came back again, "What do you want?"

I swallowed down the hurt at his harsh tone, "Can we talk?" I asked.

It took him a couple of seconds before he backed away from the door, leaving me space to enter. On hesitant steps, I walked inside. My fingers wrapped over the straps of the bag, the anxiety eating at my inside and just like that, I forgot all that I came here to say.

He crossed his arms over his chest, "Yeah?" He asked, impatiently waiting for me to talk.

I blinked and stared at him for a full minute, still taking into the feedback of everything, "Did you really do it?" I asked, my voice shaking with the same vulnerability I am growing to despise.

His jaw tightened, "Is that what you came here for?"

"Why you're not giving me an answer?"

"Because you don't deserve an answer."

Ouch.

I felt them again, in my eyes, torturing me, but I am never letting them pass the threshold and expose how weak he makes me feel.

"If that's all you came here for, then I think it's better if you leave."

I bit at the inside of my cheek to keep myself in control before I opened my bag, "No, I just came here to give you your things," I pulled the blue sweater and threw it on the bed, the one that kept me warm when I was freezing in the library. I threw the beanie over it, the one that warmed up my ears that day after the game, the day I confessed that I like him. On top of them, I placed the picture of baby me and him. Lastly, I pulled the blue ribbon from my pocket and let it fall over them, I didn't need it anymore.

His eyes went from them then to me, something other than anger flashed across them, "That was a gift," He referred to the ribbon, his tone no longer harsh. I just shook my head, "I don't want anything from you."

I curled my fingers into the inside of my palm and stood there in silence. So many words fought for a release, but I couldn't mutter a single thing. Where to start or how to let my feelings shape themselves with letters, I didn't know any of that. I am not that good at it either.

So, I just turned around and started to walk away. No matter what I would say or do, it will fix nothing. We're doomed both ways.

My fingers curled over the knob, I pulled at it, about to open the door but it was suddenly slammed back. I almost gasped at how Chase from behind me pressed his palm over the door, shutting it again, trapping me between his body and the closed door.

My heart throbbed a wayward beat when his hand went down and curled over mine, removing it from over the knob. The way his fingers brushed over my skin, a coaxing caress had my inside spiraling and warmth blanketed me, I shivered.

"Why are you doing this?" His voice came low and laced with pain and hurt. His breath brushing over the back of my neck from the closeness.

I forced my body to budge and I turned around, facing him. He stared back at me, those blue eyes flitting all over my face. I got lost there somewhere and to be honest, I never wanted to look away. Just like I expected, his eyes were now bare for me to see through them, to see the doubt, the hurt and the pain.

"I am not doing anything," I shook my head, "You started it, Chase."

The muscles of his jaw worked and before he could object, I started, "If you only didn't hide it from me that you're leaving, we would've not reached here now, we-"

"Lilly, I wasn't hiding it from you, I was only trying to figure out a way to make this work, to make us work even if I left," He interrupted me, a type of fierceness enveloping every word, "I was checking my classes, see how often I'll be able to visit here, if I'll be able to arrange it so you'd get to visit me when I can't, I was checking the other universities there that might interest you, so when you finish here, you'd might want to join me there," He took a step backward, frustrated at the situation and at me, "I didn't hide it because of the reason you thought of, Lilly I just wanted to be ready, so when I tell you, I will offer you both the problem and the..solution."

Every and each words slammed into me with a force, but he wasn't done, "Because that's what a guy who's head over heels with you would do."

My heart skipped, then sped and in the end...it broke.

"But, you didn't even give me the chance to explain myself, you assumed, you decided we're over and then at the first chance you had, you went back running to Zack," His voice hardened and so did his eyes again, "So tell me now, how am I the one at fault here?"

"I was here last night, I waited for you to come back and..." I shook my head, "And you never came, so please, please just tell me, answer me, were you with her?"

"What difference would it make?" His eyebrow raised, "What did you think, Lilly? That after what you did, you'd just come here and I will be waiting for you with opened arms?"

I had hoped that he would.

"I've had enough watching while you choose him over me, every time." He added, he didn't know how wrong he is, so wrong.

"You still didn't give me an answer."

"My answer would change nothing."

"Where were you last night?" I asked, my patience flailing and frustration crept up my inside, "Did you do it?" I stepped forward, "Answer me! Did you?" His lack of answer pushed me to the edge, the tears threatening to fall, "Chase, answer me, did you sleep with Aylin?!"

"Yes! Yes, I did!" He answered in frustration.

The hurt blanketed over me again and the first tear went down. A bile rose up my throat at the thought of them together, doing something that was supposed to be shared only between us.

I turned around, opened the door and before I left I made sure to say, "I don't want to see you, or talk with you ever again, so you also stay the hell away from me."

The moment I stepped outside and slammed the door shut behind me, my eyes fell on Conner, a few steps away from me, confusion and shock emanated from him in waves as he asked, "He did what?" His tone alone proved that he heard our last encounter.

I nodded and sarcastically remarked, "See how great of a friend you have."

Without another word, and before I could cry more, I headed down the stairs, rushing so fast, needing to get the hell away from here, and away from him.

The moment I landed on the first steps, I came crashing against someone's hard chest. His hand went around my back, holding me and stopping me from falling, "Lilly," Dad's voice had me looking up to meet his confused ones staring down at me, "Wha- when did you get here?"

I don't know what came upon me at the moment, was it knowing for sure that I've lost Chase, that it's initially all my fault. Was it finally being in dad's embrace that I allowed myself to totally break down, I didn't know but tears fell, one after the other, "Dad," It came out as a whimper before I threw myself into his chest. He tensed at first before his arms protectively wrapped around my little body, "Little bug, what's wrong?"

I couldn't answer but press myself against his chest, wetting his shirt with my tears. When I pulled away, his hands came around my face, his eyebrows pulled together, his throat bobbed and with his thumb, he wiped the tears away, "I am not used to your tears," His jaw tightened, "What is it?"

"Just take me home, please."

He immediately nodded, and looked behind me at where I came from. Without questioning, he placed his arms around me and pulled me outside before we got into the car and drove off.

**********

Alex's POV

"Alex," Cara said as she eyed me suspiciously.

Mission abort. Mission abort.

"Huh?" I casually crossed my arms over my chest, desperately hiding the gun tucked inside my jacket.

"Where are you going?"

"To Ashton's."

Her eyes narrowed at me, "You were just there."

I shrugged but regretted it when I felt the gun slip down. My eyes widened and I pressed my arms tighter over myself to stop it from falling, "Well, I missed him, what can I do?"

She stepped closer, and I immediately backed away, "What's that under your jacket?" She asked, her gaze focused on the obvious bulge of the gun. Damn it.

I shook my head, "Nothing."

"Dad, there is clearly something." Max said and I shot him a glare. Way to be supportive, son.

"It's just my killer abs, I've been working out a lot lately, it's finally showin-"

"Alex," Cara warned, interrupting me, "What's under your jacket?"

"Nothing." I answered, innocently.

"Alex!" She stressed out, and when I didn't answer, she inched closer and pulled at my jacket's side, stripping it off me, "Woah, woah cupcakes, not in front of the kid!"

She shot me a hard glare and extended her hand forward. I huffed out and pulled the gun from under my jacket. I placed it in her palm, "Gosh, it's not like I was gonna kill him, just gonna scare him, that's all."

"You're not going to do anything."

"The hell I won't, that son of a bi-" I stopped myself from swearing when I saw the look in Cara's eyes, I cleared my throat, "I mean that...that son of bimbo made my daughter cry, no one makes my daughter cry and gets away with it, you get that?"

She facepalmed, "Do you really have to interfere in everything?"

I gave her a duh-look, "Yeah, obviously."

"Now, if you excuse me, there is an SOB that I need to take care of." With that, I walked out of the house and drove off.

When I arrived, Katherine opened the door, "Where is that son of yours?"

She crossed her arms over her chest, "What do you want from him?"

I casually pulled the sleeves of my shirt up as I walked inside, "You know, just a word or two."

"You stay away from him, or else-" Before she could continue, I was already making my way up the stairs, "Alex, wait!"

He was making his way out of the room when I arrived, his eyes fell on me and the corner of my lips pulled up, "Just the guy I need," My hand wrapped over his arm, pulling him away into one of rooms but Katherine came barging in, her hand pushed at mine, forcing me to let him go.

I rolled my eyes at her, "What? I still love this son of a-" Gosh, I really need to control that, "I still love this kid, I am not gonna hurt him, okay?"

I turned to him, "We just need to talk."

Katherine still looked uncertain, "Mom, it's okay." Chase said, assuring her and I shooed her away before I pulled him into the room and closed the door shut.

"Now, let's start with this," I faced him and crossed my arms over my chest, my eyes narrowing at him, "What did you do?"

He shook his head, "I didn't do anything."

"Well, Lilly's tears say otherwise."

At my words, he immediately looked away in shame before he raked his fingers through his hair, "You said you're not going to hurt her, you said that you...loved her," My eyebrows pulled together, "What happened to that?"

His throat bobbed, "I still do," His jaw tightened, "But...I guess we both screwed up."

I scoffed, "You see, I told you, I warned you before, you are too young to know what love really is," I shook my head, "Love is a responsibility, a one neither of you is ready for yet, it's a sacrifice, a one I am pretty sure none of you is willing to take yet."

"I am against this stupid relationship for way too many reasons," I explained, "One, I am overprotective over my daughter, I have to be, I didn't do everything I've did just in the end for a mere guy to come and break her heart." The image of Lilly's tears falling had my chest tightening, "Reason two, you're still young for this, I told you, I knew it, both of you would ruin it, sooner or later."

"You want me to be honest, I will," I added, "In the end, in the very far future, I know that Lilly would have to end up with someone," I almost winced at saying it out loud, "I am still trying to deal with that thought and accept it, but knowing that you'd be that someone, is the only way I can accept it, actually."

His eyes widened at my confession, "So, reason number two, is that now is not the right time." I shook my head, "This pain you both are going through now is unnecessary, because Chase, in your eyes I see the same look in hers when she was crying."

My words seemed to brutally hit him, one after the other.

He blinked, "But, what if when the right time you're talking about comes, it'll be too late."

I shrugged, "It's called the right time for a reason."

He shook his head, "It doesn't matter anyway," He said, "It feels like I've lost her forever."

My lips curved into a small smile, "You have no idea how many times I've thought that I've lost Cara, but in the end, things just worked out the way they're supposed to."

His chest heaved out, "So, what am I supposed to do now?"

"Stay away from her, for both of your sakes." I answered, "Don't hurt her more and in the same time, don't let her hurt you."

These kids don't know what we all went through and how hard we tried to give them a life void of any pain. But, I guess pain is inevitable after all, in the end, we can't protect them from each other.

Still, I have to try.

I started to back away, "Oh, if you tell anyone about what I said," I said, referring to my previous confession, "I will totally deny it." He smiled, a small barely noticeable one, "So, it will be my words against yours." I ended my words with a wink.

************

"Come in," Lilly said when I knocked at her door.

I opened it and peeked at her, she was sitting down on her bed, her legs pulled up and the phone in her hand. At my sight, she smiled and placed the phone away.

"Hey," I said, "Can I come in?"

She nodded, "Yes, sure." She said and patted at the empty space beside her, ushering me to get closer.

I sat down beside her and on instinct my arm went around her shoulders, needing her to be close for now to blunt that worry wrapping over my chest away. She immediately inched her body closer, leaning against my side as I wounded my arm around her frail body.

I pressed a kiss over her head, my eyelids glided down and I felt my hold tightening. Seeing her tears today stirred a fear I've always had inside of me. The fear of the past knocking back on our doors.

That fear followed me throughout the years, and it intensified in moments like this.

She lifted her beautiful big eyes and looked at me, with my other hand, I palmed her cheek, "Lilly, no matter what happens in the future, I need you to know that you can come to me, always, you can tell me anything, okay?"

She nodded her head without hesitation, "I know."

"Believe me, I will kill anyone who tries to hurt you." No one will. I had to remind myself of that. I had to convince myself that she would never pay the price for the mistakes we once did.

"I am pretty sure you would," Her smile widened and her eyebrow raised, "Don't kill Chase though," She said, her smile saddened, "He didn't hurt me, I did this to myself."

My eyebrows pulled together, what the hell happened to these two?

I shrugged, "Well, whatever it is, I will always be on your side, no matter what."

Her head tilted to the side in affection, before her arms came around my waist. She pressed her temple against my chest and mumbled, "Dad, I love you so much."

I pulled into a deep breath, those words magically took that fear away, "I love you too, little bug," I buried my nose into her hair, taking into her flowery warm scent, "More than you can imagine."

**********************************

Heya!

From the poll I did on my profile, turns out almost everyone is #teamChase xD lmao poor Lilly, she keeps getting the same hate Cara got in the previous book!

And since none of you answered my question correctly, some of you answered it half-correctly only; so, no one won, I won't be giving any spoilers lol xD

I can make another game like that and see if anyone would get it this next time, whatcha ya think?

Still, if you have an spoiler-less question, you can drop it here and feel free to always ask me whatever you want.

Also, help me, I am making a playlist for this story, drop here any song you feel that would fit these two and this story.

See ya next chapter!

Love ya all!