Chapter 28 - Better be prepared than pregnant

"I never had to force love. I was drowning in it the moment we met."

************

Zack's POV

My fingers tightened over the ticket in my hand, my eyes tracing the time written in big bold numbers, my brain calculating how much time I have left, wondering if there is one place I can stop by before leaving for good.

My gaze flickered from the piece of paper to my uncle, "Your mother also agreed to this," He said, the muscle of his jaw worked as his eyes drifted away, as if he couldn't stand to be here now, looking at me, talking to me.

"Your bad grades, the drugs, and everything that happened was enough for the school to kick you out," He clarified, and I understood, our Ivy league school won't accept someone like me trashing its reputation, "You'll stay with your aunt in Texas, your papers are already transferred to a school there," He added, totally unbothered, "I am not sure if you will be able to graduate this year, and you already know that you lost the football scholarship for university, so whatever you're gonna do, it's all up to you from now on."

The way he talked was like he didn't care, whatever I am going to do next, is up to me only and he washed his hands from anything that includes me.

Isn't that what I always wanted?

Then, then why does it hurt?

"And worry not, I closed your account, you won't be taking any money from me anymore, just like you wanted," He added, hostility radiating from him in waves, "You can find a job, something that can help you there, anything because your aunt can barely look after herself, let alone you too." He was right, aunt Sylvia, my father's sister was almost fifty years old by now, living off her late husband's death gratuity.

My hand tightened over the paper and I let my eyes fall on him, I gathered whatever courage I had in me to be able to mutter the next words without my voice shaking, "Anything else?"

He shook his head and harshly let out, "Just stay away from my son and never let me see your face again, that's all."

That's something I have to break one last time. Was it the rebel in me, or the boy who deep down still cared for his cousin, I couldn't decide which was which at the moment, but I need to see him before I leave.

Air harshly pushed out of his chest and he was about to turn and walk away from me but something stopped him, he shook his head, his tone bewildered as he muttered, "Just why?" He asked, "I still don't understand, why?!" He shook his head, "Tell me why? What was the point? You had everything!"

I calmly shook my head, "Not everything."

His eyebrows pulled closer and he stepped forward, "Then, what is it?" He snapped, "What is it that you want?"

"I just want my dad," I let the words tumble out, reflecting every weak feeling wrapping over my chest.

True, I took everything in my life for granted; him, his care, his money, and even his son. But all of that could never fix me.

My words only doubled his confusion, and lines etched at his forehead, "I tried Zack, I tried to not let you feel his absence, but-" I shook my head, stopping him, "It's not the same, okay, it is not," My voice took a higher tone, angry, but not at him, mostly at life, "Everyone thinks I don't remember, but I do, I remember everything, for god's sake, I saw him die, right in front of my own eyes!" I saw how every day that fucking cancer was eating him up from the inside, "I was sitting right there beside him when it happened," There was that stupid liquid dripping from my eyes as I talked, it went down my cheeks, "I tried to wake him up, thinking he was just sleeping, I was the only one there!"

I was young, but not too young. Something as traumatic as that sticks to your memory forever.

"I get it, I get that, Zack, I know you're hurt and you're angry at the world," In his eyes, there was fury and in the same time that old worry clouded them, "But what was my son's fault?!"

I shook my head, "Nothing, he didn't do anything," I said, "I just...I envied him, a lot," My jaw tightened and for the first time, I admitted it to myself, "He had you, I envied him for that."

"That envy is what made it reach here," I get that now, "It wasn't just to get the scholarship, deep down, a part of me just wanted to see him lose something, so maybe it would finally feel fair." It's messed up, true, but I can't change the way I felt. It can't change how many times I asked myself; why does it have to be my father, why not his?

He shook his head, disappointed, "That's not how it works, Zack."

I nodded, "I get that now," I said and with the back of my hand wiped at my cheek, removing any trace of emotions there. Tears, they were something I haven't used since the day my dad died. But the last week had drained me from everything in me. Learning what I have done to Chase, spending those previous days trapped in a cell, and now this. I have literally hit rock bottom.

He edged backward a fraction, "You still have time, Zack, you're still at the beginning of your life, you can change, you can help yourself, you can try and stop blaming the world, or the people around you," He shook his head, his words genuine, "You need to accept it's no one's fault. You still have your mother, and your little sister, they need you, and this...this is not the way your father would've wanted you to be." I know that.

A low sigh parted him and his eyes studied me for a long second, as if deciding on something. His jaw pressed tightly before his hand slipped into his pocket and he pulled something out, "I wasn't sure if I was going to give you this, a part of me thinks you don't deserve it yet," He said and my eyes fell on the envelope, "That you don't deserve something from your father."

He extended it forward, "He wrote this for you," He said and my heart throbbed a wayward beat as my gaze fixated on the whitish envelope wrapped between his fingers, "He told me to give it to you when you go to college, but now feels more fitting, I guess."

I stood frozen in my spot, unable to move, unable to think, trying to understand that whatever is written inside was written by him, whatever this thin paper holds, are the last words I will ever get from him.

Uncle Ashton moved forward when I didn't budge, he held the envelope a few centimeters away from me, "Take it," He said. Finally, my muscles reacted to the order my brain issued and my hand went up, my fingers slowly wrapped around the envelope's edges, and he let go.

He started to walk away, back into his car, and ready to leave me behind.

I immediately snapped awake from my haze, "Wait," I said, my gaze finally leaving what's my fingers are holding and fell onto him, he turned around, facing me again, "Can you..." I gulped down at the nervousness eating at my inside, "Can you please stay?" I asked, panic evident in my eyes and tone, "I...I don't think," I shook my head weakly, "I don't think I am strong enough to read this on my own." I am not ready to feel like such a disappointment to the man who thought so highly of me.

Hesitation flashed in his eyes, they drifted to his car then back to me, contemplating on this before he rushed a hand through his hair and nodded his head. I sucked down into a deep breath before I sat down by the bench placed on the side of the road for the bus stop. Uncle Ashton came and sat by my side. Thankfully, there was no one but us, the road almost isolated.

I swallowed past the lump forming in my throat, and with my shaking hand, I opened the old envelope. My heart was out of control as I carefully pulled the paper from its inside and unfolded it, both ready and terrified to read its content.

My gaze made a quick scan, noticing his own handwriting. My heart fell into my stomach and every nerve in my being fired and pressed. It's him, he...he wrote this. He wrote it to me. He wrote it when he was sick...He knew he wasn't going to make it.

I had the urge to place the paper back into its place, to not taint it with everything that is me, but I couldn't when my eyes finally made sense of the first word. One word, three letters only, three letters that shattered my inside.

Son.

That's all. That's all it takes to kill me and bring me back to life. Three letters I'd do anything to hear them coming out of his mouth just one more time.

'This has got to be the hardest thing I'll ever have to write. God, I don't even know where to start, I can't begin to imagine how old you must've gotten by now. I can't wrap my head over the thought that you grew up, without me right there by your side.

First of all, I want to apologize for when I lied to you just yesterday. You accidentally heard your mother and I talking and you asked me, why are you leaving, dad? You cried, thinking I am gonna just walk away and leave you behind. I am sorry son, but I lied, I told you I am not going anywhere, I promised that I will never leave you alone. I had to break that promise, by no fault of my own. I'd do anything to have the chance to see you and your sister grow up right before my eyes. But still, your mother is there, she is enough, she is more than enough. I need you to be sure of that. And, I am sure by now, you must've turned into the best version of yourself.'

I stopped right there, the first heartbreak ripping through my chest. My jaw pressed tight and I could feel the disappointment radiating from the words, each letter mocking me, showing me how I could never live up to his expectations.

One of my hands was holding the paper, the other wrapped over the edge of the bench, trying to hold onto something and keep going. Seconds only, and I felt fingers gently wrap over my wrist, keeping me in check, and giving me the enough power to keep reading.

'Even if you didn't, I just want you to know that it's okay, life can get tough at times, it can hurt you, it can change you, but deep down, I know who my son is, and how you'll get through everything. You'll come out of it better than ever. You're strong, you're good and Zack, you're the best part of me.'

The first tear fell and dropped over the paper. I immediately pulled it away, scared to ruin it somehow.

'You'll be going to college, moving away, and starting a new chapter in your life. It's exciting, I know. It's scary too, but don't worry, you're not alone. I need you to believe that I am there, I am always there. You may not see me son, but I am always right there by you, never forget that.

I need to ask one thing from you, I need you to take care of your mother and sister, you're all they have Zack, with me gone, you'll be the man of this family, and I know you can do it, just don't let your mother go through any more pain than she has already endured, and be the bigger brother and even the father your sister will need.'

But, I didn't. I didn't do any of that...I didn't and I failed him.

'I need you to know one thing, and never forget it, that no matter what, I am so proud of you.'

That was it for me, the one sentence that unraveled everything inside me, dropped down all of my walls, and left me bare. The wind blew around us, the force of it hitting me in the face, one slap after the other and I moved the paper away, unable to read more, unable to bear down all these feelings all at once.

I pressed the back of my head against the stand behind us and I pressed my eyes shut, trapping it inside. But, behind my closed eyes, I only saw him. Him, in the hospital, him tired and sick, him fighting through the disease and losing. It's so sad, that this is the only way I remember him. Sick and dying. It's all that my memory could grasp and keep stored.

I don't remember his happy face, I only remember his pained pale one.

I kept my eyes closed, but the tears betrayed me and fell through the threshold. I imagined how different it would've been if he was here. How for once I would've had someone I can lean into, a shoulder that can carry me and the weight of my mistakes.

I felt my shoulders shaking, the gravity of yesterday and tomorrow bringing me further down. Hopeless and helpless. Bad, that's who I am. I am a bad person, I am the total opposite of the man my dad once was. I felt evil, for ruining the life of someone who did me nothing but good.

All I felt after was an arm wrapping around my shoulder and pulling me closer, till my head rested over his chest. The little action that's supposed to heal me, it only broke me down even more and squeezed tighter over my chest.

"I am sorry," I mumbled, hoping he can get how sorry I am, "I am so sorry," I was crying, sobbing, like a little kid, because that's how I felt at the moment. It took me back to ten years ago, to when my dad never woke up and he...he held me just like this and let me cry all over him.

"I know you hate me, but I am sorry, I just don't know what to do-"

"I don't hate you, Zack," He mumbled as his chin rested over my head and his hand tightened over the back of my neck, "You grew up right in front of my eyes, god, you're just a kid, how can I hate you?"

"I am sorry," was all I could say, "I promise I won't come near Chase again." I really wouldn't, but just one last time, one last time to see him, and to say that sorry to his face. He won't believe it, it would do him nothing.

But before leaving, I have to see him, one last time.

*************

Chase's POV

I fisted my hand, doing my best not to lose my shit, trying to keep my anger from ungluing right here in the middle of the damn center. This place was supposed to be different. An escape, a peaceful place for me to get better, to not think of the drug or the reasons that ended with me using it. Where I could pretend that I am okay, that I am hopeful and happy, that I am not wasting my life away.

But now, the actual truth was staring me right in the face, the fact that I am still not okay, that everything still feels beyond repair. That the pain is still ripping at my inside and every second my brain begs me to just take the drug and let this all go.

A waste.

All of this is just a fucking waste.

I realized that as my eyes stared at his, mine challenging and daring, while his, looked tired and just as hopeless as I am.

I saw him swallow hard, his throat bobbed and his lips parted but no words came out. He looked away and when his gaze fell back on me, his eyebrows pulled closer and I must be going blind because that looked like worry as he asked, over a low whisper, "How are you doing?"

He must be kidding me.

My jaw clenched tighter, "Get out of here, Zack, or else-" I left my words there knowing if I said more, I will be smashing his head against that wall. I edged backward and slammed the door shut and on angry steps walked into the room.

But he didn't seem to get how unwelcomed his presence is, because the door opened after and he walked inside. I turned around, my eyes widening at the nerve of this guy. Before he could speak again, I was marching forward, my fingers curled over his collar, pushing him backward, "What do you want!" I bellowed.

"I want to say I am sorry," He said, his tone the total opposite of mine.

The confusion of his words alone had me scoffing and I released his shirt from my grip, "And what does your sorry do me?"

He shook his head, "Nothing," He said, "I just needed you to know that I never...never meant for it to reach here."

"That doesn't matter now, does it?" I mockingly remarked, pointing at the surrounding that proves his words and sorrows meaningless.

He nodded, "I know you may never forgive me, and you have the total right not to," He said, his whole state vibrated with a different energy, he looked just as pale as I do, his hair tousled in all directions, his face bruised and his eyes, almost lifeless.

"I will be moving away, and you won't see me again," He added, "But before that, I just wanted you to know that I am really sorry, not just for this, but for everything, for taking your friendship for granted, for hating you just for the fact that you had your father by your side," His words pulled a frown between my eyebrows, "For wanting everything you have, and for being so damn jealous all the time."

He gulped down, "You were nothing but a good friend, god I always hated how good you were," He scoffed at himself, looking down at the floor, "That's why I am sure you will make it out of this," His gaze lifted up, "It's one other thing I was so jealous about, your determination."

"I don't care," I shook my head, the anger didn't leave me yet, not his sorrow, not how genuine his words came out to be, nothing can make me see this situation any better. It's his fault. I am here, because of him only, "Keep your sorrow to yourself, and leave, get out of here, now, or this time I am calling security."

He nodded, "I will," He mumbled lowly before he turned around and started to walk away. He exited the room and I marched forward, ready to shut it.

"OH MY GOD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE YOU PIECE OF-" Lilly's loud voice had my eyes widening and before I could stop her, she was already marching forward and attacking him. He looked just as shocked when she moved on and kicked him, I am pretty sure she was aiming for something else, but her knees slammed him in the stomach, he groaned, not expecting her attack while she didn't waste a second but instead tried to throw punches at him, one after the other.

"Lilly!" I said as my hands wrapped over her arms, trying to pull her away from him, but this girl wasn't letting go easily, "You've got some nerve coming here you big piece of shit!" She snapped angrily, still trying to reach for him, some of her punches landed in the air as I forcefully dragged her backward.

"Let me go! Let me! I wanna kill him!"

My grip tightened, keeping her in place and my gaze fell on him, "Get the hell out of here!" I grated through clenched teeth, which finally had him turning around and walking away.

"No, stay, come back here, I dare you, come back here!" She snapped at his retreating back and I placed my hand over her mouth, stopping her as everyone who passed us stared awkwardly.

She pressed the back of her head against my chest and looked up at me, she licked the inside of my palm, which had me removing my hand, my eyebrow raising at her childish action.

She fake-glared at me, "Don't shut my mouth again!" She warned.

"What can I do, you have a big mouth," I said, pulling her with me back into the room.

Her eyes narrowed at me, "Well, you love my big mouth, so don't complain."

I closed the door behind us and she seemed to regain her calmness back, "What was he doing here? What did he do?" Worry tightened her eyebrows and she inched closer, "Did he say something? Are you okay?"

"It's nothing, I am fine," I mumbled blankly as I walked toward the bed. I get that everyone is worried, I appreciate it but I can't lie anymore, I am so damn sick of it, sick of their worried gazes that follows me everywhere, like I would just reach for the drug again, so sick of them treating me like I am weak, so sick of being weak.

"Are you sure?" She asked again, "You were already tired today and now he..he got here and you don't look so well, maybe I shou-"

"Lilly, I am fine!" My words came out harsher than I intended for them to be.

My tone shocked her a bit, her gaze didn't leave me as I went and sat down, her lips parted to say more but the sound of her phone ringing took her attention away. Saved by the bell, I guess.

"It's dad, I will answer it and be back," She mumbled, hinting this isn't over as she walked out of the room.

I rubbed a hand over my face, I really need to keep a check on my anger. This lost feeling makes me act out and I hate it. Wanting some water to cool down the fire still lighting in my chest, I stood up. Or tried to. My breath caught hard in my lungs, then disappeared without me even exhaling. I tried to draw in another and couldn't get it past my throat, as if there is a band wrapped so tightly around my chest.

Oh shit...

I sat back down, sucking in shallow huffs of air.

Okay, nice and easy. You can do this. Gradually, I could feel the tight grip over my chest loosening, till it finally fell away and I could inhale the air back into my lungs.

Fatigue. That's what I felt. But, how can someone who did nothing feel all of this fatigue at once?

A side effect of the meds. That's all. The doctor said it. Just damn side effects.

Lilly returned, unaware of the war still brimming over my chest. She was silent at first as she walked and sat down beside me, "Are you mad at me or something?" She asked, her gaze wavering.

I shook my head, my eyebrows pulling closer, "No, of course, I am not," I sighed, "It's just seeing him-" I rubbed a hand over my face, "It messed me up a little."

She nodded, "Okay."

I placed my hand around her, "Come here," I mumbled and pulled her closer, "Of course I am not mad at you, are you crazy," I ignored the tightness over my chest and buried my nose in her hair, hoping her closeness could blunt the ache away.

She looked up at me, eyes so innocent stared back at mine, eyes so beautiful, "Don't be mad at me, okay?" She requested, "I am just worried, I can't help it."

I forced on a smile, maybe she can't take the physical pain away but she sure puts my mind in a better state, "I know you are," I said, feeling like such a jerk for being harsh earlier, "But you don't have to be, okay?"

She nodded and lifted herself up, "Okay. Now, kiss me." She said, more like ordered.

I smiled, not waiting to be asked twice for that, I leaned down and took her sweet lips in mine.

But as usual, before the kiss could even initiate, we were interrupted.

"And we are back to the mouth sucking again, ugh," Conner mumbled and I groaned in annoyance before I pulled away from Lilly to face him.

I shot him a glare while an accomplished smile crawled up to his lips, "I came exactly at the right time, didn't I?"

**************

Lilly's POV

"So, if the question comes in this way, you can solve it like I just explained," Conner added, explaining something....and some other things. I couldn't keep track of whatever he was discussing, I was busy staring at Chase's lips and deciding how I am going to attack them when Conner leaves.

"But if they ask for the-"

"Conner, when will you leave?" I asked, interrupting him and dismissing the rest of his words.

"If that happens, then you can start with this equation...hold on, what?" His eyebrows pulled together, "Are you kicking me out?"

I nodded, "Exactly," I wasn't going to lie, "Chase and I haven't been alone since he got here, and I really need to make out with him, like right now," That had Chase's head snapping toward me, interested, "So, if you don't leave, I am gonna start doing in front of you, I don't care."

His eyebrows pulled closer in disgust, "Jesus, okay, I will leave, I am in no mood to throw up now." He gathered his things and mumbled, "This is so not fair!"

He turned to Chase, "You're not gonna say anything, are you?"

Chase shook his head, "Sorry man, my lips are sealed."

I chuckled lowly and when Chase turned to me, I gave him a wink.

"God, I am smart, I am hot, why can't I have a girlfriend too?!" Conner mumbled angrily, his eyes on the ceiling, asking God for a girlfriend.

I chuckled as he angrily slammed the door behind him, "We should set him up with someone." I said, turning to chase.

He shook his head, "Forget that," His eyebrow raised, "Now, there was a talk about making out or something?"

I bit at my lower lip, "Oh, that?" I nodded, "Yeah, do you want me to show you how?"

He nodded, "I'd love to."

His teasing smile was just as beautiful as his eyes and I inched closer, pushing all the books away from his side. My knee pressed over the mattress between his legs and my hand reached for his face as I teasingly and slowly started kissing his lips. He didn't like my slow pace or the space I left between our bodies as his palm immediately pressed over my lower back and yanked me closer, till I straddled his lap.

His hand moved up the length of my back, and even with my shirt on, goosebumps lit up my skin and a frenzy lit up my brain when his hand reached the back of my neck, angeling my face closer, and he attacked my lips with his beautiful assaults. His warm, soft mouth stole the strength from my body and I melted into his arms. An unconscious sound of want rose from a place deep inside, proving to me how badly I needed this.

His lips brushed over mine and I edged my face back a fraction, "You have no idea how much I love kissing you," I mumbled, and he moved in closer, pressed harder. Kissing him was my drug, my own form of addiction.

His hand came up to my ponytail and he pulled at the ribbon, untangling it from over my hair and letting it all fall over my shoulders. While my hands found their way into his soft, thick hair. I pulled lightly at first, my lips parted for him and at the very first taste of his tongue sliding against mine, I pulled tighter, pulling him even closer and taking all of his kiss.

He groaned softly at my small action and before I could register, he was moving forward, taking me along with him. All I felt was my back falling against the mattress, his lips never once leaving mine as his hand slid down behind my knee, harshly grabbed my hip, and pulled me down, so I could be right beneath his body.

He swallowed the gasp leaving my mouth in his, his body pressed all up and down mine, and I wanted him on my skin and in my veins. He wasn't gentle, nor was he cruel, but the pulse of his blood was too ragged and too urgent. He was starving just like me.

The hold of our lips broke for a mere second, his heated gaze drifted from my eyes down to my red shirt, "Red suits you," He mumbled, his eyes settling back on mine, "But I think you'd look better without it," He said and I impatiently nodded, totally agreeing and giving him permission.

His lips fell on mine again as he unbuttoned the first few buttons and let the shirt come undone, leaving my upper body exposed, his hand slid over the skin of my waist, his lips leaving mine and trailed down my neck to the soft hollow above my collarbone. His touch and torturing lips sent me reeling and a moan raced up my throat, the sound only intensified the moment as he nipped and sucked at my sensitive skin.

We both seemed to forget where we are and how at any moment, someone could just walk inside. At the moment, I couldn't care less. I could say the same about him.

"Our first time is not gonna be in a hospital bed, is it?" I managed to mumble through my panting.

My eyes pressed shut and my fingers dug into his back when he trailed kisses down my neck. Oh Jesus Christ...

"I can't see why not," He said and I let my eyelids glide open, noticing the tease fluttering all over his beautiful lips.

I nodded, "Cool, there are condoms in my bag."

My words had him edging backward a fraction, his eyebrows pulling together, "You have what and where?"

"Condoms," I said in a matter-of-fact tone, "You know, as dad says, better be prepared than pregnant."

Chase's eyebrow raised before his head dropped a bit low and he laughed, his amused eyes fell on mine and I sighed, "I totally ruined the moment, didn't I?"

He nodded and I pressed my palm over my forehead and snapped at myself, "God Lilly, way to be sexy!"

Chase's beautiful laugh had me forgetting all about my embarrassment and I stared back at him adoringly. His lips parted, he was about to say something but I didn't understand what happened after. He winced, his eyes pressed shut for a second, and his palm pressed against the mattress by my head, as if to hold into something or he'd collapse.

My eyes widened, "Chase, what's wrong?" I asked, panic shot through my body and I pulled myself up when he did.

"Not again," He mumbled, almost out of breath. His eyes closed as his fingers curled over the mattress, twisting it, and pouring his pain into its thin material.

My heart rose to my throat and I didn't know what to do, it didn't look like his usual asthma attacks, then what is it? Today, from the moment I got here, he wasn't okay, is that normal?

"Should I get the doctor? What should I do?" I asked, fear and panic evident in my tone. I didn't know what to do.

His eyelids glided open and his grip loosened, he shook his head, "No need," He said as he rubbed a hand over his face, "It passed."

"What happened?" I asked, still clueless, "Did this happen before?"

"It's nothing, just side effects," He said before he got to his feet, "I will be right back," He added as he walked to the bathroom and closed the door behind him.

I buttoned my shirt again and stared at the closed bathroom room. It pained me deep down to see him like this, I just want this phase to be over, I want him to be okay again, but why does it feel like he just keeps getting worse with time?

I got to my feet and followed him into the bathroom, I can sense how it annoys him when I am over-caring, but if he's gonna have me in his life, then he needs to understand I am gonna be clingy as hell and I won't be leaving him alone anytime soon.

**********

Chase's POV

The lights of the bathroom blasted in my eyes when I flipped it on, and I flinched at the hard glare. I reached the sink and tried to open the water, my hand reached for the handle but I missed because white lights were suddenly dancing across my vision. I grabbed into the side of the sink as the floor spun beneath my feet and my breath turned shallow again.

The hell...?

This episode, or whatever it was, passed in moments. My vision cleared, and I breathed deeply a few times until my equilibrium was restored.

A side effect, probably. Another fucking side effect.

Before I could grasp what's happening to me, I heard the door opening and my gaze lifted up to the mirror, to see Lilly staring back at me. She didn't hesitate as she walked closer and without thinking, her arms wounded around my waist from the back, and she buried her face into my back.

She didn't say a word and a very tired breath left my lungs as my hand reached for hers around me. She didn't ask if I was okay, because she knew at the moment, I was not.

She just stood there, by my side, because she know I needed her presence now, not her words.

It was enough.

Her arm slowly unwounded from around me as she came beside me and faced me, "You know, I probably just came hard on you, I overdid it," her eyebrow arched playfully, "It's okay, I will be gentler next time."

Her words served their purpose and had me smiling, my head tilting as I gazed at her, thinking how could it be possible to drown in her deeper and deeper every day. I couldn't help but wonder, did she feel the same?

It's one of our problems I guess, we never talk. When it comes to us, we keep silent.

A million questions roamed around my head but I dismissed them all and focused on the only important thing.

I am crazy about this girl.

"What?" She asked, addressing my silence.

I shook my head, "Just thinking."

Her eyebrows pulled closer, "About what?"

About how much I love you.

I shook my head with a small smile, "How about I tell you about it later?"

***********************************

HEY! HAPPY NEW YEAR AGAIN! How is 2021 treating you, guys?

So far, so good I guess.

So, I am so determined to get the first part of this story done that I can't concentrate on the other story. Smh Yara. Smh.

We are getting closer, so let me ask a question, if Chase is going to leave still, do you think this time Lilly will be willing to give him a chance, or her stubborn mind would still refuse the idea?

Also, Zack is out of our way, we won't see him till part two, but guess what, you will then wish Zack stayed and the new character never came in to ruin our ship xD

See ya next chapter! I will try to make it soon.

Love ya all!