Chapter 7 - Right yet so terribly wrong

The chapter was getting longer than I expected so I divided it in half, which means next chapter will probably be updated tmw since i already have half of it finished and the teaser part I posted on my wall, will be in the next chapter not this one, sorry xD

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"I think we are just going to have to be secretly in love with each other and leave it at that."

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Lilly's POV

My heart did that crazy thing again, pulsing with an unfamiliar newly-acquired affection toward the guy standing right ahead of me.

As much as I wanted to break free from the shackles binding me to him since that day, I couldn't. My gaze locked on the boy who held a very special place in my heart. There was no denying how much Chase meant to me. I mean, we practically grew up together.

It wasn't till recently that I started to see him more than that. More than a friend, more than family. He is becoming something else. Something more... but still unknown and undefined. And as any other human being I am scared of the unknown. More like terrified.

My eyes caught the few drops of water that made their way down from the light strands of his hair to the side of his temple. I couldn't help the heartfelt smile sneaking up my face as I took in the whole situation we got ourselves into.

In that exact same moment, a smile of his own curved his beautiful lips, reflecting my own. His smile was different this time. He always sneered at me, or teased me with a mocking smile, an amused one at times but now, it was...different. It was warm, and so affectionate...It's the kind of smile that comes to dad's face when my mom starts rambling about something for hours.

The kind of smile that's telling me, he is feeling it too. That heart racing-stomach tightening-light headed feeling. He knows it and he knows how much it sucks.

His hand that tucked the wet strand of my hair away stayed over the side of my face and I could feel myself leaning further into it. I could sense the rise and fall of his chest from how close we are. The type of closeness that leaves me defenseless against him. The type that throws the logic right out of the window. The type of closeness that gives my vagina the permission to take decisions instead of my brain.

As if reading my thoughts, his eyes slowly dropped to my lips and I wondered, would he? I thought back to how in the both times we kissed, I was the one to initiate it. And I promised myself I wasn't going to do it again yet somehow he makes it so difficult to stick to my words.

My mind tortured me, playing back how good it felt having my body all pressed up against his, feeling his hands explore every detail of it, his lips moving with mine so perfectly, like they were made just for me. I had to press my legs closer to stop that tingling feeling building up down there. Good god, he is capable of igniting an inferno inside me without even touching me.

All this from just thinking about his kiss. Imaging what sex with him would be like...

Jesus Christ, i really need to get laid.

His hand traveled from my cheek to the side of my neck, leaving a hot trail behind and I felt his face inch closer. Anticipation built up at the pit of my stomach, adding to the ache that's about to make me lose control. But still, he didn't go for it. His nose almost touching mine but he paused there, something holding him back.

My fingers curled into the inside of my hand, controlling myself. I am not gonna initiate it this time, he should. I am not gonna, I am not gonn...I am not go...I am so gonna do it if he doesn't.

My voice came out so weak as I whispered, "What are you waiting for?" Kiss me already, I am dying here.

It was like as if my words or my voice alone pulled him out of his trance and pushed him right back to reality. His eyes flickered to mine and an aching realization seemed to flash in them, giving the blue color a dimmer shade. His hand immediately left my face and he stepped back.

"We should get back," He mumbled, his voice losing all of its enthusiasm as he rubbed at his neck. Without giving me a second glance, he turned around and started to walk away, back to them.

Wait...what? I pressed my eyes shut and my jaw tightened trapping the anger and disappointment deep down. Nothing is gonna ruin this day, nothing will. I kept chanting in my head, trying to ignore whatever just happened or was about to happen.

When my eyes glided open, I forced a smile into my face before I jogged forward, trying to catch up with them.

One thing I am good at; pretending. I can master it like a champ.

They were discussing where else to settle on since our place got wet, along with me. I stayed silent, still trying to keep my posture neutral and normal. After they decided to go across to the other side of the park, I made up my mind to finally break it down on them. My eyes fell on Zack and I sighed. Some distraction would help me overcome whatever that was.

I cleared my throat grabbing all of their attention, "Umm guys, before we go, I'd like to just say something," My eyes drifted to Chase and I forced that smile back on, my hand went to his and our fingers intertwined. The muscles of his jaw worked, he didn't like this which only pushed me forward to do it. I titled my head, "Since you guys are our closest friends, I thought you should know that Chase and I started dating."

With that announcement, a few gasps came from them. I turned back and couldn't decide who was shocked the most. Zack's eyes connected with mine and I couldn't read anything from his neutral expression.

A few seconds ticked by and a small smile made its way to his lips, he nodded and said, "Congrats!"

What the fuckity fuck?

Aylin's eyes were still wide, unable to recover from her shock. Sally recovered faster and she sent me a wink. They're probably beyond confused because they're aware of my obsession with Zack. I will have to explain it to them later.

Conner slapped Chase on the back and he seemed to be the only one happy with the news, he said something to Chase but I couldn't hear it. Chase looked at him dumbfounded, "What?"

After that little moment passed, "Let's go now, we can discuss these two lovebirds later." Conner said, sending a wink at my direction before he dragged Chase and Zack, leaving us the girls to follow...Hold on, lovebirds? Hahah, yeah...totally.

You sound bitter there, miss Lilly. My inner bitchy self said and I decided to ignore her.

I kept my distance from the guys so I can tell Aylin and Sally the actual plan.

Aylin was the first, "What the actual hell?" Yeah, I can answer that question now, she is the most shocked among them.

Sally lightly nudged me with her elbow, her smile genuine, "Not gonna lie, you two kind of match."

"No, hold on, what about Zack?" Aylin said, her eyebrows pulling together in confusion.

I shook my head, "We are not actually dating." I said, crossing my arms over my chest, "It's just a plan to grab Zack's attention, he seemed to be affected when I get close to Chase, but," But that wasn't the case now. I expected a different reaction. Congrats? What does that mean for heaven's sake? Congrats my ass.

Was this just a bad idea?

Maybe I should cancel the whole thing up. I don't feel good anymore.

"Oh, okay," Aylin said, slowly recovering.

Sally shrugged, "If you want my opinion, I liked the idea of you with Chase more than with Zack."

My eyebrows pulled closer, "What?"

"What?" Aylin also said, "Sally, sweetie, did the sun hit your brain," She lightly slapped the back of Sally's head, "The girl has been obsessing over the guy for how many years now, that's not something that goes away easily."

"Talking like a real expert." I commented with a roll of my eyes. Aylin has never been in a relationship, just like me. Cue sad music. Even though Conner has been crushing on her for how long now, she never wanted him back, I never understood why, Conner is a great guy. He is also hot, not Chase-hot, but still hot...Wait, i mean not Zack-hot. Oh for fucks sake Chase, get out of my head!

"Okay, take the expert's advice then," Aylin said mockingly referring to Sally, who unlike us, have had a few relationships over the past two years.

I don't know why I couldn't tell the girls about kissing Chase, or about these troubled feelings I've been having since my birthday. For some reason, I don't feel comfortable talking about it just yet, not to them at least.

Maybe I should tell mom, unlike dad, she is more flexible in this area. I mean usually, she is strict, like really strict. Growing up, she was the bad police in every scenario but not in this. I feel like I could talk to her about these stupid feelings, maybe she'll understand, or maybe she can help me figure things out.

"Anyway, I am still hashtag team Zack." Aylin said making a hashtag sign with her fingers.

"I am team Chase," Sally added, raising her eyebrow and teasing Aylin, "Zack is such a playboy."

"Yeah, well, don't we all have that bad-boy fantasy." Aylin winked, nudging me in the arm.

Sally shook her head, "Not me."

I sighed loudly, "Okay, you two stop, there are no teams, it's just," I pulled in a deep breath, my eyes on his back and I mumbled, "It's just Zack."

As if sensing me looking at him, his head turned a bit and he caught my eyes there for a second. Air pushed in and out of my chest and I wondered, how the hell am I gonna stop the blue waves in his eyes from dragging me deeper and deeper everyday?

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Chase's POV

"Finally you had the balls to go for it." Conner whispered, only for me to hear.

My brows knitted at his words, "What?"

He gave me a knowing look before he looked at the rest, "Let's go, we can discuss these two lovebirds later." He said before he dragged me and Zack, leaving the girls behind us on purpose.

"So, what di-" Before Conner could carry on, I stopped him.

"We are not actually dating," I said, "And Zack already knows that."

Conner stared at us both dumbfounded, "What the actual hell?"

Zack's smile could've not been bigger by now, "Yup, she likes me, I like her, this all is just a plan from her, and guess what, two can play this game."

My jaw tightened and I had to bite at my cheeks to stop myself from talking. When Lilly suggested this, I accepted it to bait her only, never in million years I thought she'd actually go for it. When she went down and told our parents, I knew this girl got some balls on her. She was something else...

When Zack called me that exact same day, I explained what happened and how I was gonna back out from it. I didn't want him to think I went for her right after he told me that he liked her. I am not that guy.

Instead, he insisted I keep going on with it. After refusing it how many times, he kept on saying this is my way of helping him get her. How exactly? I don't know and I don't want to know. This is already as hard as it is.

"Can't you just act like a normal human and go tell her you like her too." I suggested, hoping this nightmare to be over soon. I can't control myself around her, for god's sake, I almost kissed her today. Thanks to god, I woke up last second.

If they finally get together, I will have to finally accept that she's someone else's girl and that would stop me from even thinking about her in that way. I need that. Maybe finally seeing them together will tear apart the last ounce of hope I have left. It will tear me along with it but it will be the only way I can move on. So, the fastest this happen, the more content I'll be.

"Nope, what's the fun in that?"

"Come on, I don't like lying to her." I really don't.

He shook his head, "You're not lying, you're helping her get what she wants, that's all."

I let out an annoyed breath, my eyes drifted to Conner who kept silent after his first happy outburst and like I expected, he looked annoyed at this too. He shook his head, disapprovingly.

I couldn't help but turn my head to see if she's behind and immediately, her eyes clashed with mine. I swallowed hard and kept walking, wondering when will I finally be able to get her out of my head?

Hours passed by faster than they should. Zack was busy talking with the girls when Conner's hand landed on my shoulder, I turned to him, "I don't like this one bit."

"Why?"

"Because you're so stupid." He said it in a matter of fact.

My eyebrow raised and he let out a very frustrated breath, "Gosh, how many years has it been, huh?" He asked, "Don't think I am blind, I know you're pussy-whipped by that girl." He added, pointing at Lilly, "Yet, at the first chance you got, you threw her into his arms, why is that?"

"First, I didn't threw her, you already know that she likes him," I started annoyed at the accusations, "Second, I am not pussy-whipped by anyone."

He scoffed, "Yeah, right." He shook his head, "Maybe if you actually made a move, she would've noticed you and forgot all about him."

I rolled my eyes, "Look who's talking."

He pointed at himself, "I did my share of moves," He said ever so confidently, "Still waiting the Walker's charm to work on her, that's all."

I sighed and honestly said, "Doesn't matter anyway, Zack likes her too and I am not getting into the middle of that."

"Both you and I know what Zack actually wants," His words made me contemplate the chances of hitting him right now, "But that's always the case, what Zack wants, Zack gets."

"What does that suppose to mean?"

"Come on, as if this is the first time you've done this, you always put him before your own interest," He shook his head, "Just because his father died, it doesn't mean he should have it all, you need to understand that."

My brows furrowed together, a bit taken aback by his choice of words, "Zack is my friend too, but I care about you enough to not let you do this to yourself," His words were genuine, making me question lots of things, "You will get hurt in the end, and if that happens i am going batshit crazy on both Zack and Lilly."

I shook my head, dismissing the subject, but still couldn't ignore the truth his words held.

What Zack wants, Zack gets. That sentence could summarize the past ten years of my life.

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The rest of the day went smoothly. I think everyone had their fun. I kind of did too, but now, being alone with Lilly in the car stirred some weird thick tension in the atmosphere. She isn't her usual talkative cheerful self and that weirded me out. Just a few minutes ago when Aylin and Sally were the car, she was normal.

The moment it was just her and me, she turned herself off. She didn't utter a single word, her eyes focused outside as I drove her back home. For her sake, I decided to stay silent as well.

Once I parked the car outside the house, she didn't waste a second as her hand grabbed at the handle and pushed the door open, "Thanks," She mumbled, already making her way out.

My hand shot to her arm, stopping her, "Lilly," She paused and turned to me, "Are you okay?" I asked, worried.

She nodded her head, "Yeah." Her tone was blank, her expression too. In that moment I realized that I'd rather have her shout and scream at me than be totally turned off like this.

She pulled her arm from my grasp and went down. I ran my hand over my face frustrated before I followed her. My hand took hold of her arm from the back, stopping her. I turned her around and pulled her closer, "What's wrong?" I asked.

She lifted her head and looked up at me, her eyes searched mine, "He...he doesn't like me, does he?" She asked, sadness enveloped her words and something about her tone was pushing me to search in between the lines.

Her throat bobbed, "I mean, he was normal after I said we are dating, maybe he really doesn't care."

I want to tell her that he doesn't. I want to tell her that I do. I want to wrap her in my arms and take away the sadness in her eyes. I want to warn her that he'll hurt her, that I never would.

All of these words stay tied over my tongue and instead I find myself doing exactly what Conner said, putting Zack's interest first, putting her first, "He does, I am pretty sure he does," I said, "He just tries not to be so obvious about it."

Her heads tilts, her eyes still searching mine for something else, "Why? Why he doesn't just say it?"

Are we still talking about Zack?

"He is scared maybe," I answer truthfully. I am scared.

"Of what?" She questions, "A rejection?"

I shrug, "Maybe," I answer, "Or of losing you, forever."

"But doesn't this mean, he is already losing me?" In her question, there is a warning, and there is an invitation. Something I don't get immediately but years from now, I would wish to come back to this exact moment and actually understand what she is trying to convey. This moment could've changed everything, if only I knew the thoughts roaming up her head.

Instead, I take the cowards way out, "Don't worry, we just started this whole plan, Zack will fall for it soon."

Something flashes in her eyes and she nods, "Can i ask one thing?" her eyebrows pull together and at my nod, she carries on, "Just a week ago, you were refusing the whole idea of me and Zack, so why now you are so eager to help us?"

Because Lilly, I really need to move on.

"Because Zack likes you too, I didn't know that before," I say, my answer partially honest, "It changes everything." I force a smile, "He is my cousin, and you are my...my friend," Why saying it is that much hard, "Seeing you both happy would make me happy as well."

She smiles too, "Yeah, you are such a great friend." She says and I try to find the underlying mockery in her tone as she inches closer and tiptoes to reach my face, "I am so lucky to have you." She says as she kisses my cheek ever so sweetly. Ever so fake.

A fake cough breaks our moment and grabs both of our attention to the intruder. I turn around to see a very unhappy and annoyed Alex by the porch, arms crossed over his chest, "You're late!" He says and I check the time to see it is not even eight yet. The sun still didn't go down yet.

"Not really," I said and he shoots me a glare that made me wish I didn't open my mouth.

Lilly backs away from me and walks toward him, "Hey daddy," She says angelically, her hand going to his arm and rubs at it soothingly. She gives me one last look before she walks into the house, purposely leaving me alone with her father.

I look around, searching for people, witnesses in case he does something to me. I gulp and walk closer to him. I stop right in front of him, "So, what's gonna take for you to break up with my daughter?"

My eyebrow raise and I can't hold my smile. I can't ever get used to this serious side of him, "Can we talk?" I ask and he studies me there for a moment, "Yeah, maybe I can tell you about the time I killed a guy," He pauses, "Or maybe I can just show you instead."

It's really hard to keep a straight face when he talks like this, "Really now, can we talk?" I ask again, "I kind of need your advice in something," I pull into a deep breath, "You're the only one I told this to."

He seems to understand what I want to talk about. He shoots me another glare and walks inside the house, "Come in," He mumbles, his tone not once wavering.

He sits down and I sit on the same couch but a bit far, keeping my distance, just in case.

"So?" He asks impatiently so I don't play around the bush.

"I got accepted to the flight school in DC." I announce. Saying the words out loud makes it feel more real. He is the first one I am telling this to. Seeing one of my dreams come to life; It still feels kind of surreal.

Shock and something else flashes across his eyes, "Okay, look, I am gonna put aside the fact that you're dating my daughter and that I hate you for the next ten minutes," He looks at his watch and when he looks back at me, a small smile lift his lips, "You really got accepted?"

I nod with a smile of my own, "Full scholarship."

"I knew it!" He says with pride, his smile widening before he gets to his feet and I do the same, "Come here," He wraps his arm around my shoulder, his palm presses over the back of my neck pulling me closer, "I knew you could do it you smart son of a bitch."

He slaps my back before I pull away and chuckle at his choice of words.

"Just don't tell your mother i called her that," He orders and I nod, "Noted."

"So?" He asks, ushering me to carry on.

"So, the hardest part is yet to come," I run my fingers through my hair, "Now, I have to tell dad and I don't think I am ready to do that yet."

He shakes his head, "I don't understand why you think your father would be angry, he wouldn't,"

"It's not his anger I am scared of," I say, "It's the disappointment," Yup, that would kill me.

Alex shakes his head, "He would be so proud of you, for the fact that you went after what you actually wanted, it's exactly what he did when he was your age." He grabs my shoulder, "You should tell him that running the company is not your dream, it never was, he'll understand." He sighs, "True Ashton is a big dick and not cool like me," he smiles warmly, "But I know and I am sure, he'd do anything for you, keep that in your mind and just tell him, okay?"

A weird type of relief rushes to my chest at his words and I nod, "Thank you," Maybe it won't be as bad as I expect it to.

He gives me a wink, "Anytime." His eyes light up almost immediately, "Oh my god, I just realized if you went to Washington, you'll be far away, which means you and Lilly would break up," He looks so relieved, "Woah, thank god, I don't think I've ever been more relieved."

It wasn't till he said it that I seemed to realize it. In less than a year, I will leave. I will no longer see her everyday like I am used to.

In less than a year, I am starting a new life, and she won't be a part of it.

The thought alone brings a sore feeling to my chest and I get lost somewhere in my thoughts.

"Okay, time's up," Alex's voice pulls me out, his eyes drift from his watch to me, his tone takes a whole new turn, "I hate you again, now get out of my house before I really bring my gun."

I don't argue further, my head already lost in the possibilities of what's to come.

As I reach the car, my eyes lift up to where her room is and my brain takes me back down the memory lane. Back to every moment that included her. It dwells on the thought of how our lives will drastically change so soon.

My mind goes back and forth between her last sentence; But doesn't this mean, he is already losing me?

It's true, I am. I will. Whether I like it or not, I will finally lose her.

At the thought, a heavy weight presses over my chest and something snaps in me. The last thread of logic tears apart and all I feel is myself walking back into the house. Thankfully, I didn't close the door behind me and my eyes check for anyone. When I don't see them, I immediately rush to the stairs and up to her room.

It takes everything in me not to tear the door open. My jaw tightens and I knock. Once. Twice.

"Yeah?" I hear her voice before I see her. She stands on the doorway, her hand on the knob and when her eyes fall on me, confusion stirs deep in them but before she could react, within seconds only, I stride forward aggressively, and I don't miss the way her eyes widen as she realizes my intent.

Reaching her, I use my right hand to push the door shut and thread my left through her hair. Using my hips, I slam her back against the now-closed door and pin her body to it. My need for her makes it impossible to be gentle as I crash my mouth against hers.

My restraint shatters as her sweet taste hits my tongue. Her lips are soft and plump, and her familiar scent swirls around me, providing me comfort and reassurance from my previous thoughts. She doesn't kiss me back at first, too shocked to react, but it takes her seconds only before her body responds to mine.

Her lips glide against mine and I flatten my hand over her lower back, drawing her closer. She runs her fingers up my neck, dragging her nails through my hair, and she moans into my mouth.

My body is alive, thrumming with need, and my head swimming in the possibility of us. I can't believe I am doing this, and yet, it feels like the most natural thing in the world. Like we were only made for each other. That this act shouldn't be shared with anyone else but each others.

Breaking the kiss for a second, I lean down and run my nose along the length of her neck, her sweet scent overwhelms me, and I breathe in deeply, wanting nothing more than to be overwhelmed by this girl.

The way her body responds to mine, the shallow breaths, and the almost involuntary shiver, gives me the confidence to continue.

My hand reaches up her hair and I tighten my grip while my other hand snakes up to loosely grip her throat and I squeeze gently. Her eyes fly up to meet mine, and the excitement I see in them has me pushing my body deeper into hers.

Unable to hold back, I press my mouth against hers again and slide my tongue along her lips. She responds back almost instantly, her hands clawing at my shoulders, trying to pull me closer and I suck her bottom lip between my own as my hand tangles in her hair.

Years of punt-up hunger has me taking her mouth aggressively and Lilly responds with an intensity that matches my own. Every breathless whimper she makes has every part of me hardening, and anticipating for more. And I knew that if I don't stop now, I would lose my control, right here in the middle of her room.

I slowly break away, though our lips were free now, our bodies kept plastered against each other. Lilly's eyes lift up, meeting mine as I heave for a much needed breath. Her lips are all swallowen from my attack, and her eyes blazing with lust and need.

She blinks and words innocently leaves her lips, "What are you doing to me?"

I shake my head, "I am trying to keep my distance Lilly, I am trying, but I always just fail."

Her hands sneak up my shoulders, reaching the side of my neck, her gentle brush ruins everything in me, her tone almost pleading, "Then, don't," She says as she pulls me in for another kiss,

It feels right.

It feels familiar.

But in the same time, it feels forbidden and so terribly wrong.

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Soooo, next chapter will be up very soon! Most probably tomorrow!

I am gonna ask this even though i already know the answer; #teamZack like Aylin or #teamChase like Sally? xD

Another question and drop an honest answer; do you think you could like two guys at the same time?

Stay tuned!

Love ya all ♥️