Chapter 53 - Bloodied Ribbon

"Some people are simply born with tragedy in their blood..."

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Chase's POV

They say you freeze.

That it's the body's natural response, an instinct; to enter a state of "fight, flight, or freeze."

When an immanent doom approaches, when tragedy entwines and stares you dead in the eye, when destiny's cold hand draws cruelly near; you freeze, they say. Similar to when you are crossing a street and a speeding car comes hurtling at you—you suddenly stop, you look at it, you don't run, you don't move, you simply freeze.

The world spins in chaos around you, yet you remain rooted in place, unable to move.

They say a scream tries to claw and scratch at the walls of your throat but it gets silenced.

Your heartbeats falter.

Your breath locks in fear.

Time stands still, and you freeze.

They say, your brain is simply not capable of processing the magnitude of what's unfurling; that you were never prepared to deal with something so formidable.

That the speed of how everything in your life could shatter in mere seconds startles you.

I didn't believe them.

I didn't believe them because I thought—I thought that I knew pain, that I could control it. I thought I'd felt pain and tasted it multiple times before. We all think we've mastered the art of pain until we're proven otherwise; like when you fall off your bike and hurt your knee as a kid, you think that's the worst pain. Like when you watch your father cry when he loses his grandma and you feel so helpless, and you think that's the highest level of pain. Like when you think all of your future dreams and hopes got shattered, you think nothing could be more painful. Like when the person you love is in love with someone else, you think no pain could be more excruciating.

I thought I knew pain. I thought I'd tasted its bitter sting multiple times before.

But at that moment, as I watched her fall, as I felt my world shatter around me, I realized I knew nothing of pain.

Time fractured, splintering into shards of unbearable agony, and I froze in the eye of a storm that could annihilate me.

My body didn't feel like my own anymore, and I felt like I was watching everything unwind from the outside. It all happened so fast and at once.

I was trying to catch up with her, but she ran so fast, an urgency in her steps that echoed within the hollow chambers. She ran so fast into the room, trying to catch something, to stop something, only to be stopped by the bullet that pierced her in the back. I watched it. I saw it hit her, I saw its impact, the invisible ripples as they wreaked her body and that's...that's when I froze.

That's when everything in my being shut down.

I watched Alex rush to her in a frantic blur, his eyes wide with bewilderment, his shaking hands desperately clutching to her body before she'd hit the ground, but the weight of it all had him going down with her, his knees hitting the floor, grasping her frail body into his arms and cradling her closer to his chest.

"Lilly...what did you do, what did you do..." His breathless agonized words shattered through the fog wrapping around me. I could see how he was tasting it too —that highest most excruciating level of pain. I saw it in the way his fingers trembled as he tried to feel her cheek, the raw shock of the trauma exploding in waves across his face as he looked down at her, like he couldn't understand, couldn't believe it, couldn't move; paralyzed by the enormity of the tragedy, frozen in time just like the rest of us.

At that same moment, when she crashed into his arms, I watched the rest of the scene unravel, the chaos unwrapping, it felt akin to an earthquake shaking the very ground beneath our feet.

Nikolas's eyes were wide, filled with a primal vicious fury, one ready to consume the whole entire world, they darted away from Alex in an instant, and he acted on instinct. With a feral untamed growl, he knocked down the guy he was fighting in mere seconds before he moved forward and quickly aimed at the man responsible. He fired at him, not once, not twice, again and again, till I lost count.

Emma did the same, fueled by the same fire burning us all, she lunged at him and ferociously pushed him to the ground.

More men came, Emma's soldiers I supposed, their shoulders brushing mine as they surged into the room with an alarmed urgency, trying to restore order, to quell the chaos, and put down the opposing team.

But why? They were so late.

At the same moment, when Alex pulled Lilly to his trembling embrace, my gaze shifted to Nathan. He stood closest to them, almost like he was attempting to do something about this before it went crashing down and spiraled out of control. He stared down at the scene with an inexplicable look, like he didn't understand; like he didn't comprehend what he was feeling.

The knife slipped from his grasp, his fingers twitching as the metal clattered to the floor. He blinked and stumbled backward, a couple of steps, seeking to distance himself from the unfolding tragedy.

His eyes flickered up, they first fell on me, before they went to something, to someone next to me, someone who was probably experiencing what I was.

"Alex, get her out of here, now!" Emma shot out, loud enough to shatter the mirage and I finally exhaled the breath I inhaled back when I saw the bullet hit her. The sudden rush of oxygen into my lungs dizzied me and the world spun on its axis again. I finally regained control of my senses; Voices became loud again, smells became more prominent and I felt fire surge in my blood and veins.

Alex struggled to his feet so fast, one arm below Lilly's legs, the other under her back, cradling her in his embrace as he strode outside.

I followed him right away, my muscles finally responded to my brain as I rushed outside behind him. He paused for a quick second by his car, his enraged bewildered eyes flickering to me, "Open the door and get in," He said, his voice breathless, heavy, and labored like he had run this whole country on his feet.

I don't know what was controlling my actions anymore, I was in a haze still as I opened it and got inside, carefully taking her from him, and securing her in my embrace. Alex quickly shut the door on us before he jumped into the driver's seat and sped off into the streets with a velocity that seemed to defy the laws of physics.

I tightly held her frail body to me, she felt so warm, so light as I pulled her closer to my chest. One of my hands was below her back, feeling something so hot seep into it and entwine my fingers as the seconds ticked by. I could see the crimson redness, spill out into my clothes, into my skin and I tried to control it, carefully pressing my hand against her back, desperately trying to stop the flow of blood.

I brought my other hand to her face, caressing her warm cheek, my gaze flickered all over her face, too peaceful for someone who should be in agonizing pain, eyes closed, lashes resting and my shaky fingers brushed the top of her cheek, "Lilly," I whispered to her, my face so close, "Baby, open those eyes, please," I whispered, my voice trembling at the mere thought of it.

A few faint lines creased between her brows, and her lips parted slightly to say something but no words made it out. They curled up slightly, twitching in discomfort, her face contorting with the effort to bear a pain too heavy for her brain to comprehend. Slowly, her eyelids flickered up, halfway only and they fell upon me.

I cupped her cheek, my touch gentle yet urgent, "Hey," I whispered, willing her to hold on.

"Chase," her voice barely made it out, the softest of whispers, and the grip over my splintering heart tightened...what if, what if it's the last time I'd hear her call my name?

"Yeah, yeah, I am right here," I said, leaning and pressing my lips into her forehead, mumbling into her warm skin, my words a fervent prayer against the looming fate, "You're going to be okay," I whispered in despair, trying to convince myself too.

"You will be just fine, just hang on a bit longer, okay," I gazed into her beautiful eyes, so light and hazy. I brushed the area below them, "Just keep those eyes on me, okay," I added, desperate, god, so desperate, I'd go down on my knees and beg anyone for her to be okay; I'd howl and scream at the skies for her to stay with me.

Her throat moved, bobbing slightly, trying to speak. I stayed so close, my wavering gaze leveled with her broken one, hearing her very low whispers, "Tell Dad that I'm sorry," She murmured, silent tears glistened in her eyes and dripped down, falling down her temples and into my hand, "That...I never meant to hurt him," She added, weakly shaking her head, "That I love him so much."

I shook my head, "You will tell him yourself," I said, feeling the weight of everything press harder and harder, clouding my chest, strangling my lungs, crushing my throat, and burning in my eyes, "We will go to the hospital, and you'll get better, and you'll tell him all you want, Lilly."

More tears fell from her eyes, and she shook her head, the look in her fading eyes begging me to accept this, to do it, "Chase," She whispered again, my name leaving her lips ever so achingly.

I shook my head, refusing all of this; it's not happening, it can't be happening, "Don't...Lilly, don't you dare," My jaw tightened so fucking hard to stop it from wobbling, from breaking all over the damn place, "Don't you dare say it," I said, aware of what she was thinking, of what she would say and ruin me. This won't be a goodbye, she can't make it feel like a goodbye.

She will be okay. She has to, or else what will happen? We...we were going to go away, to leave all of this behind and escape. We were this close to a final getaway.

Her eyelids dropped down, she pressed them shut as more tears fell, betraying the helpless situation we were in. I felt her hand move, her quivering fingers trying to reach for my own. She rested them over my hand, and the jolt of pain that quaked my being at her mere touch made a desperate tear fall, and trickle down my cheek, ever so helplessly.

Struggling against the pull of exhaustion, she fought to keep her eyes open, heavy-lidded and burdened. Something seemed to be trying to tug at her, to take her away but she fought it, resisting, trying to look at me, to touch me, one more time.

"Remember...what we talked about, that day," She whispered, her lashes dark and wet with her pain and tears, "You didn't promise me—"

Her words from before echoed into the hollow chambers of my insides, wrecking me some more; Promise me that if anything were to happen to me, that you'll be okay, that you will move on and be okay.

She destroyed me with those words on that day, and she is doing it again.

I shook my head, "No, Lilly, no," I shook my head again, "I can never promise you that," I said, my voice tight, choked with the intensity of what was unraveling, "You know that I can't, I can't without you, I can't live, can't breathe," I added, another tear trickling down my cheek, I couldn't imagine a world where she'd...she...oh god, no, that won't happen, it can't happen.

A world without her, is a world I can't and won't survive in, a world that I don't want.

"You know that. And I won't have to promise you a thing, because you will be okay," I said, stressing on it again, and again, never willing to accept anything else, "You will fight through this, I need you to fight, baby, please," I carressed her skin, whisking away the tears that kept dripping down, "There is still so much we haven't done," so much that we missed, "So many places we didn't see," I added, "We still have to go, remember," I said.

"I still have to take away from here," I added, my voice suddenly losing all hope, unable to cling further to something that was slipping right in between my fingers.

More tears fell from my eyes, I could no longer control them nor control my pain, or anything at all; that's what she always did to me, eluding me of control, stripping it away as she sucked me into her whirlwind of a life. I used to love and revel in it. She was always the wildness to my calm life, the chaos in my ordered world.

But now, now she was crushing my heart with that look, devastating as I watched her fading before me, her lifeblood seeping through my trembling fingers.

She was breaking me with every weakening breath.

"You still have to get me my cake," She whispered, her voice as broken as my own.

"I didn't get you a cake," I whispered, my eyelids fluttered shut as sorrow overwhelmed me, more tears fell and I felt my shoulders shaking, unable to take more. I hadn't cried much before, not at all maybe, because I never felt so hopeless, so out of control, but now, I wanted to sob like a kid, I wanted to break down, to scream into the world, the cruel world that could dare and take her away from me.

My lips fell onto her forehead and I kissed her skin, her temple, her hair, trying to restore her scent somewhere deep within me, almost like I wouldn't be able to again, "I love you so much, Lilly, please don't leave me," I whispered into her skin, "I would die without you."

God, she was a part of me, etched into my soul since day one. This pain crushing my veins and bones, felt like a vibration of her own, like I could feel what she felt, my lungs failing like hers were, my heart breaking as hers was fighting for one more beat.

Her quivering fingers tried to clutch tighter into my hand, to draw some of my life into her. My forehead pressed against hers, my fingers trying to memorize the feel of her soft skin. Her tearful eyes were on mine, "It'll be okay," She whispered, trying to calm me down when I should be doing that, "You'll be okay," She added, breathlessly, like talking alone was such a hard task.

Her lips parted to say more but she couldn't. I shook my head, trying to stop her, "It's okay, we're almost there, I know...I know you are in pain, just hang on a bit more, Lilly, we're almost there," I said.

She shook her head, "No, I am not in pain," She whispered, like she meant it, a few lines etched between her eyebrows, "But why...why can't I feel my legs," She added, her words etching lines into my forehead and I felt like I was disintegrating as the seconds ticked by.

I could still feel the blood on my hand, but now, I could see it too, on the inside of her lips, staining the soft delicate skin, and trying to crawl its way out of her in any way possible, "Chase," She whispered again, her eyelids falling down, unable to fight more, exhaustion weighing her fragile body down, "You have to tell dad, please, you have t—"

Her voice ceased afterward and the fingers that were clutching into my own slowly fell away, "Lilly," I said in alarm, my voice for once raising above a whisper as I watched them in horror, my eyes growing wide as they limply fell beside her, "Lilly, no," I pleaded, my hand moving over her face, trying to shake her back to me, "Come on, Lilly, don't do this, please, come on, open your eyes," Panic ate at my heart and brain as I tried to shake her back to me but failed.

My gaze fell back onto her face, a stark contrast to the raw agony enveloping us, so peaceful and serene, like she was merely sleeping. My attention shifted slightly to the ribbon, the blue ribbon, that had adorned her hair, now slowly loosening its grip and drifting to the floor, falling apart like we were.

I reached for it so fast, my fingers desperately grasping the little fabric into my palm, as if holding onto it could somehow anchor me to reality. My vision blurred with tears, my inside a mess, yet I couldn't tear my eyes away from her. I kept watching, closely monitoring the low rise and fall of her chest till we finally reached the hospital.

As the car screeched to a sudden halt, the world around me erupted into a cacophony of loud sounds and hazy colors. I didn't understand half of what was happening. My mind unable to process how I went down, nor how they urgently took her away from me and wheeled her inside.

The door to the surgery room closed behind them with a finality that sent shivers down my spine.

We were left outside, Alex and me, bearing witness to the horrifying unfolding tragedy.

Time crawled by at an agonizing pace, each second stretching into eternity without offering even a shred of relief. I settled down on one of the plastic chairs, Alex sat right next to me, both of us eerily silent, unable to speak a single word, because what could we even say?

Not long after, Roman and Emma arrived, I watched them get closer to us and assess the whole situation. Emma stood so close, leaning into the wall and her eyes on Alex only, watching him carefully from a short distance, ready to pick him up if he fell apart.

Roman approached Alex, his hand coming to rest gently on his shoulder in a gesture of support. "Last night, after what happened, I called Cara," he began, his voice steady despite the underlying tension, "She said she would come in the morning to see you, and she'll arrive here in an hour or so. I'll go get her, tell her what...happened, and bring her here, okay?"

Alex remained silent, his gaze fixed on some distant point. He offered a silent nod in response, and Roman squeezed his shoulder in reassurance before rising to his feet. With a final glance at him, he picked up his phone, he exchanged a few words with Emma before he walked away.

Seconds and minutes continued to tick by, and I didn't move, I didn't open my mouth, not a single twitch on my expression, nothing, as I waited. I could do nothing but wait. That's how helpless I felt.

Urgent footsteps echoed close and I turned to look as Nikolas halted to a stop next to us. His eyes fell on me, they flickered over my clothes, taking notice of the blood covering my shirt like a second skin before they flickered to his brother, "Alex," He started to say, seeking clarification, reassurance, anything that could confirm that she was okay.

Alex's gaze didn't once waver from the far distant spot he was gazing at, but the sound of his name, or the person who said it, made the muscles of his jaw twitch and move. His finger curled into a fist in his lap and his eyelids fell for a moment or two.

When he pried them open again, "Get out," He said, his voice low but firm, the anger buried beneath it felt like it could crumble the walls around us.

Confused worried lines pulled between Nikolas's eyebrows, trying to understand, "Alex, wha—" He said again, trying to reach for him, to comprehend the hostility radiating off him in waves.

But that was it for Alex, he finally moved, he finally turned his gaze away and he got up to his feet, standing right across from his brother, "Get out, I said," He grated out again, seething, reeling, a raw emotion in his eyes that none of us understood, "I don't want you here."

"Alex, it's...Lilly," Nikolas tried to say, the agony pressing into his features as he tried to grasp at the edges of what was occurring.

"Yeah, my daughter," Alex responded back, "My daughter, Nikolas," He stressed out as if attempting to engrave it in his head, "My daughter, who is inside right now, fighting for her life," his words pulled back the pain I was trying so hard to push away and numb.

He gritted his teeth, "Because of who?" He asked, his eyebrow raising, "Because of you!" He shot out in utter distaste, bringing his hands up and curling them over Nikolas's shirt, pushing him backward, "Because this is how my life has been since you came into it!"

Nikolas silently tried to absorb every word Alex was throwing at him, and Emma edged closer, preparing herself to interfere if things went out of control, "One hospital to another, one funeral to another and I can't fucking take it anymore!" Red painted his neck, the veins popping out, the rage eating him up, trying to crawl out in any way possible, "So get the fuck out of here!"

His voice bellowed into the corridor, leaving behind an echo that was so devastating, speaking of a pain, so raw, so powerful, one much more prominent than any of us was feeling; the pain of a father on the edge of losing his daughter.

I don't think you can measure such pain.

"First Max, and now Lilly," His voice lowered, his breathing labored, his chest heaving, up and down in ragged breaths. It felt like he could splinter and fall apart so instead he chose to be angry, to blame and he pushed him further back, slamming him into the wall. Nikolas did nothing but let Alex use him as an outlet, "You think I can take more?"

Alex shook his head, his voice breaking down, "I can't," the agony seeped through every word, weaved itself within every letter and I felt myself edge right into that cliff, his helplessness making me feel more hopeless, unable to accept the inevitability of the situation.

With his tight grip on Nikolas's shirt, he harshly pushed his fists into his chest, like he wanted to tear into his skin, to rip him apart, "If anything happens to her, Nikolas, I will kill you!" His grieving desperate words made him finally feel it, and I saw a couple of tears that fell from his enraged gaze, a gut-wrenching tremor surged through his shoulders and he added again, less convincing, more broken, lower, and quivering, "I will kill you..."

Nikolas met his gaze with the same shattered expression, his eyes drowning in the weight of the moment, as if he were being dragged down with the same sinking ship, engulfed by suffocating waves from which he made no attempt to escape.

He brought his hands up, curling them over Alex's arms, "She will be okay," His words were so low, more like a plea, or a prayer directed to some ethereal being. He gripped his shoulder, and the side of his neck, trying to hold him up in a world that was going to eradicate him, "She will be okay, Alex. She has to, or else—" He added, shaking his head in desperation; the other scenario was unspeakable, unreadable, a bloody one that would leave all of its audience dead when the curtains closed.

My gaze shifted to Emma, who could no longer handle all that was happening and she looked away, bringing her hand to her face, wiping away at something, her fingers curling, twitching, like she wanted to punch into the walls and crumble the world beneath her feet.

Because power could give her so much, but it can't give her this. It could fix a lot, but can't fix this.

Then, I looked at my fisted hand, still closed with a steel-tight grasp since we got here.

My white-knuckled grip loosened and my fingers unfurled. My gaze fell onto the ribbon lying within my blood-stained palm.

The blue ribbon; my little ribbon, but no, it wasn't blue anymore.

Gone with its purity, the pristine hue. The maroon-red has entwined with its fabric, tainting it with pain, ruining it, erasing the good, and filling it with bad only.

I could no longer breathe, nor tolerate the pain. I got up to my feet and walked away, aimless to my destination as I distanced myself from them. I just needed air. I needed oxygen. I needed something, I just didn't know what. My feet took me back outside, they hit the wet asphalt and I looked up as the rain pelted my skin and hair, the entire world crying too as the storm mercilessly wreaked havoc on our lives.

My eyes dropped down and flickered around, watching as people came in and out, all lost in their own problems and tragedies, but at the moment, no affliction felt like it could weigh more than ours.

Lost in the bustling crowds, my eyes found him out of everyone, standing at the side, under the rain, as he drank in the feedback of these events. Sensing my unwavering gaze, his grey eyes met mine and I strode forward. Much like Alex, I needed an outlet too, I needed to shout, to scream, to wail and howl, to cry out and break down.

He sensed my hostility but he didn't move, didn't flinch as my fingers grasped and wrapped around his jacket, pushing him and harshly slamming his back into the wall, "Why did you have to come into her life?!" I roared, my voice followed by the booming thunder overhead.

The rain didn't stop, it didn't pause, if possible, it intensified, mirroring the intensity of my emotion, "Why didn't you fucking stay away from her?" I snapped, my fist instinctively moving and slamming him in the face, the brutality of my punch almost brought him down but I pulled him up.

He didn't fight me back in the slightest, he wanted me to use him as an outlet, so he could feel that agonizing pain too.

Wet trails of rain fell from his soaked hair and into his face, mixing with his tears, mixing with the blood forming on the corner of his mouth and I wanted to rip him apart at the seams, "You took her from me," I shot out, slamming my fist into his face once more, the animalistic urge in me too foreign, too primal and untamed, the logic going loose and fried in my brain and I slammed him again.

"You've hurt her, you used her, you changed her, you flipped her whole life upside down, you made her doubt everything and everyone," I screamed, I just needed to, my voice reverberating with fury, "What did she do to you, you coward, why couldn't you stay the fuck away," I shot out, punctuating my words with another forceful blow to his face, "She wasn't yours to take,"

I felt like I wouldn't stop till he turned into a bloody mess between my hands, and I wanted him to, I wanted to feel his blood on my palms, maybe it would erase hers.

He pressed the back of his head into the wall, his tears silently falling, wanting me to end him, thinking that maybe he'd feel better that way. My fingers tightened over his collar and I shook my head, "You don't get to cry, you don't get to fucking cry," I snapped, seething and I hit him, again, and again.

Red veiled my sight and I tasted the saltiness on my lips, the pain, and the agony. I felt like I could explode, like I could implode and I needed...I needed her, needed her to pull me out of this. I needed to breathe, I couldn't breathe. I needed her to breathe...

A strong hand landed on my shoulder from the back, finally tearing me away from him, "Hey, hey, stop!" He snapped loudly, finally managing to guard me as he slammed me into the same wall, his grip so tight as he tried to hold me in one place. I tried to blink through the haze, to fucking breathe but couldn't, "Calm the fuck down, will you," He snapped, his voice tinged with frustration and concern, his enraged green eyes taking notice of my unraveling wavering state.

I pressed my eyes shut, wincing at the familiar flare in my chest.

My lungs burned, starved for air as panic threatened to consume me whole. With each labored breath I tried to suck in, it felt like I was being crushed under the weight of my own existence. My chest tightened, constricting around my lungs like a vice, as if the very air I desperately needed was being withheld from me.

I pressed my eyes shut, trying to block out the overwhelming sensation of suffocation. I couldn't, couldn't. I buried the back of my head further into the wall, trying to lean into something, to hold myself up, to just fucking breathe but it was impossible anymore. I needed her, with a desperation that bordered on madness.

Without her, I don't function, I don't work, incomplete, a shattered echo of a man.

She wasn't merely the missing piece of my puzzle; she was the very mosaic, the intricate design, the vibrant colors that breathed life into the canvas of my existence.

"Hey, hey, Chase," Nikolas snapped, as if willing to snap me out of this, trying to anchor me back, his bewildered gaze flickered over me in an attempt to understand what was happening, "Your inhaler," He said in realization, how did he even know, "Where is your inhaler?"

I shook my head, it wasn't on me.

"Okay, okay, just...just breathe, come on," He said in desperation, unaware of what he was supposed to do. His grip tightened over my shoulders, trying to keep me standing, "Goddammit, come on, Chase, just breathe, you can do it," He added and I tried and I kept failing, I felt dizzy, I felt like a paperweight, like I could easily crumble, "Come on, don't make me punch you, I don't want to explain to Lilly when she wakes up why I had to knock you unconscious, come on!"

And finally, I was able to suck that bit of oxygen back into my aching lungs. My eyelids fell in exhaustion, trying to adapt to the new sensation as I breathed in and out, ever so slowly, like a kid learning to take his very first steps. It's almost like he knew, that the mere mention of her, of her waking up, of her coming out of this, of surviving; it was enough for me to breathe.

A wave of relief washed over his face as he watched me regain control over the simplest of tasks. His chest heaved up and down, rhythmic to my own as he sucked into a deep calming breath himself. He finally let go of my shoulders, turning to look at Christian and he grumbled something, pulling a napkin out of his pocket and pushing it at him, "Clean your face," He said before he looked between us with a barely controllable fury, "I don't want to see this again, from both of you, understood?"

My jaw tightened and I glanced at Christian as he dapped the napkin over the blood I drew out of him, wincing at the burn of my assault.

Good, I don't regret it one bit.

*******************

Four more hours dragged on, each minute feeling longer than the entirety of my very existence. We sat in that sterile waiting room, suspended in a limbo of uncertainty, grasping onto the faintest glimmer of hope as we waited for any type of news.

Cara had arrived with Roman around two hours ago. She stayed by Alex's side all through, crying into his embrace as she tried to grasp the sudden turn of events. His arms stayed around her as they both dealt with this on their own, weathering this storm together.

My parents called me, they said they'll pick up Max and get on a plane to here right away.

As the hours stretched on, the weight of the unknown pressed heavier upon us, I felt like I could no longer fight for my sanity.

When the door finally slid open, I sprang to my feet, my heart pounding in my chest. But Alex was quicker, reaching the doctor in a desperate bid for answers.

The doctor removed his mask, his expression unreadable as he spoke, "We were able to successfully remove the bullet," His tone neither confirmed nor denied my negative thoughts, "Unfortunately, it had grazed her spinal cord, so we had to be very careful," He added, "She hasn't fully come through, and her condition hasn't stabilized yet, so we must closely monitor her in the ICU for at least an overnight," He added, "Our main focus now is preventing further damage and managing any complications that may arise."

I didn't understand what he was saying.

"Later on, based on the progress of her condition, we can deal with the other complications," He added, "But for now, we can only hope for the best and that she stabilizes fast enough," He spoke, and it felt like he was speaking a foreign language.

"Complications?" Alex and I asked at the same moment, and the doctor's gaze flickered from him to me, then back to him, "As I said, the bullet grazed her spinal cord, which could sometimes lead to temporary or long-term neurological deficits, but none of that is for sure now, so there is no need for panic," He rushed his words out, probably reading the panic eating me up, "For now, let's focus on monitoring her condition overnight and if she stabilizes, the rest will be easy, believe me," He assured.

"I will keep you up to date on everything," He added before walking away and I still felt so fucking lost, uncertainty still gripped me tightly, leaving me adrift in a sea of unanswered questions.

I spent the rest of the day tirelessly negotiating my way into the ICU. They rarely permitted visitors, but after pleading my case with her doctor and insisting, he relented, albeit with a stern warning and a strict time limit. He instructed the nurse to drag me out if I stayed for more than ten minutes.

I didn't care for the amount, I just needed to see her, or I would fade away too.

As the nurse swiped her card, granting me access, she reiterated the ten-minute rule. I barely registered her words, I didn't see her, didn't hear her, my sole focus fixed on what lay beyond that door.

Crossing the threshold, I felt like I walked into another realm, suspended in an antiseptic scent, a haze of uncertainty and fear. Machines hummed rhythmically, their soft beeps enhancing the further I walked.

And there she was, lying down, so fragile, so vulnerable, so little as she sank into this foreign cold space, her chest rising and falling in sync with the rhythmic hiss of the ventilator. Her face was pallid against the stark white of the hospital sheets, her features softened by the weight of unconsciousness.

With trembling steps, I approached, my heart heavy, swelling so fucking tight at her mere sight. This was not the place for her, she shouldn't be here, she should be out there, eyes open and full of life, giving me that soft happy smile, her warm hand in mine. We shouldn't be here, we should be somewhere far away, from all of these people.

Her hand lay limp against the mattress, the absence of her touch a gaping void in my splintering heart.

Feeling myself get weaker by the second, I pulled the chair closer to the bed, dropping down on it next to her, unable to stay still and up in a world that managed to hurt her this badly. My quivering fingers reached for her hand, and they brushed her skin, so cold, god, she was cold, I wanted to wrap her in my arms and never let her go, that if she left, she'd take me with her too.

My hand curled over hers, trying to warm it up. I gazed at her, aching to touch her, feel her closer, smell her, but I couldn't, the doctor's restrictions guarding me in one spot. I drew circles on the inside of her palm, gently and tenderly. I lowered my head, my lips pressing a small kiss over her hand, "I know it's so hard, but I need you to fight, Lilly," I whispered, hoping our connection was strong enough that she'd hear me, feel me and sense the desperation tumbling out of me.

My forehead pressed against her arm, feeling ever so weak, ever so drained, my fingers still so tight over her hand, it was getting warmer now. I closed my eyes, "Please, Lilly, just fight," I said, the tears slipping through my closed lids, never leaving me on this miserable day, "Fight for yourself, for us, for your parents, for your family," I added, "For me."

"We need you, Lilly, more than you can imagine," I said, "I need you."

I edged back in shock when I felt her fingers slightly twitch in my grip. My eyes flickered to her face, her eyes were still closed, her expression still so serene and calm but her fingers twitched again in my grip and I tightened my hold over them, giving her the reassurance.

I brought her hand to my lips and left another soft kiss, "Come back to me, baby, I promise I'll never let you go this time," I said, whispering more words to her, of a future we could have, a path we could tread, a life we could live, if she fights her way back to us.

The ten minutes passed in a blur and I had to get out before they'd drag me. I stayed outside by the glass door, watching her all through the night, because what else could I do? Sleep? I could barely breathe, I couldn't perform any other normal human function, so I stayed glued there, watching her from a short distance.

I felt someone pause to a stop beside me, looking through the glass door at what I was gazing at. A long moment of silence passed between us, we hadn't exchanged a single word since, since last night. My gaze flickered from Lilly and fell into him beside me. Alex shifted his attention and looked at me, his eyes met mine and the muscles of his jaw worked, trying to contain his immense fear as he read the devastation in my own.

My lips parted, doing what I shouldn't do, saying it out loud would mean that I accepted the worst, "She told me to tell you that—"

"No," He shook his head, stopping me, "Don't," He added, still shaking his head, his voice strained with emotions, "She'll tell me herself."

I shook my head, "What if—"

He stopped me again, "Chase, she will tell me herself," He stressed out again, refusing any other option.

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I nodded my head. Alex's eyes flickered there, gazing at her, "She will be fine, I am not losing my little girl," He said, in a way, as if daring fate to take her away from him, that he'd tear her away from the grasps of death himself, "You won't lose her either."

"I'd give everything up for her to be okay," I whispered lowly.

His eyes flickered back to me, softening, and he nodded his head, for once understanding the depth of my feelings, "I know."

He sucked into a deep breath, "When she gets better, which she will," He said, his voice dropping lower, desperately clinging to that belief, "You need to promise me that you will always be there for her, that you will protect her from everything, from everyone, including myself," He said, indirectly addressing last night's incident.

It felt like for once, he was giving me his blessings, and he was handing me that responsibility, almost like he realized that life was too fragile, that he wouldn't be here forever to do that. I shook the thought away as soon as it crossed my head, it was too scary to even dwell on.

"I promise," I vowed, a promise I'll keep till my last breath.

He nodded his head, believing in my words, in me, and all I felt I felt after was his arm wrapping around my shoulder and pulling me to him, his other arm came around my back and I clung back into him, my forehead falling into his shoulder, my tears seeping through, needing him at this moment more than I thought possible and I finally breathed.

*****************

Lilly's POV

I was dreaming.

A very beautiful long dream, it felt like it may never end, that it could go on forever. So serene and peaceful. At one point, I didn't want it to end either.

I was with Noah, I saw him, I felt him, I hugged him so tight and we talked, we talked about everything and everyone.

I was so happy, so relaxed. It's been so long since I felt anything remotely similar to this, almost like I was floating on the surface of a very calm sea, the warm sun caressing my face, the gentle breeze tangling in my hair. It was all perfect till it —wasn't.

The dream suddenly turned into a nightmare and I felt a painful tug at my chest, god, so painful like it could tear my heart apart. The ache intensified, the force crushing me down and I thrashed against the waves of the once-calm sea, I thrashed before I sank.

Gasping for air, I fought against the invisible currents dragging me deeper, struggling to stay afloat amidst the chaos.

The sudden pain tearing at me was so excruciating, it didn't feel like my own.

It felt like something external, out of my reach, almost like someone was calling out for me, beckoning me to wake from the depths of my slumber.

So, I tried to claw my way toward the surface. I summoned every ounce of strength to push myself upward. Once I breached the threshold, I blinked my eyes open. My eyelids lifted, catching a fleeting glimpse of light, only to fall down again. I gathered my wavering strength and forced my heavy lids open again, fighting through the severe pain and I was met with a blinding brightness above me.

White, there was white everywhere. The color flooded my vision, surrounding me in a disorienting haze as I struggled to make sense of my surroundings.

Where was I?

I moved my head but lowly whimpered at the ache that rushed through me. I felt something so warm against my hand, entwined around my fingers. Gathering my scattered thoughts, I shifted my gaze downward, it fell on my hand, on the bigger hand that was wrapped around it. My eyes lifted up higher, falling on the hand's owner and my heart soared, it swelled as I gazed at him.

Chase was sitting down on a chair so close to my bed, his head tilted to the side, very uncomfortably, his eyes closed in a slumber that didn't seem peaceful at all. His hair was so messed up, and disheveled, like he hadn't brushed it in days. The area underneath his eyes spoke volumes of his exhausted state, it was a bit puffy, and covered with a light shade of red.

No wonder he was fast asleep next to me, with his hand wrapped over mine, the exhaustion must've taken its toll, temporarily knocking him down.

I was so scared to move, to even breathe louder and wake him up from a rest he desperately needed. So, I stayed like I am, my cheek pressing into the pillow, my hand sinking into his warm hold and I silently gazed at him, as I tried to recall all that happened.

They started to come to me, one after another, consuming my consciousness and I felt all out of sorts, on the verge of falling back to that abyss as I recalled the last events. The pain that coursed with every twitch of muscles and the ache spreading over my nerves started to make much more sense as the seconds ticked by.

I tried to shift my body, just a bit, but I must've done something wrong because I caused more pain to prickle through my body. I pressed my eyes shut and tried to suppress my moan but failed. Right then, someone beside me shifted, and those same fingers wrapping my hand twitched, "Lilly?"

His breathless voice urged me to pry my eyes open, meeting his tortured blue ones. He gazed back at me in utter disbelief, a kaleidoscope of emotions surging through his broken tired gaze. I forced on a smile, hiding my discomfort, he looked like he'd been through enough already, "Hey," I mumbled, barely pushing the word out of my sore dry throat.

Emotions glistened in Chase's eyes, and he brought his hand to my face, resting it against my cheek, making sure that I was real and not a mere figment of his dreams. I leaned into his touch, "Hey," He whispered, gazing at me like he never wanted to let me go, "You're awake," His relieved words urged his shoulders to fall down, relaxing just a bit and he breathed.

"How long...was I out," I asked, my words hoarsely tumbling out.

Chase sensed my thirst and he immediately reached for the closest water bottle, opening the cap and edging it closer. He gently angled my face up and rested the tip against my lower lip as I drank the much-needed water. My hand reached for his above the bottle, my fingers fluttering over his own in assurance before he pulled it away.

"Five days," He said.

My eyebrows pulled closer, my gaze taking notice of every little detail on his face, "You look so tired," I mumbled.

"Lilly, I've been to hell and back in those five days," He whispered, the agony buried deep down felt like it could wreck me too. He tenderly brushed my cheek, tucked my hair behind my ear, and gazed at me as if terrified I would just disappear or vanish. His lips twitched ever so softly, "But you came back to me," He added, more like he was telling himself, convincing himself of this truth.

I rested my hand above his own, "But I didn't go anywhere."

"It sure as hell feels like you did," He said ever so brokenly and I felt my heart hurt again, experiencing a pain that wasn't his own.

I moved my hand from his and reached for his face, I brushed the side of his hair. My fingers fluttered over his cheek, they carressed over his temple and the area below his eyes. Chase's lids fell down, leaning closer and savoring my touch, aching for me as I ached for him.

When he pried his eyes open, I almost broke down at the immense pain seeping out of his eyes, trickling down his cheeks and I brushed them away, feeling similar ones resurface in my own, "Don't cry," I murmured, unable to grasp the intensity of his pain.

A shocked breath tumbled out of his chest and he reached for me, like he had been waiting for this for so long, like five years passed and not days. His arm gently wrapped around me, ever so carefully, scared to cause me any type of pain, but his touch was soothing and healing in ways that could shock the professors of medicine.

I sank into his achingly beautiful hold, my cheek pressing into his chest as he enveloped me from every side. I closed my eyes and listened to his heartbeats, they were racing, stumbling, breaking, and falling. I listened to every little rhythm and note, my physical pain dissipating and I felt like I was back in that calm sea. It guarded me down, it silenced the heavy messy thoughts in my head.

"Wh-" Before I could even begin to voice my concerns about everyone else, the click of the door followed by nearby footsteps silenced me. I broke away from Chase's embrace, my gaze falling on none other than Dad, he had a cup of coffee in one hand, using the other to tiredly rub at his temple, absentmindedly. One step closer and his gaze finally flickered to me, the sight of me awake halted his steps, "Lilly," He whispered my name, like a desperate prayer that finally came true.

The cup slipped out of his hand carelessly falling into the floor and in less than a second, he was next to me.

Tears trickled down my face, my lips curling up into a bittersweet smile and I pushed myself into his embrace, "Dad," I whispered ever so weakly, my arms went around his waist, my muscles aching as I moved and clung to him with trembling hands. He wrapped his arms so tightly around me, "Oh god, Lilly," His voice tumbled out in shock, wavering slightly and I buried myself deeper into the warmth of his embrace.

He is okay. He is alive. Lungs breathing, heart beating. I'd die if this heart ever stopped beating.

I kept pushing myself further into his embrace, unable to get enough, clinging to every cell of his being, scared that some harsh force would tear him away from me any second now. My tears were unstoppable and my hands fisted over the back of his shirt. He buried his face in my hair and I felt the wetness of his own tears, and the mere feel of them ruined me beyond measure.

I sniffled and pulled back, staring at him as he cupped my face in his quivering hands, looking at me with that look, like no one looked at me before, a look reserved only for me. He brushed my tears with his thumb, his tormented eyes flickering all over my face, and grasping into every little detail.

The surge of emotions coursing through me became overwhelming, an unstoppable force sweeping away any semblance of control. My gaze darted to the entrance, where Mom had just entered, followed closely by Max. Her eyes widened with relief when they locked onto mine, and in an instant, she was beside me too, enveloping me in her very tight embrace. "Oh, my baby," her words came out in breathless whispers, mingled with kisses pressed to my head and cheeks.

"You're okay, oh god, you're okay," she repeated, her voice a soothing melody that washed over me.

Sniffling, I couldn't help but smile, leaning into her comforting presence. "Mom, when did you get here?" I murmured, momentarily forgetting all that happened, "Lilly, where else would I be," She replied back, tightening her grip around me.

My gaze flickered and fell on Max's, his beautiful green eyes met my own, a silent cry in his expression, one that caused a single tear to helplessly trickle down his cheek.

'Come here,' I mouthed to him, urging him to come to my side because I felt like I couldn't move. Dad was on one side, Mom on the other, and the physical pain was eating me up from within but none of that mattered, it all momentarily faded into the background because this was more important, more powerful, more prominent.

Mom edged a bit back, allowing Max to get closer to me. He instantly wrapped his arm around my shoulder, and he buried his head into my hair. I leaned into him, feeling like he could consume me with his presence; God, when did he grow up and become so big, "You thought you could get rid of me this easily," I mumbled to him, trying to turn my tone slightly playfully, so we'd be able to pave our way out of this misery.

He shook his head, unable to form words as he desperately held onto me. My gaze flickered between the three of them, surrounding me from every side, ready to fight the whole world, ready to overpower even death, just for me.

God, I was always so damn lucky, so lucky, and I took it all for granted.

I relaxed into their closeness, my eyes falling on Chase, on the side, taking a step back as he allowed me to have this moment. His eyes met mine and a relieved smile tugged at his lips as he watched the color crawl its way back to my face, the glimmer of life twinkling in my eyes as I sank into all these intense waves of feelings.

His smile made me smile, and I sank further and further down that calm serene sea.

It was only now that I realized, that pain, the one I felt in my dream, the one that ripped at my heart, the anguish that had torn at my soul, that pushed me back here, that urged me to climb up the surface, the one that forbade me from fading, it was never my own.

The hand that reached out and tore me away from the deathly bloody shackles of that cruel fate, it wasn't my own.

It was theirs.

***********************************

Howdy!

Almost everyone asked for Alex's POV for this chapter but my heart couldn't bear to do it, I wouldn't be able to handle writing the intensity of what he went through at that moment 🥹

Anyways, hope you liked the chapter. We have one more chapter left (maybe two if it turns out to be long) we have a couple of loose ends to fix and we'll be done.

Also, also, do you know who scares me the most, those who forgave Nik for all that he did but won't forgive Lilly and were hoping she really died.

You people terrify me 🙂‍↕️

Anyways, if there is any specific scenes or POVs you want to see before the book ends, please do mention them below, and I will try to add all that I can, considering this book will be our final farewell to this crazy family.

See ya soon :)