Chapter 14 - Neither true nor epic

"And your love has left me, on this island, it has filled me to the brink;

Yet I grow thirsty in this silence-

there is not a drop for me to drink."

*************

Alex's POV

Relief mellowed part of the concern that had clouded my senses all over the past week.

I was suffocating under the waves of everything that happened since Lilly stepped into the house and called me a killer; since Max looked at me and told me I am not his dad; since that dreadful incident that almost took him away from me. But now, as the doctor talked, explained how Max is finally okay, how the surgery was successful and the danger on his health is gone; I allowed myself to breathe.

But, it didn't last for too long.

The second I took the first breath in, one second only and urgent fingers grabbed into my arm, so very tight, as if clinging to life itself.

The air I sucked caught into my throat and I whipped my head to the owner of those little soft fingers. My eyes widened when Lilly's balance faltered, her eyes rolled to the back of her head and my arms shot forward, "Lilly!" Her name flew out of my lips in pure terror, it scratched over my throat and fisted over my heart, squeezing the pain out as one arm went under her back, wrapping around her waist, pulling her up, and trying to hold her little body before it collapses to the ground.

Her head fell backward unconscious and I shook her. Frantically, my other hand went and palmed her cheek, "Lilly?" I whispered, searching for my lost breath when I got no response, not even a slight twitch on her pale tired face.

Cara rushed to my side, her tone just as panicked as mine, her hand removing the hair that fell over Lilly's face as she called for her name. When she didn't respond to any of us, a blink of agitation lit in my nerves, and my other arm went under her knees, pulling her up into my embrace, holding her body so very tight as I headed for the ER.

Her cheek pressed over my chest and I looked down at her. Pain seized my heart as it played the worst scenarios possible. Her eyes closed, her face looked so relaxed, as if she was just sleeping, but I know she wasn't and I could imagine the amount of pain those eyes of hers held behind this peaceful exterior.

She felt so little and light in my arms, just proving to me how I was ignoring the fact that she was a kid still.

Just a kid. My little kid, my little girl that I've been punishing over the past days.

The one I screamed at, the one I blamed, the one I raised my hand on...something I never thought I'd do.

Panic vibrated through my veins and the second I reached the ER's entrance, one of the nurse's eyes fell on me and she rushed forward to our aid, her concerned gaze on Lilly only, taking her in, as if she had seen her before. A low sigh parted her lips and her eyebrows pulled closer, "The doctor told her to rest," She mumbled lowly and I didn't understand.

She ushered me to the nearest bed, "Place her here," She ordered and I did as she asked. The moment her head rested over the pillow, the nurse ushered me to back away, so she can check her up. She held her wrist and checked for the rhythm of her heartbeats.

Her eyes traveled to us and she asked, "Did she rest after the operation?" She asked, "What happened exactly, it has been just an hour?"

My eyebrows pulled closer, "What...what operation?"

"What are you talking about?" Cara asked, just as clueless as me.

The nurse's confused gaze flickered between the two of us, "What's your relation to her?"

"Her parents," I answered, my words fast and urgent, "What operation?"

She looked back at Lilly and shook her head, "Sorry, it's patient's privacy, I am not allowe-"

Her words pushed me right to the edge of insanity and I marched forward, frantic and terrified, "I told you I am her father!" I snapped, my voice grabbing the other's attention to us, "What operation?!"

Cara's hand rested over my arm, trying to calm me down as she whispered, "Alex-"

The nurse sensed my immense fear, how I was one step away from snapping, and her eyes flickered to Cara as she carefully laid the news on us, "She had a miscarriage."

What?

"What?" Cara asked in a shocked whisper.

While I...froze, my mind stuck into a loop of that one little word and what it meant.

Miscarriage.

Something trembled within me.

Something powerful.

My eyes traveled to Lilly, laying over the bed, not moving, pale and exhausted. The word she just said and everything that led to it, speared me, the sharpest possible knife driven straight into my soul, splitting me wide.

I knew she wasn't okay. I sensed it the moment she walked into the waiting room, but I ignored it, my own way of punishing her, trying to teach her a lesson. I didn't...know, I didn't...expect this.

I don't understand.

The ER doctor came in, checked Lilly's state, said something then pulled a needle, and emptied its content into the veins of her arm, while I stood there, the news froze my body and mind in the spot. Voices and faces faded; one word only, one memory of how pained her eyes were, of her tears, clouded my mind and senses.

Bitterness roiled in my chest as I realized that I fucked up. I ignored her pain and focused on her punishment only. She didn't even tell us. All alone, she went through that. Alone. I fucked up, because she couldn't come to me when she faced something big like this.

Everything we ever did to protect them felt so pointless at the moment, because both of my kids are hurt, and in pain, the one thing I wanted to save them from.

Killing him isn't enough anymore. No, I want to drain him for days, I want to feel every bone in his body break as I make him feel the pain Max felt when they attacked him, the pain she felt when he lied to her, used her for two fucking years.

"When she wakes up, you can take her home, but make sure she rests well for the rest of the day, her body is still weak, and she needs time to regain her strength back," The doctor stressed out before he left us to drink into the feedback of all of this.

Cara sat on the bed's side, her hand gently palming Lilly's cheeks, "Oh baby, why didn't you say anything?" She mumbled brokenly, her own tears betrayed her and fell down as she kissed Lilly's head.

I struggled to draw a breath into my constricted lungs as I walked closer to her. I shoved down all the anger, all the rage, and the fury that thought held as I sat by her side. I ignored everything else and focused only on my girl and on her pain.

My arm went around her, pulling her closer to me, needing her to be close. I buried my nose into her hair, taking into her sweet scent. My eyes pressed shut and the crack in my chest tightened with more hurt. God, I've missed her, "How can you ask me not to kill him when he had done all of this to you?" I whispered into her hair.

She is still a kid for god's sake. Betrayed, broken, and hurt. Alone. I left her to go through this all alone. True, she did wrong by us, by Max, but...it was partially my fault. I didn't prepare her for this life, for how cruel it can be. I wanted to make up for everything we went through by giving them both a good life, a one void of any pain, a perfect one.

With my arm under her head, my finger brushed the soft skin of her cheek, "I am sorry, little bug," I mumbled, "I am so sorry you had to go through this," She had no fault to see what she saw, to witness the side of me she never thought existed, she had no fault to be tricked and manipulated under the hands of that fucker. The way she reacted might've been wrong but she still had no fault to go through...this.

If it wasn't for my fucked-up past, she wouldn't be in this situation now.

Anger clouded my senses again, it brought back that bitter taste to my mouth; I am gonna do to him what I did to his father, and worse, much worse; he'll see what actual revenge looks like.

I leaned down and pressed my lips over her temple, "I will fix this, I promise," I whispered against her skin, "I will make it okay again," I brushed the pad of my thumb over her chin beside her mouth, "I will bring that beautiful smile back."

I gently removed my arm from around her and looked at Cara, who had her own tears and the guilt swimming in her gaze, "Stay with her, okay?"

When I got to my feet, she followed, "Where are you going?"

I faced her and shook my head, "Cara, I can't...I can't look into her eyes when she wakes up and see the pain in them, it will break me and I need to keep my mind in check now, I need to fix this," I said, fighting for one normal breath to fill my lungs.

It will hurt to look at her. This little girl holds my heart with a single string. The bond connecting us since I first laid my eyes on her, since I first held her into my arm, a bond so tight, but now that string felt like it was squeezing the life out of me because I was slowly losing it.

Cara inched closer to me, reading my pain and level of distress, "Alex, you haven't taken one breath since this started," She mumbled, and placed her hands over my face, shaking me back in as she urged, "Just breathe, Alex, breathe."

I shook my head, I couldn't breathe. Not without her being okay. She is my strength. She is my hope, and now she sees me as a murderer, a monster that killed and lied. She looks at me with fear, she is scared of me, to the point she went through this all alone, without daring to tell me. My gaze lowered down and the guilt pulsed through me. Hard and defined.

"I promised I won't let anyone hurt her," I mumbled, "But here we are," I shook my head, "He hurt her," My jaw tightened and I grated out, "He used her," Unwanted emotions burned into my eyes, "Only because of something that I did!"

"She is a kid, Cara, she is innocent," I shook my head, "They both are, and they both got hurt, just why...why is it always the ones around me, the ones who I love that pay the price for what I do?"

She shook her head, "It's not your fault," She said, and her face etched in her own form of pain and guilt, "And yes, my heart is breaking for both of them and it hurts a lot, but we will figure it out, somehow we always do, so we will, we won't let them get hurt again," She added, her words trying to calm down the tight pained muscle beating against my chest, "We will fix this, Alex, and for that, I need you to calm down, breathe, and think clearly," She brushed her thumb over my cheek, "And then, you and Nikolas will find him," Her voice hardened, so did the look in her eyes, "And you will punish him for hurting our kids, okay?"

I lifted my hand up and pressed it over hers as I nodded my head, "Okay," I took her hand in mine and pressed a small kiss over the inside of her palm as I sucked into one deep breath, "What would've I done without you?"

She offered me a small smile and shrugged, "Well, you wouldn't get laid as much," She said, taking my part to lighten up the mood, and a low chuckle vibrated from my chest before I took her face into my hands, and I leaned forward and pecked her lips, "I love you, cupcakes," If Lilly is my strength, this woman is my rock, she lets me lean on her every time I need to, she holds with me the weight of the past and takes the pain away when she looks at me with this much trust and faith.

"There is something you should know," I added and she nodded, ushering me to carry on, "Christian, he is...he is Lucas's son," I haven't told her yet. I just didn't want to bring back those bitter memories.

Her eyes grew a bit wide for a second and she took a step backward, taken aback by the new information. Lines etched between her eyebrows in puzzlement, her lips parted to say something but no words made it out. She shook her head and pure terror flashed in her gaze, "Alex, please find him," Her low words came out in a plea, "Don't let him near her again," Her chocked words had the tears swimming back, "I could take anything, anything, but not her-"

Her tears had me stepping forward, silencing whatever she would say next, "That's not gonna happen," I stressed out, shaking my head and refusing that thought to even form up in my mind, "He won't dare to hurt her again in any way, okay?"

She nodded, the heartbreak clouding her eyes like nothing else, "Now, just stay by her side, she needs you," I looked back at Lilly and my chest tightened once again, "I don't...I don't know how to deal with this," I mumbled, I can't even think about it, "But you can, just stand by her side, give her the strength she needs, she is not alone in this, she got us, okay?"

Cara nodded her head and wiped at her cheeks, just as determined as me to fix this.

"I will go check on Nikolas, then talk with the doctor," I added, "When she wakes up tell me, so I can take you both home."

"Okay," She mumbled, her sade gaze drifting to our little girl.

I tightened my hold over her hand, "It's gonna be okay," I assured us both.

She has to be okay again. Max has to be okay, so I can finally breathe.

When I walked out of the ER, my eyes first fell on Chase, standing right outside and waiting. His gaze flickered from the floor to me, the blue in his eyes dimmed a bit and he didn't ask about Lilly, he didn't say a thing about what just happened, his tone blank as he mumbled, "I am gonna go now, when Max wakes up, tell me so I can see him."

I nodded and he immediately turned around and started to walk away, waiting for the slightest reason to just run away from here.

"Chase?"

He paused and turned to me, "Yeah?"

"You okay?" I asked and he nodded, his expression neutral as he said, "Great."

I sensed the sudden drop in his mood, but I didn't ask further, sensing his very defensive state. He walked away and right when I was about to head to the upper floor, my phone buzzed and I pulled it out. Her name had me pushing the answer button right away and placed it to my ears, "Hello."

"Alex, you didn't call me, how was the surgery? How is Max?" Her urgent terrified tone had me assuring her right away, "The surgery went well and Max is okay."

I was gonna call her right after the surgery but I definitely didn't expect...this to happen.

Her relieved sigh echoed from the other side, "Oh, thank god," She mumbled, her voice still weak, "And how is Nikolas? He is fine, right?"

Her worried tone had me smiling, "He is fine, I am gonna go check on him now."

"Alex, take care of him, okay?" She asked, her voice so sad and low, "He didn't let me come and I am dying with worry over here all day long!"

"Don't worry, I am gonna pretend he is like my brother and take care of him," I joked around, easing the tension and worry her tone held.

I heard her low chuckle and she added, "Give him a kiss from me."

"Okay, I love him and all, but not this much!"

"Okay, okay," I could hear the smile in her words, "Just when he wakes up, make him call me, okay?" She urged and I nodded, "Yeah, don't worry, he is in safe hands."

*************

Lilly's POV

I blinked my eyes open and winced, the bright white light from above hit my eyes and I pressed them shut again. I lifted my hand and rubbed over my temples; my head, and every nerve in my body aching with tiredness and exhaustion.

I felt a hand tighten over mine and I snapped my eyes open again, my head turned to the side and my eyes fell on mom, sitting beside me, on the bed's edge.

A small somber smile lifted her lips and her other hand came to my face and tucked my hair behind my ear, "Hey," She said, her voice low.

Lines etched between my eyebrows and I looked around, where am I? What happe-

Oh no.

No.

I pulled my upper body up and my gaze flickered back to her, "Mom," I mumbled, my voice breaking almost immediately.

She brushed her fingers over my cheek, "How are you feeling?" She asked, looking at me with so much tenderness my heart broke. Her soft voice triggered the tears back, I tried to suppress them in, trying to grasp for control but my emotions betrayed me and I ended up hiccupping a sob.

The sound had her placing her arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer to her warm embrace, "Oh baby, it's okay, it's gonna be okay," She assured me and I could hear the tears in her voice as she cradled the back of my head, "It's gonna be okay, I promise."

"Mom, I am so sorry," I cried into her chest, "I am so sorry, I am...please forgive me."

She edged backward and held my face in her hands, "I am so sorry," I said again and she shook her head, "It's okay sweetie, it's okay," She assured me, her thumb brushing my tears away but they kept on falling, uncontrollably, one after the other.

"What I did, what I said, the things...the things I said, I am just so sorry, I hate myself for it, I swear, I wish I can take it all back," I shook my head, my words rambling out, all mixed up and disoriented; just trying to reflect all of my guilt and sorrow, the ones that have been suffocating me since the day I came back.

She nodded, "I know, I know, it's okay, it doesn't matter now, it passed," She assured me, still brushing my tears away.

"Do you forgive me?" I asked, my chest heaved, fighting for its lost breath.

She nodded, she offered me a small smile as she palmed my cheek, "Lilly, I am your mother, I forgave you before I even got mad at you in the first place," Something akin to guilt flashed into her own eyes, "I am sorry baby, sorry that I ignored your pain, I am sorry that I didn't show you that you can come to me when you go through something like this," Her words had my chest tightening more, proving that she knows now, "I am sorry I wasn't here for you when you needed me."

I shook my head, "No, mom, you didn't do anything wrong, it's all on me, I deserved this, I hurt you, I hurt dad, I hurt Max and-"

"You didn't mean to, I know that," She interrupted my words, "So no, you don't deserve any of this, because I know how much you love us, I know how pure your heart is," Her words, her belief in me had my inside crack again, "I am the one who should never blame you for the way you acted, because I get it, I understand you, when I was your age, I was impulsive, I talked without thinking, I did so many mistakes, I wasn't any better," She added.

I didn't know what to say, it felt too surreal to have her here by my side, to have her eyes caress me with so much tenderness, especially after the words I said to her. I didn't talk and instead threw myself into her embrace, my arms tightened over her, "I am sorry," I still apologized, not ready to forgive myself yet.

Her arms tightened around me, her hand over my hair and I buried my face into her shoulder, "It hurts, mom, everything hurts," I sniffled, reflecting the battle raging inside me.

"I know baby, I know, and if I can, I would take all of that pain away," She whispered to me and ran her hand through my hair, "But, Lilly, you need to let yourself feel that pain, it's okay, it's okay to be hurt, to feel weak, to cry, it's okay, just don't run away from it," I looked at her, "I used to do that, and believe me it only results in a disaster, so it's okay to feel the pain, it's the only way to face it and with time, take it from me, it will slowly go away till it completely fades."

"But, I am scared," I mumbled, unable to hide my fear and I let it out, for the first time telling someone, "I am scared to think of everything he did, of how he lied," I shook my head, the tears streaking down my pale cheeks, "He lied, it was all just a lie and I believed him. He tricked me and I feel so stupid, so very stupid for believing him, for trusting him, for bringing him into our lives, for giving him a way to hurt dad, to hurt you and Max."

I stumbled over the emotions in my throat, and I felt the scar scored deep down in my heart, "I am scared mom, I am scared because I am not strong, I am not strong at all," My head tilted to the side, "Can you teach me to be strong like you? Can you please teach me?"

Lines etched her forehead, and the corner of her lips pulled up into a small smile, "Lilly, I was mess, a total mess, do you think I always had it all figured out?" She shook her head, as if the thought is too silly, "No, I was a young girl, I was weak, I broke down, I was scared, just like you are now," She drew back on her own experience so she can show me, so I can understand, "I wasn't strong, I did mistakes, so many mistakes," Her gaze drifted down for a second and her voice lowered, "I hurt your father, more than you can imagine."

"I wasn't strong, Lilly, I ran away at every chance I got, I ran away from pain, from heartbreak," She said, "It wasn't till I faced it, faced the pain, acknowledged my mistakes, my faults, it's not till I stopped committing the same mistake over and over again, it wasn't till then that I started to grow up, it wasn't till then that I started to heal, it wasn't till then that the pain...stopped."

My head tilted, listening to every word intently, storing them deep down in my brain, "But mom, that man, he...he hurt you," I questioned, hesitant, "But you were okay with his presence, how were you able to do that?" That's strength for me.

She took my hand into hers, "For too long, I focused on the bad," She said, "It was about time I focused on the good too."

My gaze drifted down to my lap, thinking, analyzing, and trying to make sense of our situation. She squeezed my hand, soothingly, "Just know one thing, in the end, it's all gonna be okay again, know that you've got me, and you've got your father, you're not alone. We will always be here for you, always."

Her words, as much as they touched my heart, they had me gulping down, and I tightened my hand over hers as I asked, "Does dad...know?"

She nodded and I whispered my distress, "Is he angry?"

Her eyebrows pulled closer and she shook her head, "Not at you."

I rubbed at my aching throat but my voice still came out so weak, "Does he hate me?"

"Lilly, do you not know your father?" Mom asked, almost in disbelief.

I looked at her and shook my head, "I don't feel like I know him anymore."

"Don't say that, Lilly please, I can't see you both like this," She said, "He was seconds away from breaking down when he saw you passed out like that, do you have any idea what do you mean to him?" She said, honestly addressing the past, "He lost you once before, it terrifies him to ever lose you again, behind all that anger, he is just hurt, hurt because his little girl looked at him and called him a killer, called him a liar, he is hurt, but no matter what, he would still stand by your side and he would fight the whole world for you."

My gaze dropped down in guilt and shame, because I've hurt him, I've hurt him so bad, "I ruined everything mom, and I don't know how to fix it," I mumbled, and I rubbed a fist over my eye, "When Max wakes up, he is gonna have to face the truth I forced on him, the truth that made him doubt himself and his whole life," Grief constricted my throat and I looked up at her, "I said to you those terrible words, I blamed you and said you betrayed dad when you've been hurt like anything."

It killed me to even think about it, to think that this woman, my strong happy mom, was hurt like that, it's why I can't stand that man, he abused her in the worst way possible and I hate him for it.

She tightened her hold over my hand when the tears came back, "And I've hurt dad the most, I ruined what he and I had."

"It's what Christian wanted, he wanted to hurt dad, he said he wanted to take away his strength, and I helped him do that, mom, I let him trick me again, I let him play with my mind, and he won," I cried out, and my mom pulled me back to her side, "No, Lilly, he didn't, we won't let him," She assured me, her tone strong and confident. For someone who had been through a lot, she had so much hope, and I didn't understand how.

"We are gonna fix this, together, okay?" She said, "We will, and I just need you to trust me, to trust your father," She requested and I nodded without a doubt, "And all together, we can help Max get through this as well," She shook her head, "We won't let Christian win, Lilly, he can't win."

I nodded, determined. He can't. I won't let him. We all won't let him.

************

Chase's POV

I slammed the door shut behind me with a loud thud, the type of anger surging through my veins felt so pointless and misplaced.

Why would I be angry, anyway?

I rushed a hand over my face and tried to get my rage back in check. God, I am such a fool, yesterday, just yesterday I told her, assured her that we don't stand any chance and I meant it. I think I did, but here I am, feeling the urgent need to break something, to break someone due to the news I just heard.

Miscarriage.

Pregnant, she was pregnant. With his child.

"Chase?" Aylin's voice had me looking up, her eyes clashed with mine and she smiled almost instantly, "Hey," She said, coming up to my side, before she tiptoed, her arms went around my neck and she sweetly pecked my lips, "God, I missed you so much," She said with a pout.

Pregnant.

She was pregnant.

"How is Max?" She asked, fidgeting with the collar of my shirt.

"He is fine," I mumbled.

Was she that serious with him?

Was it a mistake?

What the hell was it?

It was neither true nor epic.

What in the hell did that mean? If it wasn't that big, then why was it enough to break us up?

Why am I so fucking worked up over this?

Aylin let out a low sigh, shaking me back in, "I feel like I don't see you anymore, you're either at the hospital or at work," Her sad tone shook me back, it forced me to shove that anger and those fucked up thoughts right back where they belonged.

I can't think about that. I can't. I shouldn't.

Lilly had no right to barge into my head and invade my thoughts like this. She had no right to ask me what she asked yesterday and make me question every damn thing. She had no right to control my feelings the way she did.

Because in the midst of all of this, my fool heart still ached. It ached for her, for whatever pain she must be feeling at the moment.

I shook my head and focused my thoughts on this moment, on the present, and on Aylin standing there ahead of me, looking at me like I am her whole world. I don't deserve her. I gave her a small smile, and my hand went to her cheek, "Yeah, I know, Max is okay now, so I won't be there as much anymore," I won't be anywhere near her again. I can't let myself do this again.

I need control.

And Lilly rids me of it so easily, ever so effortlessly.

After years and yet she still has that power over me.

Aylin's smile widened, content with my words, and her hand pressed over the back of my neck before she pressed her lips into mine, going for more than a peck. I kissed her back but the thoughts clouding my brain, they clouded my better judgment and my jaw ticked. I paused the kiss midway, feeling like an absolute jerk.

Fuck, this wasn't fair. It wasn't fair for her.

I rested my forehead against hers, my hand palming her cheek, "After my flight, I immediately went to the hospital and I haven't slept yet," I tried to explain, in any way I won't hurt her, "I am just so tired, I need to take a shower and rest a bit," I mumbled, "Is that okay?"

She nodded her head, "Yeah, yeah sure," She said, but I noticed how her face fell a bit, like she could sense my troubled thoughts, "Are you hungry? Did you eat?" She asked, concerned and I loathed myself even more.

I shook my head, "I am not hungry, I just need to rest," I added.

She understood and backed away, giving me space to head for the bedroom, more like run away. I hated this and everything about it. I was okay, I was moving on, really. I haven't thought about her in a while, she didn't cross my mind that often, that scar she left behind didn't sting anymore.

I was okay.

Then, there she was, in the middle of the airport, in the middle of my work, all pale and tired, hurt bleeding down from her eyes, those foreign eyes that I don't recognize anymore. There she was, back here, to disturb my comfort and shake all of my beliefs.

There she was...pregnant.

The thought had me slamming my palm against the shower's wall, unable to take it all in, unable to get back my control just yet. The water dripped down and I pressed my eyes shut, my head hung low and my brain took me back down that memory lane.

To our first kiss, to the Lilly that I missed. That Lilly, the one that didn't hurt me, the one who didn't shake up my trust, the Lilly who loved me like I loved her with everything. The Lilly, with the ribbon up her hair. The Lilly with the soft eyes and a very big mouth that always said all types of inappropriate things.

I miss that Lilly.

This is what all of this is about.

I miss what I once had. I miss what could've been.

I raked my fingers over the wet strands of my hair, letting the cold water spill and hoping it can rid me of these terrible thoughts that I shouldn't be having. My chest tightened, and my pulse accelerated with worry, because deep down, under all the anger and rage, my heart ached just by imagining her pain at the moment, her grief toward what she lost, her fear because her family was breaking down.

How is it possible that after years, after everything that happened, I am still not a hundred percent free of her?

When I finished my shower, I walked back to the bedroom, the towel around my shoulders as I wore up my sweatpants. Aylin walked inside, her eyes on the phone in her hands, and when she looked up at me, she smiled again before she let out a low sigh, "In a couple of hours I am gonna have to go," She mumbled, sadly and walked closer to me, "It sucks that our schedules don't match anymore."

I nodded, out of words to say and I dropped at the bed's edge, "Then, tomorrow you will be gone and I will be free," She let out a frustrated sigh, "This is not fair!"

It's not fair. All of this. Me feeling like this. It's not fair.

She joined me over the bed, her hand sneaked over my shoulder from the back, she ran her fingers down the skin of my chest and inched her face beside mine. Her chest pressed against my back and she left a small kiss over my neck, "I really missed you," She whispered into my skin, "Did you not miss me?"

I turned my head to face hers, "Of course I did."

Her eyebrow raised, "Your actions say otherwise."

I placed my hand over hers, pausing her movement, "No, Aylin, like I said I am just-"

"Tired?" She said, her words came out bitter and she backed away, calling me off on my bullshit, "Yeah, I get it."

Anger radiated from her words and she laid over the bed, her furious gaze drifted away from me and she turned to her side, giving me her back. I rushed a hand over my face and my jaw ticked.

I didn't know what to think, how to act so I joined her, I wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her closer to me, "Come here," I mumbled, plastering her back against my chest.

She kept silent, her gaze anywhere but on me and I urged, "Say something," Blame me, shout at me, tell me how bad I am fucking this up.

"The problem is that you warned me," She said, her voice low, her tone so sad, "You warned me and I still walked in without a second thought, do you know why?" She turned her face to look me in the eye, "Because I thought maybe...maybe I could make you forget her, I really thought I can."

I shook my head and before I could say a thing, she stopped me, "Don't deny it, don't, Chase, since that day at the airport and you are like a totally different person," Tears gathered in her eyes and if I could loath myself more for this, I just did, "You can't even look me in the eyes, you didn't give me one normal kiss, we didn't sit and talk for more than one sentence, you're here but your mind is still somewhere else, it's with her...it's always gonna be her, always."

Lines etched between my eyebrows and I wiped the tears from over her cheek, "Aylin, the last thing I want is to hurt you," That part I meant with my whole heart, "I am just...everything happening is just too much, that's all, I am just trying to make sense of everything."

She sniffled and she brought her hand to my chest, her fingers gently pressed there, her eyes on them as she mumbled, "You're the only good thing in my life, Chase," Her words tumbled out over a pained confession, "I am so scared of losing you."

I rested my fingers over her chin and lifted it up so she can face me, she blinked the tears away, "Don't leave me, please," Her request pressed over my chest and I gulped down past that fucked-up feeling, I shook my head, "I would never," I said, because I needed to be stick to it.

She took reassurance from my promise and she inched closer, burying herself into my embrace as I hugged her. I pressed my chin over her head and she weakly whispered, "I love you, Chase."

I pressed my eyes shut, internally wincing at the bitter taste in my mouth. I am such a fool, longing for the past, longing for what could've been, longing for the endless possibilities. For how, if things were different, she would've been the girl in my arms now. Longing for the forbidden and the wrong.

I was no better than Lilly at this point.

Aylin's words were met back with my silence. They were always followed by my silence. She understood and she waited, she is still waiting...sometimes I wonder; how can she, how can she put up with me like this? How can she wait?

But then, I see the answer wide and clear, she really does love me, just like I once loved Lilly; when we were just kids, I loved and didn't expect anything in return.

I looked down at her and tightened my arms over her. I care about her, that much I know, but just like Lilly said, it's neither true nor epic.

***********

Next day...

Cara's POV

I tightened my hold over his hand, my eyes focused on his face, a small smile over my lips as I watched him sleep and waited for him to wake up. I could finally see him, I could feel him. He is finally okay.

I brushed the few strands of his hair away from his forehead and inched closer, pressing a small kiss over his temple. I couldn't wait for him to wake up, for those beautiful eyes of his to look back at me. I couldn't wait for him to talk to me, tell me he is not mad at me anymore that I lied, that I hid the truth.

I wanted my little boy back, the one they didn't hurt, the one not holding the weight of the truth over his shoulders. I didn't want that broken look clouding his eyes. I wanted to talk to him, to explain, to make him understand just what he meant to me.

Lines creased his forehead and a low groan vibrated from his throat before his eyelids slowly glided open, he blinked tiredly before he closed them again. My heart knocked it up when he opened them again and focused his sight on me, "Mom?" He said, his voice gruff and a bit energyless.

"Yes, sweetie, I am here," I said, my hands tightened over his hand before my eyes flickered up to Alex, he stood on the other side, keeping a bit of distance, and his worried gaze caressing Max.

He tried to move but he failed, he groaned, "Why does everywhere hurt?"

My chest tightened at his pain and I brushed my fingers over his cheek, "It's gonna be okay, it's just the surgery's effect," I said and Lilly stood beside me, her tear-filled eyes on Max, "Hey," She said lowly, grabbing his attention to her.

A small smile curved his lips and I almost broke into tears from the sight of it again, "Hey you," He said, his voice low and he closed his eyes a bit, the drug's effect still active over his body.

It took him a couple of minutes to gain back his energy. The doctor immediately came and checked up on him, he filled us with the important steps to take next and how he should never forget his medicines. As much as it relieves me that he is okay now, it hurts me to know all the possible pain he felt...the one he would still feel. He is too young to go through all of this, to have medicines he should always take, to always have to come back here for check-ups.

Whoever did this should be punished, in the worst way possible.

The nurse fixed the bed so now he was sitting, Lilly immediately took the spot by his side and she talked, explained what happened, and talked about the surgery, all while keeping the Nikolas part of it hidden, for now.

I left their side and went beside Alex, "Why are you standing here?" I asked, my eyebrow raising.

His eyes were on Max only and he shook his head, "He just woke up, l don't want to stress him or pressure him now, let him get better first," He rubbed at the back of his neck and mumbled, "He needs some space."

I took his hand in mine, "Alex, you won't lose him," I said, addressing his immense fear toward that, "He is gonna understand, he knows how much you love him."

His throat bobbed and his troubled eyes went to me, he nodded, "I hope you're right."

His eyes went back to them. He watched as Lilly wrapped her arm around Max's shoulder and they laughed about something. My heart did that thing again, that one beat fast, one beat low, and I smiled as I gazed at them both. Max leaned on her and she kissed his head, relieved by this just as much as us.

The one thing I was terrified of the most is this truth drifting them apart, but it only brought them closer and I couldn't be more proud.

"This is all I want," Alex whispered, his eyes on Lilly and Max, having similar thoughts to mine, "For both of them to be okay," He looked at me, "To smile and laugh....is it too much to ask for?"

I shook my head, "It's all I want as well," I mumbled, "There will always be things beyond our control, Alex, but we will still do our best," I added before I tiptoed and pressed a kiss to his cheek, "Stay with them, I am gonna be back."

He nodded and with one last look at them, at their smiles. I left the room and headed to the other one at the end of the hallway. I knocked first, but no words came so I opened the door and stepped inside, "Hey," I said, announcing my presence.

His gaze drifted to me and he blinked, "Hey," He mumbled, his voice so low.

I walked closer, taking a stop beside the bed. Nikolas rubbed at his eyes tiredly and he let out a low groan, "What's wrong?" I asked.

He sighed in annoyance, "I wanted to leave but Alex made them put something in me," He mumbled, rubbing at his eyes again, unable to keep them open, "It's making me fall asleep."

I smiled at how annoyed he sounded, I could totally imagine Alex doing that, "I just wanted to tell you that Max is okay," I said, really appreciative, "So...thank you."

The doctor said we dealt with the situation fast, which is part of why Max's situation is good now. If it wasn't for Nikolas, I can't begin to imagine what would've happened...

He looked at me, one eye half-opened open and the other closed, "You don't need to thank me," He mumbled, too energy-less to talk or stay awake, he closed his eyes and talked, "Remember, you said once that maybe I stayed alive for a reason," He let out another sigh and forced his eyes open.

He pressed his palms over the mattress and tried to get up but I placed my hand over his shoulder, urging him back.

He just had a surgery. I shook my head, men and their ego.

He looked at me, his gaze so hazed, half here and half slowly falling asleep, "This looks like a very good reason."

I nodded, "Yeah, yeah it is," I said, meaning it, "You should rest now, I just wanted to say thank you, that's all."

I was about to turn around, ready to walk away but his fingers reached for my hand, stopping me, "Cara," He said, I looked back at him, "Yeah?"

"When I get out of here and definitely kick Alex's ass for making them put this drug in me," He added, ever so seriously, "After that, I will find who did this," He assured me, "Alex and I will find him and make sure nothing ever happens to either of them, I promise."

I nodded, "I know."

I believe in them both and I am sure that one way or another, this will be fixed.

************

Alex's POV

I rubbed an anxious hand over my jaw as I watched him sleep. I know he is okay now, he is getting better but for some reason, I can't shake this worry still. I kept my eyes over his chest, watching it rise and fall, rhythmically.

With every breath he took, I released one from my lungs.

He went back to sleep right after, too exhausted to keep awake and I forced Cara to take Lilly and go home. I could stay with him tonight. I could watch over him as he sleeps, I can make sure he is fine.

Also, I can't be the one left with Lilly all alone. I don't know what to say to her, how to react to all of this just yet. I need time to sort through that maze of thoughts.

Max tossed around relentlessly, he moved his head from one side to another before I saw his eyes glide open. I straightened myself into my seat and when he tried to sit down, I got to my feet and immediately to his side, "Is there anything you need?" I asked, my tone urgent, scared he is in pain or something.

His eyes flickered up to me, eyes so green, so soft and innocent, "Just water," he mumbled.

I nodded and grabbed the bottle from the side and poured him a glass. I handed it to him and he gulped the thing, his gaze drifting around, "Where are mom and Lilly?" He asked, confused.

"I forced them to go home, they've been staying here all over the past week."

He nodded and looked at me again, "It's good you did."

He handed me the glass and just when I was placing away, he said, "Dad," The word left him so effortlessly and I could feel my heart beat faster, that one word filling me up in the places where it hurt the most.

I turned to him, "Yeah?" I said, over a low whisper.

His eyebrows pulled closer, "Are you mad at me?"

His words had me shaking my head in disbelief, "No, no, why would you...why would you think that?"

His throat bobbed and he rubbed a nervous hand over his neck as he remarked, "You haven't talked to me yet."

I shook my head, "I just didn't want you to feel bad or anything, you just woke up, I...I just wanted you to be okay," Air harshly pushed out of my chest, "Based on how things were before, I just wanted to give you space, in case...in case you didn't want to talk to me."

He shook his head, refusing my words, and something akin to sorrow flashed into his eyes, "I am sorry, dad."

I stared back at him in pure puzzlement, "You didn't do anything wrong, Max, you don't have to apologize for anything."

"What I said, about you...about you not being my dad, that was wrong, I was just hurt and angry," He shook his head, his words proving how he is still my little boy, "I should've not said that."

My heart stumbled, the fear slowly slipping away as he added, "You're my dad, nothing will ever change that, it's all I know, it's all I want to know."

His words had me smiling, involuntarily and I inched closer, my hand went to the back of his neck as I pulled him to me, "And you're my little boy," I tightened my hold over the back of his neck, my chin rested over his head and I finally breathed, "The one that I love so much."

He hugged me back, needing the assurance just as much as me.

"There is a lot we should talk about, Max," I mumbled when I backed away.

He nodded, understanding, "We will, but later, not now, okay?"

I nodded, "Whenever you feel ready, we can talk."

He looked around the room then back at me, "The doctor said I should walk around, I don't feel like sleeping now, can you help me?" He asked and I immediately nodded, "Yeah sure, come here," I said, extending my hand so he can take it.

His eyes pressed shut as he tried to move, the pain still eating up at his inside, and fuck, I'd do anything to take it away. He used my arm as his anchor, his fingers curled over my wrist as I helped him get up.

With slow footsteps and with my support, we exited the room and walked into the hallway. Even though it was night, there were many people scattered here and there.

"Dad, can we go there?" He asked, pointing at the right side.

I nodded, "Yeah, why?"

"That girl looks hot," He said, pointing at the end of the hall and I chuckled.

There is no need for a DNA test.

"You're my son, alright!" I commented and he smiled, all mischief and it warmed my heart.

I pulled into a deep breath, determined and getting myself ready for what comes next, "But before that, there is," I lead his way in the opposite direction, "There is someone I need you to see," He stared back at me, confused and when we stopped by Nikolas's room, I added, "I know you don't want to talk about it yet and we won't, but I can't keep this from you any longer."

His gaze was pure clueless and I opened the room's door, and lead his way inside, just by the entrance. His gaze drifted from me and fell onto the man laying over the bed, fast asleep.

One second.

Two.

Max's hand tightened over my wrist involuntary, shock radiated off his gaze and breathlessly, he turned his gaze to me, his eyes wide and I nodded, answering his unspoken question,

"He is alive."

***********************************

Let's do a little voting, do you want the next update to be for:

This book,

Or for Unraveling him?

Anyways, whatcha ya think? How do you feel about Lilly now? Chase and Aylin? Cara and Nik's new developments?

What do you think Max's reaction will be?

Also, I noticed many of you watch Turkish tv shows (Side note: I am turkish btw xD) Anyways, do you ever listen to turkish songs as well? Because there is this song that's fitting Lilly and Chase's situation so much;

There is part of the lyrics that goes by (roughly translated):

A lot of time has passed since you've left.

I got used to that childish feeling of sadness in me;

You're within me, and because of this; I was looking after myself pretty well.

Oh man, I wish you all knew Turkish so I can make you listen to it.

Anyways, see ya soon, since I am quarantined at home and available to write XD love ya all!